| Cum = stay, No cum = go??
Posted: 6/22/2008 4:19:54 PM | K.. I have a friend of mine shes been dating this guy for 3 years.. now me and her are extremely extremely close friends and talk about anything and everything.. very very openly. Now.. recently I started dating a very wonderful woman and she is very happy for me.
I said I hadnt cummed like that in ages.. and her reply was.. must be nice.. and me being the caring.. and curious stupid **stard that I am was like what not getting any?? and she replied no.. its not that.. hes just never made me cum. I just about fell off my chair.. 3 year relationship.. and like seriously in love.. but no cumming on her end? she obviously wants to but after 3 years youd figure it was a done deal and a no go.. I realize its harder for a woman to cum then a man but holy crap. I'd lose my friggin mind being with somebody who couldnt get me off.. although I like getting my gf off more then I like her to do it to me..
Now finally here is the question.... Ladies.. if you started to date a guy.. sleep with him etc etc.. but you never once.. not even close got off.. and have to manually do it.. would you stay with him?? I feel bad for her because its almost like shes happy with what shes got and not looking for her happiness.
Thoughts?? | |
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| Cum = stay, No cum = go??
Posted: 6/22/2008 4:25:29 PM | Obviously this woman's communication skills are severely lacking. Has she been faking orgasms? If not, then her boyfriend is a selfish ba$tard and the relationship sounds like crap.
Ladies.. if you started to date a guy.. sleep with him etc etc.. but you never once.. not even close got off.. and have to manually do it.. would you stay with him??
IF we've talked about it and attempted to make it work (a hell of a lot sooner than 3 yrs) and he still can't get it, then NOOOOOO. Absolutely NOT. | |
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| Cum = stay, No cum = go??
Posted: 6/22/2008 4:29:33 PM | 3 years and nothing??? Ummm...NO. And I agree with the 2nd post, her communication skills are ZERO. If you can't show/tell a man/woman what gets you off then what's the point??? If there's been some kind of abuse in her past that might be blocking her from achieving an O, then counseling is definitely needed.
The bigger question is if she's been with this guy for 3 yrs...does he even care that she's not having orgasms? | |
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| Cum = stay, No cum = go??
Posted: 6/22/2008 4:40:30 PM | Have you talked to her about showing him how to help her out???
Some guys just don't know how to help some girls along... every gal is different in that way...
To answer your question.. Sex isn't everything in a relationship... I stayed with a guy that we stopped having sex over a year & half before I left him... why did i leave... he become emotionally distant, and stopped talking to me... I couldn't deal with that... (btw it was his choice to not have sex... and I respected that... I know if I chose not to have sex at some point in time I would want someone that I was in a relationship with to respect that for me... ) | |
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| Cum = stay, No cum = go??
Posted: 6/22/2008 4:45:21 PM | Another vote for go.
If I'm with someone and I have to pull out BOB to get off then I may as well keep the guy as a friend and have sex with my fingers.
I have zero tolerance for selfish **stards, if I'm not getting off I will tell you what you need to do to help get me off, and if you won't do it... bye bye now. | |
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| Cum = stay, No cum = go??
Posted: 6/22/2008 4:52:07 PM | Hmm...well, see think about it from her end - she may have other reasons why she's stayed with him. Like maybe her self-esteem is low and she doesn't believe that her own pleasure and satisfaction is worth as much as his.
I went through this in relationship for almost 2-years and can count on one hand how many times he "helped" bring me to orgasm during that time. The rest of that time it was all up to me to provide my own satisfaction, either before, during or after "the act"...but of course he ALWAYS got his cookies no matter what.  At first I thought it was just the newness of the relationship and I was too shy to express what I wanted and needed to achieve orgasm with him. After a while into the relationship, even when I told him what I really liked and what got me me really hot, he would very rarely comply. I started to get resentful every time we'd have sex and I'd reach for "BOB" right after he'd finish so that I could begin AND finish - alone. He didn't even get off on watching, just ignored it and went to sleep. That, my friends, is called a VERY selfish lover.
