| Profile review, please?
Posted: 6/24/2008 5:42:42 PM | Hi,
Would someone(s) here please be so kind as to review my profile and give constructive criticism? Would prefer a woman's eye view, but I've seen some o' you guys here giving good advice too, so I'll take all the feedback I can get. I'm a big boy, I can take it. 
Thanks,
B | |
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| Profile review, please?
Posted: 6/24/2008 6:37:25 PM | Username - It's not neccessarily unique or eye catching.
Headline - Again, not unqiue or eye catching (isn't that what 80%= of site users are doing?
Main Pic - I think it's good.
Pictures - You have a nice array of pictures, although the fire one goes against POF rules, since you are not clearly seen in it. Some people also feel pics of the kids are a no-no.
Interests - This is where you intererst go, plenty of room, list em! They become searchable, that's how people will find you!
About Me:
Tall, ruggedly handsome, fit, healthy, funny, divorced, & looking to live life again! I eventually do want to find a wonderful woman to walk hand-in-hand with through the rest of life... BUT everything on its own path at it's own pace, and dating's a great place to start!
Your height & divorced is listed above, let the ladies determine how handsome you are on their own. The rest of this is kind of fluff (and everything before a but is negated by the use of a but).
Here's what you can leave as the "middle" of your about me, everything else list in interests without the commentary. Turn this into story/sentence form.
* Helping coach my sons' little league baseball teams (GO REEDVILLE RED! All the way to State!) - this is where a good portion of my "free time" goes.
* Dining (everything from little hole-in-the-wall joints with great atmosphere, great food, and friendly people up to more upscale places - just depends on the mood, and I'm equally comfortable with 'em all)
* The Oregon Coast (fishing, crabbing, long walks & talks with a special someone, beachcombing, campfires/bonfires, and watching the sun sink into the sea as the stars materialize overhead)
* Sleeping under the stars (particularly with the wind whispering through a surrounding forest)
* A quiet dinner, a nice glass of wine or heady beer, a good movie, and cuddling work just fine for me too. :-)
BUT, if you're really into dancing/clubbing/partying, I'm probably not the guy for you.
again with the but... I see you're using it a filter, but personally, I'd remove it.
Your "more about me" section, should really go at the top, and be in paragraph form where you are describing WHO you are, your personality etc...
I think most of the commentary listed for Stable, Committed, Devoted Father should be removed and saved for email communication. You listed your "philosophy" twice down there in Relationship Philosopy, and in affection. Turn what's left into a nice little paragraph at the top.
Turn On/Turn Offs - I'd ditch the turn off's altogether, and use the turn-ons as a basis for a paragraph at the end About HER.
I don't think the invite to drop you a line is needed... I don't think your joke about using a free site was as humorous as you wanted it to be.
Your bold Single/Divored.... most of that can be setup in mail settings (ie don't accept all those other things people are "looking for", and then manually weed out the rest.
First Date - You really blew it here man. This is your last chance to hook her and get her excited about spending time with you. You need to list some specific examples of what you might plan for a first date, so it will help her guage hwo much she'd enjoy it (we do want her to enjoy it right?) A generic one like you list, while felexible, isn't going to leave her excited about her prospects, and thus she may move on without emailing you, if she was interested up to this point.
Good Luck!
-D4GL | |
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| Profile review, please?
Posted: 6/24/2008 6:41:57 PM | EXCELLENT feedback, driven4agoodlife. That's exactly the kind of feedback I was hoping to hear - being new to this and all. I'll take it all under heavy consideration.
Please folks, keep it coming...
B | |
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| Profile review, please?
Posted: 6/24/2008 6:48:16 PM | First off, I like your photo with the red beard. Very festive!
I also think it's great that you write alot about yourself and your activities. A woman who's reading your profile, really thinking about getting into a relationship, not just causal "dating" whatever that means these days, could really imagine your typical day.
I disagree with D4GL that you should remove "handsome." Of course, a lady will decide for herself if she thinks you're handsome, but it doesn't hurt to know YOU think you're handsome. Because you don't seem arrogant otherwise, I think it's attractive and confident to say you think you're handsome.
