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| I NEED A WOMAN'S ADVICE!!! HELP ME!!!
Posted: 6/22/2008 8:55:05 AM | I'll get right to the point; judging from past experiences, I've always been under the impression that I was pretty damn good in bed. Not really #1, but in the top 10%. Most of my previous lovers/girlfriends have been within my age, or slightly younger. Once or twice, slightly older. I recently answered an ad that was for an ongoing exploration of personal sexuality. The idea is that we aren't going to date, just be bed buddies. I'm thinking, hell yeah! Free sex, no commitment, and a good friend to get it on with! Who could ask for more? So she and I met up. We agreed upon not disclosing age to make things more interested. We hit it off. I had her excited about me the first time we met. I thought to myself, "In the bag, no problem."
We got together the second night and actually got down to business. I had her smiling from ear to ear. I could assume no less than that she was completely satisfied with my sexual performance, although I had not reached an orgasm myself. She did, however reach an orgasm 2-4 times that night. I can't really remember. And this is after claiming that she was difficult to get off. And ALSO after explaining to me that she had never and suspects that she will never have a clitoral orgasm, or g-spot orgasm. That's right for the first time in my life I'm hearing this. I could not get her to have a clitoral orgasm. When she had her orgasms by me, it was from pure penetration alone. That just added another first for me as mostly all other women I've been intimate with have not been able to have an orgasm by penetration.
We ended up get together quite frequently, but I've always been focused on making her satisfied that I've over looked something that was rather important to her; her ability to satisfy me. Don't get me wrong, I have reached orgasm a few times, but I usually left my own physical pleasure out of the equation as it is more satisfying to me to see that I've gotten her hooked on my ability. It was like an orgasm for the ego.
When she explained this to me, how it was effecting her, I felt bad, like she was disappointed in my performance. That got me down and I started really questioning my own abilities. For my birthday, she took me out, got me tipsy, took me back to her place and completely seduced me. I was officially blown away. Then the intercourse. I felt pressure to produce results for her and built up an anxiety that ended up killing my performance halfway through. Long, miserable story short, I didn't get off. She was VERY disappointed and seemed to be on the verge of angry. I was humiliated, though I tried to hide it. I was getting really depressed.
Finally, I came up with a solution; "don't pressure me about getting off and I will". (That's the short version). It worked. Plain and simple. I began having an orgasm damn near every time we get intimate.
Then my department was closed and I lost my job. Now I was faced with an entirely new situation. I began getting stressed out over the slightest things due to financial issues and I began losing an erection halfway through our playtime together. This went on for a few weeks and the stress was really getting to me. Now this amazing woman is loosing interest in me it seems due to personal issues that seemed to be out of my control. It turns out I am making my money back and getting my feet on the ground again. Now I need to prove to her that I am NOT a disappointment and I AM the answer to her ad. (I actually want to start a real relationship with her, but that's probably never going to happen). I've been doing research on sexual fantasies, new date ideas, women in general, male enhancement drugs, nitric oxide supplements, blood plasma expanders, psychological conditioning, ect...
I need help! I need direction! ANY ADVICE IS WELCOME!!!
Oh, to make matters worse, we now know how old we are (I'm 24, she is 36, soon to be 37) She knows exactly what she wants from a sexual relationship and from a friendship. She has never had an orgasm until she was about 34-35, and now I have standards to live up to. She tells me about these things and it doesn't really HELP me a whole lot as it adds more hurdles for to jump over. And it seems she is really taking my age into consideration, which I finally admit does have an effect, but before myself, she was talking with a 22 year old guy, so I don't see how she has much room to talk. I don't really care about the age. This woman is absolutely amazing, I've learned so much about myself, Now I need to show her that I'm worth everything and more.At least in the department of friendship and sex. HELP!!! | |
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| I NEED A WOMAN'S ADVICE!!! HELP ME!!!
