| Why still looking at profile?
Posted: 6/19/2008 6:40:55 PM | I thought I'd met a lovely guy from a different dating site, but he started to become less available when I wanted to know more about his background (meet friends and family) and then suddenly broke up with me by text. He said he wanted to call it a day and didn't want to discuss it further. He may have been a player or it's possible he got uneasy about another male friend who came to visit me, but just as a friend. My ex had supposedly been cheated on in the past. Obviously, his way of dealing with whatever he didn't like is upsetting and leaves me with no idea what went wrong. I contacted him by phone, text and email a couple of times to try to find out why, but he wasn't answering his phone and didn't respond to the other messages. This unpleasant way of breaking up is hard to come to terms with but I decided I'd just forget him if possible.
I have been back on the same dating site, changed my profile slightly. I've seen that he was online there a few times (by the who's online section), but not bothered him in any way. What he does now is up to him. However, he has looked at my profile a couple of times recently. If you view a profile, then it is obvious to the person viewed. Why would someone do this? I haven't looked at his profile since he gave up on me, so what would possess him to look at mine? He's the one who ended it. | |
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| Why still looking at profile?
Posted: 6/19/2008 6:55:53 PM | He's checking up on you in the most passive way he can. After all the guy broke up with you with a text message. When the chips are down he probably couldn't look a cyclops in the eye.
Hey probably thought you were going to come rushing back the minute you noticed he popped by your page. | |
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| Why still looking at profile?
Posted: 6/19/2008 7:03:23 PM | | Thanks for your thoughts, Obsidian71, but he finished it not me. Why would I come rushing back when he doesn't want me? He's the one who cut off contact. It doesn't make sense. | |
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| Why still looking at profile?
Posted: 6/19/2008 7:10:19 PM | | Because he is being nosy. He wants to see if your online and what you are doing? Maybe he is hoping you will email him. He is sending you a message to respond back to him. | |
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| Why still looking at profile?
Posted: 6/19/2008 7:10:33 PM | | Maybe he's checking to see if you said anything about HIM on your profile... or in forum posts for that matter... | |
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| Why still looking at profile?
Posted: 6/19/2008 7:31:36 PM | The men who just "disappear" in relationships are not the types of men you want to go back too. I speak from experience here. That is because they are well... flaky and don't really know what they want! He had a consern over the in the relationship and instead of solving it with you, he choose to flee. 9 out of 10 times these men always tend to come back however if you accept them back into your life, they flee very soon after!
If he contacts you, its your choice to continue contact however I'm just giving you alittle warning because I'v been there done that! | |
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| Why still looking at profile?
Posted: 6/19/2008 7:41:48 PM | The best advice I see here is from BEAUTIFULDREAMER, spot on, my sentiments exactly. What a sneaky jerk!!! Sneaky, yes looking at your profile for whatever reason.
Move on beautiful lady and thank God that he saved you from real bigtime hurt.
Bless you and I pray that your hurt and horrible feeling of rejection passes with the coming of a beautiful man who will truly love you. When he does come along, you will know.
One little bit of advice for next time. Dont give it all at once, stand back with your heart just a little bit, but by all means let him know that your interested a bit more than just a bit. | |
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| Why still looking at profile?
Posted: 6/19/2008 7:45:57 PM | Possibilities:
1) He wants to see if you modified your profile in some way that would be a direct slam against him (as somebody else mentioned).
2) He's deeply insecure and gets off on playing mind games.
3) He's having second thoughts about his decision to end it with you but doesn't have the balls God gave a gnat, so he's being passive about it, hoping you'll try again to pursue him.
In any case, I'd steer clear of this one. He has "head case" written all over him! | |
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| Why still looking at profile?
Posted: 6/20/2008 3:08:14 AM | All posts to this question ring true. I have also been in the same situation...dude just calls the whole thing off with no reasons, via email of all things('coincidently' when the topic of meeting family comes up) will not discuss and will not allow you to ask him anything about it...then starts following you around online, showing up as a favorite or viewed me all over the place.
These men have mental problems and you are way better off without them! Flakes.
I have drawn the conclusion that they were not honest about something pretty substantial, and dont want you to find out...if you meet thier friends/family, you likely will find out whatever he is afraid of, so they sneak off and start over with someone else? Just my opinion on my experience. | |
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| Why still looking at profile?
Posted: 6/20/2008 5:16:49 AM |
I have drawn the conclusion that they were not honest about something pretty substantial, and dont want you to find out...if you meet thier friends/family, you likely will find out whatever he is afraid of, so they sneak off and start over with someone else? Just my opinion on my experience.
Yeah, I go with that. Why look again ... well, they say the perpetrator is often drawn to the scene of the crime ... curiosity/guilt maybe. | |
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| Why still looking at profile?
Posted: 6/20/2008 5:57:25 AM | | Is it on this dating site? If so the first line of people who viewed your profile is everyone that has viewed it, ever, and is just sorted by the last time they were online. Not sure if thats the issue or not or even if you're referring to this site when you said the same dating site. I just thought I'd throw that out there though because a lot of times when this issue comes up on the forums thats the problem. | |
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| Why still looking at profile?
Posted: 6/20/2008 2:25:02 PM |
MSG5 Da Hitman Wrote:Maybe he's checking to see if you said anything about HIM on your profile... or in forum posts for that matter...
