| kinda dating a woman in a relationship
Posted: 6/24/2008 8:51:44 PM | | i am active in a womans life who has a boyfriend and a kid thats not hers . we talk and hang out and have kissed and made out /fooled around , i have tried to push her away and that didnt work. we could of slept together but we kinda have a little morals left. she is only 26 but this has been on and off for 5 years we are in love but she cares about his son and he is not the best parent which i think is our issue? | |
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| kinda dating a woman in a relationship
Posted: 6/24/2008 10:15:34 PM | Ok op just what are u trying to say?...Am i missing something here casue i really dont get the point to this thread.
In my opinion if you were "in love" she wouldnt have a boyfriend.
So what she loves you but staying with this guy ,casue he has a kid that she really cares about? | |
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| kinda dating a woman in a relationship
Posted: 6/24/2008 10:29:06 PM | No.. the issue is op... if she loved you and wanted to be with you she would be... after 5 years...
we are hearing your side only..... youve essentially preoccupied yourself for 5 years with someone elses woman... insert excuse here..................>>>>>>>...........(this particular excuse is a kid..... could insert over 50 excuses here ..its the same scenario)
on why anyone in a relationship dosent leave for the backup person...
it sounds like... she gets sex/home/son with her man....
and whenever she needs to talk/be emotionally heard she comes to you...
and while you post threads stating what you have?....... do you in anyway think a sane .. loving woman would want to get entangled in your life?
b/c she would end up in your position ......... ie youve got feelings for someone else so emotionally unavailable....... they would be a human object to fullfill all your other needs your not getting as back up.... to the woman...you hold so dear...
end result.. its been 5 years...
if you dont move on soon it might be 10 years...
and you woulda missed the boat...
up to you... but please... you should tell anyone interested in you... that you are already hung up on someone elses woman...
good luck in your future choices and fantasies on how it could be
ohh the joys of imagination and fantasy filling that lonely space inside the mind ..that thoughts turn to them.. the safe untouchables.... .. never to meet with reality... which requires ... well reality..... fantasies are for when your older... and past it...... not for wasting your youth on...
5 years op..... 5 years....
lifes going by fast...
smiles/peace | |
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| kinda dating a woman in a relationship
Posted: 6/24/2008 10:39:43 PM | i have tried to push her away and that didnt work.[/quote} if shes not prepared to be with you after 5 years... you have not pushed her away... this whole situation reeks of delusion/ fantasy.... thats ok.. you can play this game..... forever.... but realise reality/life is passing you by.. and btw....... the disrespect to the guy.. from you and her... well........ says alot hey? cutting ties with someone takes guts/character... going behind peoples backs and excuses etc... dosent take character...... its very easy to figure out.... your making choices.. based on what?.. nowhere sounds like respect or love... your the backup guy....... pure and simple between you and him she gets her needs fullfilled.... all she has to do is keep feeding you hope.... and continuosly compare you to him..... ie of course i love you ... im just with him cause of the kid... b/c you want her... you believe the crap.... fantasy... smiles/peace  | |
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| kinda dating a woman in a relationship
Posted: 6/25/2008 12:12:36 AM | ^ doing the best for the child never includes wh*ring around....just saying......
whether or not the guy is the best father in the world , it's not in the best interest of anyone (her, you, him ,the kid) for them to still be together if she's cheating on him with you.. | |
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| kinda dating a woman in a relationship
Posted: 6/25/2008 12:13:08 AM | | all very true i guess ill expose the woman he is cheating on her with and cute my ties your right to wrongs does not make it right but it did pass time and fill the single void when i was not dating someone else | |
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| kinda dating a woman in a relationship
Posted: 6/25/2008 12:30:16 AM | | i agree and have normal views and have not wasted my life on this . i am raising my daughter without her mother n that kids real mom is also a screw up . her or i are not devious mean or hurtfull people . my daughter comes first and i own my buisness and i am content in life but ask yourself this is the cup half full or half empty who is to say that this is not your normal man woman affair maybe it could be different i have studied enough pysch. i was looking on ways to exploit or expose further positive or ending development . without it turning messy or violent , and with love there is friendship and etc... | |
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| kinda dating a woman in a relationship
Posted: 6/25/2008 12:52:57 AM | op.. i never said you were wasting your life... i said wasting your youth....... ie....
while your still young if you were heart/emotionally free... which by your thread your not.. your in love with a woman of 26 whos with another man...
these youth years... will change when your older in finding a mate.... (trust me they do) and if you dont think men go through age related life cycles... trust me they do...
can older people find mates? yes some can if emotionally free to do so.... (but your not you say your in love)
or if the mates available.... are willing to ... well mate...
havent you noticed alot of people have a life.... and just want too... >>>insert human here..>>>> for whatever they feel is lacking.. in their lives? (hello.... its called selfishness not love... replaceable objects... ohh what a selfish society its become.....)
