| Is talking online cheating?
Posted: 6/22/2008 11:12:15 AM | A friend of mine who is a regular to the forums, has met someone on this site. They have been dating for four months. He has began a email relationship with someone else of this site, (emails, exchanging pictures, etc) and considers it ok.
I question it, as he is very secretive about it, and his GF does not know about it. I told him that it doesn't matter if it is over the internet it is still cheating in my book.
I just wanted to see what you all thought about it. Is an email relationship still considered cheating? | |
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| Is talking online cheating?
Posted: 6/22/2008 11:24:48 AM | The fact he is secretive about it means it is cheating. Secrets usually mean he thinks he's doing something wrong. I have several friends who are women who I am just friends with. Anyone I date knows who they are and I introduce them at least via phone or Facebook because I have had the same friends since I was a toddler.
Straight men can be friends with women they are not planning or wanting to be intimate with, but if that is the case we don't need to make those relationships secret. | |
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| Is talking online cheating?
Posted: 6/22/2008 11:44:26 AM | Yes, email relationships are still cheating. I'd be hella offended if my man was still shopping around for an upgrade behind my back if we had decided to be exclusive.
The fact that he is very secretive about it is the tip off. Is it really ok if he has to hide it? Friends of the opposite sex (online or otherwise) are fine, but if the kinda feelings that you have to hide are there, then so are some issues. I'm upfront an honest with my man about who I'm talking to online, and if he has serious issues with anything we can discuss it. | |
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| Is talking online cheating?
Posted: 6/22/2008 12:32:16 PM | I guess it would depend on what they're emailing about? If it is starting to get personal, then yes, I would consider that a form of cheating.
If one has to hide things from their partner, be it because they do have something to hide, or their partner is the unreasonably jealous sort, it does send red flags up, for different reasons.
If one is getting emotionally involved with another, behind their partners back, even via email, it's not a sign of good things to come. | |
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| Is talking online cheating?
Posted: 6/22/2008 12:50:04 PM | | As long as she is aware that he contact this other girl. I dont see what the deal is. Obviously he could be still fishin trying to find "better". Which is probably the case. I mean if you find someone here, i would like to think that your profile will indicate so and that both parties are aware. | |
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| Is talking online cheating?
Posted: 6/22/2008 12:54:02 PM | I definitely think it's cheating if you're creating emotional intimacy outside of your relationship because to me, that's considered disloyalty. It's one thing to have friends of the opposite sex, online or in real life but as soon as it crosses that line, it's wrong.
I wonder how he would feel about it, if she was doing the same.  My guess is that he'd have a problem with it, and if he didn't, then there are larger problems between them. | |
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| Is talking online cheating?
Posted: 6/22/2008 1:00:46 PM | well i think it all has to do with the context of the messages
i have talked to people on here, and really even if your with someone i cant see the issue with having friends of the opposite sex, as long as that is the intention, if the guys intention is to line up the next gf thats a different story. i have female friends i keep in contact with and trade pics with that arent romantically motivated
jealous /possesive people as well as people with low self esteem would have us all live in a solitary world where only you and them dwell.
Anything worth having in the end is yours to begin with, noone can take them from you no matter how great a picture they send you
And anything you could lose so easily isnt worth having to begin with
talking online isnt cheating, in order to cheat, you must have that in mind from the start.
insecurity is something you as an adult must learn to control.it is an inner issue , not an outer issue. only you can make yourself insecure, not your gf or bf.its all in how you identify threats
how many of us find needy cringing jealous behaviour attractive? well by assuming someone is cheating via chat thats the exact thing you are projecting | |
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| Is talking online cheating?
Posted: 6/22/2008 1:15:29 PM | Are ya kidding?
Again, it's the secrecy that gives it away. Talking online isn't cheating, however, when you have to keep secrets there is a large problem. I have, knowingly, exchanged e-mails with men from the forums who have girlfriends. We were discussing forum posts outside the public medium. There is no hint of hanky-panky, and their GFs could have read any of those exchanges.
