| My future stopped overnight!
Posted: 6/28/2008 8:25:34 PM | I met someone on line and we dated for a year, he was honest, caring, giving, funny, a wonderful partner, asked me to marry him, I said yes, then we had a fight, actually, he had the fight, I just listened, he walked out of my house, came and got his things the next day, including my ring, and he was gone.
I could not believe what just happened, it destroyed me inside, and it has been 3 months and I am still suffering.
I keep asking myself, how could someone who loved you, adored you, wanted to spend the rest of their life with you, just disappear? | |
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| My future stopped overnight!
Posted: 6/28/2008 8:31:23 PM | So wake up. If you really had anything, you'd both have the maturity to solve your problems, He's a jerk and maybe you are too?
The Eagle | |
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| My future stopped overnight!
Posted: 6/28/2008 8:32:46 PM |
then we had a fight, actually, he had the fight,
You're leaving out a pretty crucial detail: What was the fight about? | |
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| My future stopped overnight!
Posted: 6/28/2008 10:40:49 PM | | What was the reason for calling her a jerk? That was just an a-hole comment you said and was completly out of line. I guess that makes YOU the jerk doesnt it? | |
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| My future stopped overnight!
Posted: 6/28/2008 10:50:03 PM | | I think you should count yourself lucky that he pulled that now. Any man who would walk out like that after one fight and refuse to try to work it out is not worth pining for. Your marriage would have been doomed from the start since his communication skills apparently suck. I'm sorry he acted like that, but you will find someone better. Have faith. | |
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| My future stopped overnight!
Posted: 6/28/2008 10:58:11 PM | | Well what was the fight about? Obviously that's a pretty significant detail as to why he ended things. Was it some issue that had been ongoing for a long time - at least to him? We're only hearing your very sparse side of it. | |
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| My future stopped overnight!
Posted: 6/28/2008 11:06:39 PM | | I had a similar experience and for me the hardest part was the disappearing--like you never existed. I think immature men handle relationships that way. Instead of acting like a man and looking you in the eyes and saying "I don't want you any more", they instead look for an out. You can beat youself up trying to figure out what YOU did wrong and the reality is you could change anything and everything and it would always have ended the same. I have met a wonderful man and simply can't figure out what I found so appealing about the loser I was involved with. Find someone that appreciates you and will fight to keep you. Good Luck. | |
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| My future stopped overnight!
Posted: 6/28/2008 11:15:50 PM | | men that do fight like this are fighting with themselves . for what ever reason you must remmber you . love is a gamble and some don;t . its worth the gamble just like living a life or waiting to die . | |
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| My future stopped overnight!
Posted: 6/28/2008 11:16:02 PM | actions speak louder than words.
his actions spoke louder than all the sweet words he sold you on.
aaaand...if one sells someone on themself..then they better service what they sell...
count your blessings hon...good luck in healing... | |
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| My future stopped overnight!
Posted: 6/28/2008 11:34:26 PM |
What was the reason for calling her a jerk? That was just an a-hole comment you said and was completly out of line. I guess that makes YOU the jerk doesnt it?
well said..
There was no reason for it, obviously the remark of someone holding on to some hurt of his own..
Either way. OP what was the fight about ?
It makes a difference if it was significant or not | |
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| My future stopped overnight!
Posted: 6/28/2008 11:38:07 PM | Just my opion...he started a fight with you...for only one reason...hes seeing some one else....and he probley thought instead of telling you he would start a fight get his things and leave.....its called the easy way out
And the only JERK here is you Eagle.....now I see why your single, cause your a JERK !!!! | |
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| My future stopped overnight!
Posted: 6/28/2008 11:58:08 PM | | ^^ Sarcasm or not Gamer.. some men do indeed "bait" women to leave them.. perhaps Op's fiance was bating her, but she didn't bite... so, he had to resort to what he did to her so that he could get out of their relationship without telling her the truth of why he was really leaving. Of course, this is just conjecture ~ and without Op's response to the many other poster's question of "What was the arguement about?" I suspect that the conjecturing in this thread will get even more dramatic. | |
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| My future stopped overnight!
