| Who Pays???? [Thread Closed/Done To Death]
Posted: 6/27/2008 12:05:10 AM | Okay I have an interesting question for you all...
Scenario- two people have been dating for a few months and agreed not to date anyone else. When they go out on the town whoever does the invite pays- dinner, movies, festivals etc. The guy later asks to "take her away somehwere" and he would " be honored if she would let him whisk her away somewhere and not have her worry about daily stresses etc, and just have a good time".
They agree to take a trip together and when planning the trip he states hotel is covered by airmiles and finds some activities for them to do on the trip and asks her which ones she would like to do with no mention of costs. She also stated she was tight on money at this time since she had some bills soon due so was concerned about budget. She did think she might have to pay for her own tourist activities and anything else besides hotel, food, and travel costs.
They go on the trip and she pays for her own tourist activities. The tourist activities were about $500 each that they did. There is no other mention of any other costs. When they return home he gives her a bill for half the trip - food, gas etc except for costs of one night when he says he "took her out to dinner". Her total half of the bill is close to $700 on top of what she already paid for her tourist activities.
Should he expect her to pay the "surprise" bill?
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| Who Pays????
Posted: 6/27/2008 12:34:56 AM | If I was tight on money I wouldn't have agreed to go.
I would have made sure beforehand that the hotel was covered..if that is what he had said..I would double check but also I would have suggested that any activities were free or cheap ones.
I wouldn't have ended up in the position of being given half the bill simply because he would know my financial situation and I would not expect him to pay for such aa costly trip.
I would have suggested postponing it until a time I could afford to pay my share.
Perhaps you could talk to him about the fact that you had previously told him your budget was tight and you could either come to a reasonable agreement on the cost or offer to take him away and do the same in return for him at a time when you have the spare money to spend on the both of you. | |
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| Who Pays????
Posted: 6/27/2008 12:37:46 AM | | OP is this "someone" you? lol..anyway, see that is why its always good to have proper communication..its the key to everything..from what I get, they had extremely bad communication. I dont even know if she should pay or not..she probably shouldnt pay, maybe because she was given the impression that he was gonna pay?..she was stupid too for not making things clear to the guy.. | |
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Posted: 6/27/2008 12:54:01 AM | communication..... communication..... communication is the key. This is half the problem why relationships end up the way they do, the other reason is the money problems. It sounds like he was cashing in on his airmiles and getting a free holiday and money back aswell.
I would tell her that she shouldnt be paying as he offered to take her away. However she should be mindful not to accept things hoping they would be for free and ask the question beforehand to determine the cost in advance.
I think he has the hide to even give her the bill after the trip and not discuss it during different intervals, like when he filled up for gas or bought food.If I was taking someone away and they were that special I wouldnt go away for a great weekend and then spoil it. | |
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| Who Pays????
Posted: 6/27/2008 1:27:35 AM | Well surley its something you talk about before hand.
And just because he did the inviting does not mean he has to pay.... I would never expect anyone, including my boyfriend, to pay for me to go on holiday! | |
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| Who Pays????
Posted: 6/27/2008 2:26:06 AM | Re the Opost:
Hm! He did not say, she did not say! Neither side acted prudently, IMO. I think that this case is for the small claims court! Let the judge decide. I cannot. Too complicated. | |
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| Who Pays????
Posted: 6/27/2008 2:56:15 AM | Who Pays????
She does...and I'll tell you why...
see OP...you set it up like this...as if HE was the one offering to pay etc...
The guy later asks to "take her away somehwere" and he would " be honored if she would let him whisk her away somewhere and not have her worry about daily stresses etc, and just have a good time".
BUT...
They agree to take a trip together and when planning the trip he states hotel is covered by airmiles and finds some activities for them to do on the trip and asks her which ones she would like to do with no mention of costs.
Now up til this point...we all think he's paying for everything cos thats the way you've presented it...BUT...then ya throw in this little piece of unnecesary information...
She also stated she was tight on money at this time since she had some bills soon due so was concerned about budget.
IF you dont think you're going to have to pay anything...this conversation wouldnt have happened at all..