I do agree that you should remove, "if you're really into clubbing/dancing/partying" I don't think a party girl would read your profile that far down anyway. The woman who would read your profile and date you, may want to go clubbing once every 4 years on a lark to feel like they're in college again, otherwise, I doubt there's a danger. It just sounds a little like you are anticipating friction before there is any.
If you added one thing, I'd suggest adding a separate paragraph, early on, assuring you're potential lady friend that even though you're active and involved in lots of activities, you'd always make time for a special lady. And then write something that is emotional and not so descriptive.
In general, I think you're in pretty good shape as far as the profile goes.
Good luck  | |
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| Profile review, please?
Posted: 6/24/2008 6:51:35 PM | | Oh, and I'd loose the parts about "stable" "committed" and "real." Alot of that is first date talk, once you get that far. (Or even second date talk) and "real" doesn't mean much to someone reading a profile. | |
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| Profile review, please?
Posted: 6/24/2008 6:59:31 PM | Looks as if the previous two replies will get you close. Post back to this thread when you are ready for round two.
Best wishes
OFCB | |
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| Profile review, please?
Posted: 6/24/2008 7:34:40 PM | You folks are really wonderful. I'm glad I decided to ask for the review, and I really appreciate the feedback. Thank you.
I'll post again when it's ready for Round 2.
B | |
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| Profile review, please?
Posted: 6/24/2008 10:33:48 PM | Alright, I changed my user name and my tag-line, and removed a few of the pics (to be replaced with better ones up to my limit as soon as I can dig 'em up.
Still working on a bunch of the other stuff...
B | |
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| Profile review, please?
Posted: 6/25/2008 1:43:52 AM | Well, it's probably what I'd call "rev. 1.5", but I'm done working on it for tonight (which has been on and off between chores). Still need to "story-ize" the (now much shorter) list of other things I enjoy.
Tear it up.
Thanks,
B | |
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| Profile review, please?
Posted: 6/25/2008 1:54:06 AM | Well I didn't see your old user name but I think you can do better. I felt like I was solving a puzzle to work out what you were getting at and I would not take the time to do that while scanning profiles.
Tag line is off putting- change it.
Ruggedly handsome, active, fit, healthy, funny, sincere
List are almost meaningless and it is never a good idea to comment on your own looks when there is a photo.
I'd put the last paragraph near the top. Who you are is important and should not be buried at the bottom. Very good job on this section. | |
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| Profile review, please?
Posted: 6/25/2008 10:03:27 AM | I would say,
if you cut down that vast list of interests to around 10 things that females would generally like, you would do massively better, Since you're about:me seems pretty good. Probably some tweaking needed that other people will point out. | |
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| Profile review, please?
Posted: 6/25/2008 12:05:56 PM | I suggest removing "massages" and "hot tubs."
queue cheesy 70s music as the guy in the velour robe and handlebar mustache emerges from behind his beaded curtain, >>Bam chicka boim boim. <<
That is perhaps "second date" discussion topics. | |
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| Profile review, please?
Posted: 6/28/2008 4:33:35 PM | Hi all,
Well, it's still in progress (major work yet to do on the About Me section), but I've made a lot of improvements to it so far (particularly in the First Date section). Please take a look and let me know what you think now.
I really appreciate the constructive criticism,
B | |
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| Profile review, please?
Posted: 6/29/2008 4:47:06 AM | Hi All,
OK, it's done. Ready for Round 2. I'm personally very happy with it - I think it says everything it needs to say (and not much it doesn't). I'd really appreciate hearing from all of you who have provided feedback so far, but also from the ladies here who haven't commented yet.
Thanks again for all your help!
B | |
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| Profile review, please?
Posted: 6/29/2008 8:18:29 AM | B, I'd add some paragraph breaks to your First Date section, as presently it's hard to read.
Like this.
Or even this.
Your pics are good, but your main is almost more arms than face. Can you re-crop? Go for a square affect, which shows up best in the thumbs. The pose is fine, but we're losing forehead.
Got any taken outside, at the Oregon coast? (Your description took me back; I used to live in Montana and greatly enjoyed visits further west. Mmmm, Columbia river and waterfalls.)
HTH | |
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| Profile review, please?
Posted: 6/29/2008 3:27:46 PM | Hi veloise,
Thanks for taking a look at it and giving me your feedback. I appreciate it a lot.
