| is there a time limit for getting over a man?
Posted: 6/23/2008 6:28:17 AM | | It will be a year in August since I got dumped by my lying cheating boyfriend. And it hasnt seemed to gotten any better and seems like it just happened yesterday. My friends say I need to to get over this but its been so hard. I saw him in his corvette yesterday and my heart droppped. I guess it would be easier if I was working and busy but Im sick waiting for surgery. On my good days I try to stay busy but mostly my head just spins thinking of him. I hate myself for it. Yesterday was Sunday and that was our big day together. I did get out for a bit but ended back home have a pity party. Im not looking for sympathy or pity here. Im just trying to moveond thats what my head tells me someone please explain it to my heart. plus we live in a small town Im getting tired of hearing hes been doing anything with legs . I just pray to god that some day it will get easier | |
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| is there a time limit for getting over a man?
Posted: 6/23/2008 6:55:47 AM | Dear Mich:
I feel you....never easy being destroyed, as it seems that "he" did to you. Time is all irrelevant...based on what I have read in your post....the past 11 months have been hell on you and probably feels like each day has been a year. The "time limit" is when you decide you are tired of re-living all of the pain and wasting "you" on someone that sounds like was never "with you" to begin with. Self-talk.....positive self-talk and reinforcement is the key here. Like you said....a "pity party" is all you are going to get until "YOU" decide that you are tired of it. Believe me....I do know what you are going thru....you can either decide to be the "victim" or decide to be the "VICTOR"!! Keep praying, sweetheart.
Big D | |
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| is there a time limit for getting over a man?
Posted: 6/23/2008 7:16:25 AM | It is rough. No doubt about it. There is no standardized heart healing time, so no one can say when you will be over him, and nobody should. That is a choice you have to make for yourself. It seems in my opinion that you do not need to forget about this, you need to deal with it. Sounds like you got hit pretty bad and the scars are not going to go away on their own. I believe in acceptance and pride. You should try to wear the scars proudly. Accept the fact that douche bags exist and with 6 billion people in the world, he is probably not the last one you are going to run into. I have had a similar experience, which I will not get into here, but these are a couple of thoughts that helped me through.
HE IS NOT REAL. - The person you fell in love with is not the person you thought they were. You most likely are still in love with the lie. The lie is what he wanted you to see, thus creating an unobtainable expectation in a relationship. He most likely knew all your triggers and the right times to use them, which makes him a manipulative ***hole, not the "amazing guy who knows you inside and out." Its a trick carnies have been using for years to make you believe they are psychic so you give them money.
ITS NOT YOUR FAULT. - You are not super woman, you are human. Just like the rest of us. We all make mistakes, the key is to learn something from them.
NOT EVERY PERSON IS LIKE HIM. - Self explanatory. You have to be willing to take a chance again. Turning down dating opportunities out of fear that they will end the same way could result in you turning away the much sought after "good guys", with out ever giving them a chance.
Hope this helped you out a bit, and remember you are not alone. This happens far to often with both men and women. Some people are just jerks, and not worth the time it takes to think about them.
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| is there a time limit for getting over a man?
Posted: 6/23/2008 7:17:45 AM | | Hey Michchick... No I don't think there is any time limit... I am going through a similar situation right now myself.... my boyfriend told me after we had been together for 9 months that he wanted "time" for himself.... he had time...we only got together every other weekend... he lives in NC and I live in SC.... bottom line... he was dating someone else and he wanted to spend that time with her... I am in love with him but I am going to have to find a way to move on... not easy but nescessary... I think the key is to get out and do things even if you don't feel like it!!! Walking helps... it does something to help improve your frame of mind!!! Sunday before last I spent the entire day having a pity party...crying the whole day!!! I was so miserable... do you think he was miserable???? I'm sure he wasn't......so right then I decided not to have a day like that again.... It's hard but try it even though you don't want to....get out and walk....for your peace of mind!!!! And if you just need someone to talk to just let me know... | |
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| is there a time limit for getting over a man?
Posted: 6/23/2008 8:58:39 AM | Hi there, there isn't a time limit, it's been 2.5 years for me and it still hurts. Like you, i am not working due to illness and I guess having so much time to analyse/mull things over doesn't help. I know everyone says it's about you changing your mindset and then you will get over it but no matter how positive I am, and how much I want to move on and forget him, it's useless - so I guess the bottom line is... You won't get over him until you have someone new to fall in love with... That bit is the hard part as after many dates I haven't found anyone I like enough yet. Good luck and take care  | |
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| is there a time limit for getting over a man?
Posted: 6/23/2008 9:43:44 AM | Isn't this the guy, who lived with another woman down state, who was banging you behind her back? Then started cheating on you too? The guy who once pointed a gun at you?
