| How to Date With A Disability
Posted: 6/26/2008 8:52:13 AM | Over the past couple of days, a thread a was started over in site suggestions and help forums concerning open a specific forum for people with disabilities. Within that thread, it was determined that while it is not possible for the site to handle such a forum, and the needs based upon membership numbers would be to low to justify the forum, there is a need to help guide these individual minnows towards happiness.
Each of us lives with a disability, of one type or another. However, for me like most others, these disabilities are so minor they do not interfere with our daily lives and definitely do not have an impact on our dating abilities. In otherwords, we deal with them just fine. But for other individuals, these disabilities make daily life more difficult, and dating a very difficult thing to accomplish.
While I could start this out with a huge list of do's and do not's, it would be better to see what other members have to say on this than my own opinion. My disability is extremely poor vision, fixed with corrective lenses, and I am ADHD, which I have learned throughout life how to cope with just fine. These are not items that will prevent me from doing most things in life, we are instead looking at the disabilities which do limit peoples abilities significantly.
I would like to pose the question to all out there:
Have you ever dated another with a disability, and if you have, or have not but been confronted with the opportunity to date another with a disability, what things can these people do to give theirselves the best opportunity possible, and to protect themselves from those who might seek to take advantage of them. Also, if you have a disability, how do you deal with it in the dating world? | |
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| How to Date With A Disability
Posted: 6/26/2008 8:57:50 AM | Yep I have dated someone off this site with a disability. Two things came to mind on the date.
1. Why didn't he be straight with me about it in the first place, did he think I wouldn't notice?
2. Why did he agree to go for a walk??
 maybe he forgot. | |
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| How to Date With A Disability
Posted: 6/26/2008 9:01:54 AM | Gee, that's awfully nice of you to laugh at someone else's misfortune. Did you stop to wonder if maybe he didn't consider himself disabled? I agree people shouldn't hide things but perhaps he feels in his mind that he's just like anyone else, whether he's in a wheelchair or a walker, or he's got a physiological disorder that stunts his motor skills.
I've never dated someone with a severe disability so I can't comment much on this topic aside from knowlege about the disabilities and diseases themselves. | |
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| How to Date With A Disability
Posted: 6/26/2008 12:05:32 PM |
Yep I have dated someone off this site with a disability. Two things came to mind on the date.
1. Why didn't he be straight with me about it in the first place, did he think I wouldn't notice?
2. Why did he agree to go for a walk??
maybe he forgot.
Wow holy sh!t! Insensitive much on the *walk* part?  | |
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| How to Date With A Disability
Posted: 6/26/2008 12:23:43 PM | Yes, I dated a guy some years ago who had lost his leg in an accident. I didn't know when he asked me out, but he told me on the first date. It was no biggie. We didn't begin or end dating because of his disability. He had anger management issues which to me were much more of a disability.
A few months ago I met a man at work who also had lost a leg. This guy,,,,wow,,, he had a smile that made my knees go weak! Unfortunately he didn't feel the same for me....but oh wow he was good looking.  | |
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| How to Date With A Disability
Posted: 6/26/2008 12:28:20 PM | | ^^^The guy you dated for a period, how did he get past his disability so it wasn't an issue for you? | |
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| How to Date With A Disability
Posted: 6/26/2008 2:08:30 PM | I think his attitude was big factor. He didn't make a big deal of it, not that he ignored it or tried to act as if he was wasn't disabled, but it simply was what it was.
There were things that we couldn't do on dates, anything involving long walks because he was having some problems with his prothesis, and things like hiking in the woods which I love but were very difficult for him. I guess my attitude toward this was similar to dating someone who had different interests-you find things you CAN do together and enjoy them. | |
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| How to Date With A Disability
Posted: 6/26/2008 2:15:20 PM | Ms.Extreme:
Why am I insenitive dont get the uproar here
If you got a disability just saying it is best to tell the other person first, and he agreed to go on the walk - I didnt drag him round. 