If your friend continues thinking that she's only worth what he's giving her, then that's her fault. Personally, I don't feel like any man is obligated to make a woman cum - it's considerate of him to want her to get full pleasure out of it too, but communication should be happening between them to figure out what's not happening...especially if it's been 3-years. She needs to let her partner know and to quit faking it for HIS benefit just to stroke HIS ego. Any good lover will make every attempt to help his partner climax and three years is plenty of time to have found out which buttons to push in what sequence to get her off.
Just be careful OP because it also sounds like she could start looking to YOU to relieve that dry spell.  | |
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| Cum = stay, No cum = go??
Posted: 6/22/2008 4:57:39 PM | | ^^^ thank you all for posting this confirms how I feel.. shes settled because she thinks shes not going to find anybody else.. :( hopefully she sees the light. | |
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| Cum = stay, No cum = go??
Posted: 6/22/2008 4:58:08 PM | I heard Suzy Orman talking today about her new book for women. She mentioned so many women stay in bad relationships/marriages due to financial reasons. I've been there myself. I stayed with my abusive ex because I worked for him and how was I going to make it on my own with a small child?
So that is another reason we put up with stupid stuff.
So while we outsiders can look in and say ''what the hell is wrong with her for staying" you never know. Since you are a close friend perhaps you can ask her. Tell her she deserves better. Either the guy she's with is selfish or just stupid. | |
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| Cum = stay, No cum = go??
Posted: 6/22/2008 5:03:22 PM |
this confirms how I feel.. shes settled because she thinks shes not going to find anybody else
Yes, that is how YOU feel, but not neccesarily her! | |
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| Cum = stay, No cum = go??
Posted: 6/22/2008 5:06:49 PM | ^^ quirky.. ya.. its how I feel.. and I guess its different if you were in my shoes.. and knew the persons involved and situation.
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| Cum = stay, No cum = go??
Posted: 6/22/2008 5:08:50 PM | ^Well, I hope she finds true happiness in a relationship..whatever that may consist of.
You are a good friend for caring. | |
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| Cum = stay, No cum = go??
Posted: 6/22/2008 5:14:51 PM | Speaking as someone who has never cum with a man....it would depend
does he just not care? Does he try? Or is it that she can't tell him how she feels.
I know for me the reason is probably to do with never being involved in a relationship long enough to feel comfortable letting go...losing control completely. I'm starting a new relationship now...and I'm very excited because I know he is looking out for my needs..and even with out me cuming the first times together the sex has been better than anything I've experienced previously.
But if I was with someone who didn't care, and was content to get his and let me use BOB to find relief I wouldn't stick it out 3weeks let alone 3 years. | |
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| Cum = stay, No cum = go??
Posted: 6/22/2008 5:32:26 PM | | She has explained it to him that she cant with a guy.. and just accepts it. But she has before with other previous boyfriends and her ex fiance.. | |
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| Cum = stay, No cum = go??
Posted: 6/22/2008 5:54:49 PM | Was it regular with those past ones or just a once in a rare while? If it was rare, then it could be the combination of the guy and her having a difficult time getting to that point. Also, does she at least get excited or is there no excitement at all?
I had a terrible time reaching that point with anyone until my mid to late 20's. Even then it still wasn't consistent. Once I hit my 30's, it got much easier. | |
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NixE36
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Joined: 6/14/2008
Msg: 16 | |
| Cum = stay, No cum = go??
Posted: 6/22/2008 6:14:46 PM | wow,... tisk tisk tisk..
if I loved the guy,..I'd just get more creative and make it happen. No point in just giving up if you love him. If I didn't love him,... heck..I wouldn't be there to begin.
good luck! | |
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| Cum = stay, No cum = go??
Posted: 6/22/2008 6:22:44 PM | Remember everyone....it takes two!
One can't do all the work and expect the other to just enjoy it.
My past relations ships were hard work but I made it work as best I could. If she didn't want it - it never happened. Her loss I guess | |
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| Cum = stay, No cum = go??
Posted: 6/22/2008 6:25:31 PM | I'd lose my mind. wait..... BTDT
I tried communicating with the guy until he eventually said I was putting too much pressure on the man... naw, it's like letting the lawn grow a foot high and the first time the woman points out the lawn mower he calls her a nag....
