| Accountability/blame. What message are we sending to our youth?
Posted: 6/27/2008 8:26:21 AM | I was getting my vehicle repaired yesterday and as I was waiting in the lounge a news segment came on the television concerning the 17 teens that got pregnant. One of the other patrons made a comment about how the parents of the teens must be "awful". I respect everyone’s opinion (I try to, at least) however this trend to put the blame on the parents every time some child does a wrong is disturbing to me because rather then accept that people: adults as well as children make mistakes and teaching them to learn from the mistake we are teaching them to blame someone else for it i.e. mommy didn’t love me enough and the like. I am not a stellar parent, I do my best and hope for the best and when my child makes a mistake I tell her why her choice may not have been a good one and then dole out the appropriate disciplinary action. So I guess my question is what is the general POF consensus on this; are we providing an easy way out to explain our kids behavior rather then dealing with the problem? I remember expressions such as- you play you pay, or you make your bed you lay in it. It seems to me that in this age we are to busy trying to explain actions rather then correcting them. Just an observation.
R/
OREALLY
Side note-- this could have been composed better sry was in a bit of a hurry.  | |
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| Accountability/blame. What message are we sending to our youth?
Posted: 6/27/2008 9:45:03 AM | Funny....I just got this email last night:
Let's see if I understand how the world is working these days.....
If a man cuts his finger off while slicing salami at work, he blames the restaurant.
If you smoke three packs a day for 40 years and die of lung cancer, your family blames the tobacco company.
If your neighbor crashes into a tree while driving home drunk, he blames the bartender.
If your children are brats without manners, you blame the television.
If your friend is shot by a deranged madman, you blame the gun manufacturer.
And if a crazed person breaks into the****it and tries to kill the pilot at 35,000 feet, and the passengers kill him instead, the mother of the crazed deceased blames the airline.
I must have lived too long to understand the world anymore.
So, if I die while my old, wrinkled ass is parked in front of this computer, I want all of you to blame Bill Gates! 
It's no longer a matter of personal responsibility. We always have to blame someone or something for what happens to us, and then expect them to pay.
SHYT HAPPENS, people!! | |
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| Accountability/blame. What message are we sending to our youth?
Posted: 6/27/2008 3:11:08 PM |
......I tell her why her choice may not have been a good one and then dole out the appropriate disciplinary action
And not EVERY single incident requires discipline or policy change. We have wayyyyy too many laws on our books. The firm I work for finally decided to do away with a formal office policies manual....you just can't cover everything, and you have to use common sense!! | |
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| Accountability/blame. What message are we sending to our youth?
Posted: 6/27/2008 3:36:13 PM | Common sense seems to be in short supply these days.
Also a sue-happy culture in the States doesn't help any.
Instead of taking control of our own lives, we try to point out that the culture and education we have influences us, often in negative ways..."we didn't know better!" "It isn't our fault...we saw it on TV...or a video game...or whatever lame-azz excuse we have for getting the idea." "You think you're better than me...you aren't and I'm going to break your head to show you!" Others trying to keep go-getters down so that they stay on top of the sh*theap of their pathetic lives.
It used to be you were held accountable for your words, actions, and deeds...not in todays society. It was a drug...mental imbalance...bad upbringing...a dysfunctional family. no...it WAS you. Society and the law used to protect us from ths. Mentally imbalanced? You got locked up till cured...or went on meds and bloody well stayed on them. You were a druggie...you got locked up and treated...like it or not. thus becoming less of a hazard to society in general. there was no such thing as a "dysfunctional family" until the breakdown of the nuclear family...two parents (of opposite gender), one out working to provide support, the other at home to keep domestic tranquility and look after the kids...home and hearth thinking. When this became commonplace to break down...so did the morals of society.
Saw some interesting numbers on another thread about the increases in juvenile delinquency with single parents. someone once said "there is no studies done on that...it can't be proven!" Well..it not only makes common sense...but now there IS proof. So eat your words and admit that single parenthood IS a direct cause to the breakdown of society.
