| Just for giggles.......
Posted: 6/24/2008 6:16:26 PM | Generic Female Profile
I am a real woman, honest, friendly, good hearted, open minded, down to earth, easy going and a little shy until you get to know me. I like kittens, sunset walks on the beach, rainstorms and love to laugh. I enjoy books, music, movies and good food.
I am as comfortable dressed to nines or in jeans and a T shirt. I like going out for a night on the town or staying in to cuddle on the couch and watch a movie.
I know what I want and am tired of the game players, cheaters, liars and fake people.
If you want to meet a really nice woman, please drop me a line so we can chat.
Generic Male Profile
I’m not any good at these things, so if you’ll just ask, I’ll tell you anything you want to know. Please contact me so we can chat.
What Men Want
Men want the woman who models part-time for Victoria’s Secret just for some spending money while working on her doctorate in Nuclear Physics. She hasn't had time to make space for her Nobel Prize or her Pulitzer on her bookshelf, hasn't taken her degrees to be framed yet, as she's busy volunteering at the SPCA and homeless shelter soup kitchen.
She's also a diagnosed nympho, former gymnast and made the Olympic team but had to go to Europe because she's first chair violinst with the Euopean Master Orchestra. She's the only child of elderly wealthy parents who own a sporting goods store, boat dealership, a chain of motels, hardware and liquor stores and a shooting range.
What Women Want
Women want the man who models part-time for Calvin Klein jockeys just for extra spending money while working on his doctorate in Mechanical Engineering. He hasn't had time to make space for his Nobel Prize or his Pulitzer on his bookshelf, hasn't taken his degrees to be framed yet, as he's busy volunteering at the nursing home and hosting a charity telethon.
He's also a diagnosed nympho (whatever the male version if there IS one), former weight lifting/martial arts champion and made the Olympic team but had to go to Europe because he's a consultant with the European Union. He's the only child of elderly wealthy parents who own a chain of designer shoe stores, day spas, ladies’ clothing stores, gourmet restaurants, European Chocolate specialty shops, maid services, lawn care and car detailing businesses. | |
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| Just for giggles.......
Posted: 6/26/2008 5:26:22 PM | Thanks guys...uhh..I mean ladies!! 
What the hey, may as well put the start of a comedic/humorous rewrite of the Profile Writing Tips (things you really wanna say but don't...) So here goes nuttin......
Profile Writing Tips– Part Deux…(or is that DUH..)
Okay, gloves are off, this is the HUMOR section. No whining or running to Momma. You know you are doing or have done one of these things, if you don’t tell anyone, they won’t know. I’d suggest you keep it private.
Let’s start off with headlines.
Yeah I know…gotta put one up. So think of something will ya? Don’t just throw something up, because throw up is usually the operative word. (I’m too nice to say barf..) Which is my reaction to reading some…or a clicking spasm…get that off the screen.
Headlines serve the same purpose as they do in media. You know the things other people read…magazines, newspapers…articles. A title to a book, it’s a second to capture attention or kill it….do I have to say which happens most often,,,good...Didn’t think I had to. Okay the last time you flipped through a magazine or a newspaper, which articles did you decide to read? Yeah..you’re getting the idea. Well maybe… I’m such the optimist!!
If you’re midway through a paragraph and think why am I reading this stuff…look at the headline. It drew you in. Got your curiosity stirred. That’s your goal. Something DIFFERENT at least…creative is good.
Words not to never, EVER use in a headline…
Wanting
Waiting
Seeking
Desiring
Hoping
Wishing
Looking
Searching
Any synonmyns I may have forgotten…
And if you say longing…or long for…I will send Guido with rolled up newspaper to whack you on the nose. Don’t FEED him! (I think I made my point) AND if you’re over the age of 25 and put “lookin4u” or anything that resembles that .…the chloroform, rag and duct tape comes out, yes it’s dark in the trunk…...it’s for your OWN good! You can thank me and the staff later…and you will. Trust me on that…. if you want to get out of the trunk.
Now…moving on if you follow one of those abhorrent words/phrases with…any of the following..(pay attention!)
my best friend (they have pet stores…buy one)
good
good hearted (check with their cardiologist..sigh)
nice…(I’m having to reach for the Aleve)
soul mate (my head is POUDING…now…working up to a brain aneurysm…you trying to KILL me?)
partner in crime (AKK…if my head could explode…ehhh)
If you write that…you don’t need a partner, you already committed a crime IMO. Not to worry, not a law against it yet…but oh make my DAY! If I get elected and become a congresswoman…ehh and yeah I would.
