| A thought on psychology and "game playing"
Posted: 6/7/2005 1:00:15 PM | There's a lot of people on here that hate game playing...and I would agree if the game playing was dishonest, but if you take a look at it from a different angle, maybe your views will change....
Take a look at general human psychology, ask yourself "what makes somebody want something?" The answer is always: we all want what we don't or can't have. Remember what Christmas was like as a kid? The thing that made it so great was the ANTICIPATION of getting that new toy. Never sure exactly what it was but you knew it was going to be good. And of course that great feeling goes away after a while.
That being said, I think playing hard to get is great when dating, as long as you mix in some other type of communication that tells the other person you like them. (body language, touching ect.) And playing hard to get is not just never calling, (I think that's one of the worst things you can do) it can be done in many different subtle ways.
Oh boy, I think I just stirred things up just a weee bit! 
Your opinions and arguments....let me have 'em!
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| A thought on psychology and game playing
Posted: 6/7/2005 1:47:23 PM | | I wouldn't call playing hard-to-get a really bad form of game-playing. Games are spose to be fun, right? So game playing's not bad until you stop having fun, like when you're playing mind games just to hurt the other person... I don't even think the people who play mind games do it for fun, more that they don't know any other way to communicate. But playing hard to get and being a bit of a tease... Well that's fun and it definitely keeps the interest there!!! but yeah totally agree that you need to be careful not to drive others away! | |
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| A thought on psychology and game playing
Posted: 6/7/2005 4:27:55 PM | | Al Paulchino Personally, I'm way past that, for me that was a high school thing. Maybe I'm different but I tend to desire more what is actually attainable. That whole playing hard to get bunk and the thrill of the hunt for men end up the same. Once you've caught it the game is over and you look for the next "prey". The thrill is in the chase for men or women. Anything is more "fun" when it's new, but when you grow up, it's also nice to reach a comfort level with someone who knows you well. You just have to keep it new and spicy in different ways, it's stimulating to be creative and keep it alive. | |
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| A thought on psychology and game playing
Posted: 6/7/2005 6:38:44 PM | ^^^ what she said.....
I think it just gets old and boring as you get older, and very easy to see through. Play hard to get, and I'm out. | |
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| A thought on psychology and game playing
Posted: 6/7/2005 8:59:39 PM | I don't mind a girl playing hard to get... but if she's just going to be a tease and never follow through on anything and keep playing and playing... eventually I'll lose interest, and the only guys that will keep interest through all that are just going to be the total pushovers of guys who are so desperate that they'll be whipped beyond belief and never challenge a girl on anything. I won't be that guy, and I don't particularly care for girls who want that guy.
So a little playing is fine, but you need to stop before you go too far. | |
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| A thought on psychology and game playing
Posted: 6/7/2005 10:22:45 PM | Game playing of any sorts concerning matters of the heart are nothing but cruel. The heart is not a game to be played with. The heart is a vital part of a person core being and it can be broke.... I have seen many people on POF who have suffered broken hearts because of games, it effects some people deeply...why in the world would someone want to be responsible for doing that to another person.
If you need the games to keep your relationship interesting I feel sorry for you...there are so many more things, positive things, that can be done to keep a relationship healthy and interesting.
Example - spur of the moment picnic, with candles of course at a park, go for a drive to get some ice cream.... two states away, last minute trip to New York to steal a kiss at the Statue of Liberty, flowers on a day when not expected, meaning not mothers day, Valentine Day.....Get the picture? Don't play games...be spontaneous.
man I can run off with the mouth...just my 2 cents worth...okay maybe a nickels worth. | |
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| A thought on psychology and game playing
Posted: 4/14/2009 12:49:14 AM | "I think it just gets old and boring as you get older, and very easy to see through. Play hard to get, and I'm out. "
-That makes two of us. The only games I need in my life are of the NHL variety.
-Games are a sure sign of insecurity that has manifested into the need for constant assurance. In my experience, this same insecurity sometimes evolves into some sort of power struggle between partners, and this unnecessarily pollutes many relationships.
-If the games are present when the relationship starts, they are going to be there when it ends, and possibly afterwards.
- Confidence within oneself is far more attractive than games. | |
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| A thought on psychology and game playing
Posted: 4/14/2009 1:15:29 AM | I think there is a difference between game playing, and understanding human psychology.
It seems that in game playing, the player doesn't really care about the other person, only getting their desired result.
When we incorporate ideas from psychology into dating, we are actually being considerate of the other person's psychology. We may say or do things to/for them, and yes we want a desired result, but we are not manipulative about it.
So maybe that is the difference. Game playing is manipulative and using psychology is not?
