| Please review my profile
Posted: 6/28/2008 7:26:24 PM | I would appreciate some assistance in shaping up this profile. You might want to read my post to the forums thread
re: How to Date With A Disability, made approx. 5:30PM 6/28/08
for more insight as to what I may need. It explains why I am mentioning what for ME is not a major disability, but could become an issue -- has become an issue at times.
The pictures of me in the pink plaid shirt are probably me at my worst -- I was sick as a dog, had gained 40 lbs of water retention, my skin hurt, and I was still out there working my sheep with a herding dog. A friend told me NOT to put this picture on, as it is a temporary condition - but the condition arises periodically (maybe every 2-3 years, but when it happens, it happens - can't predict it).
I'm a resilient person. I'd like a lover and companion, but don't want to attract jerks. I used to live a fairly sophisticated life but am in a "nesting phase" settling in a rural area outside a big city. I'm way over-educated, and now I raise sheep, and am happy with my life. :)
I really crave intellectual stimulation and skin contact - but am picky about with whom I will have either! LOL!
Oh yeah, I clean up nice, too! Just don't have any recent "glamor shots" and not sure I want them.
Is any of this getting through in what I wrote on the profile? Writing is like breathing to me - I can write forever. Editing is the hard part.
Garden Artist | |
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| Please review my profile
Posted: 6/28/2008 7:54:36 PM | Hi GA, you have listed "friends" as what you are looking for, but then in the third line of your profile you say you want to "settle down for the long haul". I really can't do a profile review based on those guidelines. You will need to decide what you want before I will be able to help you.
Best wishes
OFCB | |
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| Please review my profile
Posted: 6/28/2008 8:16:32 PM | OFMM, I respectfully disagree. I think it's fine for someone who "Would like more friends, and one good guy to settle down with for the long haul." This line seems to say that garden-artist is looking for friends, with the possibility of more if the right person comes along.
garden-artist: At first read, I liked your profile very much. I'll keep looking though. ;)
Photos... if you are going to put up of a photo of what you feel is you at your worst, I think you should try to get a "glamor" photo up as well. It's good to show that you are both down-to-earth but can also clean up well. ;)
First date is a little on the boring side for someone as interesting as yourself! To me, coffee at a bookstore is better suited to a "first meeting" than a "first date". :) | |
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| Please review my profile
Posted: 6/28/2008 9:03:16 PM |
Hi GA, you have listed "friends" as what you are looking for, but then in the third line of your profile you say you want to "settle down for the long haul". I really can't do a profile review based on those guidelines. You will need to decide what you want before I will be able to help you..
Hi OFCB,
I'm not sure I understand. Why is that a conflict? Maybe I can describe my take on this. Friend => Lover but if one doesn't find the lover, the friends are still a nice social support system.
OK -- I want to be in a GOOD intimate monogamous relationship with GOOD SEX included with a male partner or LOVER good for the long haul. That person has got to be someone whom I like and respect, who likes and respects me, so that we treat each other well. Helps to share a few interests and values, too. HOWEVER, people who come on like a freight train with a set agenda of a particular type of long-term relationship or marriage scare the crap out of me. In reality, I can't be molding another person to my agenda, and they should not be trying to do that to me. You can't just order up what you want from the POF catalog store! I think that is a big problem with these dating sites.
In real life I meet all sorts of people. I do business, share information, and build a sense of community. Occasionally I'll find someone who wants to have a cup of coffee or hang out and talk, or even date. I don't meet a lot of people, and I'm not great at flirting, so makes sense to try the dating sites.
On or off the dating sites, most people are NOT going to be the light of my life! Some may become friends. That's OK. It's nice to build a community or social network. I'd rather have a circle of good friends than be in a bad relationship.
The absolute MINIMUM requirement (and not sufficient in and of itself) is that I wouldn't mind having that person as a friend. There are things you can forgive in a friend that will be unacceptable for someone sharing your bed and daily life, so standards are set a little higher for someone I let into my life further. Does that make sense?
OK, now how to express that in a profile without scaring the crap out of some poor soul who might actually be interested! LOL!
HELP!