Okay…now it’s gonna get easier for awhile.
Just questions…questions of fact. FACTS, if you need to get out a dictionary to look up the word, well best log off before Mommy and Daddy come home and find you’re not doing your homework.
These are things you know, things that appear on IDs and paperwork ….. Ray Charles would see it…everyone else will, too. Not many need a laugh that bad, but we will snicker as we click on. Past yours.
Prefer not to say…guarantees you’ll get more turndowns than the bedspreads at Hotel 6. PNTS…doesn’t mean you can’t decide…it just means you’d like to lie about it and would, and think anyone browsing your profile is gullible enough not to notice.
HA! Think again… PNTS will make your inbox full of cobwebs. Deal with it! If you have to be put back in the trunk…again…could you see if you can find that big flashlight? I’d appreciate it, the lantern one. And the shovel is there, because I like to plants things..flowers. Got a problem with that? Tell Guido…he loves the flowers. (psst…his name’s not really Guido…but he’s very sensitive about his “given name” and you don’t wanna make him mad …ever.) He gets very upset when I ask him to bring me the bottle of Aleve. You’ve been warned.
That's all I've got for now, may finish it sometime....
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| Just for giggles.......
Posted: 6/26/2008 8:02:16 PM | Here is the profile I would love to write!
Warm-hearted Satanist Looking for the Devil
My hobbies include: Satanic rituals, animal sacrifice, black magic, Bible study, and collecting crochet toilet holders. I am a bit on the large side and have my own zip code. You will have no problem finding me. I have a listing on Google maps and Mapquest. There is just more of me to love!
I am looking for a good Christian man, because I am having problems in my Bible study class. The King James version of the Bible is rather tricky so only Protestants need apply. Roman Catholics and Orthodox Christians are not as up to speed as the Bible thumpers. I know the right Christian can save me! The Buddists and Hindus were a bit on the wimpy side.
Please drop me a line! | |
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| Just for giggles.......
Posted: 6/26/2008 8:52:58 PM | toomuch I LOVE IT!! Oh good Lord (sorry, no offense) have to change my shirt....reeling from pain...Diet Pepsi burns when it's shot out of your nose.  Not complaining..it's great, I'd love to see it.
Wha a great idea, ....funny profiles you'd like to write. Hmm...wheels spinning...(hea the little hamster feet pounding?)  | |
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| Just for giggles.......
Posted: 6/26/2008 9:39:04 PM | Women's dream date:
Tell her she's pretty
Take her to a nice restaurant
Buy her flowers
Look only at her
Tell her she's beautiful
Buy her things
Tell her she's the only one for you....
Man's dream date:
Show up naked w/beer. | |
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| Just for giggles.......
Posted: 6/26/2008 10:12:30 PM | You like that one, Bucsgirl. Heres another one:
Sweet Thing Looking for Her Sugar Daddy
I am a perfectly purportioned 24 year-old blue-eyed blonde who loves the finer things in life, as long as someone else provides them for me. I love spray tans, hair extensions, pink everything, NASCAR, and my toy poodle Spike. I am a captivating Pisces who hates mean people and nasty weather.
I am looking for a kind, wealthy, generous, senile, elderly, and impotent gentleman. Think a richer Hugh Hefner and you get the picture. In exchange for your kindness, I will tell you how great you are and what a stud muffin you are with the right blue pills. I'll let you slobber on my double DDs and fall alseep in my lap. I get teary just thinking about it!
Your candy girl awaits!
P.S. No offense to any Pisces.
P.S.S. Pisces fit with the fish theme.  | |
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| Just for giggles.......
Posted: 6/27/2008 3:54:46 PM | chaaoos0013 Ahh...yes, a classic!!
Gotta love it...you ladies are awesome. 
I love all of it toomuch, such imagination.
I have written and posted many profiles...getting to post my own "classic" again...well he asked nicely.
That's the thing, if you're not having fun, then what's the point? I write profiles and post them for my own enjoyment and entertainment. I suggest it strongly, it's been a total HOOT! Do it, what do you have to lose?  | |
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| Just for giggles.......
Posted: 7/22/2008 6:11:33 PM | Bucs - you're too funny!!!! Nothing worse than a little gas up the nose  Hey, some of the profiles I've seen on POF, I wish more were written like some of these above! | |
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| Just for giggles.......