Yet I moved on to a relationship that sexually, ALWAYS made me cum, made me squirt, made me scream OM friggin Gawd, somebody help me because I can't get enough.... But it lacked in the essential element of returned love.
So then here's this guy who cares about me, and I care about him and the sex is quiet and short and each of us get ours once with no screaming, exhaustion, and dehydration, LOL, and it was really really really nice.... but not passionate at all ever.
None of these are worth staying for, but days can turn into years as life goes on.
I think there is a guy who can love me, give me the quiet sex, give me the screaming sex (now and then) and accept my own love in return. I just don't know who he is. | |
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| Cum = stay, No cum = go??
Posted: 6/22/2008 7:13:13 PM | you gotta get em off, because they do the samething to you anyways
and to be really in love and happy, a great sex life is KEY! | |
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| Cum = stay, No cum = go??
Posted: 6/22/2008 7:31:30 PM | Remember. 75% of women can't cum from just intercourse. Most need clitoral stimulation AT THE SAME TIME. Most men won't buy this. Even when you tell them over and over and over, they still think that their penis is enough.
There are many women who are in relations where they never get to cum. Why do you think the guy starts hearing "Ive got a headache" after awhile?
There are ...in my experience....WAY more men that suck in bed than there are ones that truly know what it takes. And to be really honest, although oral is great, and its wonderful that a guy will do that for ya....it still is NO replacement for getting to cum when the man's you know what is inside you. And the only way that happens for many of us is with simultaneous clitoral stimulation with a vibrator or whatever. And very few men will understand or allow or participate with that.
EDIT: I just read all of the above posts, and I concur completely. I'm glad to see women speaking up and speaking out and admitting that very often we are in relationships where the sex is really marginal. And then the men wonder why we don't walk around dripping wet all the time.
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| Cum = stay, No cum = go??
Posted: 6/22/2008 8:17:45 PM | I understand your friend... Sad but true and I think that it may be more common than we all want to admit to ourselves... I have some questions...
1- You mentioned she is "settling"... Is she in her late twenties? Is could be that her biological clock is saying, find a good man and get pregnant soon!!!
The biological clock could make one settle... D a m n e d hormones...
2- Is there an health issue?... Is sex painful?... It could be something as simple as that.
I have a tipped uterus... Sex was not a whole lot of fun when the going got rough. The only way I can describe is that everything is unbelievable and fun and without any warning, imagine someone pounding with a sledge hammer will all his strength deep inside the most vulnerable part of your body... It often spoiled the moment for both of us. Once I found out, the doctor explained how to "position" myself and OH LÀ LÀ the rest is history...
3- Are there phsychological issues? Usually fear of whatever issue is the biggest problem.
4- Only she can truly know, but there is only so much a man can do to help a woman achieve orgasm. If she cannot let go, it is not his fault... So... Does he try to help her ?
Only she can truly answer that.
5- The most important question of all... Does she LOVE him?
I only speak for myself and my humble experience but I would have a hell of a time to be able to let go if I have absolutely had no emotional/physical/intelectual feelings for the man I am with.
In my humble opinion... All three types of feelings are a must if you are planning to have him as a mate for possibly for the rest of your life.
Anyway...
I just had an idea... Why don't you invite her to read this thread?...
It may help...
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| Cum = stay, No cum = go??
Posted: 6/22/2008 8:27:16 PM | thanks for the tip, oh btw when my time comes I will allow that for my girlfriend/wife
anything to keep things going and for us to enjoy sex, thats something im gonna have to do | |
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| Cum = stay, No cum = go??
Posted: 6/22/2008 10:20:47 PM | Wow, I hope the guy has some amazing other qualities but I can't think of one that would make up for that.
If a guy is unwilling to put the effort in, doesn't care or is just that bad that he can't get results by the second time we're intimate, I'm gone. May sound shallow to some but to me, sex is extremely important to a relationship and I honestly can't even imagine how she could stay with this guy for 3 yrs like that unless she's never cum in her life, thinks she's incapable or undeserving or something. | |
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