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Show ALL Forums  > Ask A Guy  > Why do some guys come on strong and then totally back off?      Home login  
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 DDentalh
Joined: 4/25/2008
Msg: 1
Why do some guys come on strong and then totally back off?Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
I was recently dating someone who seemed great on the phone. We talked for about a month and then decided to meet up. He started making premature plans for the future and he was coming on strong. Everything was great and then all of the sudden he sends me an email break up and blocks my profile????
 jimbo246
Joined: 8/22/2007
Msg: 2
Why do some guys come on strong and then totally back off?
Posted: 6/20/2008 7:44:11 AM
I don't think this is just a man thing . I was dating a girl last year and every time I tried to take the next step she backed off even though she told me she loved me . We just couldnt get past the initial phase .

Perhaps he realised things were moving too fast even though he was instigating it and kind of scared himself if that makes any sense !!!

Hope things work out for you though !!
 laughinglibra
Joined: 11/6/2007
Msg: 3
Why do some guys come on strong and then totally back off?
Posted: 6/20/2008 7:45:56 AM
Why do some guys come on strong and then totally back off?



Ummmm... because he changed his mind.

Why? Only he knows.

Could be that he:

1) found someone else;
2) didn't (or did) get laid or;
3) panicked at the "premature plans he was making for the future.


Just move on.....

Edit: Jimbo is right... this is not a gender related issue.

 BaldyisBeautiful
Joined: 3/28/2008
Msg: 4
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Why do some guys come on strong and then totally back off?
Posted: 6/20/2008 7:46:59 AM
do much attention seeking? Because this is like the third forum in a row that I have clicked on where you pretty much stated the same thing ... granted the other forums were started by other people and weren't even about this subject, but for some reason you chose to ask about this in those forums also.

OT: maybe he just found you too whiney and obsessive, kind of like this post!
 Adam Taylor
Joined: 5/11/2006
Msg: 5
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Why do some guys come on strong and then totally back off?
Posted: 6/20/2008 7:51:31 AM
1) He wasn't interested.

2) He prefered one of the other women he was dating at the time.

3) He got scared off by "premature plans for the future".

4) He doesn't like people who don't read the forum rules or bother searching and just post the same questions that have been asked a billion time?

Plus of course, there's the fact that this isn't just a man thing.
There are men AND women who do this. For many reasons. It's called dating.
 kornbluth
Joined: 12/25/2006
Msg: 6
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Why do some guys come on strong and then totally back off?
Posted: 6/20/2008 8:17:45 AM

He started making premature plans for the future and he was coming on strong.

...and when he realized that's what he was doing, he had to beat a retreat. Mark Twain wondered why a dog chases trains. What would he do if he caught one?
 secret_agent_thing
Joined: 3/20/2008
Msg: 7
Why do some guys come on strong and then totally back off?
Posted: 6/20/2008 8:35:09 AM
Not to sound harsh or anything but this topic has been done to death. Obviously he lost interest. It doesn't matter how well you hit it off talking beforehand or how well you think the date went (mind you him coming on strong is your opinion, for all he knew he his actions could have been the exact opposite in his mind). There is no guarantee there will be a second date, if you were looking at a car and weren't at all impressed with it once you took it for your first test drive would the car sit and wonder why you never bought it?

Obviously theres better ways of going about it on his part but this is nothing new, it's called dating.
 Sapphireeyes
Joined: 1/13/2008
Msg: 8
Why do some guys come on strong and then totally back off?
Posted: 6/20/2008 8:39:33 AM

And did you really believe all that "future plans" he fed you?
Come on now....
You have alot to learn about men in general...


And people wonder why there are threads about the lies men tell (yes I know women tell them to...) but the justification in that quote is just so wrong on so many levels. Men in general do not feed women lines, some men do...those are the ones who make it harder on the other guys to get women to believe them when they are sincere about their feelings and what they want in a relationship.

That attitude does the male population in general a disservice!
 Sapphireeyes
Joined: 1/13/2008
Msg: 9
Why do some guys come on strong and then totally back off?
Posted: 6/20/2008 9:11:43 AM
I agree that HE was feeding her bs...but saying that is how men in general are ...is wrong...A true man who is a gentleman doesnt lead a woman on by offering her "carrot on a stick" future plans to see what she is willing to do to get them.

Your comment makes it seem like it is ok cause that is in GENERAL how men are. Real men dont lead women on by giving them lines of bs. Should a woman not count as value anything a man says in emails, messages or the phone before they meet? Is everything a man says to get a woman to meet him then just bs?
 secret_agent_thing
Joined: 3/20/2008
Msg: 10
Why do some guys come on strong and then totally back off?
Posted: 6/20/2008 9:21:18 AM
I think to squelch this argument it's safe to say that all Moronic men in GENERAL do this. It is by no means a trait for all men but it's not an isolated case either. So how about that, you're both right, problem solved.
 silkandvenus61
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 11
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Why do some guys come on strong and then totally back off?
Posted: 6/20/2008 9:32:48 AM
A little advice for you.....When a man comes on too strong always have your guard up.
It could go either way...He probably does this to most of the women he dates.
 UniqueManinSoCal
Joined: 8/26/2007
Msg: 12
Why do some guys come on strong and then totally back off?
Posted: 6/20/2008 10:04:12 AM
It sounds like he was 2 yrs old emotionally got wrapped up in the "idea" of all these things he has been building up in his head, then it got real when you met and he got scared and ran.