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Before you get into slagging me off as insensitive I work in a mental health and learning disability hospital some are physically disabled and some appear perfect in every way except their brain does not send the right messages at the right time and love my work and the majority of the long term patients. And I can see past their difficulties on a daily basis, where as visitors sometimes leave in a hurry. | |
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| How to Date With A Disability
Posted: 6/26/2008 2:28:49 PM | | I had a significant stroke(7/5/06)-I was a right hemiplegic when it happened.I am a Registered Nurse.I have attempted,to find someone through this site.I have not to this point.I have recovered to the point where all that remains of my deficits,is a speech impairment.I still don't get a lot of hits.When I had placed the information up front,in my profile,I was guided to leave it out.I don't know if this was the best thing to do,although I followed the advice.I am still looking.I was also told to get another picture-I have been unsuccessful in that,as well. | |
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| How to Date With A Disability
Posted: 6/26/2008 2:29:09 PM | Ms.Extreme:
Why am I insenitive dont get the uproar here
If you got a disability just saying it is best to tell the other person first, and he agreed to go on the walk - I didnt drag him round.
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Before you get into slagging me off as insensitive I work in a mental health and learning disability hospital some are physically disabled and some appear perfect in every way except their brain does not send the right messages at the right time and love my work and the majority of the long term patients. And I can see past their difficulties on a daily basis, where as visitors sometimes leave in a hurry.
The answer to your question is within this:
Yep I have dated someone off this site with a disability. Two things came to mind on the date.
1. Why didn't he be straight with me about it in the first place, did he think I wouldn't notice?
2. Why did he agree to go for a walk??
maybe he forgot.
The gentleman you mention you are laughing at with comments as to him thinking you wouldn't notice. You seem to have walked into the middle of something your not fully familiar with, and that being the thread started the other day on this very subject in site suggestions. Many of us on this site are trying extremely hard to help other members and a subject like this simply has no humor to it. Maybe if you had held off on using emoticons laughing and such.
Since you have gone out with an individual who was disabled, even though it did not go well, why not answer the question and participate in helping others learn, both the disabled and those who might date the disabled?
And Timothy25, maybe you can share with us some of the problems you have encountered, if possible, so we might be able to find solutions on both the physical and learning disability sides of this issue.
Also GFM, can you help us understand the problems you too encounter trying to use the site for dating? | |
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| How to Date With A Disability
Posted: 6/26/2008 2:37:19 PM | Yes Mummy - standing up straight and doing as I am told
Who died and left you in charge not even your post, get over yourself | |
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| How to Date With A Disability
Posted: 6/26/2008 2:42:50 PM | Actually, i also found it quite funny. I tend to date women with club feet. That way, when they try to take off on me, they come back. I know, i am quite sick and need help.  | |
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| How to Date With A Disability
Posted: 6/26/2008 3:24:17 PM | | I have not had problems,per se..just a general lack of interest in who I am-that may well be my perceptual process,but if it is,it continues to be my personal issue.I have/had no issue in putting my disability up front.I was told by others,that I would benefit(as in having some interaction)by waiting until I had actually started interacting with other ladies/girls... It seems I still have a lack of interest in my process. | |
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| How to Date With A Disability
Posted: 6/26/2008 4:31:33 PM | To msg 13:
Perhaps if you took another look at the first post, you would notice that you are telling the person who posted this thread, the OP, that they did not post it.
Aside from that, no one is telling you to "stand up straight and do as you're told", you are the only one saying that. Is it too much for adults to post in a respectful manner towards the topic of this thread? The OP is asking for constructive advice. Making posts that laugh at the experience you have had with a disabled individual, then childishly responding further in defense when called out on it is unnecessary and not particularly attractive or mature. There is no call for making posts like that.
