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| You've been THIS long without sex, why is it still a solid requirement?
Posted: 6/21/2008 5:58:04 AM | Okay folks over 45.. over 50.. over 55…
(I have a feeling this one is going to cause some ripples!)
For the sake of this thread, let’s say you are not in a relationship and possibly have not been in one for a fairly long time.
Maybe you’re dating here and there, maybe not.
I think, through reading the forums, that there are a lot of those people sitting here.
Also, let’s say you’re looking, (actively or just wishing inwardly), for someone to love and “grow old with”.
That “sit on the porch together when we’re 80 and feel peace with each other” thing.
Now, let’s also say that one thing that has been prevalent in quite a long while is you have been having either NO SEX or VERY LITTLE SEX with another person.
I see a lot of people on this over 45 forum who have said that… both male and female.
They would rather abstain than get involved with ‘flings’.
Okay, no sex or seldom sex with another person hasn’t killed you, hasn’t drive you out to a mental institution.
In fact, you’re possibly somewhat use to living that way.
In your long life you’ve learned how to be quite a happy/fulfilled person with sex…
and you’ve also learned how to be quite a happy/fulfilled person without sex.
~(My definition of "sex", for this thread, is intercourse and/or oral)~
So….
Why is it sex is still at the top of the list.. or at least very very important… for ‘finding’ that ‘one person’ to grow older with?
After all, you may never ‘find’ him/her… and will just continue on with no sex or very little sex.
So why not put it down the list… as a bonus, not a requirement? | |
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| You've been THIS long without sex, why is it still a solid requirement?
Posted: 6/21/2008 6:07:28 AM | So why not put it down the list… as a bonus, not a requirement?
Because it's a requirement.
I think your premise is flawed.
I'm sure that it applies no other readers but I disagree with
"you’ve also learned how to be quite a happy/fulfilled person without sex"
OTOH, it's only the past two years that I've really thought about not dating at all. In previous years I had no dates but not by choice. Age fifty is actually pretty sucky although I know it's the fashion to proclaim it "the best years of our lives". There's just very few desirable women. They have an exaggerated sense of their appeal and come with so many problems. The sex is great at the moment but I think that's an unusual case.
I think it's very likely that yes, I won't find "The One" so it would be nice to enjoy some sex in the meantime but honestly, I'm tired of dealing with the attitude and expectations. It's rarely fun and I already did enough hard & unpleasant things. | |
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| You've been THIS long without sex, why is it still a solid requirement?
Posted: 6/21/2008 6:09:02 AM | | Sex is a part of being together. To set sex aside would just be weird. When people are together they respond to each other sexually, and that means they should have sex. It would be like if you went to sit in a restaurant but didn't order any food. (I do not just mean oral sex. It was a metaphor.) A boner is not a bonus, it is a boon and an onus. | |
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| You've been THIS long without sex, why is it still a solid requirement?
Posted: 6/21/2008 6:10:14 AM | I agree with you. Sex should be the bonus and let's face it as couples age, the ability to have sex lessens.
I call it the cuddle factor, there are millions of ways to show you care and to bring intimacy and sex is only one. From reading some profiles, you would think they were going to die without sex in the next fifteen minutes.
Don't get me wrong, I love lovemaking but sex for sex sake...........not for this girl. | |
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| You've been THIS long without sex, why is it still a solid requirement?
Posted: 6/21/2008 6:28:30 AM | Paumanok, sometimes I personally go into a restaurant just for a cup of coffee.. I sit and greatly enjoy the time with a friend or several friends and don't eat.
It would be like if you went to sit in a restaurant but didn't order any food.
But I understand what you mean by sex being a part of how a relationship couple responds to each other.
Yet, it still could be very nice... if it were just a cup of coffee. (metaphor).
To continue in that vein... one dies with just coffee and no food, but one really doesn't die without sex.
A relationship, especially when one is getting 'older'... can thrive with many other aspects ... besides 'food'... and just enjoy the coffee. Don't ya think? | |
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| You've been THIS long without sex, why is it still a solid requirement?
Posted: 6/21/2008 6:59:40 AM | Sex is built-in. It is right there. It is a part of us. You might as well try for a relationship without talking. Yes, it is possible to do, and there are great sexless friendships and even romances where sex is kept from becoming physical. But in sexlessness there must be some underlying reason for why not.
"Well, we have the equipment but we never use it. Mine is buried somewhere in the back of the closet and she loaned hers to the neighbor and he never returned it."
Which leads me to ask, are you a reluctant lesbian who finds straight sex unfulfilling, or are you angling for what else a relationship could be with an impotent partner? Like, OK sure, forget the sex if you want...but why not? And good luck finding that guy! | |
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| You've been THIS long without sex, why is it still a solid requirement?