Just my $0.02. | |
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| A thought on psychology and game playing
Posted: 4/14/2009 3:18:50 AM | well, in may case anyway.. i do not play games and can sense them from a mile away. I have little time for it, its irrelevant, demeaning and immature. Why date some one who is as mentally equal to a 5 year old? find yourself some one with more integrity, self-respect and confidence. =)
I studied physcology and philosophy and draw heavily upon it when talking to people, of course i do not say anything.. just make mental notes =) | |
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| A thought on psychology and game playing
Posted: 4/14/2009 4:01:18 AM | The only games I want to be involved in at the moment are the ECHL playoffs and my daughters track meets . Games are exhausting and it ages folks way too quickly. Either you're in our you're out....it's that simple.
Your comment on "hard to get" has a bit of truth to it. We're all guarded to some extent and don't immediately jump into relationships without first getting a decent sense of the persons motives and character. If the actions don't line up hopefully we'd be "hard to find" vs. "hard to get". LOLOLOLOL!!!!
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| A thought on psychology and game playing
Posted: 4/14/2009 8:30:42 AM | I really don't like to acknowledge "game playing" in the dating world...first of all b/c it isn't a problem for me...I have many "players" approach me, but I'm too instinctive and perceptive for them and they go away....I usually give them a subtle clue that I don't "play"....I spend my time talking to people that do "traditional dating"...and don't waste my time on such nonsense and silly lil rules about how long to wait before calling someone etc...This kind of mentality has the dating world messed up...I'm more impressed with the skills of someone that can maintain a relationship than just a player who only knows how to get a date from those that fall for them, but doesn't know what to do on day 2...
I recall the excitement at Christmas time when you waited for the toy you asked for at Christmas, but I didn't toss that toy aside after a week or two...I recall playing with that toy or gift all year long and truly....I took good care of it and cherished it...the gift was treasured...
Game players live on a shallow level of life and never reach to that next level...it is really sad they live like that....it is really sad they disregard other human beings as much as they do...like a hunter hunting an animal for sport and not b/c they are in need of food....there is something wrong with that mentality...they prey upon the weak and emotionally vulnerable or inexperienced or often hook up with people like themselves...but they don't know how to maintain relationships on a long term or daily basis...there is much knowledge lacking in their heads...it is only full of some fleeting schemes that work for a season... | |
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dman82
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Joined: 3/30/2009
Msg: 12 | |
| A thought on psychology and game playing
Posted: 4/14/2009 8:55:58 AM |
"I think it just gets old and boring as you get older, and very easy to see through. Play hard to get, and I'm out. "
-That makes two of us. The only games I need in my life are of the NHL variety.
-Games are a sure sign of insecurity that has manifested into the need for constant assurance. In my experience, this same insecurity sometimes evolves into some sort of power struggle between partners, and this unnecessarily pollutes many relationships.
-If the games are present when the relationship starts, they are going to be there when it ends, and possibly afterwards.
- Confidence within oneself is far more attractive than games.
Bro I dont think you could have said it any better than that...
GO CANADIENS!!!! Gonna be a tough first round against the Bruins!!! But its gonna be great | |
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| A thought on psychology and game playing
Posted: 4/14/2009 12:53:27 PM | I don't even think it's so much about "Playing games" as it is about just having your own life.
A guy who will drop all his plans at the drop of a hat just to spend time with a girl is unattractive. Just don't be constantly available every time she wants to hang out; that'll make her want you even more. I wouldn't consider that playing hard-to-get, I'd consider it just having your own life. | |
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| A thought on psychology and game playing
Posted: 4/14/2009 1:23:07 PM | | I think there are two sorts of game playing. There are the sort of games people play to get someone they really want - pkaying hard to get to increase their value, not returning phone calls for a couple of days, that sort of nonsense. Those are just silly and immature. In the person who plays them and in the person who allows themself to be drawn in by them. And then there is the serious game playing where the player doesn't care at all about the person they are playing but is just running the game for their own gratification. Those are downright nasty. | |
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| A thought on psychology and game playing
Posted: 4/22/2009 5:08:33 AM |
Sorry, ladies... but you do respond to hard to get... ALL of you
No - well not in the last 40 years anyway. Maybe as a teenager. One of the things I find most attractive in a man is that he likes me. So someone who is playing hard to get and not giving off vibes that he likes me - well he just isn't attractive at all. | |
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| A thought on psychology and game playing
Posted: 4/22/2009 9:58:41 AM |
Sorry, ladies... but you do respond to hard to get... ALL of you.
Yes, even you. Once a guy creates enough attraction... you can't even control yourself. I guess you've just been hanging with boring guys... not your fault.
