| She tried to come between me and my family, so I dumped her.
Posted: 6/27/2008 7:59:15 AM | So I guess I'm looking for some validation, because I'm not sure if I did the right thing.
I met this girl about three months ago and we really hit it off. Everything was going great until my sister told me about a family cruise they were planning and invited me along.
Well my mom and three of my sisters are going (as well as my sister's husbands). My brother really wanted to go but couldn't afford the room by himself. The cruise is booked by the room instead of by the person, and there is a limit of double-occupany per room. The rooms are $3200 for the seven day cruise.
So I went ahead and booked the room and told my brother he can share the room with me. But when I told this to my new girlfriend, she was really pissed off. She thought I should take her instead, and no matter how I tried to explain that this was a "family" cruise, she wouldn't accept it. When I told her that my family would be upset if I took her instead of my brother, she lost it and started dissing my family.
I tried to put up with this as long as I could, but it seems she would start every sentence with "You'd take your brother on a cruise, but not your girlfriend". I even tried to talk to the cruise directors to see if I could get her in to sleep on the couch or something, but no joy - in order to take her along AND my brother, I would have to get a second room at an additional $3200. And my gf can't come up with the money on her own.
Anyway, she started denying me sex unless I took her instead of my brother and that was the last straw and I dumped her. But I'm really feeling guilty about it. Did I do the right thing? I could have gotten a second room and taken them both, but it would put me in debt, and I REALLY don't want to be in debt. .. not even for a couple of months. | |
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| She tried to come between me and my family, so I dumped her.
Posted: 6/27/2008 8:03:57 AM | She has only been your girlfriend for 3 months. Even if you were a millionaire, she would have no business being on that trip with you and your family. If you had been together a year or more, that would be a different story, but I still don't see that you should pony up the entire cost for her.
~Grin | |
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| She tried to come between me and my family, so I dumped her.
Posted: 6/27/2008 8:19:10 AM | Wow 3 whole months and she thinks that way, I think you dodged a bullet there. Sounds to me like you did the right thing and have no need to feel guilty over anything. If after only three months she is playing those types of games (withholding sex) then you did the right thing. What would she be like later on the relationship.
I know it can be hard to do, but you did the right thing here. | |
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| She tried to come between me and my family, so I dumped her.
Posted: 6/27/2008 8:38:44 AM | You'be been validated! ;)
Of course you did the right thing...and she has absolute brass balls to "expect" to be taken on a cruise that she was not invited on.
The denying sex part...OMG...is she 17 or something?
Have a blast on your trip! What cruise line is this? Never heard of one who goes by the room, and not per person...is it all inclusive too? | |
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| She tried to come between me and my family, so I dumped her.
Posted: 6/27/2008 8:55:31 AM | You're good. She was way out of line.
Me I didn't have this problem. I actually had the opposite happen to me. my BF and his mom and a friend of his went to Hawaii during the Xmas season and we had only been dating for a couple months. His mom was so upset that we hadn't met sooner so she could have gotten me a ticket. Very sweet of her and I am happy his family likes me so much but I would have been uncomfortable excepting a gift like that especially so soon into things.
She was a wench and you can do way better than that.
Good luck op. | |
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| She tried to come between me and my family, so I dumped her.
Posted: 6/27/2008 9:04:34 AM | Three months tends to be just about the sort of length of time it takes for a person to start to fail to keep up appearances and to begin to reveal their true self. Three months is not the kind of period over which you forge a deep bond which makes it wise to weather the storms that occur as the result of challenges in life...
Your new girlfriend revealed herself as a) unreasonable b) inconsiderate c) hard work d) manipulative e) drama queen... The list just goes on. You did the right thing -- assuming you didn't want the rest of your life to feel like the cruise episode. | |
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| She tried to come between me and my family, so I dumped her.
Posted: 6/27/2008 9:17:54 AM | You did the right thing.
After only 3 months of dating she wanted:
To be included in a family event and an expensive one to boot.
Wanted you to choose between her and your brother, I am guessing that you have known him a smidge longer than 3 months.