Yes, I definitely need to add some paragraph breaks in the First Date section. I don't know what I was thinking just running it on and on like that.
Unfortunately, there's nothing I can do about the missing forehead in my main pic - I just wasn't centered in the picture when it was taken. I'm not trying to hide my hairline - it started running away from my face when I was 18 so I've had lots of time to get used to it. Next weekend I'll be getting together with a gal I met right here so we can take "profile pics" of each other to help each other out. If I get any good ones out of it, I'll post 'em.
Yeah, I have plenty of pictures taken at the coast... but none with me clearly visible in them (I've always been the one taking the pics down there) so posting them to my profile would be a violation of PoF.com rules. I already took one down on driven4agoodlife's recommendation.
I'm adding the paragraph breaks to my First Date section now. Any other feedback you may have would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks!
B | |
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| Profile review, please?
Posted: 6/29/2008 3:42:24 PM | Hi B!
Looks like I'm coming in a little late. Seems you've refined it quite a bit.
Photos of children are not verboten. Leave it in. The red beard is hysterical!
You write and express yourself well. And you're smiling. Some gents on this site look like the're suffering from indigestion.
You've posted lots of interests and ideas. Keep fishing. She's there somewhere : )
~~b | |
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| Profile review, please?
Posted: 6/29/2008 3:54:26 PM | I would have responded to your profile in a second... if I could have gotten past the part that says "doesn't want kids" haha... :) So you could always decide to have more kids, then you'd get more responses  | |
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| Profile review, please?
Posted: 6/29/2008 4:21:51 PM | | It's too long. I like the pic, but when i scroll down to the description, it looks dauntingly long. if you are going to make it this long, at least sort out the most important stuff and put that clearly first and make paragraphs. Sorry i could not be bothered to read it, it looked like it will take 2 hours and will be hard work to make heads and tails off. | |
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| Profile review, please?
Posted: 6/29/2008 5:36:58 PM | OP,
It's good to see you've been making changes....
I like a lot of the things you've done thus far, so I'll stick to pointing out what I believe still needs some work :)
About me:
You have 4 big paragraphs about the things you enjoy, thus, making this profile very long to read (and I know - worth it in your eyes...) I recommend trimming these down to 2 paragraphs, and saving many of the details and/or rest of it for later emails.
You also failed to describe HER, who are looking for at all. There should be a paragrapgh at the end that describes her personality, the type you are attracted to - and why you two would get along.
First Date:
You have some GREAT ideas here, but... you come across as indecisive and not confident that you can just run with something and believe it will be "good enough" for her, and unable to make a decision on this on your own. I recommending picking your two favorite date ideas (paragraphs) and run with those... (Keep in mind, you can always suggest these other ideas via email once you guys know a little more about each other and you decide what might fit you two the best)
In essence, pare this down some, but you've come a long way, and I'm oroud of you for that! I hope you're seeing more views/messages, etc, and that ultimately it all works for you.
-D4GL | |
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| Profile review, please?
Posted: 6/29/2008 8:04:27 PM | [quote=napleslex]
So you could always decide to have more kids, then you'd get more responses
Um... no... I couldn't... That decision's already been made, if you know what I mean. 
B | |
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| Profile review, please?
Posted: 6/30/2008 3:21:01 AM | hi. i liked that you had a lot of information in your profile, but i thought it was a bit too long. i would delete the first paragraph entirely, because it sounds as if you are apologizing or something akin to that, i can't find the right word.
you sound like a wonderful person. i hope you find that special someone soon. | |
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| Profile review, please?
Posted: 7/1/2008 3:32:53 AM | Whew! OK, I think I've finally achieved a nice balance of detail and brevity on this thing. Please feel free to take another look and tell me you agree! :-)
Thanks once again for all your help, folks.
B | |
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| Profile review, please?
Posted: 7/20/2008 9:37:17 PM | | There are always ways around that ;) adoption, etc. Either way, I want kids, (doesn't have to be natural, I'm not getting any younger so I recognize natural might not happen) but I won't respond to someone who doesn't want kids. :) | |
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| Profile review, please?
Posted: 7/24/2008 11:36:08 AM | Question: Is a pic of me in long camo shorts & baseball cap, but no shirt, acceptable here?
B | |
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