Garden Artist | |
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| Please review my profile
Posted: 6/28/2008 9:06:58 PM |
The absolute MINIMUM requirement (and not sufficient in and of itself) is that I wouldn't mind having that person as a friend. There are things you can forgive in a friend that will be unacceptable for someone sharing your bed and daily life, so standards are set a little higher for someone I let into my life further. Does that make sense?
You've hit the nail on the head here! I couldn't have said it better myself.
OK, now how to express that in a profile without scaring the crap out of some poor soul who might actually be interested! LOL!
I personally think your approach is best. Looking to make friends, but open to the possibility of a friendship turning into a LTR. | |
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| Please review my profile
Posted: 6/28/2008 10:17:36 PM |
OFMM, I respectfully disagree. I think it's fine for someone who "Would like more friends, and one good guy to settle down with for the long haul." This line seems to say that garden-artist is looking for friends, with the possibility of more if the right person comes along.
You are exactly correct, but the goal is to find the one for the long haul not friends, according to what she wrote. OP never mentioned friends, OP mentioned long haul first, which does not match what OP selected.
Best wishes
OFMM | |
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| Please review my profile
Posted: 6/28/2008 10:25:39 PM |
OK -- I want to be in a GOOD intimate monogamous relationship with GOOD SEX included with a male partner or LOVER good for the long haul. That person has got to be someone whom I like and respect, who likes and respects me, so that we treat each other well. Helps to share a few interests and values, too. HOWEVER, people who come on like a freight train with a set agenda of a particular type of long-term relationship or marriage scare the crap out of me. In reality, I can't be molding another person to my agenda, and they should not be trying to do that to me. You can't just order up what you want from the POF catalog store! I think that is a big problem with these dating sites.
In real life I meet all sorts of people. I do business, share information, and build a sense of community. Occasionally I'll find someone who wants to have a cup of coffee or hang out and talk, or even date. I don't meet a lot of people, and I'm not great at flirting, so makes sense to try the dating sites.
On or off the dating sites, most people are NOT going to be the light of my life! Some may become friends. That's OK. It's nice to build a community or social network. I'd rather have a circle of good friends than be in a bad relationship.
The absolute MINIMUM requirement (and not sufficient in and of itself) is that I wouldn't mind having that person as a friend. There are things you can forgive in a friend that will be unacceptable for someone sharing your bed and daily life, so standards are set a little higher for someone I let into my life further. Does that make sense?
OK, now how to express that in a profile without scaring the crap out of some poor soul who might actually be interested! LOL!
This was my point, you at VERY least just described "dating" if not "long term". It is important to be "consistent" in a profile, or it makes you look like a ding bat. I strongly suggest you change what you are looking for to dating.
Best wishes
OFMM | |
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| Please review my profile
Posted: 6/29/2008 1:27:19 AM | | Im watching this space with interest ...OFMM just recently helped me with my profile, and I couldnt be happier. Looks to me like garden will take suggestions on board. She may not necessary put all into practice, but at least give them some thought. | |
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| Please review my profile
Posted: 6/29/2008 1:30:37 AM |
This was my point, you at VERY least just described "dating" if not "long term". It is important to be "consistent" in a profile, or it makes you look like a ding bat. I strongly suggest you change what you are looking for to dating.
I assure you that I do not look like a dingbat . . . I look like a shepherdess. ;)
I did change the description from "Friends" to "Dating" just as you were sending that post.
Well, the profile re-write seems to be working! One friend just took me off of his favorite's list! LOL!
Also, the decision to upload the pictures showing me when I was puffed up with 40 lbs of edema seems to have done something. On another (BBW) site I have been getting a lot of hits tonight from SSBBW admirers (guys looking for women over 300 lbs . . . ). Unfortunately, I've already lost some of the edema and no longer fit their ideal, either. (Sigh).
Well . . . life goes on. The conflict between the real and the ideal continues! ;)
Thanks for the suggestions. Anything else?
Garden Artist | |
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| Please review my profile
Posted: 6/29/2008 1:38:06 AM | Hi Geekgirljessica!