Posted: 6/22/2008 9:00:12 AM | | Amazing amazing. The things people will do out of boredom or for attention. Don't you know how to summarize????? Every bit of that could be explained in 8 sentences probably. My guess is this is something copied from some site, then pasted so you can sit back and have something to do on a lonely Sunday at home alone. I lightly skimmed over the lengthy scroll. If you really typed all of this nonsense, then my advice is that your help you seek is to stop writing pages of words and get a life. | |
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| I NEED A WOMAN'S ADVICE!!! HELP ME!!!
Posted: 6/22/2008 9:02:32 AM | chemistry between people can be improved but it is either there or not.
if it's not working for one of you, best to give up the ego & move on to someone that is more compatible. | |
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| I NEED A WOMAN'S ADVICE!!! HELP ME!!!
Posted: 6/22/2008 9:04:55 AM | | Well, yes, I did get carried away while typing this up. And no it's not copied from some other site. This is a real problem I am really having and I REALLY want some help. I want to keep this woman in my life and I REALLY care for her. If there's something anyone knows, then PLEASE point me in the right direction. | |
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| I NEED A WOMAN'S ADVICE!!! HELP ME!!!
Posted: 6/22/2008 9:06:53 AM | | Oh there is definitely a chemistry there for both of us. That's what I'm trying not to loose. In fact, I'm trying to increase her interest and arrousal, ect. | |
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| I NEED A WOMAN'S ADVICE!!! HELP ME!!!
Posted: 6/22/2008 9:11:07 AM | Okay Tread, i'll give a tad of benefit of the doubt. See that post from that lady that replied after my post?? Her advice is that of 3 sentences. It has the only real answer to your help you desire. One method in your ordeal would be to let go a little bit here and sit back and observe this woman you speak of, and acknowledge whether she is hot or cold as far as yourself. Even with my little advice here, still the lady above in her few sentences even explained that.
Karen | |
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| I NEED A WOMAN'S ADVICE!!! HELP ME!!!
Posted: 6/22/2008 9:20:56 AM | Prescription to relieve impotence, erectile disfunction, inability to ejaculate:
1. Find a real woman and dispose of the inflateable type
2. Quit having sex without emotion. It becomes as mechnical as a blow-up doll
3. Realize this woman probaby is faking her orgasm, your not that experienced at 24
4. Buy lots of Viagra, if you are having erectile disfunction at 24, you will have lots more as you age.
5. Start sleeping with someone who actually turns you on. This woman is not turning you on if you can't manage to achieve a level of personal satisfaction.
6. Nice job at a broadcasting attempt. Unfortunately it is hemorraging internet myth story all over it.
7. Quit jerking off before each meet to attempt to last longer, this is a good part of why you can't erupt upon the moment.
I can keep going with this list but you get the point. As long as you are having unemotional sex with blow-up rent by the hour dolls shortly after masturbating you will have problems holding an erection and achieving personal orgasm.
Good luck! | |
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| I NEED A WOMAN'S ADVICE!!! HELP ME!!!
Posted: 6/22/2008 9:29:51 AM | Ok I may be comprehending your story wrong. But first you claim she was difficult to get off and thought she would never have a clitoral or g spot orgasm. Then later you say she had her first orgasm when she was 34....what kind was it then? Because I'm not sure about an orgasm that is outside of the vaginal area. I know orgasms can happen because of kissing or touching but still they are happening down there. So i'm confused about your description of her orgasms or lack there of until you cam along. I think your bragging myself and would really like to hear how you know she had an orgasm. I didn't have one when I first got with my ex husband, I had no idea what one felt like, and when I finally did have one after being withhim about a year or longer maybe, he said but i thought you were getting off before.
Now if your story is true I will say that when a man is not able to reach orgasm it can be like a big let down for women, same as it is when we don't have one with men.
What it really looks like to me is your fishing for older women to contact you. | |
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| I NEED A WOMAN'S ADVICE!!! HELP ME!!!