...and then to top it off....
She did think she might have to pay for her own tourist activities and anything else besides hotel, food, and travel costs.
Now the story changes again...she DID think/expect to have to contribute.
Should he expect her to pay the "surprise" bill?
There was no "surprise" bill.
She was just hoping that he was gonna pay for the holiday and that throwing in a few minimum bucks was "nice"...but it clearly wasnt a freebie holiday, as established by herself.
Now she wants to argue it was unexpected. Nup
She's not really surprised by the bill at all...is she?
Here's a tip for when you go to court. Never offer up irrelevent and unnecessary information as an attempt to vindicate yourself and embellish your innocence.
Answer the questions only and keep your mouth shut.
And btw...dont EVER lie to the judge...they're human lie detectors. | |
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| Who Pays????
Posted: 6/27/2008 3:40:12 AM | IMHO, this whole issue is stupid. Money shouldn't be an issue between you and somebody you care about.
Whether it's somebody I'm dating, a friend, or a family member, money for a bill has never been an issue. If one person doesn't have it, we discuss it beforehand, and either have somebody with more money pay, or choose something else. You NEVER present a bill to somebody. You also prepare to pay or make sure that somebody else has you covered before spending the money.
I feel that the man was wrong for putting money before you. I feel that you were wrong for assuming he would pay without making sure.
However, pointing the finger of blame and discussing what should have happened doesn't help. What you should do is have an honest discussion with him stating that you didn't realize that he was expecting you to pay and that you don't have the money at the moment. Figure out a payment plan, put this behind you, and decide if it's a simple misunderstanding or a deal-breaker.
By the way, did you have fun on the trip? You seem upset about the money, but was the trip worth the cost? | |
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| Who Pays????
Posted: 6/27/2008 5:53:22 AM | | I'd probably have a stroke. The $500 for 'tourist activities' would have been way over my budget to start with. Add another $700 and I'd really be in trouble. Being hit with a bill for that amount, when someone says they want to 'whisk me away', would cause me to question either my hearing or his sanity. The one doing the whisking should be doing the paying. | |
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| Who Pays????
Posted: 6/27/2008 6:02:05 AM | | Like you said, whoever does the invite, does the paying, nough said........ i wouldnt invite someone to something and then expect them to pay something, it would only be because they offer, even then i wouldnt be expecting them to pay since i invited them... | |
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Posted: 6/27/2008 6:50:09 AM | | I wouldn't have agreed to go on a vacation like this if I didn't know what my costs would be. In this scenario, the inviter should pay. Why wouldn't one discuss this beforehand if one knows their cash situation is tight? | |
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| Who Pays????
Posted: 6/27/2008 6:50:34 AM | | Just how much was the bill he gave you? | |
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Posted: 6/27/2008 7:24:43 AM | Since I would never have agreed to go anywhere with anyone without first being very clear on who is responsible for what, I can only imagine what my response would be if this ever happened to me.
I guess my first instinct would be to simply accept my portion of the bill as gracefully as I can and realise that communication between two people is absolutely essential in order to prevent anything like this from ever happening again.
Personally, I don't this as a who's right or who's wrong issue as much as the consequences of a serious communication (or lack of) problem between two people.
JMHO | |
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Posted: 6/27/2008 7:43:18 AM | | Did y'all have sex? That would figure into my answer. | |
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| Who Pays????
Posted: 6/27/2008 8:06:20 AM | Great input here! Most recently forumfilly and farfus.
OP ... I do understand what you are saying and
how things got out of control ... as far as "Who Pays???"
only you and he can resolve that ... hopefully you can
work it out with some good ole communication. But
BOTH must be willing to discuss it and work it out.
IMO, It appears that, we, as eager human beings, wanting
to enjoy our lives and make the best of each moment,
lose track of the communication process ... we become
"yes folks".
Nothing wrong with that except that reality will slap
us in the face when the fun is over and it will be time
to take responsibility for our actions.
As has been said, communication (while it may be
difficult to discuss topics such as financial issues)
is a MUST (most times, BEFORE we enact a plan)!