As adults, we have friends of the opposite sex. I love them as people. I also use them to translate 'manspeak' for me and to bounce my dating woes off.
My friends of both sexes know if I have an S/O. Anyone I'm dating knows about my friends. There aren't any secrets kept. | |
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| Is talking online cheating?
Posted: 6/22/2008 1:39:22 PM |
well i think it all has to do with the context of the messages
i have talked to people on here, and really even if your with someone i cant see the issue with having friends of the opposite sex, as long as that is the intention, if the guys intention is to line up the next gf thats a different story. i have female friends i keep in contact with and trade pics with that arent romantically motivated
jealous /possesive people as well as people with low self esteem would have us all live in a solitary world where only you and them dwell.
Anything worth having in the end is yours to begin with, noone can take them from you no matter how great a picture they send you
And anything you could lose so easily isnt worth having to begin with
talking online isnt cheating, in order to cheat, you must have that in mind from the start.
insecurity is something you as an adult must learn to control.it is an inner issue , not an outer issue. only you can make yourself insecure, not your gf or bf.its all in how you identify threats
how many of us find needy cringing jealous behaviour attractive? well by assuming someone is cheating via chat thats the exact thing you are projecting
Ditto. | |
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| Is talking online cheating?
Posted: 6/22/2008 3:39:24 PM | I question it, as he is very secretive about it, and his GF does not know about it.
This statement alone, speaks volumes as to what is REALLY going on.
If it is something that needs to be held secret, than it is absolutely, without a doubt, CHEATING. Beyond that, anything that happens to be going on that must be held secret in a relationship, is also considered lying.
The bottom line to any reaction from an S/O toward this kind of behaviour is not about JEALOUSY, it is about TRUST.
Secretive online chat can very possibly lead to something else, even though they say "it's nothing really, just FUN". The online buddy he is emailing is obviously receptive to what he is writing and sending, so the possibility of infidelity is even higher in this case. His need to fulfill some kind of fantasy with another person online is an indication of where the relationship is going.
That being, NOWHERE. (especially for his S/O)
Obviously, the relationship is lacking something that he needs, and in my mind, he is searching for that elsewhere, instead of communicating his needs to his S/O. Sounds to me that perhaps he is addicted to online dating/chat (?)
It's apparent that this fellow is not ready to indulge in any kind serious commitment, and it's also apparent that his maturity and womanly relation levels are nowhere near any kind of point in handling the trust and loyalty that comes with developing a REAL relationship.
Somebody needs to get caught.
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| Is talking online cheating?
Posted: 6/22/2008 5:50:18 PM | | I don't think it is cheating until they start to have a sexual relationship. He is being dishonest but he is not cheating. | |
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| Is talking online cheating?
Posted: 6/22/2008 6:28:26 PM |
I don't think it is cheating until they start to have a sexual relationship. He is being dishonest but he is not cheating.
Now I don't buy that. In the words of H on CSI Miami "It's all about motive Eric". When you're creeping around communicating with people you're creating an emotional bond which is likely going to transpire to intimacy. The sexual part comes AFTER the emotional bond happens. The telltale sign is that he's hiding it. | |
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| Is talking online cheating?
Posted: 6/22/2008 6:45:50 PM | The sexual part comes AFTER the emotional bond happens.
Right on the money, Elvis.
And it may not be skin on skin relations, but it's still cheating and lying.
Period (IMO)
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| Is talking online cheating?
Posted: 6/22/2008 6:46:30 PM | | siding with Elvis on this one online has potential to become more than online friends why would anyone happy seek friendship? Myslef i would think the girl is unhappy or not self fulfilled and let her go. | |
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| Is talking online cheating?
Posted: 6/22/2008 7:17:21 PM | Hell yes it's cheating...as pointed out - the fact that he keeps it secret is the first red flag.
