| Special Needs/Disabilities Forum needed! [CLOSED Thread]
Posted: 6/24/2008 2:01:24 PM | I've been in an ongoing discussion with an autistic fellow in the profile review forum about bolstering his attack to this thing called dating. He's having a really hard time, obviously, garnering any sort of attention from the female persuasion. He has made a point a number of times that there should be a place for people with special needs or disabilities to come and discuss issues here. This group of people is different than ethnic people, per se, because they aren't at the mental capacities that lay folk are generally, or they have to deal with specific physical issues that we just can't understand. Culture is culture, but this is totally different.
I'm lobbying to have a Special Needs Forum created in the GENERAL DISCUSSION PLENTYOFFISH Forum. This would also give people with special needs a chance to mingle and get in touch with each other, as it's very hard to find people in this haystack with a certain trait. There is no space on a profile to select a special need. Maybe that's something to consider as well.
Any comments or suggestions on this topic would be greatly appreciated. I'm not sure if this is the place to affect change or if I should contact the admin directly. | |
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| Special Needs/Disabilities Forum needed!
Posted: 6/24/2008 4:30:24 PM | I agree whole~heartedly. I too have been involved in trying to help this certain individual. He is a great person with wants and needs just like everybody else. The way things are right now; he can't *make a connection* with a love interest. The site in and of itself is a wonderful place to gather; I feel there may be something more that can be made available here for the slightly challenged members as well.
His autism puts him in a special needs category but in no way should it diminish his chance at love : ) | |
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| Special Needs/Disabilities Forum needed!
Posted: 6/24/2008 4:31:03 PM | I agree above mentioned forum would be of benefit to the POF population. While it may be of particular benefit to those POF users with special needs, I don't think it would preclude everyone else from benefiting, as there are many of us who deal/know someone with a special need and may find such a forum useful as well.
As the OP points out, people with special needs are at a particular disadvantage than other generalized group of people. Since the main purpose of this site is for various forms of dating and relationships, I believe it makes sense to make forming these relationships a little easier for said individuals by providing a common "home" or gathering place.
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| Special Needs/Disabilities Forum needed!
Posted: 6/24/2008 4:57:20 PM | | I absolutely agree with the suggestion of a special needs/disabilities forum. As mentioned by the OP here, the individual in the profile review forum whom he is speaking of has stated numerous times that he feels a forum for others with special needs would be very helpful to him. This person's experience could be greatly helped by having a place to share his thoughts and issues with others who share similar concerns. A concerted effort in the profile review forum over a period of several months has been largely ineffective in helping him to improve his dating experience, there is simply a communication barrier that has proved difficult for all to get through, despite much effort to do so. A place where he could communicate with those who share the issues and concerns he faces could be very beneficial to him. I wholeheartedly believe that a forum created for those with special needs could be an overall positive improvement to this site and greatly enhance the dating experience of the individuals with special needs who would choose to participate. | |
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| Special Needs/Disabilities Forum needed!
Posted: 6/24/2008 5:32:49 PM | The idea of posting threads for help and such in the dating forums came up in his review thread but honestly if he posted questions there he'd likely either get ignored or laughed off, or the thread would get buried quickly.
It appears our friend Timothy has joined the battle here. Admin/mods, Timothy25 is the friend in question here. We feel a forum specifically for people of special needs, be it physically, mentally, emotionally, or what have you, would be beneficial to all in question because it would give them a place to feel accepted and to talk about issues relating directly to their problems, without having some people ridicule them as they are ignorant to the issues that present people with special needs. | |
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| Special Needs/Disabilities Forum needed!
Posted: 6/24/2008 5:40:43 PM |
We feel a forum specifically for people of special needs, be it physically, mentally, emotionally, or what have you, would be beneficial to all in question because it would give them a place to feel accepted and to talk about issues relating directly to their problems, without having some people ridicule them as they are ignorant to the issues that present people with special needs.