Posted: 6/22/2008 9:44:01 AM | First off I'm not sure why everyone is being so hard on you OP.
Anyways, you say that you concentrate on giving her the pleasure and not on yourself. You say that it satisfies you to give her all the pleasure. Well, in my experience, when we give the other person pleasure, and we can see and hear how much they are excited with what we are doing to them, it makes us more excited, and, in turn, we orgasm as well. It's something that is automatic, you see how much she is enjoying what you're doing, and you get more excited over that, your body isn't just going to say ahhhhh good, she's having fun, I don't need anything. I'm probably not explaining what I mean correctly but I'm sure you get my point.
If you're not orgasming, I think someone above my post said that you aren't as attracted to her as you thought, with this, I agree.
Find someone who's going to pleasure you as you pleasure her. Good luck with whatever you choose. :)
Note: Oops I sure hope my post wasn't "too long". Maybe I could have shortened it to fit someone else's views on how long a post should be. :) | |
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| I NEED A WOMAN'S ADVICE!!! HELP ME!!!
Posted: 6/22/2008 9:54:32 AM | 1. Find a real woman and dispose of the inflateable type
2. Quit having sex without emotion. It becomes as mechnical as a blow-up doll
3. Realize this woman probaby is faking her orgasm, your not that experienced at 24
4. Buy lots of Viagra, if you are having erectile disfunction at 24, you will have lots more as you age.
5. Start sleeping with someone who actually turns you on. This woman is not turning you on if you can't manage to achieve a level of personal satisfaction.
6. Nice job at a broadcasting attempt. Unfortunately it is hemorraging internet myth story all over it.
7. Quit jerking off before each meet to attempt to last longer, this is a good part of why you can't erupt upon the moment.
I can keep going with this list but you get the point. As long as you are having unemotional sex with blow-up rent by the hour dolls shortly after masturbating you will have problems holding an erection and achieving personal orgasm.
While I appreciate your candid opinions, and I mean that sincerely, without sarcasm, I can assuredly tell you that 1. I don't masturbate before having sex with her, 2. she has NO problem telling me whether or not I turn her on, satisfy her, ect. so when she tells me she got off, I believe her. (She also has NO problem telling me that she DIDN'T get off either.) 3. I'm not sure I'm familiar with what internet myth story you're reffering to, (sorry for whatever ignorance I may appear to be having) and 4. Like I said there is a lot of chemistry there, including emotional satisfation... I'm just hitting a wall, don't know what to do about it. | |
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| I NEED A WOMAN'S ADVICE!!! HELP ME!!!
Posted: 6/22/2008 10:01:11 AM |
Well, yes, I did get carried away while typing this up. And no it's not copied from some other site. This is a real problem I am really having and I REALLY want some help. I want to keep this woman in my life and I REALLY care for her. If there's something anyone knows, then PLEASE point me in the right direction.
If that is indeed the case, I suggest you start communicating with her about more than just orgasms (hers or yours).
Seems like you are falling for this lady, developing an emotional attachment... and *that* was not supposed to happen with FWB type of thing....
But... life happens...
Perhaps it's time to acknowledge that you want more from her and see how she feels about it... cuz sex alone does not seem to be enough for you anymore.
Best of luck.
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| I NEED A WOMAN'S ADVICE!!! HELP ME!!!
Posted: 6/22/2008 10:04:22 AM |
Ok I may be comprehending your story wrong. But first you claim she was difficult to get off and thought she would never have a clitoral or g spot orgasm. Then later you say she had her first orgasm when she was 34....what kind was it then? Because I'm not sure about an orgasm that is outside of the vaginal area. I know orgasms can happen because of kissing or touching but still they are happening down there. So i'm confused about your description of her orgasms or lack there of until you cam along. I think your bragging myself and would really like to hear how you know she had an orgasm. I didn't have one when I first got with my ex husband, I had no idea what one felt like, and when I finally did have one after being withhim about a year or longer maybe, he said but i thought you were getting off before.