Msg 14:
Your post is uncalled for and immature. I'm unsure about whether you are actually immature and ignorant and/or if you are just another that has ventured out from under the bridge, but regardless, the ignorance of that post is truly astounding. | |
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| How to Date With A Disability
Posted: 6/26/2008 7:28:56 PM | See? I know that i am quite astounding. You should see me fly a plane. But i have to be honest. I heard that joke from a comic. And he was more twisted than i am.  | |
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| How to Date With A Disability
Posted: 6/26/2008 7:35:51 PM | Back on topic here...
People shouldnt be so focused on the disability - the short answer to your question is: you date them just like you would anyone else. Period! | |
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| How to Date With A Disability
Posted: 6/26/2008 7:37:54 PM | Msg 17:
Yes, your ignorance is astounding. See, I was putting it as mildly as possible, and I will refrain from putting it in any other way than that, as you clearly find sheer glee in the negative opinions of others, as long as they notice you.
Now, back under the bridge. | |
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4S
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Joined: 6/11/2008
Msg: 20 | |
| How to Date With A Disability
Posted: 6/26/2008 7:41:49 PM | Why did he agree to go on the walk? Because you asked him to. you placed an expectation for him, and he liked you enough that he wanted to do his best to meet it. People with disabilities try to live as normal a life as possible. give the guy some credit.
And for those of you making jokes... I hope none of you ever have to live with the frustration .
Dating is hard enough. Imagine what its like when something is "different". | |
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| How to Date With A Disability
Posted: 6/26/2008 7:50:12 PM | | Thank you poster in msg #20 - I'd like to see some of the fools on here making jokes live with a disability for ONE DAY and see what it feels like. I work in Developmental Services and have to see how ignorant our society is all the time - its sickening...lets not focus on the disability and start focusing on the PERSON ... it's idiots like a few of the posters on here that the world can do without. | |
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| How to Date With A Disability
Posted: 6/26/2008 7:52:48 PM | When I was in college in the 70s, disability advocates began to help change the way they are viewed and described. Thus "handicapped" morphed into "handicapper," and the passive seated wheelchair person symbol became a stylized self-propelled moving icon, indicating that they weren't going to be pushed around.
And their title for everyone who is not a handicapper?
Temporarily Able-Bodied.
Think about it.
HTH | |
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| How to Date With A Disability
Posted: 6/26/2008 7:58:21 PM | | To all the posters on here that think this is amusing! God doesn't like ugly, and if it weren't for the grace of God you yourselves could be in the same situation. I'd think twice before I made off handed remarks about the disabled. God does work in mysterious ways!! Who knows you might be the next disabled person on the block. Try walking in a disabled person's shoe and then come back and talk ignorant crap. | |
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| How to Date With A Disability
Posted: 6/26/2008 8:16:07 PM | Although most of you may not be able to post on it due to anti-"tripping" rules, there is an active and interesting thread up and running on this subject in the Ontario, Canada forums.
Even though you would likely be confined to just reading some of the posts, perhaps some of the information contained within can be of help to someone.
http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts6532819.aspx
Best of luck and God bless.
HnH  | |
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| How to Date With A Disability
Posted: 6/26/2008 8:27:08 PM | Have you ever dated another with a disability, and if you have, or have not but been confronted with the opportunity to date another with a disability, what things can these people do to give theirselves the best opportunity possible, and to protect themselves from those who might seek to take advantage of them. Also, if you have a disability, how do you deal with it in the dating world?
Yes he asked me out and we dated until we both decided that we made better friends. repeat that for the blind guy, the guy in a wheel chair, the guy who was bipolor, the guy who had glasses, the guy who made too much money, the guy who made no money at all, the guy who still lives with his mom, the guy who got so creepy I moved in with my brother, and all the guys (some were really great) before after them.
You are a person so do what a person should. If you like a someone ask them out, the nos will hurt but the yes feels great. After they say yes believe them but remember to play fair and safe at all times. Do not trust them with your bank card or let them move in. Group date until you know the person can be trusted alone with you. I was kidnapped to the mountians and it was not ok. | |
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