I couldn't agree more. A forum dedicated to those with special needs would fill this niche area, and be a place of support for those with special needs, such as Timothy. If over 45 and single parents can have their own forum, then surely special needs people can be accomodated. | |
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| Special Needs/Disabilities Forum needed!
Posted: 6/24/2008 6:01:43 PM | | Being an educator that works with special needs children, I couldn't agree more. So many people don't understand and are "scared" of the special needs stigma. | |
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| Special Needs/Disabilities Forum needed!
Posted: 6/24/2008 6:04:34 PM | Your the man Duece! This is a great idea! We as reviewers have learned something from this young man, the least of which was learning how to deal with the frustration we ALL felt trying to help him succede. If we had a place, where people such as our Demolition Man could come to meet others with similar challenges in life, I truly believe it would benefit many more, than simply the ones with specific challenges in life. We can ALL learn some from these very special indivduals, and this community would benefit greatly from it's existence.
I urge the administration to take action on this issue in a timely fashion. You go to great lengths to be "nondiscriminatory" let's take one more step to doing just that.
OFCB | |
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| Special Needs/Disabilities Forum needed!
Posted: 6/24/2008 6:25:44 PM | Having a separate forum for special needs is tricky.
There are several threads on "disclosing a disability," as in when to, how to, etc...
In one sense it might help people who want to be open about their "specialness," but in another sense, it might lead to a general misunderstanding that all people with special needs "should" go onto the "Special" section, and are withholding "important" information, or "lying" if they do not.
People often don't want to be stereotyped, and self-stereotyping can be seen as a lack of confidence. In some ways, putting yourself into a special forum can be like racial profiling. With race, you can't help but be put into a category, because your "difference" is plainly visible. But with invisible disabilities like Autism, Diabetes, and others, it might not make sense.
I am reminded of "Emo" and "Goth" and "Skinhead" stereotypes. They are self-stereotyping. It is a kind of uniform to wear. Or a kind of a mask to hide behind. It can say a lot about a person, but often the observers see very different things.
I am also concerned, as the parent of two teens with disabilities, that people might get taken advantage of by the scammers that appear here. | |
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| Special Needs/Disabilities Forum needed!
Posted: 6/24/2008 6:42:53 PM | Very well said OFCB! Well said.
Ideoform,
I see your concerns here and this issue has been raised by us in close conversation before. I've also had this situation likened to race, religion, and culture and that if we had a space for Special Needs folk then we'd need one for them too. That is NOT the case because while they have unique plights and issues they deal with that we don't have to sometimes they are able-bodied or -minded and understand the logistics of life. Those with special needs often don't. Maybe this site isn't the answer. Maybe there needs to be a site online that takes off. There are plenty but I believe most are pay sites and that is disgusting in my eyes.
Special needs are at just as much risk as the Lonely Hearts who post in the Help Me forums or those posting in the Broken Hearts section. They are vulnerable in a different way.
If we say threads in, say, Dating and Love Advice from someone with down syndrome how can we really offer any advice? We haven't walked in their shoes really. Someone with similar issues can be of some assistance. This is where a special needs forum would be beneficial. Plus it would allow like-minded individuals to interact with others like them and to find those with special needs in this haystack. | |
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| Special Needs/Disabilities Forum needed!
Posted: 6/24/2008 6:59:22 PM | I think that all of us with special needs using this site should reply to this thread but people tend to lie.
Those who we catch lying about the special needs or disabilities should be flagged and removed from the site.
I wouldn't state that I have those disabilities in my profile as none of us should. | |
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| Special Needs/Disabilities Forum needed!
Posted: 6/24/2008 7:12:04 PM | I am in the healthcare field, working with the mentally ill and totally back up each and everyone of you. Most of our country as no idea whats involved in working with anyone who has any form of "special needs", unless affected by a family member or its our job.
What is it that you need from all of us on POF. Count me in. Is there someone we can address or will they read it on here.
My hats off to the young man and his amazing courage to let us in on a very private matter.
I would be honored to help you and encourage you to speak up and fight for your rights. If you don't, no one else will.