Ok, allow me to clarify:
She tells me she has never had an orgasm at all until the age of roughly 34 (if I remember correctly). Until then and there after, she has had men try to stimulate her in order to achieve a clitoral orgasm or a g-spot orgasm. Apparently they have all failed.
I was not the one to help her achieve her first orgasm. Someone else did that. HOWEVER, the first night we were together she tells me that she did get off, I can't remember if the number was 2 or 4 times.
And I can honestly tell you that I am NOT looking for older women, to contact me for any reason other than to share any tips or experiance that might help me build something more dependable for the woman I am talking about in this forum. I'm not interested in anyone else. And I didn't know how old she was until a month and a half after we had gotten together. I honestly thought she was late 20's. I REALLY don't care about the age. | |
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| I NEED A WOMAN'S ADVICE!!! HELP ME!!!
Posted: 6/22/2008 10:14:44 AM |
If you're not orgasming, I think someone above my post said that you aren't as attracted to her as you thought, with this, I agree.
Thank you, I really enjoyed your post.
While I can understand what you're saying, and have taken this into deep consideration, I feel that this is not the case. This is why I feel this way: As I've said I just recently had some severe job issues that really threw me off balance. I am the type of guy that really worries when I feel as though I cannot take care of my own business/responsibilities. Before I had the job problem, I could get off almost on command (which she was happy about because half the time I really tried to prolong me orgasm for the sake of what we were doing in bed. She knew this because I told her. She just smiled with pride and self satisfaction).
Do you think it is possible that being prone to worry about things, whether it be job/money related or possibly "Am I meeting her expectations and making her happy" effect my potency? Have you ever experienced something like that with any men you've been with? | |
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| I NEED A WOMAN'S ADVICE!!! HELP ME!!!
Posted: 6/22/2008 10:47:11 AM | I only said that because in your original post you stated that you did not orgasm. Then you said that you did a few times but most of the time you left that out of the equation. Then later you said that she told you how awful she felt for not satisfying you. Soooo from what you typed, I figured that you weren't getting pleasured a lot of the time. Sorry if I misunderstood it. For that reason I said what I said about you maybe not being as attracted to her.
Yes, worrying about outside issues can affect you, of course. This is where communication comes in, tell her you have these other issues that are on your mind and make sure she understands that it's not her that is the problem.
I'm not quite sure why you are worrying about not meeting her expectations. You say that she is satisfied. When the times come that you are worried about something and can't "perform" your best, there are other ways of taking care of her if you wanted to. Keep trying, you might just become that one person that can make her orgasm by the g-spot, etc. that you stated she can't orgasm by. Practice makes perfect and oh man is it fun!! *giggle*
Maybe the other person who stated that you may be developing more feelings for her is right. Food for thought. :) | |
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| I NEED A WOMAN'S ADVICE!!! HELP ME!!!
Posted: 6/22/2008 12:20:40 PM | First and foremost:
The idea is that we aren't going to date, just be bed buddies. I'm thinking, hell yeah! Free sex, no commitment, and a good friend to get it on with! Who could ask for more? You answered an ad for this.
Then my department was closed and I lost my job. Now I was faced with an entirely new situation. I began getting stressed out over the slightest things due to financial issues and I began losing an erection halfway through our playtime together. This went on for a few weeks and the stress was really getting to me. Now this amazing woman is loosing interest in me it seems due to personal issues that seemed to be out of my control. Wait, does this shock you? She delineated what she wanted. As long as you could give it to her, fine. Don't expect her to cut you any slack when you cannot.
This woman is absolutely amazing, I've learned so much about myself I think you mean, you have learned some really fun sex stuff.
And I can honestly tell you that I am NOT looking for older women, to contact me for any reason other than to share any tips or experiance that might help me build something more dependable for the woman I am talking about in this forum. I'm not interested in anyone else.