Sometimes young people think they are invulnerable. Pulling stunts I'd freak out about if my kids tried them...then I think back to when I was a kid...and some of the things I tried. "If I catch MY kids trying that..." famous last words...hehehe.
Part of the problem is trying to keep kids AS kids for too long in our society. There was a time, not that long ago, that 16 was considered an adult. You became responsible for yourself and your actions. Make mistakes, you paid an adult penalty. But the laws coddle them today with the "juvenile court system". Perhaps this should never have been emplaced.
Also, social and public embarrassment is a huge deterrant, especially to the young. If a kid got caught shoplifting, they got their name (and sometimes a picture) in the front wondow of the store...captioned "This child is NOt allowed on the premises." With todays "privacy laws" this isn't allowed...perhaps we should bring it back. | |
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| Accountability/blame. What message are we sending to our youth?
Posted: 6/27/2008 10:28:37 PM | I agree that imalit's list sounds accurate unfortunately, but to play my own version of the who's to blame game, on these I'd have to say greedy lawyers with too much time on their hands got the ball rolling on most of these. With jurists, or whoever supported their getting away with this crap to begin with, a close second.
I don't agree with the OP however, in that if the parents were doing the kind of job they should be there'd be fewer problems with the obnoxious, self absorbed, brats who's lack of respect for anything but themselves, and sense of entitlement, still amaze me. And of course the ones who have the most kids, usually are the ones who are the least qualified, prepared, or really dedicated to the task of raising them well. I said usually, not always, so put down those rocks. Its sad to see it seems to take more qualification to get a puppy than a kid.
Her post #5 sounds good too. The problem starts with the ones lacking, and yet manage to sneak in. Had a guy at work who's job was supposed to know how to repair things, climb inside a machine. I do the same job and still can't imagine why, or how this guy got himself hooked on 460 volts, tore up his arm, and started sueing everyone in site. Or another who fell off a ladder he set up wrong, and did the same thing? Guess its just me, but I'd be embarassed admitting to anyone that I was so stupid, but to have to testify to it in court? FORGETABOUTIT. Must be the amount of bucks expected is worth more than their pride.
Happy to say mine can't be bought. | |
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| Accountability/blame. What message are we sending to our youth?
Posted: 6/27/2008 10:59:35 PM | Hmm...interesting thread, OP. I don't know if things have progressed to just being cases of 'youth blaming their parents' though...Lilteapot's first post, while humourous, was also sadly accurate in many ways, and it's not just youths who are doing the 'blaming'. Frankly, it seems like we are steadily progressing to becoming a society that refuses to take responsibility or accountability for our actions. I'm personally appalled when I hear of stories such as, a burgler breaking into a lil old lady's house, falls through the skylight window and breaks his leg upon landing and sues the lil old lady as the homeowner, ridiculous things like that.
Where youths are concerned, then I guess sometimes it just *might* be a toss-up in some cases? For example, (this is just an example, trying to stay in line with your "pact 17 example") if someone willingly allows their 14 year old daughter's boyfriend to have a sleepover at their house on a regular basis but doesn't insist on (and enforce) separate beds, then they probably shouldn't be surprised if their daughter possibly gets pregnant a month or two later. (Or vice versa, if they have a son with a g/f sleeping over). Do the parents deserve any "blame" for such a situation? I would say yes, but that's just me. Or, at the very least, they've lost the right to b!tch about said pregnancy afterwards, by basically condoning the behaviour that led up to it. Again though, that's just me.
Where more extreme cases are concerned, such as some of the school shootings that we all hear about on the news, then I really have to wonder....is it just that these parents aren't as in tune with their kids as ideally they could be? Or...well, I guess I would just hope that, I would be enough in tune with my kid that I would know damned well if they were hiding a gun under their bed. So the extreme cases like that...can or is there an explanation for those.
