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Posted: 6/28/2008 1:48:49 AM | | My husband left 6 months ago, and although he denies it, there was another woman involved, at the time we had a 2 and half and a 6 month old. We have had a good relationship since and even slept together several times, but as soon as i told him this needs to stop or he comes back the other woman has returned, i'm devastated all i wanted was my family back together and now i can't even look at his face, has any one got any advice for me to cope with this? We were together 9 years. | |
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Posted: 6/28/2008 2:04:02 AM | | Take a deep Breath, kick him to the curb, he cheated once, he'll cheat again. Take him back if you want to share him with no telling how many more women, and hope he doesn't bring you a nice STD!!! | |
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Posted: 6/28/2008 2:05:54 AM | Hey jojo
Sounds like my life about 10 years ago. We had been married 4 years, together 9, 20 month old and 6 month old. Let him go. You have your family: your kids.
Your kids come first right now. Put all your time and energy into them, and you will be repaid in kindness, butterfly kisses, and the knowledge that you are raising your kids right.
He has made his choice, and you need to make yours. Stay in a dysfunctional relationship, pining away for him, and always wonder about him leaving you for the other woman, or stand tall, throw back your shoulders, and be a strong, beautiful woman with a wonderful family.
Move ahead, and don't look back. It gets easier if you can learn to forgive. Your ex will always be in your life because of your children, and it will be easier if you can manage to forgive him. I know that sounds horrible right now, but take it from one who knows.... just do it.
DO NOT SLEEP WITH HIM ANYMORE!!!
Good luck! | |
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Posted: 6/28/2008 3:39:35 AM | | I say you should start over. If he cheated on you that means that he doesn't love you. You shouldn't waste your time on cheating losers. They will just use you and cheat again and mess with your heart. There are plenty of decent guys out there. You will find your true love. Just keep trying. | |
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Posted: 6/28/2008 5:15:07 AM | Until you cut him loose, you are just placing yourself and your children in a cycle which ultimately ends in heartache and disappointment.
I'm a huge promoter of giving it your best shot, but I also realize that there's a walk away point and it seems you've far surpassed that... | |
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Posted: 6/28/2008 5:28:54 AM | Look.....he is the father of your children, he will always be the father of your children.....that doesnt mean you have to be in a relationship for him to do what he needs to do as a parent.
I realize that you still love him............you may always hafe strong feelings for him....that doesnt mean its healthy for either of you to be together......and it sure isnt healthy for you mentally to continue to sleep with him. Good lord he left you for another woman after you had just had his baby..........he really doesnt deserve for you to let him back into your life.......but YOU have to know and feel that......
Stop the sex.........if you have even one tiny glimmer of hope that your marriage can get back on the right track, insist on marriage counseling.......other that that for the time being the only contact you should have with him is concerning the kids........if he crosses the line beyond that rein him in....he cant do anything to you that you dont allow.............
You have no power over him or his actions.......but you do have power and control over yours...........start exercising your power..............
GOOD LUCK............. | |
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Posted: 6/28/2008 9:13:17 AM | the situation sucks. as do all divorces/separations (especially with kids involved), but you need to move on.
He's not going to change and right now, all he's learned is that he can cheat on you and you'll accept him (although you rant and rave, you still slept with him)
Put yourself on a pedestal and make yourself and your kids be respected.
It's hard but you don't need someone like that in your life.
Good luck | |
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Posted: 6/29/2008 2:53:46 AM | | i knnow i need to move on, but what i've been doing is trying to keep him happy so he won't keep breaking my heart, if i was with him she wasn't. i know stupid but i have lost all respect for myself . i don't see why i should be the one shattered. He wants to be friends but i don't think that can happen while she's around. | |
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Posted: 6/29/2008 4:59:46 AM | Yep-this was me from 8years ago right up until three and a half years ago....
My advice look in the mirror look at your kids...look at a piece of paper and then write down what you are feeling out of this then write down what you want, desire, and need then cross off the wants needs and desires and that is what is left...after you find that you are ready to get the things you desire...kick him to the curb and move forward.