Posted: 6/21/2008 7:01:21 AM | The importance and desire for sex is probably pretty stable throughout each individuals life. To some, it never is important from adolescence on, and to others, a great enjoyment throughout their lifetime, and how important or unimportant probably starts at a very young age and remains for life... There are plenty of people whe love it, and plenty who could care less. Neither is it a male vs. female agenda, there are many of both who feel both ways.
In answer to your question however, for the ones who do love it, i think it would be rather like saying "well, since i'm over fifty, ican't have chocolate...or maybe ice cream any longer because old people shouldn't really have any pleasure" | |
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| You've been THIS long without sex, why is it still a solid requirement?
Posted: 6/21/2008 7:07:50 AM | | A fulfilling sex life is a wonderful bonus to a relationship but it isn't the main thing as far as I'm concerned. Two of my ex-husbands have been impotent and we worked around it. There are many things you can do to please your mate aside from intercourse. I would much rather we get along beautifully the majority of the time, when we are out of bed. That, to me, is the priority. Would great sex add to it? Hell, yes! But is it a deal breaker? Hell, no, not if I was in love with the man. | |
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| You've been THIS long without sex, why is it still a solid requirement?
Posted: 6/21/2008 7:20:14 AM | I won't find "The One" so it would be nice to enjoy some sex in the meantime but honestly, I'm tired of dealing with the attitude and expectations.
^^^ I think you need to investigate your attitude, not others. In most cases that (from within) is where the real problem begins. The comment above and the entire post you made sends out a signal that you are angry about something and you have a low opinion of women who don't participate in "social sex".
On topic:
Sex is something that is a unique feeling/sensation you share as a couple. It feels different (physically and emotionally) with nearly every partner. So, being in a relationship and experiencing the emotional, romantic and physical desire burning within the two of you while being in love makes this unique.... nobody else on the earth will feel the same as you do as a couple. It is exclusive......it's like a journey nobody else will ever experience and it should be travelled as a couple.
I find couples experiencing such a thing usually have a aura about them - it's apparent in the way they interact with each other no matter where they are..... I want that one day. | |
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| You've been THIS long without sex, why is it still a solid requirement?
Posted: 6/21/2008 7:26:15 AM | If I could enjoy a relationship that fulfilled me in every other way except for sex I would probably stay in it. This would be a tall order. It would have to give me everything else I needed. Even then I would constantly be trying new things to improve the sex.
Hmmm, sounds like fun.
Quit it breath...just another dream  | |
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| You've been THIS long without sex, why is it still a solid requirement?
Posted: 6/21/2008 8:18:58 AM | Hello-OP
I have been single quite awhile - date periodically and always enjoyed sociallizing- I enjoy a females company imensically.
There are many contributions to a relationship where men and women are involved, the feeling of truthful companionship, the touch of the opposite gender, the ability to share on all levels of interest, the right to disagree respectively, the abiliity to agree and compromise and enjoy the diffrent points of views, the sharing of the kitchen - cooking together, the pleasure of common interest, the knowledge of sharing background and lifes stories,
HOPEFULLY THE POINT IS MADE HERE!
The sexual part is be earned/ gained along the way as a bonus to solidify the relationship if there is n element of love- sharing and concern or each other , it not always manditory.
I think the song "I an't as good as I once was - but am good once as I ever was" applies here-- age and maturity changes your libido sometimes!
 ing and still enjoying   | |
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| You've been THIS long without sex, why is it still a solid requirement?
Posted: 6/21/2008 8:28:52 AM | It is a requirement for a loving, caring, respectful relationship. For me. I want love and that love includes an open, varied sex life. For me. How frustrating to love someone, be a sexual creature by nature (we all are) and not act on it. For me.
As far as choosing to not partake in casual frivolous fun sex ~ that's my choice and not to be judged so simply and incorrectly as "You Aren't Getting Any Anyway....Why Not Change Your Definition". I know in my heart-heart-body what my needs are. I don't assume that others don't have something completely different as to what they need. I don't show up and put my difference of opinion as a value judgement of how others should/should not be.
We are all connected ~ we are all not the same. Difference ~ not right or wrong.
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| You've been THIS long without sex, why is it still a solid requirement?
Posted: 6/21/2008 8:46:03 AM | Nah, I'm not a lesbian... nor do I hate sex... (nor am I unable to have sex due to my chair)..
Which leads me to ask, are you a reluctant lesbian who finds straight sex unfulfilling, or are you angling for what else a relationship could be with an impotent partner? And, not really "angling" for anything here.
It's not a thread "about me".. it's a question for everyone to input.
Thanks for your input, it's a good contribution to the thread!