Posted: 7/22/2008 6:42:49 PM | Weekend Wannabe Rock Star Looking for Groupie
Hey ladies, how’s it going. What can I say, music is my life outside of my 3 jobs. I play guitar with my band, haven’t come up with a name yet. I only know 4 chords, and it was hard finding songs, so I wrote a few of my own. Don’t sing real well either, so I just play louder. Our drummer’s really good though he just has a hard time finding a place to live.
I’m looking for a woman who’s willing to share my dreams and some day the life of a rockstar. I know we’re gonna make it big, may take awhile but you won’t be sorry. (If you know how to tune a guitar, that’ll be worth a few bonus points.) When I get to be the next Eric Clapton, you will be my Leelah or Laya. | |
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| Just for giggles.......
Posted: 8/13/2008 7:09:29 PM | I have to go and change my headline right after I'm done with this post. Yes, my dear Lady Bucsgirl, I followed you here. Thank you for your kind words.
How's this for a Headline:
Open-Minded Buddhist Who Doesn't Brainwash Christian Women Is Seeking Open-minded Woman Who Doesn't Brainwash Buddhist Men
Yeah, I can already tell it needs some drastic attention!
Shakes | |
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| Just for giggles.......
Posted: 8/13/2008 10:55:48 PM | Control Freak Needs A Slave
I am a kind-hearted man who needs a woman who knows the power of submission. I want an intelligent woman who can understand that I am her God. That is God with a capital "G." I am wealthy, fit, attractive, and do not need to post a photo to show this. Believe that I am all there is. Please do not contact me if you have thoughts that do not revolve around me, even though you don't know me, or have any dreams of your own. I shall be enough for you. | |
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| Just for giggles.......
Posted: 8/14/2008 10:45:02 AM | Looking for a 39 year old virgin with experience in bed!
I am a below average height male, pasty, pale skin with a bit of a hump back, think Quazzy Moto from that movie. I am not packing, but I will give you the best 30 seconds of your life, have no job, no car. I can not offer you the fine cheeses and wine, as I prefer Easy Cheese and moonshine. I have one blue eye and one green eye, so I can be perfect, if you stand on the write side of me. I need a woman who wants the jealous type, because if I see you talk to another man, I will cut off his twig and berries. And I do tend to hang out with models, so if you don't fit into at least a size 2 with some great DDs, then you might feel intimidated. I love curling ( IT IS TOO A SPORT) and want to create my own league some day.
If you find me as irresitable as I think you might, then drop me line!
Please include the following:
-Yearly salary
-Bra size
-how many dates until sex
-how many dates until 3rd base
-type of car you drive
-bank account number
Thanks! | |
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| Just for giggles.......
Posted: 8/17/2008 3:26:12 AM | What men get
soft spot on couch
beer tv remote
SOD
What they say they want
hiking partner
to talk and make you laugh
SOD
What we tell them they will get | |
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| Just for giggles.......
Posted: 8/17/2008 1:50:04 PM | Prisoner of Love Seeks Cell Mate
I am a simple woman. I am looking for a kind, decent, and loving man. I have so much love to give the right man. I have many interests such as, knitting, Hubbel figure collecting, washing machine maintenance, and am president of Prisoner Pen Pals. Due to the untimely death of my last husband, I am looking for a man who is not incarcerated.
Thank you for reading my profile. | |
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| Just for giggles.......
Posted: 8/17/2008 4:02:00 PM | | Hey bucsgirl. Just to funny. I really wish they would let me have four or five profiles. Just to cover all the bases. But it all comes back to bring beer and get naked. | |
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| Just for giggles.......
Posted: 8/17/2008 9:52:09 PM | Married Male 57 seeks Women for intellectual conversations via email. Must have web cam and big boobs. I am available during the day while the wife is at work, and late at night after she goes to bed.
Male 98 seeking female companion. I enjoy sky diving, mountain climbing, bull fighting, and scrabble. I am looking for someone who enjoys life on the edge and can change diapers without gagging.
Male 45 seeks women. She must be in perfect physical shape, young, attractive, and easy. I currently live with my mom, but she is taking the bus to Las Vegas this weekend so hurry and respond before then.
Female 49 seeks man between 19-29 to assist in various projects. Good pay, good benefits. Please send measurements to cougar1959@flashit.com
Male 54 seeks my perfect mate. I dont have much hair on my head, but click here to see my motorcycle. I have long dark hair on my butt and back...click here to see my corvette. I take regular showers twice a month...click here to see my boat. I have a mouthful of 8 teeth...click here to see my truck. You must be in perfect shape and have big boobs. | |
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| Just for giggles.......
Posted: 8/28/2008 10:26:59 PM | | ok i have it me........................i tried to post this but it wouldent let me | |
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