So
are we providing an easy way out to explain our kids behavior rather then dealing with the problem?
I think in the more general aspects, yep, we as a society are. Again though, that's not just for the kids or youths. Every vice is a "disease" nowadays, every behaviour has a new "official" term to describe it, when a lot of the time we should just call a spade a spade....if someone's being an a$$hole or breaking the law, then call them an a$$hole and hold them accountable for it, instead of fiddle-farting around it.
But that's just MHO. :)
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| Accountability/blame. What message are we sending to our youth?
Posted: 6/28/2008 9:48:56 AM | I have seen so much of what your discribing here. The balme game has been used for a long time. The problem is sociaty has allowed it in a sence. When something really bad happens we all want to know "Why??" What could have possesed someone to do this?? This has lead to the blame game that is being played in sociaty today.
The blame game started out small, but has swiflty bled it way into the every day things and it is so much easier to blame someone other then ourselves for the bad things that happen.
Now when it comes to kids and the way they seem to act now a days, I am sorry but that can be directly placed on most parents shoulders. Parents no longer "raise" their kids. Day cares, other care givers do. Kids spend all day with other adults, who are overwelmed and do not have time for any one on one with children. Kids come home parents to busy with other things, like supper, housework, kids have baseball, soccer, hockey or what ever sport they are in.
Kids are now rasied by their peers. They watch what their "friends" do and depending on the caregivers from their earlier years they will go one way or another. I still think if more parents stayed home and raised their kids then we would not have the problem we have with the teens of today. | |
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| Accountability/blame. What message are we sending to our youth?
Posted: 6/30/2008 8:46:05 AM | A lot of interesting views out there thanks to all who posted.
To itbelilolme: I concur in that yes there are indeed some "adults" who do indeed seem to be -shall we say ; lacking in the ability to make a decent decisive decision about something’s, as the case about the sleepover boyfriend. -(never happen in my house- at least I hope there is not a boyfriend out there who would be foolish enough to ask if he could stay the night with my daughter- call me old fashioned if you like)
as to "I still think if more parents stayed home and raised their kids then we would not have the problem we have with the teens of today". Yes and no - My job keeps me gone for long periods of time occasionally, however there are thousands of us whose children are not all bad even though the father/mother may be gone. I am curious if it is the parents being absent or the fact that when home they do not teach the basic right from wrong principles that were beaten- I mean taught to us as children? | |
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| Accountability/blame. What message are we sending to our youth?
Posted: 6/30/2008 10:41:03 AM |
I am curious if it is the parents being absent or the fact that when home they do not teach the basic right from wrong principles that were beaten- I mean taught to us as children?
I have to agree with this completely. I think I might have been off on the whole parents need to stay home and raise their kids statment. In thinking about it I would have to say, there is also a ton "If I buy you everthing you want, I don't feel guilty" syndrome going on with a lot of parents now a days. I have seen so many kids not have any real bounderies in the home and have learned to be master minpultors of their parents, becasue the parents spend time with them but there is no quality in the time with them. Kids thrive on rules and bounderies.
If you have quality of time spent with your kids I think you will find your kids will be happy, emotionaly stable, learn, and be comfortable in their skin, in the respect if you only spend "time" with your kids then they will push and push you and others as much as they can to find that person who will force a boundery on them.
I had my son when I was 16 and yes I was one of those I know everything and my parents are morons, type of teenager. I feel we were very lucky kids, my Mom was home with us. We know how far we could push, we knew the look in Moms eye. Our parents were on the same page no matter what situation came up in our lives. When I got pregnent. They sat down and talked to me, I, with them made the decision to keep the baby. Did they "help" with him, no they did not. The continued to help me as in a roof over my head food in stomach. When it came to caring for my son, that was my job and mine alone. Due to the way I was raised when Mom and Dad set the bounderies on how much they would do to "help" there was no way I ever once even tried to step over any boundery. In that same respect my son was raised with enforced bounderies and to be quite honest only had the whole "I know everything and my paretns are morons" issue, but then that is a teen thing that will never change, they all have to learn somehow LOL | |
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| Accountability/blame. What message are we sending to our youth?
