| is it wrong to use a friend to find out a persons real intentions?
Posted: 6/18/2008 4:50:14 AM | My question is....Do you think it is wrong to use a friend to find out if the person or people you are talking to are being honest with you?
So if you meet someone you like and then you have a friend contact them and they tell you both different stories about something is that wrong? So your friend might contact them and say HI...want to talk? If they do, then the friend will engage them in conversation to see if they are being genuine or not?
Does it make you or your friend as much of a player and liar for doing this? | |
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| is it wrong to use a friend to find out a persons real intentions?
Posted: 6/18/2008 4:57:18 AM | nothing wrong with it..obviously u have some 'doubts'..and want to double-check, triple check..nothing wrong with that..just dont get 'caught'..by the person you are interested in..
It a little devious..but hey..all's fair in love & war..and especially on POF.People lie..sometimes its a little white lie..and sometimes their whole life is a lie..I always try to 'flush 'em out'..with whatever means you have available.
I've done exactly what you're doin'..and unfortunately when you catch them in many many lies..you're also gonna lose them.It all depends if you want to play the game or not. | |
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| is it wrong to use a friend to find out a persons real intentions?
Posted: 6/18/2008 5:22:31 AM | Sounds like highschool games to me..... if I want to know something, I ask the person.
Not only that..... if I found out that someone did that to me to find out if I was being "genuine"..... I would no longer have anything to do with him..... games are a waste of time, IMO.
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| is it wrong to use a friend to find out a persons real intentions?
Posted: 6/18/2008 5:24:05 AM | | vinny, I wouldn't ask a friend to check out a potential other friend, who's entitled to speak for herself ...as she deems wisest. Is it wrong to take the word of someone who just might find that your on-line interest is far more interesting than you deserve to have. | |
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| is it wrong to use a friend to find out a persons real intentions?
Posted: 6/18/2008 5:51:07 AM | This shouldn't even be an issue. If you are in a mutually agreed exclusive relationship, she shouldn't HAVE a profile on a dating site. If you are not, she's free to do whatever she wants, with whomever she wants. So I'm not sure what you mean by "intentions." Her "intentions" (unless you are exclusive) are to meet someone she wants to be with. Just because she's talking to you doesn't make YOU that "someone." It means she's testing the waters to see if maybe you are, while exploring other avenues at the same time.
So I'm not sure what it is you want to prove by tricking her. Which by the way makes you more "deceptive" than she is, if you aren't exclusive and she's got an open profile on a dating site. By doing that alone, she's being honest about where she stands with you. If she's SAYING she's exclusive with you, then the fact that she's still logging into a dating site regularly should answer your question without having to go to all the drama of involving another person. Unless it's just the drama that you are looking for. | |
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| is it wrong to use a friend to find out a persons real intentions?
Posted: 6/18/2008 6:00:15 AM |
So I'm not sure what it is you want to prove by tricking her.
He's trying to make sure what she tells him is the truth by comparing it to what she tells his friend. Could be any kind of information she's given him (relationship status, work, past relationships, family, financial status, interests and hobbies, what kind of car she drives, what kind of pizza she likes, etc...)
OP, sounds like you have some trust issues. I can understand wanting to be a little cautious, but basically, you don't believe anything this person says or you wouldn't feel the need to double-check it.
Good Luck,
Krys | |
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| is it wrong to use a friend to find out a persons real intentions?
Posted: 6/18/2008 6:09:46 AM | | My experience is that TIME will show you. The longer people are in contact, one gets to see more about the real intentions. There is a 'price' always for building a contact (in time, in effort, in costs (like telephonecalls), in sharing, in listening). People who are really interested in YOU will keep making those efforts. People who are not will leave you alone after a while. Give it time, and being alert in a certain way is always good. Just see how it further develops and don't rush anything. Just my .02 cents! | |
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| is it wrong to use a friend to find out a persons real intentions?
Posted: 6/18/2008 6:43:57 AM | one of the rules to success in life is:
Never ask the question you don't want to hear the answer to.
IF you have a true reason not to trust a person, and are mentally ready to call it quits, but want to know for sure if the person is a cheater or not...then I suppose all is fair in love and war. But, don't be a$$ enough to spill the beans :) You'll only be showing your desire to be right.
Otherwise, after a certain age, you should be able to read people well enough, to know if they have actually hinky behavior, and is such behavior a warning flag waving. compare what a person says, to how they act. And so on. You can do things without involving a friend.