It sucks the first night is the worst but you will wake in the morning stronger and more capable than you ever have. | |
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Posted: 6/29/2008 6:40:24 AM | It is very hard when children are involved. I went through this for years with my ex. He cheated, lied, there was no trust. I woke up one day and realized I was not doing my children nor myself any favours by staying in that situation. He would never change.
He is now remarried and guess what??? his wife is going through all the things that I did. I say that let him be a father to your kids, but cut it off at that. He wants his cake and eat it too and you deserve better than that!!!! | |
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Posted: 6/29/2008 7:08:57 AM | Subliminal Message:
#1 - Do not sleep together - no, no, no
#2 - Do not sleep together - no, no, no
#3 - Do not sleep together - no, no, no
If he doesn't want to go to marriage counseling and work on the marriage then OUT. You don't have time for games - you have a life to get on to - he already did. | |
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Posted: 6/29/2008 7:14:04 AM | This is not going to sound kind, but it is meant with all the kindness I can muster.
Sleeping with the ex is more common than it seems. Ppl have a problem letting go, you both need to realize that this is over. He doesn't want to give up the family and you don't want to let the marriage go.
Someone has to be the grown up and decide the next step.
This is limbo , and you are both living it. By sleeping with him, you are allowing it to continue, because you want him back. But you can't control him. To move on , you need to be honest with yourself, because it's all you have. Set the rules and stop breaking them, YOURSELF.
On nights he'd come over to sleep with you, get him to babysit the kids , and go out with girlfriends, or pick up a little sumpin, sumpin, yourself and try it on,,,,just to see what the big deal is.
He has left, but has not moved on,,,you haven't moved AT ALL.
My advice,,,put your gorgeous ass in your gorgeous jeans, get out, have a little fun. Stop acting married,,,start acting single.
A very good friend gave me the same advice, took me to a dance show ( where he was performing),,and told me dance with anyone who asks you. Or ask someone yourself ,,if you want.
If he's out doing as he pleases, and you don't take this time for yourself, AND he comes back at some point, your own resentment will be the problem then. If this marriage was meant to be,,,,,,,it will be. There is nothing you can do, but look after yourself.
Do it. I know you'll look after your babies,,,,,,,,,,let him take a little of the responsibility so you can have a little time for yourself.
Be well. | |
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Posted: 6/29/2008 7:20:02 AM | Please stop sleeping with him, cake and eat comes to mind......... keep the good relationship for the sake of the kids,
But most of all you need space to find you, your are a mother and have been a wife, make the space to find you, he has made his choice let him live it,
Good luck be strong  | |
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Posted: 6/29/2008 7:20:07 AM | | ^^ great advice MissCloud ... "he moved on and you haven't moved"^^ | |
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Posted: 6/29/2008 7:34:24 AM |
He wants to be friends but i don't think that can happen while she's around.
OP - Why be friends with somebody who treated you so terribly, whether "she's around" or not? It's just going to complicate your life and is an invitation to misery.
He may be your soon-to-be ex, and the father of your children, but you can certainly work out the logistics of that situation without allowing such a toxic "friend" in your existance.
You deserve better than that. Insist upon it for yourself.  | |
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Posted: 6/29/2008 7:34:31 AM |
trying to keep him happy
can't help that hon..the only one YOU can make happy is YOU. And thats where your focus needs be...for the sake of yourself and your precious children.
why i should be the one shattered
That is the risk of love....but bemoan not that. You HAVE been shattered...thats the reality.
But, you will ALSO put yourself back together. And the phoenix that arises from the smoldering ashes; proud, capable, beautiful, will not even remember the shadow before the flame.
big hearts....break hard. But they also heal, in the process strengthened, more flexible, wiser..... But first, the continuing relations...must stop.