bottom line ..... if your happy with the way things are... (please read threads on being the other person and the myriad of reasons.. of why they dont leave..... this is 5 years.. not 6 mnths or a year... its 5...)... ( and ask any of them that missed out forming normal loving relationships with others over the many years they spent being the other person..) do they regret it .. at the end of the day when after years they had no relationship and spent years being 2nd choice...
how old is this child?.(unless the kid is like 2... it will feel it all around them how adults.. lie.... not be honest re emotions/relationships etc..)
a child whos 26 year old stepmother is emotionally saying she loves another man.... and you say the father is with another woman.... you dont think an intelligent being dosent pick up on that? cause unless shes totally cold to the father...her partner the kid is gunna know theres no love....or she shows caring to the dad as well as the kid....
see op... alot of us have heard this scenario before... so... once the kids grown up..
do you think she is all of a sudden going to be yours?
regardless... this thread shows everyone your heart and mind are with someone else...
what could you possibly offer to a woman worthy of a full loving relationship?
i mean your profile says you want to date?..
any normal woman wanting a normal man/woman give/take relationship... would run a mile.. b/c from your own words.. your in love with someone...( so what are you looking for here? someone to insert in your life to fullfill the needs your not getting from the woman who you both supposedly love each other?
groans audibly...
its very standard op... as i suggested read the im the other woman or other man threads.. its so .... 3 tier relo... standard.. crap...
this sounds no different... as i said insert>>>>>>>>> excuse why the other person wont leave primary relo... to be with yes you the 3rd party...
good luck...
wasting your youth.. i mean if you truly want an equal relationship based on love/trust..... then set that eg to your daughter..
if you have to hide anything in life .. theres usually ... an excuse why ..
the child supposedly being protected by the 26 year old ... what is the eg she and he and you are setting?
up to you.. i got no judgement onya... just saying it like it is.. reality...
smiles/peace | |
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| kinda dating a woman in a relationship
Posted: 6/25/2008 1:07:43 AM | | Ok, you are a moron? who cares about morals? If it bothers you that much you should not be dating her if that is your moral highground otherwise... you are simply a moron! Here's what you do tell her to dump her boyfriend and go out with you and ditcht he kid that is not hers. Be a homer wrecker and start a new home and famil;y with her. She is obviously not happy with her current relationshipt o be fooling around with you. Her boyfriend is not your friend and you ahve no loyalty to him correct? Ok so then steal her away! Nothing mroally wrong with making her yours. unles she's married then its a differnt story in which you should cease contact. I hate people who claim to be morally or ethically superior to others. Its BS! | |
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| kinda dating a woman in a relationship
Posted: 6/25/2008 1:09:16 AM | | i agree if i truly loved her i wouldnt be asking this question. but being im in sales and a sag i like to fix things and make it work . as for dating thats just it its called dating for a reason i dont cheat if you read what i said (on and off) when i was dating someone i am all about putting 100% into everything i do and i have never cheated and never will yes that sounds out of line given my thread but life happens . I am going to cut this relation off . and the thread does not show that im incapable of love or that im in love it shows i care and value that there might be good people still out there not negative people that only see it as half full . best wishes and thanks for the opinion. | |
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| kinda dating a woman in a relationship
Posted: 6/25/2008 1:13:38 AM | hey op... no ones been negative to you... just told it like it is from what words you posted.. you said your in love... to the average person that says your cup is already full..
so if your seeing half full... yes you.. maybe its b/c you got a woman in your glass you say loves you and you love.. but she aint filling your glass..
your words.. you love each other..
b/c someone says a few home truths dosent equate to negativity..
what did you expect .. someone to say?
your glass from your words are half full. of drama..
smiles/peace | |
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| kinda dating a woman in a relationship
Posted: 6/25/2008 1:14:13 AM | | thats what im going to do , and no not a moron just sometimes you get to close and dont see the full pic . thanks for the advice ladies. | |
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| kinda dating a woman in a relationship
Posted: 6/25/2008 1:19:21 AM | no op.. your not a moron... you gave your feelings/love to someone who refuses to return them. to full extent..
its hard once your emotionally involved and the cycle keeps going.. year after year..
unless ties are cut and healing occurs you cant be emotionally available for someone who might just return love in a normal... relationship..
be first or be last .. but if your waiting to be first here after 5 years....
then your given your power away.. just waiting... waiting ... waiting...
i hope you choose to heal.. and create a loving relationship for yourself and your daughter.. one that is trustworthy .. give/take.. mutual .. loving.. honest..
etc..
good luck op.... it hurts but...
i think you and your daughter are worth more ..