And finally...if you are well-adjusted, and feel odd about a relationship...its probably not a healthy relationship worth your time. So many of us are willing to convince ourselves we're doing charity work by sticking w/ a real hottie who has problems...but honestly, who are really doing the good deed for? Ourselves, of course  | |
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| is it wrong to use a friend to find out a persons real intentions?
Posted: 6/18/2008 6:56:50 AM | When I first read this my initial reaction was no big deal... not wrong. But on consideration I think it would be an underhanded thing to do. If you haven't the trust in someone & feel the need to resort to such as this, I would say its time to move on because without trust in a relationship you have nothing on which to build.
cata | |
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| is it wrong to use a friend to find out a persons real intentions?
Posted: 6/18/2008 7:01:05 AM | | my friend and I have caught many guys pretending to like either one of us and saying we were the only one and they had no interest in anyone else. Of Course they are furious when we catch them but hey all fair in love and war. You want to be a player then be prepared to be caught. | |
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| is it wrong to use a friend to find out a persons real intentions?
Posted: 6/18/2008 7:09:42 AM | So, you contact someone on here, and you are talking to them online.
You have a friend who she doesn't know contact her here through her account, PRETEND to be interested, and he asks her the same things that you've been talking to her about. Then you compare notes to see if she's telling HIM the same stuff that she's told YOU.
I think that's a pretty sneaky thing to do. And considering that this thread will show up on your profile, thank goodness all of the women you talk to can now read about what you are intending to do. Didn't really think of that while you were planning and scheming, did you?  | |
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| is it wrong to use a friend to find out a persons real intentions?
Posted: 6/18/2008 7:12:06 AM | As usual, I'm going the opposite way of the thread replies. I say utilize whatever resources you're comfortable with. You can go through life thinking everyone you meet is of stellar intention and character, what I call the head in the sand approach, or be judicious in your approach.
Hey, none of us walks on water and I agree with all the other replies that without trust, nothing will be built. However, at the onset if you trust blindly the chance of getting hurt is exponible to your level of open and unbinding trust.
So snoop, Google, speak to their friends. I recently met a wonderful woman that seemed so balanced - until her daughter had a small spill in the kitchen and she went ballistic, scary ballistic. Later in the garage the little girl says to me, mom stopped taking her medicine...
As someone else said before me on this thread, ask the tuff questions at the onset. The meek will not inherit the earth, they will be trampled.
Greg | |
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| is it wrong to use a friend to find out a persons real intentions?
Posted: 6/18/2008 8:36:56 AM |
my friend and I have caught many guys pretending to like either one of us and saying we were the only one and they had no interest in anyone else. Of Course they are furious when we catch them but hey all fair in love and war. You want to be a player then be prepared to be caught.
Yep this is what I am talking about. Well said!! | |
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| is it wrong to use a friend to find out a persons real intentions?
Posted: 6/18/2008 9:59:21 AM | The famous "right or wrong" question...the way I see it is like this; who am I to tell anyone what's right (or wrong) for them? I can only know what's "feels" right to me and I know better than to presume to know what's right or wrong for anybody but me.
Having said that, it would "feel" wrong to *me* to have to put someone through a test or have them put me through one. And I can't tell you why exactly I feel this way, and even if I could, it probably wouldn't make much sense to anybody but me anyway. I just know that I normally go by what I "feel" and what makes sense to *me*.
But the bottom line for me is this...if I have strong suspicions about someone (or they do about me) from the get go, then there is no point in proceeding with that person any further. My "feelings" are hardly ever wrong, and while I have made some errors in the past, I don't believe it's because my feelings were wrong as much as I didn't listen (or want to listen) to them.
And lastly and all feelings aside, it's all too junior high school to me. To each their own, but it's definitely not for me.
JMO | |
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| is it wrong to use a friend to find out a persons real intentions?
Posted: 6/18/2008 10:04:34 AM | Did you know that Police and lawyers are given a license to lie, if in the line of duty of finding out the truth? Only private investigators cannot lie, in order to find the truth. Well, let me say, they CAN lie, but the case will be thrown out of court. However, they are trained in school to practice a method called "roping", in order to get the truth.
I think your friend is only doing what police and lawyers have done for years. Why hire a PI at $40 an hour..... when you can have a good buddy do the work for you? | |
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| Is it wrong to use a friend to find out a persons real intentions?
Posted: 6/18/2008 12:10:11 PM | Why would you want to do this? This sounds silly and immature. If you are questioning someone's honesty then maybe you should not be with them/talking to them.
This can blow up in your face. If she isn't being insincere and finds out what you have done. Trust me............. | |
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