Why drag your heart back through that? Look forward, head high, conscience clear. YOU and your children deserve that...
you will rise again jojo...hold that truth. It too, is reality. | |
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Posted: 6/29/2008 7:49:04 AM | | HI my name is laurie. I was dating this guy three yrs. All he do is lie, and cheat,he didnt spend a hole lot of money on be. He ad a key to my place , he was drinking he smell like a hoe. he pass out . so i had it I took a frying pan and hit him over the head. and when he started comming out of it i hit him again. then i tore up my house like it was a break in. and to this day, he never know who did it. Let me tell u I got hurt by two guy off this line . I though the first one was it , but wrong.He wanted me to but his dinner for him. The next one ,he was good.their was a other women, she kept calling him.Some times i get so lonely. I never been married. thanks for taking time to reading this letter. Laurie. | |
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Posted: 6/29/2008 7:57:26 AM | YEP, it sucks for sure. After 8 years with the man I loved so much he left for a friend, We dont even speak and that is probley the saving grace for me... you cant look back, trust me you will never let go if you keep fooling around it just brings all that hurt back. its been 2 years and I still have bad days, but the good days are there too. Our 8 year old is the only one who is suffering, that is what finnaly got me to the point of letting go. My oldest daughter gave me the best advise, You are worth sooo much dont let him bring you to your knees. STAND UP go on and take care of your babies, someday they will look up to you for it... Take Care sweetie  | |
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Posted: 6/29/2008 8:00:01 AM | Best I can suggest, Jojo, is that you give your children even more love, if possible, than you already do and if you have a best friend or two, give them as much (non-sexual) love as you can, the sort that might nourish you in return. He is not the last - nor hopefully the best - man you will ever love and be loved by.
Keep busy. Share with us here as much as you care to, all that hurts, no matter how badly it hurts, browse this forum and others to see what YOU can give to the others that are hurting here.
Affectionately,
Jer | |
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Posted: 6/29/2008 10:09:57 AM | Hi Jojo....
Children are not a reason to stay in a relationship with someone who doesn't care.
Love yourself, and your children, and respect you all as well. They are children and can't stand up for themselves, it's up to you to protect them. So DO it!
i know i need to move on, but what i've been doing is trying to keep him happy so he won't keep breaking my heart,
There's nothing you can do to keep him happy, he has tasted a different fruit, and it won't stop, for it is in his nature. You're wasting your time and valuable spiritual energy.
God Bless,
Scott.
P.S. Hi Psssst!!!! :) | |
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Posted: 6/29/2008 5:25:37 PM | Don't be an idiot, keep your knees firmly locked together until you decide if he's even worth your time. When you allow him into your bed you are accepting every bad bit of behavior he has shown. What were you hoping for? To out fu*k her?
He is a complete loser and a liar, is this the kind of atmosphere you want to raise children in? I offer no advice other than to get some help working on your self esteem. What he did to his family is inexcusable. He is not a good man. | |
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Posted: 6/30/2008 1:30:36 AM | | I have now told him if she's in his life then i'm not and i don't want to see his face any more. He has since kept away from me. I am still destroyed but maybe this is how it was meant to be. I know he isn't a good man, but he was, what happened is he just changed over night as if he became a different person, It's not my husband i'm looking at, it's a stranger. | |
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Posted: 6/30/2008 3:16:30 PM | you are being treated like a stray dog; you need some confidence and self respect and stop it. Sleeping with him is an act for him, and hope for you to get back together.
Move on and take control. He's not worth it. Good luck. | |
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Posted: 6/30/2008 3:32:36 PM |
i know i need to move on, but what I've been doing is trying to keep him happy so he won't keep breaking my heart He is not the one breaking your heart. Only you can do that.
Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent. ~Eleanor Roosevelt | |
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Posted: 7/3/2008 3:23:51 AM | | So has anyone got any advice how i can block this woman from my thoughts, and what he's done so i can move on with my life. I'm not well at the moment and i think alot is to so with this stress, i need to get better for my children. He's been this morning all concerned, gonna phone me this afternooon, he put his arm around me i wanted him to get off me. | |
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