I don't really think it should be that hard to get over such a guy. | |
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| is there a time limit for getting over a man?
Posted: 6/23/2008 9:52:33 AM | In my view No
Tomorrow Shouldn't Be Yesterday
I was told that's History move on but in my case I have never moved on.
I have tried, even getting married after I knew I would never have a relationship with him again. I moved to another state but NO that wasn't the right thing to do.
I became in the worse marriage you could think of.
He had to get married he got a girl pragent after a few dates with her.
I was just destroyed, I tried and tried to get him back with him, but back in my young day if you got them pragent you married them even if you didn't love them.
I just turned to the wild life then because it was all my fault to this matter.
I never found that happiness I don't think I ever will.
I dreamed of him still do, I cried about him, I thought about what he was doing or was he happy.
I guess he was a bit stubborn or proud to come back to me.
I think it destroyed both our lives in many different ways.
I became someone else because I lost what I loved.
So no one to blame but me.
I was just 16 but it was my soul mate my love.
you might think 16 that's to young but no it isn't I knew I loved him but
I went to a different school than him and a new guy moved in town and at my school and I held his hand at school and a girl that went to school where my boyfriend went, saw me and told him, well at that time we never had a fight or didn't know that feeling.
I didn't understand I really didn't know what to do he just did it over the phone.
I never even dated that other guy.
It was awhile before I dated anyone hoping he would call.
But he never so then I called and she was knocked up.
So no if you really love and found that love your never get over it.
I went to therapy later in my life for this.
You might think I'm silly but I grieved over him I lost me and lost him.
I'm also 56 now and I still Love him.
BUT Tomorrow Shouldn't Be Yesterday
I feel for you I do hope you can get past him but it can be very hard.
just don't do as I turn to drugs and alcohol and what ever to try and fill the void
in your life maybe just go seek therapy maybe you can understand that feeling better.
Hugs My Friend
got2bsoso | |
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| is there a time limit for getting over a man?
Posted: 6/23/2008 10:02:58 AM | yes; 1 year 23 days, 5 hours, 5 minutes, and 21 seconds. There is no rule book for dating. Come on.
This is another classic case where a person is making out like they miss this relationship so much acting like it was much better than it was. They complain about guys, then feel sorry for themselves because they want to be with them.
If it were me I would say; "if it were so magical then why did he disrespect me and care so little about me that he cheated and lied." Obviously this wasn't magical for him, he wasnt' happy with the situation, and he went with someone else. End of story.
You can be depressed, act like you so miss what you had with him, and how incredible he treated you. Those are all not true of course.
You say you hate that he lied to you; well, you are lying to yourself. You didn't have that great of a relationship, he was not a good guy, and you are creating this illusion that you are actually missing out on something. Just because you are attracted to someone doesn't mean you leave your brain at the door.
A strong women would not put up with this. Again, stop lying to yourself. This guy is not a catch and you will be in pain for years. Once you see the truth and you are honest with yourself, its not hard to move on. Good luck with your medical condition as well. | |
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| is there a time limit for getting over a man?
Posted: 6/23/2008 10:50:40 AM |
I just pray to god that some day it will get easier
OP, I feel for you but it WILL get better. And you are right, with you being home and not working it is delaying the healing process. You need to try and keep busy somehow, talk to some friends or family if you can as well. The down time is the hardest, and you need something to keep yourself busy and your thoughts on anything else as much as you can.
Im getting tired of hearing hes been doing anything with legs
Staw away from anyone informing you of anything he is doing, and try and keep any thoughts of him with someone out of your head. He is not worth it, and you deserve better. Just remember that. Good luck to you. | |
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| is there a time limit for getting over a man?
Posted: 6/23/2008 11:00:03 AM | Lose the 'victim' mentality mode, and try your best to move on with life. Don't give him permission to hold you back in life and anything positive that may come your way.
Ask yourself if you deserve way better.
The answer is an astounding, 'YES!' | |
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| is there a time limit for getting over a man?
Posted: 6/24/2008 5:50:21 AM | | Hey there michchick - onwards and upward I say, there is so much we miss out on as it feels to you now - there is so much better around and just waiting for you to stop wasting your thoughts and energy on such a negative situation. Not meaning to sound like an agony aunt - but cmon !! I am sure you are smart enough to see the sense here. He deserves the same as he is and he will attract exactly wht he deserves. | |
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| is there a time limit for getting over a man?
Posted: 6/24/2008 7:13:08 AM | "Once you see the truth and you are honest with yourself, its not hard to move on"
I agree with this 100%. I was heartbroken by someone, until I learned about all the lies he told. Couldnt care any less now! Good riddance I say!