It you're near me feel free to find out the hard way...it's just basic human psychology. Works for every woman... every time. Yes, you too. Yes, and you also. You too. U2... -D Isn't it funny how women will say this stuff never works on them... but then when you actually use it on them it's like puddy in your hands? Love it. | |
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| A thought on psychology and game playing
Posted: 4/22/2009 8:38:30 PM |
Isn't it funny how women will say this stuff never works on them
Isn't it funnier when sooooo many women come on here and announce that it doesn't work for them, and some men choose to ignore it and have their own mindset? | |
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| A thought on psychology and game playing
Posted: 4/22/2009 8:53:31 PM | Psychology: Inaccurate pseudo-science invented and maintained by the neurotic, psychotic, and chaotic to project their neuroses onto unsuspectic, innocent people;
Supported by a multi-trillion $ a year pharmaceutical industry that continues to thrive on cures for imagined "syndromes, conditions", etc.
Psychology had damaged uncounted lives irreparably...
Those who use it as a justification for their narrow interpretation of reality need a permanent prescription of the latest and greatest pharmaceutical "cure" - yeah, that's the ticket, that sh*t will cure you all right....
Suicide rates are measureably higher for those taking the latest and greatest "cure" than those "diagnosed" with the same "condition" and left the h*ll alone.
Game playing = human nature. The only question is, what is the game, and what are the unwriiten rules that give one group in the game an unfair advantage over others so that they can continuously profit monetarily, emotionally, or otherwise?
Game playing = psychology.
Glad I could clear that up for you.
Now, who will ask me the true meaning of life?
Love,
Buddha | |
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| A thought on psychology and game playing
Posted: 4/22/2009 9:03:56 PM |
Take a look at general human psychology, ask yourself "what makes somebody want something?" The answer is always: we all want what we don't or can't have. Remember what Christmas was like as a kid? The thing that made it so great was the ANTICIPATION of getting that new toy. Never sure exactly what it was but you knew it was going to be good. And of course that great feeling goes away after a while.
I don't know about that. There are plenty of things I can't have that I don't want. The same goes for women. There are plenty of women that would not be interested in me that I don't want to be with even if they were interested.
Anticipation doesn't really appeal to me much, either. I associate the feeling with discomfort or stress. If something isn't within my grasp for whatever reason I don't waste energy worrying about it. As an example, if I find out a book, game, or movie of interest is in development I usually wind up forgetting about it until days or weeks after it is released unless someone else brings it up. I don't tediously follow the development process.
As far as dating and relationships go, if I like someone they will know it through my words and my actions. If I don't feel like I'm getting the same in return I will assume the feeling isn't mutual and move on. | |
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| A thought on psychology and game playing
Posted: 4/22/2009 9:50:24 PM |
Oh, I respond to it, all right. I say "good-bye." Good answer!
And true. I've really only run into this once. I liked the guy very much otherwise, we always had fun when we were together, but, being on tenterhooks when we weren't? Not my idea of a good time! I broke it off after six weeks. It only lasted that long because I felt I should give it some time to see if things improved once the "new car smell" wore off. Didn't; booted. Enough's enough.
I go for nice guys who like me and show it. And with that one person who did display that, we got together as friends some months later, at which point he was able to open up to me more (the pressure was off, I guess, since this wasn't romantic), and I found that he really was a nice guy who was just having a very hard time right then. He felt really bad about not having been able to put his heart in it with me. I hope it's worked out for him since. | |
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| A thought on psychology and game playing
Posted: 4/23/2009 2:59:24 AM | I don't think it's as simple as "we want what we can't have".
I can think of plenty of things/people that I both can't have, and have no desire for.
There has to be something appealing about the person.
I think at the end of the day, men and women still want the same things they've always wanted. Men want looks and women want popularity/social power. | |
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| A thought on psychology and game playing
Posted: 4/23/2009 7:58:47 AM | Maybe the term "game needs to be redefined. Because there are at least 2 meanings here. Most people associate game and player to a number of manipulatuve and deceptive tactics that people use in order to pursue and sleep with multiple partners (women do it too, though maybe not as overtly or often).
Then there is the other meaning which refers to the metaphor for how the relationship develops and progresses. This includes hard to get, waiting to return calls, and so on. The 2 things are different. The second metaphorical meaning is the one I assume the op is referring to because it links to fundamental psychology of human motivation and behavior.
We are naturally compelled to self-develop. Speaking for myself, I want to get better at things. I love to see myself accomplishing something that I couldn't before, and adding skills to my repertoire. This is the game metaphor in action. We want to progress to the next level. We want to overcome challenges and reap the rewards at the end. And once we've exhausted any possibiliy of progression, we want to move on to something else.
If you understand the metaphor as it relates to relationships, it doesn't end at sex. Throughout your life you want to continue progressing, making new goals and overcoming obstacles to reach new rewards. And its even more fun if you have someone you love going along with you. Being spontaneous is one way the game metaphor is applied. Just in general creating an environment where things don't plateau or start to decline. | |
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