Welcome to internet dating where people who normally don't stand a chance of dating get their chance to dig themselves out of the caves of their lives come to play.

This will happen and you will get better at seeing these people as your experience grows.
 Seavoyage
Joined: 1/18/2007
Msg: 13
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Why do some guys come on strong and then totally back off?
Posted: 6/20/2008 10:07:57 AM
I suppose I could come on strong with a woman. Or, I was more like that in the past, but not into that anymore. Sometimes, some men and women feel like they are in love with being in love. They are in love with this feeling, and they feel you are the supply, you are the fix. Then, they decide after the infatuation has worn off that they were "wrong", and they want someone else, and they don't know how to deal with you now, so you get blocked. I don't do this to people. It is better to take things slowly. If a guy is the kind to come on strong, try to slow him down, and if he can't accept that, then go somwhere else. We can't really assume he was seeing another girl. It is not you, it is the person who behaves this way. Many people act like that these days.
 Plastic Sturgeon
Joined: 12/5/2007
Msg: 14
Why do some guys come on strong and then totally back off?
Posted: 6/20/2008 10:27:04 AM
People just need to STOP reading so much into things!

I read a study, that after 20 dates only 30 something percent
of women are in love with the man!

I had to think of something while shopping yesterday. Ever
get all excited about buying something, especially a sale or
clearance item? Maybe you keep coming back to look at it
or carry it around the store thinking about it! Then finally,
you just think, forget it, and put it back! I realize it's the
same with dating and I think especially over the Internet!
 Sardonis
Joined: 9/28/2007
Msg: 15
Why do some guys come on strong and then totally back off?
Posted: 6/20/2008 10:35:53 AM
He came on strong because he wants to keep that woman interested while he considers his options(other women) and makes a decision.

On one hand, I think it is crap for anybody to lead people on like that.

But at the same time, I resent how I feel like sometimes I have to come on strong, even if things have not developed enough to be sure one way or the other, just to keep her interested in me or risk losing out to some other guy who is coming on strong.

It's just a big game, I don't play it. It will happen when it happens.
 sxyvirgo
Joined: 7/26/2006
Msg: 16
Why do some guys come on strong and then totally back off?
Posted: 6/20/2008 11:06:27 AM
Why do people think that just because they managed to get to a first date that the relationship is guaranteed from that point onward? Smart people are constantly evaluating the relationship at each meeting, ESPECIALLY at the beginning. At any point, either party is free to change their mind...it's painful, but it's part of dating.
 Georgia_blue_eyes
Joined: 7/16/2006
Msg: 17
Why do some guys come on strong and then totally back off?
Posted: 6/20/2008 12:00:32 PM
I went through the same thing last year. Met a guy on here in Feb. We talked and emailed and then met in March. It was like heat lightening for us both. We dated about 10 weeks , he said he loved me, then all of a sudden , he began having panic attacks. He said this had happened in the past when he started to get close to someone. He had divorced about 3 years prior and went through some really BAD things. I do know he was really taking meds for Panic disorder. Anyway, we backed off , he got more treatment, called me again about 2 months later and said he was so sorry for what happened, he was feeling much better and if I would see him, he would like to try it again. We dated all through September and then I came home one day and lo and behold... POF had sent me his info as a "new match " ( I had made my profile invisible when I first met him ) I was still in the database, but not visible. I called him and asked what was going on, why was he looking again. He said " Oh I forgot my profile was still on there " and that he was being sincere, he DOES love me , so he either took it off, or made it invisible, I don't know which, but it went downhill from there. I really don't understand what happened. To this day when I think of him it breaks my heart.
 rrainmakersaw
Joined: 3/16/2008
Msg: 18
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Why do some guys come on strong and then totally back off?
Posted: 6/20/2008 12:11:59 PM
could of been a scammer. making plans for the future is not what most do - not right away at least. red flags need to go up when someone seems too excited too fast.
 ActiveJon
Joined: 4/30/2008
Msg: 19
Why do some guys come on strong and then totally back off?
Posted: 6/20/2008 1:42:55 PM
err, i wouldn't asses this situation as a guy thing, more of a testing the waters honestly probably snooping around behind his gf or something.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 20
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Why do some guys come on strong and then totally back off?
Posted: 6/20/2008 2:04:29 PM

Why do people think that just because they managed to get to a first date that the relationship is guaranteed from that point onward? Smart people are constantly evaluating the relationship at each meeting, ESPECIALLY at the beginning. At any point, either party is free to change their mind...it's painful, but it's part of dating.

Well said - dating is a constant screening/weeding process from day 1 until you've both agreed to be exclusive (and sometimes even after that). At any time one or the other person could say or do something that the other person considers a deal breaker, or not worth bothering about, and stop corresponding. Happens all the time.
 DDentalh
Joined: 4/25/2008
Msg: 21
Why do some guys come on strong and then totally back off?
Posted: 6/20/2008 2:27:30 PM
I was simply asking a general question. I know all men are not like that and yes i do have a lot learn im young and i was married 8yrs
 DDentalh
Joined: 4/25/2008
Msg: 22
Why do some guys come on strong and then totally back off?
Posted: 6/20/2008 2:30:11 PM
That was harsh I only responded to afew posts. It was a general question you jerk! And the bald thing is not always beautiful. I was simply curious i just got back out in the dating world after 8yrs of marriage. Excuse me expert.
 DDentalh
Joined: 4/25/2008
Msg: 23
Why do some guys come on strong and then totally back off?
Posted: 6/20/2008 2:33:01 PM
Thank you that makes sense.
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