Amazing how the truth can really set you free! The key is, you have to accept the truth. | |
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| is there a time limit for getting over a man?
Posted: 6/24/2008 10:01:47 AM | OP you cant force yourself to forget someone that its hard to forget.Just let it be and time will heal the wounds. As much as possible avoid knowing whats going on his life may it be he's happy or not---youre out. Just focus in YOU ---He has his own life now to live .If by chance that youre going to cross your path with him again --tell this to yourself "so thats the man that i used to love, the man who broke my heart and cheated on me, the man that has NO integrity, well..goodbye,my lover"
Keep on meditating that helps a lot in your healing.
Dont forget to be gentle with yourself. | |
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| is there a time limit for getting over a man?
Posted: 6/24/2008 10:39:40 AM | Hi michchick,
A friend told me it was 3 months per year..mmn..it's all she'll allow herself and it works for her! If he was a 'lying cheating boyfriend' then the good guy you thought you loved doesn't really exist. Time to put it down to experience. It will get better if you let it. good luck. x | |
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| is there a time limit for getting over a man?
Posted: 6/24/2008 10:52:41 AM | 30 seconds or 30 feet whichever occurs first :~)
Reminds me of that scene in Lion King where the little monkey smashes the lion over the head with a stick and the lion goes, "whoa, What was that for?"
The monkey says;
"Eet dosen't matter mun... eets in de pass!" | |
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| is there a time limit for getting over a man?
Posted: 6/24/2008 1:35:17 PM | The first time after a LTR (5 year) breakup, I took about 3 weeks off before dating again. Made bad decisions consistently over the following two years. The second time, it was a 4.5 year relationship. I took a full year off from dating to get to know myself again and to completely heal after the last relationship. I think I made the better choice the second time around.
The thing is, there's no set amount of time. Aside from some of the jokesters, no one can provide you with any kind of fail safe formula. You'll know when you're over it. | |
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| is there a time limit for getting over a man?
Posted: 6/25/2008 1:08:30 AM | Do things for yourself. Things that make you happy. Start a women's group, a bowling team, anything to get your mind off of the illusion you had of this guy.
That is all we are really missing you know, the dream. The delusion in our minds of who we thought they were. That is it.
We are not missing them...god no! Why would anyone miss being lied to, cheated on, betrayed and belittled day in and day out? You had your illusion/delusion of who and what he was about. It is what he wanted you to see. That way it would be harder for you to get over him or break up with him. But face the truth; he is nothing. Okay, well he's something. He is a lying, cheating PUKE like my ex! Not one redeaming quality. zilch zero...keep remembering that. You were the good kind warm hearted and loving part of the relationship...not him. The sooner we realize what pukes we loved, the quicker it will be to get over them/over the dream we had that is now gone. (but it never was a dream...just a horrible nightmare that you are now free of)
Good luck! | |
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| is there a time limit for getting over a man?
Posted: 6/25/2008 2:21:04 AM | | no time set limit. at some point you will eventually get over it. you'll only prolong it if you entertain thoughts of him. try to immerse yourself in things that don't make you think of him. easier said than done, but it's the best way while you're waiting for time to do its thing. | |
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| is there a time limit for getting over a man?
Posted: 6/25/2008 11:33:34 AM | | I must agree with others on the forum. If you keep busy, you'll have less time to dwell on the past. I work a second job in a restaurant with a group of teenager's that keep me laughing. It's been the best therapy. | |
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| is there a time limit for getting over a man?
Posted: 6/25/2008 12:30:23 PM | is there a time limit for getting over a man?
I sure wish there was
as for your friend's im sure they mean well, but saying "Get over it" is'nt going to help you in anyway, they will not understand how your feeling, no matter how much you try and explain,
On my good days I try to stay busy but mostly my head just spins thinking of him. I hate myself for it
Don't ever hate yourself for it, it just means you truly loved this guy, it's a sad fact no 2 people can love each other the same, if so he would have never cheated on you!
there is'nt a time limit as such, you may always have feelings for this guy, and i no its been a yr already, but believe me, give it another 6 months, and im sure he wont be on your mind as much
He has obviously moved on, ( in the TYPICAL guy way )
you now need to concentrate on yourself, not what you had or what you might want with him, it's his loss, and im sure one day he will come to realise that!
Hugs
~Serenity | |
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| is there a time limit for getting over a man?
Posted: 6/25/2008 12:47:03 PM | | What helped me was....trying to think of all of the negative things in our relationship. The lies, the sneaking, the smoking, the inability to commit. I just tried to remind myself of all of these and it finally made sense to me. I moved on and boy am I glad that I did. There really are great guys out there. I wasted too much time and too much energy on someone who did not want or deserve my love. | |
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