Yes, I think you are right. Well, take a look and tell me if I gave too many choices. I know that one person's passion could be another person's nightmare, so I wouldn't drag someone to an event without asking first. Not everybody wants to watch herding dogs oggle sheep, for instance. :)
Garden Artist | |
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| Please review my profile
Posted: 6/29/2008 1:46:56 AM |
I assure you that I do not look like a dingbat . . . I look like a shepherdess. ;)
Whatever OP, whatever!
Now I shall have a looksee! | |
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| Please review my profile
Posted: 6/29/2008 2:50:28 AM | Apparently the OP has done some reading up on the finer points of "writing a profile". What you have is overall VERY good, But I do have some thoughts for you to ponder, hang on, here we go.
1. I personally find the current format a little hard to follow, I tend to prefer a more standard "paragraph" structure. Not saying what you have will not work, just food for thought.
2. Many men are going to find the length a little daunting. Usually, I am able to "shorten" it up by simply pointing out the "useless" information. On my first read through however, I did not "notice" a great deal of that "stuff" that could very easily be "cut out".
3. Remove ALL of the little buggers that used to be emotocons. And no, this does NOT mean you should put them back! At least not untill you are finished with me!
I am going to go through it and attempt to explain why certain things are not neccessary.
Would like more friends, and one good guy to settle down with for the long haul.
We already know this from up at the top of the profile. DELETE
I'm more interested in what is between a man's ears and how he treats me than in height, weight or formal education.
I think the best match for me would be a warm, patient guy with a sense of humor, an open mind and a passion for something (Business? Butterflies? Horseshoeing? Nano-technology?).
It generally recommended to keep the WHO you are looking for last in the order of things. But this is not something that is "critical".
I also think it is OK to disagree, or even to fight, but to fight fair.
This is describing YOU, move up to the top with your OTHER descriptors.
I get along equally well with Atheists and Religious people; seems that anybody with a sense of justice, compassion, a little common sense and balance gets along well with me. I think about ethical behavior a lot. I'm a bit of an idealist, as well as an old-fashioned progressive.
In this preliminary stage, I would like to see this in the "second" slot.
My perfect day:
Fresh grind some coffee beans, take a cup of coffee outside, set up a garden chair and sit back and observe my livestock interact. Then get the important stuff done.
I came home one evening as the sun was setting, I had music from Turandot (an Opera) on the radio, and noticed two more newborn lambs in my front paddock. Pure joy for me. :)
One winter night I was driving home in the dark towards my home, which looked so warm and inviting in the snow, and on the radio was playing "Ain't Nothing Wrong With Being Little Bitty" (a Country Western song) and I felt completely content and at peace with the world. :)
In your "perfect day" you apparently describe a perfect day AND two perfect evenings/nights.?
Sharing such simple joys with a friend or significant other would be perfect.
This is what some of us call an "assumed given", EVERYONE already knows this, therefore it goes without saying. DELETE
Average enjoyable meal:
A good home-grown meal of brandywine tomatoes, basil, home-made cheese and lamb chops. In winter, make that home-made chicken soup or stew. Sometimes home-made bread. Can cook and am willing to eat some fairly exotic foods (Thai, Indian, Middle-eastern, Japanese, Norwegian . . .). On the other hand, I could live on pizza in a pinch. Chocolate is another favorite . . .
I like this, don't know that I have ever seen this in a profile, and is a VERY good thing.
Life is short and I don't want to spring any surprises on anyone:
We ALL know "life is short" and it is not going to be a surprise since your going to tell them anyway. That would make this what we call "fluff". DELETE
I have a medical condition which, every now and then, causes my weight to fluctuate a lot. And sometimes out of the blue I'll start to limp without warning. If that would cause you undue distress, please move on.
"please move on" is NEGATIVE. We will need to "turn this around". Say something more like this instead. "I just wanted to be upfront in the case that you may feel that would cause you distress".
To those with a clear, open mind and all who enjoy intelligent discussion -- feel free to write. I enjoy pen pals and friends, and honestly the sheep are not such great conversationalists and the herding dog is not the best listener. ;)
It IS possible to invite them to write WITHOUT actually saying it. DELETE "feel free to write me", replace it with some clever use of words, and you can "invite" them "subliminally".