families are nice
smiles/peace | |
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| kinda dating a woman in a relationship
Posted: 6/25/2008 1:21:53 AM | | THANKS FOR THE ADVICE NO NEGATIVITY MEANT TOWARDS YOU , I WAS RAISED AS A FIGHTER AND FIND THE BEST IN EVERYTHING AND THAT IS IN MY VIEW WHY THE WORLD IS THE WAY IT IS NO ONE TRIES HARD ENOUGH ANYMORE BEST OF LUCK TO YOU. LIFE IS TO SHORT NOT TO TRY AND BE ABLE TO WALK ON WITH KNOWING YOU DID YOUR BEST. THANKS AGAIN. | |
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| kinda dating a woman in a relationship
Posted: 6/25/2008 9:32:43 AM | | You deserve a woman that is 100% dedicated to you alone. This 26 year old is confused, disrespectful and yes Cheating as are you. You and your little girl deserve far more out of life than a woman that strings you along and plays games. | |
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| kinda dating a woman in a relationship
Posted: 6/25/2008 9:53:21 AM | Keith, I want to applaud your decision to end this on-going affair. From your last two posts, at least, I understand that you've decided to cut off this relationship. And I think that is a wise decision.
While it's true that the women you've been involved with is not married, it sounds like she's been very involved with her boyfriend during the entire time you two have been "kissing and fooling around," etc. Ergo, she's been cheating on her boyfriend. There are numerous threads filled with the experiences of those who've been cheated on, and those who've decided to give a cheater a chance and then been cheated on, in turn. You and your female friend have been cheating. When someone chooses to get emotionally and/or physically intimate with a 3rd party when they are already involved in a relationship, that is cheating in my book. And you're cheating too. You're cheating yourself, and you're cheating your daughter.
Since you indicated that you've decided to cut off this relationship, you might well wonder why I re-hashed all that just now... Here's why: if you're tempted to go back to that emotional comfort zone (into the arms of your female friend), just think what message that sends to your daughter. Depending on her age, she may be oblivious to your extra-curricular activities, but it's likely that she's not. And, later on in life when you, as her primary parent, have the task to explain how to treat people when you're in a relationship, your own behavior now will likely be her starting point for questions. You teach your daughter with your actions, by your example, much more than you will ever teach her by instruction.
Finally, think of how much you could have and could now give to your daughter if you were to choose an available woman to date for 5 years. Think of what might exist now, if you had chosen to find someone, 5 years ago, with whom you could have enjoyed a mutual attraction, emotional and mental intimacy, and built a relationship that might now be close to permanent if not already committed in marriage. You life is your own to make choices, but you have to know that absence of decisions is a decision by default, too. Nobody's saying you don't have the right to love and pursue who you want to. But if you decided that you'd really like to build and enjoy one-on-one intimate space with someone, that's by definition NOT possible with a person already entangled in a relationship with boyfriend, step-son, etc.
I wish you all the best. I think you know what you need to do. If you truly step away from your female friend, cut contact, and allow yourself time to move on, you will find someone with whom you can share all those great intimacies and enjoy a deep friendship and partnership -- on a daily basis and with no reservations. You deserve that. Don't you? I think you do.
Good luck. | |
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| kinda dating a woman in a relationship
Posted: 6/25/2008 10:00:03 AM | Yep morals and principles right out the door again.
I was dating someone on here, he went back to her, he had more time "invested in her" than me. That's a new line.
People just continue to shit on people and hurt them on this website. Is there anyone "real" on here besides me and a few others?
I'd say get a conscience, which I think you have, otherwise you wouldn't be posting on the forum. Your conscience says it's wrong, and it is. | |
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| kinda dating a woman in a relationship
Posted: 6/25/2008 10:05:26 AM | i am active in a womans life who has a boyfriend
If she'll do it with you - she'll do it to you. ( you're doing the same thing )
I think you deserve better than the woman of whom you spoke.
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| kinda dating a woman in a relationship
Posted: 6/25/2008 10:10:09 AM |
all very true i guess ill expose the woman he is cheating on her with and cute my ties
Why expose her to the boyfriend? If you're going to cut the ties can't you just go off in peace. If the well being of the child is really at the heart of the issue here as you imply doing that and leaving that relationship a mess is just as destructive as keeping your relationship with her going. | |
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| kinda dating a woman in a relationship
Posted: 7/8/2008 5:53:53 AM | | Sounds like to me she's using the kid for an excuse to be around the guy she's in love with. The gals simply using you for a crutch when she can't be with the guy shes in love with. I say yank the crutch out. She might have more feelings for you than she realizes. Don't make yourself so readily availible. | |
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| kinda dating a woman in a relationship
Posted: 7/8/2008 6:12:08 AM |
what about doing the most you can for the child?
That's not your problem. It's hers. Your problem is you want a committed relationship, which she is unwilling to give you. Whatever the cause, your 'relationship' is dysfunctional. Time to move on
My two cent | |
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