Emotional cheating is much more devastating than physical cheating...if something happens to you during the course of a day, and the first person you confess or discuss things with is of the opposite sex, other than your partner, then you're already on the way to cheating. | |
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| Is talking online cheating?
Posted: 6/22/2008 10:44:16 PM | | I think it depends on what they're talking about and for how long. In most cases, it is cheating, of course. If you're sharing things you wouldn't want your s/o to know about, of course it is. Even if you're not, if they look forward to hearing from each other, their attention is diverted and of course it's cheating. | |
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| Is talking online cheating?
Posted: 6/22/2008 11:11:04 PM | Obviously the key here is that the person in question is keeping this "email relationship" a secret. That is a pretty big red flag for me! I can't help but think that if it is just an innocent friendship there should be no need to hide it from his girlfriend.
I would have to say.......guilty. | |
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| Is talking online cheating?
Posted: 6/23/2008 1:55:59 AM | I agree "guilty"
If he has the need to keep it a "secret" it means he has something to hide!! | |
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| Is talking online cheating?
Posted: 6/23/2008 4:49:06 AM | I still say he is not cheating. There are different ways to flirt and the e-mail system is just another way to do it. I am sure everybody here flirts and then rushes off to tell their s/o LOL. Communicating with someone in the privacy of their own home is their business. Everyone misses that the OP is wrong to narrow down who this person is then basically writes a Dear Ann Landers type letter - "I hope they see this message because I want them to smarten up" . Talk about you posters breaking it to her gently.  | |
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| Is talking online cheating?
Posted: 6/23/2008 8:28:48 AM | ^^ I'm glad she DID!! I hope he gets caught!
If one feels they need to "flirt" when they've entered into a relationship that they've committed themselves to, then something is very wrong. Either he is not getting all he needs out of the relationship (and looking for someone better), or he simply has no respect for his GF.
I'd call him out myself. Good for you OP. | |
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| Is talking online cheating?
Posted: 6/23/2008 8:57:24 AM | ^^^^ bit burnt 
Didn’t know being a flirt is detrimental to having a relationship with someone. Didn’t know being a flirt means a person cheats. And more to the point, again, didn’t know chatting online/via e-mail with a person you are not sleeping with is cheating. My point is, basically, nobody knew about this guy’s business until the OP decided he should plaster it all over the site. I am thinking the OP needs to MHOB, especially since he knows both parties may more than likely read his thread. My other advice is for the guy he calls his friend. Well, let’s just say, buddy, he is not your friend. | |
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| Is talking online cheating?
Posted: 6/23/2008 9:30:20 AM | ^^^^ bit burnt
My, aren't you a ray of sunshine on a Monday morning.....
Get dumped because you can't stop flirting online??
The OP could likely have started this thread to give his friends a heads up OR is simply questioning whether his opinion and thoughts are valid and justifiable before confronting his friend. | |
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| Is talking online cheating?
Posted: 6/23/2008 10:28:43 AM | | It's one thing to flirt, it's another thing to have SECRET correspondence with someone else. Heck, I flirt sometimes but it's done in a respectful manner and there is no intent, not to mention the fact I'll talk about it to my SO and we laugh, nor would I have a problem with him actually reading what was said. I highly doubt this gentleman and I use the term lightly, would want his SO doing the same. | |
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| Is talking online cheating?
Posted: 6/23/2008 11:23:27 AM | | I don't know that I would consider it cheating but it certainly is bad form. It doesn't speak well of the future of the relationship if one of the participants is getting something they want from another person. If I were dating someone who did this and found out I'd be very upset and feel betrayed, for lack of a better word. | |
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| Is talking online cheating?
Posted: 6/23/2008 11:47:08 AM | I agree with everyone else. "Secretive" is the key word. The casual flirt is a bad analogy. If you flirt with the sales clerk at the grocery, you may not run home and tell your mate, but neither do you tell whoever sees it "don't you dare tell her".
If it's OK with his mate, he wouldn't need to be "secretive". If it is not OK with her, and it's necessary to him, then he's in the wrong relationship. | |
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