Tell me what you are reading now!
This gives the apperance of being demanding, simply remove the exclamation mark, and replace it with a question mark.
First DateBarnes and Noble for coffee and books. There are a surprising number of coffee houses in this region -- some with live music.
This is rather cliche, I would loose it, select some of your favorite items from below, and "expand" on them a little.
Perhaps we could find a local festival -- some of my favorites include working oxen demonstrations, or an Open Trial for working Border Collies (the real thing -- see what it really means "to have all your ducks in a row"). There are also museums, live music, State Parks, beautiful scenery -- so many choices in Central NY.
Final analisis? VERY good overall, well done. Just "bump" the thread, if and when you want round two.
Best wishes
OFMM | |
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| Please review my profile
Posted: 6/29/2008 6:57:10 PM | Hi GA, good job of cutting out the useless info. I do not seem to get a feel for a good "flow", I am not sure why, could be too many single lines, or too many different subjects. Let's give it a go and see what happens.
Your description of you is OK, although I wouldn't say it is great either. Your description of him is even weaker though. Let's take a look shall we?
Have dogs ranging from 10 lb poodle to 100 lb lunatic livestock guardian dog.
Unless you think this is actually part of your personality, I would suggest removing it. It would give you less "white" space, and MAY help it flow better.
I believe it is OK to disagree, or even to fight, but to fight fair.
This is also a flow issue, you have "mixed" your dogs in between your description of yourself. If you keep the part about your dogs, this needs to be moved up to the top paragpaph.
I get along equally well with Atheists and Religious people; seems that anybody with a sense of justice, compassion, a little common sense and balance gets along well with me. I think about ethical behavior a lot. I'm a bit of an idealist, as well as an old-fashioned progressive.
Here you have you AND him, move the last sentences to the top, the rest to the bottom.
I think the best match for me would be a warm, patient guy with a sense of humor, an open mind and a passion for something (Business? Butterflies? Horseshoeing? Nano-technology?).
Here you have used a bunch of useless "asumed givens" in your description of who you are looking for. Do you actually know someone that is looking for a "cold, impatient, closed minded man, with no sense of humor? If you do, I stand corrected, and this might work, if you don't, you have told use nothing.
The way you have used passionate is very good, keep that.
Here are some examples of good descriptors: oldfashioned, geeky, adventurous, high/low maintainance, introvert/extrovert, aggressive, intense, etc.
I'm more interested in what is between a man's ears and how he treats me than in height, weight or formal education.
Add this to your about him paragraph.
At the age of 38 I was given permission to stay in bed and watch TV for the rest of my life, and my response was: "Hell no!" Thus began my current adventure in life.
I have a medical condition which, every now and then, causes my weight to fluctuate a lot. And sometimes out of the blue I'll start to limp without warning. I mention this here in case you feel that such things would cause you distress.
Bump these two two "paragraphs" above together, they are both talking about the same topic.
I enjoy pen pals and friends, especially those with a clear, open mind and all who enjoy intelligent discussion. Quite honestly, the sheep are not such great conversationalists and the herding dog is not the best listener. ;)
Excellent job here. Well done!
So, what have you been reading lately?
First DatePerhaps we could find a local festival or fair? Some of my favorites include historical re-enactments with working oxen demonstrations, or an Open Trial for working Border Collies (the real thing -- see what it really means "to have all your ducks in a row").
This is better, love your unique ideas, BUT, confidence my dear, confidence! Loose the question mark AND the word "perhaps".
Best wishes
OFMM | |
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| Please review my profile
Posted: 6/29/2008 11:27:27 PM | OK, have reworked it for less white-space, more flow.
I added some philosophical stuff for "flow-glue" -- not sure if it changed the feel of the profile too much. I AM nerdy, but I worry about coming across as too prissy or serious. Hey, I am NOT your stereotypical "church lady" -- stained glass window and choir-singing notwithstanding. LOL!
I dunno -- I sort of feel something is missing. Without the poodle and the lunatic livestock dog, it sort of thuds like a chunk of granite -- or does it seem better than that to you?