As a mother of a challenged child and a nurse, please, we are really all the same, the doses are just different. Treat each and everyone of us with the same rights that you would want your own family members to have. Most of our special needs friends are so much more advanced than us. They live it , breath it and get it, we are the ones that don't.
Is there anyway to add any form of Educators to offer advice on all various "special needs" situations.
Best of luck to all.
My hats off.
Jai | |
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| Special Needs/Disabilities Forum needed!
Posted: 6/24/2008 7:33:48 PM | Hi Ideoform, I am able to see your point and understand your concerns. However, there are risks in this life, and there is unfortunately no way to get around those risks in many cases. I personally see this as one of those cases where the "gains" could potentually far outweigh the potentual "risks".
I realize this is very dependent upon perspective, and mine is certainly different than yours. But we have a young man here, that has couragously stepped to the plate, to in essense speak for ALL of the specially challenged individuals that could potentually benefit from this.
I need to be VERY clear here, the following sentence is not directed at you in ANY way, it is simlpy how I feel about it.
Personally, I couldn't look myself in the mirror if I did not do EVERYTHING within my ability to help him find what we all seek, undying love.
OFCB | |
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| Special Needs/Disabilities Forum needed!
Posted: 6/24/2008 7:50:37 PM | jaij,
The only person that can really help here is the admin/creator, Marcus. If enough people speak up who knows.
I think the problem herein lies with the support networks of those with special needs and not with the predators. People with special needs need to be fully informed and constantly reminded sometimes of the dangers and perils of life, and they should be taught to protect themselves. By this I mean anything from not taking rides or anything from strangers to not handing out personal information or financial data, and definitely not giving money to anyone. This should include family members too. It starts at the ground floor. This needs to be made clear with them on an ongoing, monitored basis to ensure their protection.
There will always be predators, but honestly if we are going to heed their warning we might as well lock up every woman and child in the world while we're at it, or neuter every boy at birth. Okay, that was a REALLY bad suggestion. I'm going home now... I dont' like this game any longer! | |
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| Special Needs/Disabilities Forum needed!
Posted: 6/24/2008 8:06:26 PM | I’d like to support Timothy in the effort to start a Forum/Community specifically for those with Special Needs. He has my utmost respect for reaching out and trying to do something about his situation; meet someone special- and has not given up! She’s out there, Timothy.
The issue has been raised regarding the potential targeting of these individuals if they are exposed in such a manner. Can we come up with some possible preventative solutions i.e. a filter allowing only other users with special needs to contact, should they choose?
There’s a need for such a forum. Let’s not let a few obstacles get in the way of it happening. | |
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| Special Needs/Disabilities Forum needed!
Posted: 6/24/2008 8:36:01 PM | I know of people that are special needs people and I personally have known someone for 18 years that is autistic as well as others that are in special needs.. I perfer not to use the words special needs, I perfer to use the word UNIQUE!! So yeah I agree 100% and will support and back this request up!
Take care everyone!
EVL | |
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| Special Needs/Disabilities Forum needed!
Posted: 6/24/2008 8:42:16 PM |
a filter allowing only other users with special needs to contact, should they choose?
This brings up again the very tricky issue of disclosure. The subject of his thread is HIMSELF unwilling to disclose his "specialness" on his profile -- why would he then participate in a forum that would only serve "out" him, possibly adding to the very discriminatory treatment he wishes to avoid?
It would be like having a forum for people with herpes. Yes, education on the subject is great, and many myths could be dispelled and fears put to rest in such a forum.
Who wants to start one?
Who will be the one to bell the cat? | |
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| Special Needs/Disabilities Forum needed!
Posted: 6/24/2008 8:46:01 PM | | He chooses not to post this disability in his profile, as per our suggestions in his review thread, because it would put him to the back of the line so to speak right off the hop. If he can manage to garner some interest from the woman then she may be a bit more accepting after a few minutes of chat than if he came out in an email and said "hey, my name is tim and I'm unique". | |
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| Special Needs/Disabilities Forum needed!