Now I need to show her that I'm worth everything and more. At least in the department of friendship and sex. You want to change the rules, obviously. Don't expect that she will want to do the same.
You may really care for her, and she obviously cares for your wang. This is not an amazing woman. This is a selfish woman. She wants hot sex and does not want to share her life with anyone.
Do you think it is possible that being prone to worry about things, whether it be job/money related or possibly "Am I meeting her expectations and making her happy" effect my potency? Have you ever experienced something like that with any men you've been with? Yes, but usually they are my age or older. I don't recall that happening to men up until the last 5 or six years, when I started dating men my age.
Now if your story is true I will say that when a man is not able to reach orgasm it can be like a big let down for women, same as it is when we don't have one with men. Umm, change that to "some men." | |
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| I NEED A WOMAN'S ADVICE!!! HELP ME!!!
Posted: 6/22/2008 4:24:39 PM |
Wait, does this shock you? She delineated what she wanted. As long as you could give it to her, fine. Don't expect her to cut you any slack when you cannot.
Yes, you're right. However we have developed an indepth friendship that I am very happy with. That's what's so great about this woman to me. Don't mistaken me, the sex is amazing, and blows my mind (I realized how inexperienced I really was, but I also know what more I have to look forward to, not just with her, but in general). But all sex aside, there is a lot more there. A much deeper connection that we are BOTH very... cautious about, because neither of us are looking for a relationship. EVENTUALLY in the future I would like to see if something happens between the two of us, yes. I'm talking months from now. But if all else fails, I would at LEAST like to give what she wants in bed. All bed talk aside, we're looking into being travel buddies, and opening up a minor business together as well. Like I said, much more than sex.
You want to change the rules, obviously. Don't expect that she will want to do the same.
You may really care for her, and she obviously cares for your wang. This is not an amazing woman. This is a selfish woman. She wants hot sex and does not want to share her life with anyone.
Yes, we both knew the rules when this started, but everything changed and nothing went the way it was. In some aspects, we're both disappointed in the end result, but in other ways I'm willing to put my salary for a year (80K at my new job) that we're happy with the outcome. Yes, I do want the rules to change. I don't know if she wants them to change or not, because I'm afraid to ask, and she has made herself very clear that these discussions need to wait until at LEAST 3 months before she will discuss relationships with anyone.
The game changed, so the rules have a chance to change too.
Yes, but usually they are my age or older. I don't recall that happening to men up until the last 5 or six years, when I started dating men my age.
This is true, I am young for this to be happening, but my life is ANYTHING but average. for the past 5 years, I brought myself from living and starving off the streets, to living and starving with illegal immigrants, fearing for my life for god knows how many reasons, with no family at ALL to help me, all the way up to a Network Security Investigator/Administrator making a pretty penny cause I finally went back to school. I have been on the brink of begging for my life and then worked and fought my way to being the person I am now. When I lost my last job I freaked out. THE LAST THING I want is to go back to where I came from. I would do anything in my power to NEVER go through that again. With that kind of pressure in the back of my head, I wou;dn't be surprised if it affected my sexual performance.
AND YES!!! THIS WOMAN IS SELFISH!!! I know this, she's open and honest about it. I like that about her. But she has shown a LOT a concern and appreciation and compassion for me. She's like no one I've ever met. This is also one of the reasons I want to give her what she wants. | |
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| I NEED A WOMAN'S ADVICE!!! HELP ME!!!
Posted: 6/22/2008 6:12:20 PM | Well, it seems to me that this relationship was, and still is , based on sex and performance. She has made it clear she has expectations and you want to live up to them. How can it be otherwise than stressful? Now the pressure is even greater as you want the relationship to become more than it started out.
I suspect that you think that she won't choose to become your real girlfriend and that is what is causing this anxiety. It may be that you knew when you met her that you would want it to be more, but put it to the back of your mind. This could be why you felt so pressured.