The importance and desire for sex is probably pretty stable throughout each individuals life. I'm not too sure about that.
I think there was a thread going at one time and quite a few agreed that there are 'seasons' for sex and when in a situation where there is sex.. it's oh so wonderful and "give it to me one more time, baby!"
Yet when not in that 'season'? The desire for sex is able to just take a back burner, those same people said.
I don't know, food for thought. Thanks.
Would great sex add to it? Hell, yes! But is it a deal breaker? Hell, no, not if I was in love with the man. Maybe it is mostly women who can think this?
I'm not sure.. men, whatcha think? Seriously. Women, whatcha think?
What prompted me to begin this thread is IF one can think like that ^^^,
then why is sex coming across in the profiles/threads as 'top of the list' when seeking someone (for us over 50's) to "grow older with"?
You've been without sex for awhile, (a lot of the over 45's have said they have been), so why is that more important, still at top of list? | |
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| You've been THIS long without sex, why is it still a solid requirement?
Posted: 6/21/2008 8:51:58 AM | *respited*heart*, yes this is very very true:
We are all connected ~ we are all not the same. Difference ~ not right or wrong. Yep. I think we can all agree with that!
I hope you didn't see my post as "showing up and putting my difference of opinion as a value judgement of how others should/should not be"!
It was not intended as that.
No "right or wrong" intended.
TxSippiGal... ~smile~ great attitude here:
I can't see myself growing old with someone that I don't have desire for.. for me it is more about the desire than it is the sex.. I want my partner to look at me and want me whether he can do anything or not!!! (hehehe).. I want him to validate me as a desirable woman and appreciate the male female dynamics.. Besides if the act of copulation is not possible there are other ways..you know?? Imagination!!! that is what is fun. | |
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| You've been THIS long without sex, why is it still a solid requirement?
Posted: 6/21/2008 8:58:27 AM | I _DO_ view it as a *Bonus*...!!
I have no reservations about my sexuality , sensuality or ability to Love and Be Loved...!!
I learned a Great deal from my late wife....
Mostly, that a Lady that has my Heart .. and Me ~ hers .. will share a Lot of things together....
whether it be housework .. gardening .. cooking .. home furnishing .. pet care ..
bill paying .. checkbook balancing .. Kissing or Making Love..
It will be _S h a r e d_...and enjoyed .. by Both of us..!!
I'm _Very Much_ out-of-practice, when it comes to saying * I Love You *....
But I really...R e a l l y Want to do it again . . . . Often..!!
Sex...?? It's a 'Given'....because we will LOVE each other !!!
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| You've been THIS long without sex, why is it still a solid requirement?
Posted: 6/21/2008 9:13:12 AM | I wouldn't say sex is at the top of the list, but if I'm going to be in a relationship it is high on the list.
I have plenty of friends both male and female, in fact two of my dearest freinds are men, either would do anything for me and I for them, I love them they love me, but....we are friends and nothing more. They are freinds because we don't have sex, that desire is not there
No I'm not going to die if I don't have sex, but if it's not going to be a part of my relationship then why call it anything more then what it is friends?
I'm not talking about sex for the sake of having sex, that's meaningless. I've not been sexually involved with a man for 10 months but that doesn't mean I don't miss it, I just don't do sex for the sake of sex. | |
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| You've been THIS long without sex, why is it still a solid requirement?
Posted: 6/21/2008 9:16:03 AM | Sex is something that is a unique feeling/sensation you share as a couple. It feels different (physically and emotionally) with nearly every partner. So, being in a relationship and experiencing the emotional, romantic and physical desire burning within the two of you while being in love makes this unique.... nobody else on the earth will feel the same as you do as a couple. It is exclusive......it's like a journey nobody else will ever experience and it should be travelled as a couple.
I find couples experiencing such a thing usually have a aura about them - it's apparent in the way they interact with each other no matter where they are..... I want that one day.
...What an awesome response.....so well thought out.... I certainly share those same thoughts and feelings ...only I could not have put it quite as eloquently as you have.
...maeflowers | |
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| You've been THIS long without sex, why is it still a solid requirement?
Posted: 6/21/2008 9:33:11 AM | We human animals are sexual by nature but we are a lot higher up on the food chain when it comes to our ability to choose how and when and with whom, to express our sexuality, to.
It's another way of communicating with another, just like talking and through nonverbal body language.
There are some men who think that 1st meeting/introductions equals foreplay and to me that's a sexually illiterate man.
I am sure the same scenario happens with same sex couples.
How long a man has not had 'any', is not nearly as important to me as how he is now, in the present.
How many have
been in sexless relationships or marriages at one time or another in the past?
Those were different times and now it's new people and living in the now.