Garden Artist | |
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| Please review my profile
Posted: 6/29/2008 11:43:46 PM |
I dunno -- I sort of feel something is missing. Without the poodle and the lunatic livestock dog, it sort of thuds like a chunk of granite -- or does it seem better than that to you?
Well, personally I think it flows a lot better than it did, BUT this is NOT about what I think or like, it is about what YOU like.
If you really like your "dog" line, I do not think it would hurt anything to add it to the end of your "Who you are". Try bumping the two top "paragraphs" together, and adding you dog line at the end, then I will have another look.
Here is another thought, I think part of the reason the dog thing hurts the "flow" a little, is because it is so "short". Is it possible to add another sentence or two about your dogs? This would give all the paragraphs a more "even" appearance.
Best wishes
OFMM | |
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| Please review my profile
Posted: 6/30/2008 9:00:21 AM | OK. ROUND . . . FOUR????
I wanted to convey "flexibility. " I added a philosophical bit -- and a fact -- but does it detract from the whole? Does it flow and make any better sense, or just more dullness? Would it flow better if I just scrapped the entire second paragraph?
I mean, in "the good old days" ads used to read something like "single human female seeks single human male for companionship and sex in the three-ring circus of life -- LT." (I grew up with the Village Voice and the Boston Phoenix, and that is the mild version of one of the tamer personal ads in print). It would probably accurately serve my needs. But in the good old days people would correspond, talk on the phone, meet for coffee, and then get down to the real stuff.
These profiles allow one to write the Great American Novel if one wants to . . . . ;)
Garden Artist | |
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| Please review my profile
Posted: 6/30/2008 1:37:56 PM |
I wanted to convey "flexibility. " I added a philosophical bit -- and a fact -- but does it detract from the whole? Does it flow and make any better sense, or just more dullness? Would it flow better if I just scrapped the entire second paragraph?
I for one, saw NO dullness in your profile whatsoever, are there some that will? Of course there are, if there were not, you would NOT have a good profile. A good profile is nothing more than painting a picture of what makes you unique, therfore, it only stands to reason, that not EVERYONE will find it attractive.
I do wish there would be a few "others" adding some input here for some different perspectives, but we shall work with what we have, ON TO ROUND FOUR!
I enjoy pen pals and friends, especially those with a clear, open mind and all who enjoy intelligent discussion. Quite honestly, the sheep are not such great conversationalists and the herding dog is not the best listener. ;)
Here you want the question below to REINFORCE the LAST thing you talked about, the last thing you talked about was the sheep and the dog. Simply switch the order of the thoughts, and you will be set to go here.
The top paragraph has a "disabled" emotocon behind it, get rid of ALL of these.
So, what have you been reading lately?
I did like the part you added instead of "the dogs", and as I stated before, that dog statement is not going to make or break you. If you like it, use it.
As for what is "missing" ? I think you could use a little strengthening of HIS personality at this point, do you tend to prefer an introvert or an extrovert for example.
Other than that, I do believe I have done everything I am able to do at this point. Your profile should be and ongoing quest for refinement. Maybe you will be in the garden some day and "get a thought" that will scream YOU or HIM, add it in here.
I like your profile, it is very unique as far as profiles go.
Best wishes
OFMM | |
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| Please review my profile
Posted: 6/30/2008 6:44:51 PM | Thanks! I'll go with this and see how it works!
Best wishes with your own fishing!
Garden Artist | |
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| Please review my profile
Posted: 7/4/2008 9:27:43 AM | ROUND FIVE -- I added poetry and changed the heading. Does this go "over the top" or add to the whole? How much poetic license is one allowed with poetry? (I do not tend sheep on a mountain, the nearest river is 10 miles away . . . the poem still sounds good to me in spirit). I have a literal friend who said I can NOT use that poem! Ah well.
To the point, if it sounds like I'm inviting complete strangers to an orgy on top of a mountain, that was not my intention. HELP! Feedback please.
Tell me if it sounds unbalanced, or needs to be cut back, or if the tone has changed. Or anything else.
Garden Artist | |
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