My thoughts exactly. | |
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| Why still looking at profile?
Posted: 6/20/2008 3:11:09 PM | | Because men and women sometimes want what they cant have. I think you should forget him and move on. Dont mean to be mean in anyway but theres a lot of nice guys out there. I recently was dumped by email and its pathetic I was hurt, but the next day i bumped into a guy i met at a party and thought id never see again. Anyway we are going out saturday night. I believe things happen for a reason even though we sometimes dont understand why. Sorry i blabed enough. By the way was that guys name John???lol | |
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| Why still looking at profile?
Posted: 6/20/2008 5:29:20 PM | Thanks very much for your thoughts and good wishes. I am very hurt by his behaviour and just wish he'd been man enough to at least tell me why he was opting out. Two days earlier he was telling me he loved me and missed me lots. He left me with a kiss and was smiling and seemed happy. By evening, his tone seemed to change in an IM message. I really don't get it. He was with me a few weeks. I can only think he wanted to conquer, be sure he'd done that, and move on. I'm sure that there are men that do this and the more you keep your guard up and make it difficult for them, the more of a challenge it is. Either that, or as several posters have suggested, he was hiding something pretty important - a wife maybe or other women.
For info., I didn't meet him on this dating site and he isn't called John. The other site works differently and you can see who viewed you and most recently. I do understand the way the POF viewed me thing works. | |
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| Why still looking at profile?
Posted: 6/20/2008 6:08:29 PM | | I think it is a way to think about the person and what could have been. Or, maybe he thinks he made a mistake and wants to see what he lost. There are a lot of reasons people do this. | |
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| Why still looking at profile?
Posted: 6/20/2008 9:25:32 PM | | It has occurred to me that he might have been involved with someone else - a girlfriend or wife and then decided to drop me when I started to want to meet other people he knew. It could be, though, that he wouldn't have done that but for the risk of exposure. He did seem genuinely very happy with me, so this would fit, and might account for why he's looked at my profile. | |
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| Why still looking at profile?
Posted: 6/20/2008 9:34:42 PM | That's easy. He ended it first time as he's a player and wants it by his terms. Not that he doesn't want to ??? with you but nothing more. Now, he's looking as he hopes you will contact him, by his terms, and continue on as before. No Strings Attached. And if you do contact him you will verify to him that is fine with you. If you ask questions again, same result will occur.
Don't bother. If you really like him, operate on your terms & if he doesn't want that lots of guys will:) | |
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| Why still looking at profile?
Posted: 6/20/2008 9:57:10 PM | | Just in case anyone had any doubts, I am not going to contact this man. I sent him a couple of emails and texts after he broke up with me to try to find out why he'd suddenly done that. He didn't reply though. As far as I'm concerned, his behaviour is appalling and there's no way I'm going to stroke his ego by pursuing this further and contacting him again. | |
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| Why still looking at profile?
Posted: 6/20/2008 10:06:16 PM | Could be that he was alot more into you than he was ready for and got scared... Now he looks at your profile and thinks about the what if... he is probably kicking his own ass over the whole thing...
Or hes a douche bag and seeing if you are hung up on him | |
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| Why still looking at profile?
Posted: 6/20/2008 11:11:17 PM | I do a LOT of match-making and I view profiles frequently that clearly wouldn't be for myself. Back before I knew how to turn that silly "show that you viewed" do-ha off, I was getting all sorts of views/emails from those I had viewed. I had a tough time explaining that I did look, but not necessarily for reason one might assume (because I do respond to each first email.) Finally turned that silly thing off and the problem stopped.
~OP~ Ignore it. That is high-schoolish antics from where I sit. He needs to move on. I think that would be rather unnerving ~ probably why I don't look to see who's hawking my profile.  | |
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| Why still looking at profile?
Posted: 6/20/2008 11:53:09 PM | I'd like to share with the thread that I've had someone breakup with me with the intention of trying to get me to crawl back to them and "try harder" put more care into it. This is a mind game that is not appreciated, in my point of view. It seems like many of the posters on this thread are in agreement. It's not cool, and assuming it's going to work is getting to be less and less of a smart thing to do these days. It just seems like people don't want to be with someone this manipulative anymore.
I hope no one using this site finds anyone who treats them this badly. | |
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| Why still looking at profile?
Posted: 6/21/2008 4:03:22 AM | Ya this happens alot and has happened to me here were they start out hot and heavy and then just do not contact me anymore after we add each other to a IM service. Just move on and ignore it as there are Plenty of Fish in the sea and alot of times you have to wade through the bottom feeders before you find that prize catch.
Beware the "sucker fish" as they will drain your time and energy.
I have only met so far one lady on here who contacts me daily and I respond in kind due to we have become friends and that is how we feel about each other with no strings attached. | |
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| Why still looking at profile?
Posted: 6/21/2008 5:46:41 PM | I have had guys do weird stuff like this too. These guys do have mental and emotional problems that no woman needs. If a guy is cagey like that, watch out!
I dated a married guy like that. We went out about three times and when it looked like it was getting serious, he just broke-up wiith me for no reason. This was before the Internet age where you could find out if someone was married and sure enough, he was pictured in the society page with is...wife!
Just forget the jerk. | |
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