If I find myself in a relationship it will be because we can communicate in ways that satisfy me and him .
But, I do feel that everyone has their own unique personal feelings about their own sexuality and as long as they are not messing with children or anything criminal, then it is their business, not mine.
Some people have stronger sex drives then others, so it helps if you find someone with the same type of drive , even if it's no drive at all and hopefully , on a personal note, a mature and healthy drive....
The kind that has love as the main ingredient for the sex part of that drive!
What ever turns your crank....
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| You've been THIS long without sex, why is it still a solid requirement?
Posted: 6/21/2008 9:42:33 AM | After being married most of my life ....... I found out (to my surprise) - I don’t especially like sex with strangers. This whole - being so weird (sex with someone I did not consider my girlfriend) that it was not worth it - really did make me think WTF - I could lose my guy card over this.
When I was a kid - sex on the first date ... no problem. Now ........... YUCK. That is if I already knew she would never by my girlfriend. That is something that I could tell in 15 minutes.
Back to the topic:
If I ever do have another girlfriend - there would be several things that got me (and her) to that point.
- I would want to touch her ...... touch her all over. If not - what would make her any different than anyone else? There is a bazillion females that I would have no urge - or interest in touching at all. I already found out (by accident) that sex with “some female” is pretty much worthless.
Sex in all forms is special. True couples are truly special to each other.
Friendship is friendship. Close friendship is even closer. Special is even more special. True couples are .......... close.
All my “stuff” still works. Maybe my answer / thoughts would be different if it did not still work.
Right now - I could not see myself calling a female a girlfriend without the special closeness. The closeness that I consider to be part of a real male / female relationship.
Yes I can live without sex. That in itself don’t mean a thing to me. Now that the shock (of realizing sex just for the hell of it is worthless) I am actually kind of glad I feel that way. Since I don’t have a girlfriend - knowing that hollow sex is nothing special - makes not having a girlfriend much easier.
Sex is easy easy easy to find - it is everywhere these days and I choose to ignore that fact - but ......
Right now - there is no way - no how that I would consider a gal my real girlfriend - that I did not want to touch .......... all over. Touching (all over) often leads to - the OPs definition of sex. | |
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| You've been THIS long without sex, why is it still a solid requirement?
Posted: 6/21/2008 10:09:29 AM | "You've been THIS long without sex, why is it still a solid requirement?"
At my age, it's NOT a solid requirement...in fact if it ever did happen again, it would be a surprise!
"All my “stuff” still works. Maybe my answer / thoughts would be different if it did not still work."
Maybe that's my problem...it's been so long, I'd be really afraid it wouldn't work, so why take the chance of totally embarrassing my self!
So, no, I don't see it as a "solid requirement"...I see it as more like a "fantasy"! | |
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| You've been THIS long without sex, why is it still a solid requirement?
Posted: 6/21/2008 10:20:23 AM | Wow... some fantastic replies here!
I'm with you, ron9. Well, not WITH you, lol, but I got what you were saying... and many other posters here also.
If we 'find' a special person to share the "rest of our life with".. or a big chunk of it anyway, (some of us might not even have many big chunks left, either).. it would be in a loving manner, I would hope.
Special looks, smiles, touches, sharing, caring, being together.
A special loving manner that you didn't have with your 'friends'.
But that HAS TO eventually lead to intercourse ?
That's part of what I was asking, in opening post.
Why is that a "has to eventually happen" or forget all the rest... a set thing in our minds before even meeting someone to even see if all the rest is wonderful with them?
Maybe, the special loving manner can't 'happen' without a past together of some intercourse?
Hmmm, that's a thought there.
But wait, what about the 89 year olds that meet and bond with those special loving mannerisims and they haven't had intercourse together in their past? | |
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shimbo
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Joined: 6/15/2008
Msg: 24 | |
| You've been THIS long without sex, why is it still a solid requirement?
Posted: 6/21/2008 10:24:35 AM |
But that HAS TO eventually lead to intercourse ?
YES.
How many times do we have to answer this?
Why is that a "has to eventually happen" or forget all the rest?
Because I need a woman for sex (unless I buy a large pet).
I do NOT need a woman to play pool, eat dinner or visit San Francisco.
Damn.
How hard is this to understand? | |
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| You've been THIS long without sex, why is it still a solid requirement?
Posted: 6/21/2008 11:06:27 AM | But that HAS TO eventually lead to intercourse ?
YES.
How many times do we have to answer this?
Why is that a "has to eventually happen" or forget all the rest?
Because I need a woman for sex (unless I buy a large pet).
I do NOT need a woman to play pool, eat dinner or visit San Francisco.
Damn.
How hard is this to understand?
wow how ugly can one person get?
I suggest the large pet for you | |
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