Posted: 6/24/2008 9:16:56 PM | My point is, posting in a "Special Needs" thread or having a filter that only allows messages from other "Special Needs" users will effectively render the issue of disclosure moot.
This question actually comes up quite regularly. "Do I tell her I'm in a wheelchair up front? Or let her find out when we meet?" "Do I reveal that I have Krohn's disease (or deafness or whatever different situation you like) ahead of time, or wait until later to tell?"
The fora are full of outraged threads of people who felt they should have been told up front about even the SLIGHTEST differences -- I read one where the indignant OP was complaining that his date had not revealed until they met that she had a *limp*. Or gosh, missing teeth, that's a dealbreaker. Balder than advertised. Fatter than advertised. Poorly dressed. Poorly groomed. History of depression. Heart condition. Autism. I've actually seen a profile that said, "No one on medication of any kind, sorry."
I don't think the OP should hide who he is, or be ashamed of it. I'm saying you either choose to stand up for who you are, be proud and have your special forum, or you don't, and you try to blend in the hope you will be accepted by the mainstream. I can't see how you can play it both ways. | |
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| Special Needs/Disabilities Forum needed!
Posted: 6/24/2008 9:26:21 PM | You can't really play it both ways. The problem here is people like Tim will likely never be accepted romantically in the mainstream under these circumstances. In real life possibly, but online there is just too much competition. I think he needs to target women of similar circumstance in order to be effective here, or sit on his hands and wait a long time and he's made it abundantly clear that that isn't an option he's willing to entertain. This would give him, and others like him, the opportunity to seize... an opportunity easier.
There have been a number of threads that we talked OPs looking for profile reviews who were in wheelchairs to hide the chair until email two or three to give them a fighting chance. The difference here is that a wheelchair does not render someone mentally deficient or socially inept. It makes things logistically difficult sometimes but otherwise they function as you and I would and often in much greater capacities. People with mental disabilities do not have this weapon at their disposal, and if they tried to hide the fact they'd likely be outed rather quickly. It's kind of akin to a drunk person trying to hide the fact that they are drunk. | |
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| Special Needs/Disabilities Forum needed!
Posted: 6/24/2008 9:34:03 PM | OK, I'll also be devil's advocate.
Is there any reason to suspect that this forum would be a success? Is there enough people here on POF who either are disabled or who want to deal with disabled to form a forum community that would be helpful to those who need it?
I just don't see it. I've dealt with several disabled people - the last thing I see from them is desire to form communities based on that disability. Sure, it helps sometimes to talk to someone who understands where you are in a way that only people who are alike can understand each other. But that is not enough to make a forum. Maybe a thread - I've seen several threads where people who have a particular disability discuss the experience of dealing with it. But, as I see it, they are not all that interested in dwelling on that issue - no more than the rest of us who are fighting with out various issues are willing to define ourselves by them.
There is an old expression "hard cases make for bad law". When you take a particular single instance and extrapolate it to a broad principle, you usually don't get it right. And I don't see this as anything other than a hard case. | |
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| Special Needs/Disabilities Forum needed!
Posted: 6/24/2008 9:58:37 PM | Seriously....
i would strongly object to this.
If you did this, you'd open up the floodgate for every special interest group, club group, sports group, ethic group, religious group, etc etc. to want a special forum for themself too.
I can not see a valid reason why this gate should be opened.
Beyond that, I additionally do not feel there would be much of a demand for it either. | |
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| Special Needs/Disabilities Forum needed!
Posted: 6/24/2008 10:04:24 PM |
There is an old expression "hard cases make for bad law". When you take a particular single instance and extrapolate it to a broad principle, you usually don't get it right. And I don't see this as anything other than a hard case.
I see your point Yev, the only flaw I see in it is how can we really know if this is in fact a "hard case"? Is it really possible to know for sure how much it would be used untill one tries? I would agree, it is certainly not going to be setting any records for "usage", but do these folks not deserve as level of a playing field as we are able to give them?
OFCB | |
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