Knew she didn't have the money anyway and basically tried to "guilt" you into footing the bill or the majority of it.
3 months-3 strikes, you're out! | |
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| She tried to come between me and my family, so I dumped her.
Posted: 6/27/2008 9:22:32 AM | You are hereby validated.
She was wrong, you were right.
I hate it when my family members bring people who don't belong along on "family vacations"--the whole dynamic changes and usually that person can't keep up with us, anyway, and then feels inadequate and out of place which s/he is. | |
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| She tried to come between me and my family, so I dumped her.
Posted: 6/27/2008 9:24:17 AM | | You did the right thing dude. And it was not because of taking your brother over her, it was because she was a selfish little brad that wanted to be catered to her and nothing more. Hey, don't get me wrong. I don't chose family over my girl. Family is there for ever, so if they don't like my girl I'd tell them to go fvck themselves. They are family, they come around fast because that is what you do with family. But this here is different. She was a total brad. And you splitting with her had more to do with her than family. So don't feel guilty, she would do that over other things as well. | |
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| She tried to come between me and my family, so I dumped her.
Posted: 6/27/2008 9:31:08 AM | 3 months? Sshe completely overstepped her boundries. You did exactly what most people would do. No one unless they are your spouse or long term SO should even assume to be invited to a family gathering of any type. My Guy is going to Chicago with his kids for a Bar Mitzvah in October, we have been together 18 months and it did not even occur to me to ask to go. We're not married or engaged so I have no expectations of an invite and I am perfectly fine with that. Even if she had offered to pay for herself it would have been awkward after only a few months of dating its a family vacation.
Enjoy your cruise with your family, you and your single brother will probably have a blast and maybe even meet someone new. | |
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| She tried to come between me and my family, so I dumped her.
Posted: 6/27/2008 9:47:22 AM | Could you just imagine what your life would have been like had you stayed with her?
Sorry, but 3 months is definitely NOT enough time to feel you have any right being chosen over family. The fact that she threw it in your face and denied sex because of your decision was just plain childish and immature on her part.
Family is family...she should be thankful you're close to them, and love them enough to want to be with them. It definitely says alot about a person.. | |
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| She tried to come between me and my family, so I dumped her.
Posted: 6/27/2008 12:33:41 PM | it sounds like you did the right thing to me.
if she's this controlling and manipulative after 3 months, you can only imagine it'd get worse if you actually married her.
there has to be someone out there who's right for you who understands what being family is.. | |
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| She tried to come between me and my family, so I dumped her.
Posted: 6/27/2008 12:37:44 PM | | OP, you did the right thing. If she really cared about you she would want you to have this trip with your family. Just be thankful you learned how selfish she is so early. Love means letting the person you love do whatever is good for them, not emotionally blackmailing them and making them feel guilty because they don't 'always' put you above all other people. If you had been with her for a year or over then yes, I would say she has a right to be a big priority in your list of obligations, but not after a few months, that's just downright ridiculous. | |
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| She tried to come between me and my family, so I dumped her.
Posted: 6/27/2008 2:36:54 PM | Astute observation as usual Rune, it is around the three month mark that the cracks in the persona start showing through and perhaps OP you should be rejoicing that you did not find out she was like this further down the road.
I can understand her being disappointed but I am with Libra, bitter and childish. Of course she wants to go, duh, she wanted to spend time with you and perhaps you could have diffused the situation by suggesting another vacation just the two of you.
But, if someone is this much of a biatch after three months and is the type to harp on something when there is no other alternative solution outside getting her way, this was only just the beginning. I don't believe you did anything to feel guilty for and perhaps if you examine yourself more closely you may realize that it is closer to regret that a promising relationship has gone down the toilet so rapidly. Or you are thinking of the sex part of it and that is not why you broke up with her, it was that on top of all the other behavior.
Keep reminding yourself what a frigging nightmare she would have been down the road because I can guarantee you, her reaction to this incident would not be isolated. Any time she didn't get her way or felt you put someone in front of her, even for five minutes, would have garnered you a significant amount of anguish. | |
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