Posted: 6/30/2008 2:28:21 PM | This is a society of self absorbed entitled people that give in to any and every urge because they've been indulged. They've been given everything, set loose to do whatever, and adorned with "things" to pacify them and make up for what the parents aren't able to give them...the very things they need most.
The message is "No matter what you do, I'll clean it up. Shoo!" | |
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| Accountability/blame. What message are we sending to our youth?
Posted: 6/30/2008 7:26:24 PM | Sometimes its the parents fault- but we all have minds of our own; not our parents fault if we don't use them. I agree that kids now have too much 'stuff' why send a kid to their room when they have their own computer/TV/DVD/phone etc in there??
last week I was hit by a young guy who the cops say has a history of drinking and only has a learners license- he didn't stop- and i'm the one who found him(hanging out of his drivers door trying to push his truck with his foot) and turned him in. I can't blame his parents if I don't know if he even listens to them or not. Now if he doesn't get any punishment- then thats a different story! | |
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| Accountability/blame. What message are we sending to our youth?
Posted: 7/1/2008 9:39:19 AM | I think it can often be the fault of the parents who have failed to make their children understand the rules of the world around them. In some cases like school shootings, or other extreme examples I think mental illness could be a big factor.
as to "I still think if more parents stayed home and raised their kids then we would not have the problem we have with the teens of today". Yes and no - My job keeps me gone for long periods of time occasionally, however there are thousands of us whose children are not all bad even though the father/mother may be gone
It depends on what influences are in the child's life when a parent isn't around though. If there is a karate teach, soccer coach, nanny and mother teaching the child right from wrong while the father isn't around then thats fine. If the karate teacher and soccer coach have an attitude of "I'm not this kids parents. I'm just here to teach them how to karate chop boards and score goals, not teach them why its bad to throw rocks at cars on the road" and the nanny is only there 16 hours a week and the mother is there less, then the child has a real lack of guidance.
In the past it has taken a whole community to raise a child (teachers, soccer coaches, nannies, people who get their car windows smashed, shop owners, basically everyone the child encounters in their life) however today, people in the community can be sued or otherwise legally prosecuted for taking part in raising a child. In many cases today, the only people who are raising children are the kid's parents and the institutions of society (the education system, the legal and health care systems) so if the parents aren't involved, the community isn't allowed to take part and a youth skips school, they have vary little influence in their life from authoritative figures. | |
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| Accountability/blame. What message are we sending to our youth?
Posted: 7/1/2008 9:19:51 PM | I deal with a LOT of troubled kids through work.
Much of the time, Mom and or Dad have not been raising them. And in may cases, it doesn't matter if the karate teacher is helping them, they want Mom or Dad to help/love/care for them. (Most of the time though, Mom), so even if someone else is trying to support/care/teach the child, the child is still resentful that parent isn't doing it.
I'll agree we have gone far from old days when a "village" raised a child. Children need stability. Having them go from care giver to care giver through their early years, does not benefit them.
Damage done during formative years is not easy to overcome. It's a shame too many people out there fail to understand the immense responsibility that is raising a child. | |
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| Accountability/blame. What message are we sending to our youth?
Posted: 7/1/2008 10:40:12 PM | | I have one brother who is on drugs, drinks, steals, the whole shebang- he also abnadoned his 2 boys who are being raised bytheir grandmother; and he blames everyone except himself.he has been given multiple chances..... My other brother rarely drinks, doesn't do drugs-works for revenue canada- been married for over 2o years; and has 2 kids that he is there for.....I don't have kids; but I have travelled around the world competing for Canada in rollerspeedskating- I don't drink; don't do drugs(don't even smoke) so- 2 of us listened- 1 didn't. | |
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