Since, it was apparently not fully discussed, my
advice would be for the two of you to talk about
how this mis-communication happened and how
you two can resolve it so that it does not have
a snowball effect on the rest of your relationship
(if there still is one!).
IMO, The "bill" was a form of communication (not
a good form, either!) used because the man could not
(for whatever reasons) bring himself to talk to
you about this. Or who knows, maybe he did and
you were so caught up in the "fun" of it that neither
wanted to acknowledge the reality of debt (that was
soon to "hit" you when the fun was all said and done!).
Best to try to get to know the person that you are in a
relationship with so you know that you are able to discuss
these things with them and come up with a resolve before
it gets to something like this.
I am a firm believer that a man will want to spend
his hard earned money on a woman he respects.
I also believe that a woman will spend her hard
earned money on a man that treats her with respect
... they will both do anything for eachother if there
is a balance of respect ... including discussing the
most difficult topics ... and then determining how
and when they are able to put a plan into action ...
If there is no money to spend, there are alot more
ways to show the one you care about a good time.
I have been blessed to have a wonderful man in my
life right now and this works for us ... I hope it can
work for you, too. Best wishes to you.  | |
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| Who Pays????
Posted: 6/27/2008 8:33:36 AM | regardless ` who pays ~
no one likes suprises of this sort .
Money matters need to be upfront and understood.
Dance | |
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| Who Pays????
Posted: 6/27/2008 8:36:26 AM | Well, this is a tough one because I don't really know the dynamic of the relationship beyond the fact that you're dating but for me personally, if I had been dating someone for a few months they would for sure know by that point that I do not pay for anything. If he wasn't ok with paying for everything, then we wouldn't still be dating..lol
~ TYF | |
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| Who Pays????
Posted: 6/27/2008 8:51:18 AM | Just pay it! Obviouly there were communication problems right from the start. If you value this person, and want to continue the relationship, just pay it maybe in small incruments, and get things out front if there is ever a next time.
No biggie here. Otherwise, you will both continue having issues over this, and will destroy the relationship you do have. It's up to you, to decide if that's worth it over money!
YOu've gone there, had a good time, can't change that! So good luck to you in whatever decision you make. But, I would pay it and chalk it up to experience.
Lm Seth. | |
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| Who Pays????
Posted: 6/27/2008 8:52:10 AM |
Like you said, whoever does the invite, does the paying, nough said........
ABSOLUTELY! You don't invite someone to go somewhere with you, and expect them to pay. I've known that since I was a child. That's like inviting a friend to spend the week with you, and then turning around and charging them rent, a food bill, and a weeks worth of utilities. The person inviting knew before they left that the other person was tight on money. The only exception would be if you were told up front when you were invited that you would have to pay your way.
If I were the OP, I'd hand the bill back and say "we didn't agree on this". | |
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Posted: 6/27/2008 9:00:45 AM | | She should have asked how much the activities were and then decided what she could and could not afford and communicated that. They are both being a bit stupid here, though. He should have made sure he was clear ahead of time. I guess do what you feel comfortable with and chalk it up to experience. Pay him back and say good-bye. | |
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Posted: 6/27/2008 9:37:13 AM | | Inviter pays. Simple enough and no need to discuss it further. | |
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Posted: 6/27/2008 9:46:05 AM | | Guess where he can stick his "bill" what a loser and why on earth did you pay for anything to begin with? he could have gone on vacation by himself before I would have paid anything he is the man he should pay Period , not negotible, so much for equal rights. | |
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Posted: 6/27/2008 9:46:32 AM | Oh my...A Whisky Trip !
Did you make him mad or somethin' ? I mean it seems the dynamics changed mid-trip. If a man said he wanted to "whisk" you away, doesn't it seem like it was his idea and also meant he was treatin' !
To think you would be up for paying it , when you obviously explained your financial situation, he was not listening to you, nor did he care about your situation.
Didn't he use the term "let ME whisk YOU away"
The guy is a jerk, or he's mad at you about somethin'....or both. | |
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