It sounds like a make or break situation to me. You need to find out whether she will be your girlfriend or not and then decide whether you are happy with her decision. At least then you will know where you stand and won't be thinking 'Oh my God, I've got to perform or she won't have me.' If it really is a case of you performing well each time, then what kind of long-term relationship would you have with this woman? What happened to a bit of understanding that people's sex drive and performance can vary from day to day? You are only human, but you have set yourself up as a great lover and are now having to maintain that at all costs. No human being can continue under that kind of pressure. | |
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| I NEED A WOMAN'S ADVICE!!! HELP ME!!!
Posted: 6/22/2008 11:29:19 PM | MMMMMMMM what can I add that hasn't already been said? Can you tell me what kind of skin/anti-age cream she was using? I mean you didn't know she was 38? I''d REALLY love to get my hands on that!!! I think someone already said it, your looking for older women. I find the whole story amusing but not to real. I could be wrong tho. | |
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| I NEED A WOMAN'S ADVICE!!! HELP ME!!!
Posted: 6/22/2008 11:30:41 PM | Good grief. Why can't you tell her all of this that you have told us? Can't you just tell her that you have developed feelings for her other than sexual feelings?
Sounds like the two of you need an in depth talk about everything. | |
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| I NEED A WOMAN'S ADVICE!!! HELP ME!!!
Posted: 6/22/2008 11:57:25 PM |
Is THIS why you are in the dog house (as it seems to be the case judging from the other thread you started)?
You told her that you developed emotions for her and she freaked out?
Oy Vey.
*shakes head*
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| I NEED A WOMAN'S ADVICE!!! HELP ME!!!
Posted: 6/23/2008 12:13:43 AM | OP, why are you posing your question(s) to a bunch of women you don't know on the internet instead of asking *her*?
More to the point though, sounds like you're just a f**k buddy to her and nothing more. Yanno, a FWB. A piece of meat. Tubesteak. You get my point. Why should she buy a whole pig just for a little sausage? | |
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| I NEED A WOMAN'S ADVICE!!! HELP ME!!!
Posted: 6/23/2008 1:01:57 AM | Hey Tread please know i am not being mean, but i am going to tell you mere truth so you can keep a real woman when you meet them, if she isn't the real one.
What i see here really reverts back to what i told you in my intial response post yesterday. Between myself and the lady user right under my first post, there was your answer, inturn also shows you don't listen but are the type that wants to keep trying to force a mental myth to happen when it won't.
I sit and watched every few hours yesterday as i watched this topic grow grow grow and watch you keep typing in pages of words and ideas and guesses. As i watched this, i started drawing realistic conclusions of what i now consider that "poor woman"...Again, i'm not trying to be mean.
But if i meet a man and developed even a mustardseed of feeling for him and found he used what appears to be his whole Sunday afternoon typing to people in groups of 3's all day long and long scroll type post, i would consider him lost in another world altogether.
Anyone that would expend all this time and mental effort to type all this ernormous stuff up and to then try and calculate others thoughts is so lost in the midst of this, (if i would have been her) i would have already moved out yesterday and you would have never noticed, and by tonorrow would be meeting another man.
Karen
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| I NEED A WOMAN'S ADVICE!!! HELP ME!!!
Posted: 6/24/2008 7:12:20 PM | OP . . .all I've read is your initial post . . . but with all the details ya have posted . . . this thread is going to get vvvvvvvvvvvvvvverrrrrrrrrrrrrry interesting . . . "x" marks the spot! BRB with popcorn!
~Myth~ | |
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| I NEED A WOMAN'S ADVICE!!! HELP ME!!!
Posted: 6/25/2008 6:45:44 AM | Is the Sex and Dating section closed?
Why post in 'Ask a woman' ? Unless of course you are seeking attention.
If you ask me (and I'm a woman)..... you should be asking a guy. I'm sure there are many guys who have been in a similar situation to yours OP.
She has never had an orgasm by age 34/35? Possible but highly unlikely. I think she was boosting your ego with that comment. | |
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