Posted: 6/29/2008 12:07:23 AM | Sorry for your pain.
The same thing happened to me except it was 9 months. Funny thing is I never considered marriage. She started talking about it on our 3rd date. Most guys would have ran for the hills but I thought I would stick it out and see if my heart changed. It did. Then she dumped me. Point is..that's how people are. Who knows why that guy did what he did. What is important is you put him behind you and move on. Bottom line is; you have two choices, give up and harden your heart or try again. I vote you try again. | |
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| My future stopped overnight!
Posted: 6/29/2008 12:30:04 AM | Sorry you are going throught this 
Matter of fact is you are never going to know for sure the reasons why he left that way, you just can speculate. Could be a million reasons...
But honestly, any mature and well grounded person acts like this; or there was something going wrong in your relationship and you were not able to see or accept it, or you were involved with a very inmature person. Both thoughts are difficult to swallow, I know, but you need to accept it , heal and move on with your life  | |
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| My future stopped overnight!
Posted: 6/29/2008 12:44:59 AM | | Op without knowing what the fight was about, or how often you fought with him about it (or anything for that matter) it really would be impossible to give an exact reason. It's long term behaviour that puts people off people, not one single fight, could it be possible that the love and adoration he had for you had been gradually dieing because of the way you treated him, and could it be possible that he was sick of you moaning and putting him down all the time and not really loving him as a person? I ask, because this is usually why people will up and leave suddenly. They come to the point of realisation and walk away forever. He may also possibly have been driven to someone else to seek consolation. Of course it's just possibilities, but without knowing any details it's the explanation I'd plump for. | |
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| My future stopped overnight!
Posted: 6/29/2008 12:47:53 AM | Hi pattyjocar
It was nice while it lasted, eh? It takes such a long time to get over these things - if you want to speed the healing process up I'd go get the support of a counsellor (I always think that about everything! Even if I won the lottery I'd go get a counsellor to help).
The most painful thing I think is when people you've attached to don't communicate honestly and this often happens because they're not even communicating with themselves properly.
It could have been because of ... anything. He could have had a panic attack or something or in his head he had 'ruined the dream' by getting unexpectedly upset about something stupid or ... anything.
Or he could be a player or he could be mentally ill.
You must not take the blame for his pulling out, things very rarely mean what they think they mean. You must make sure any conclusions you come to COME DOWN ON YOUR SIDE.
I've revisited some of the things that happened to me in my long-ago past and I realise I had an automatic attitude of 'it's my responsibility - what did I do wrong?'.
If you can stay there in the emotional pain held in the memory long enough you'll come to realise you had good intentions, you cared about the person but there was nothing you could do - and you'll come down on your side of the 'good/bad' thing.
He played the silly person, not you.
You'll need to move yourself to a point of view that looks at it all as someone on the 'sideline' and then you'll see things as they really were. Maybe there is something about yourself you need to look at (we're all in that boat) but as you didn't murder him or walk out like he did I doubt it's that serious.
But make sure you come down on your side - don't go making self-judgements on the basis of what someone else said/did. | |
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| My future stopped overnight!
Posted: 6/29/2008 12:50:37 AM | And your future hasn't stopped, by the way. That's a normal way to think after being in an important relationship that we've identified ourselves with.
It's just that particular journey that's stopped. | |
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| My future stopped overnight!
Posted: 6/29/2008 1:08:00 AM | So wake up. If you really had anything, you'd both have the maturity to solve your problems, He's a jerk and maybe you are????
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Yes, very likely. the FACT OP LEFT OUT THE MOST IMPORTANT DETAILS of this discussion, makes me wonder if she leaves out important details in other conversations. "Reality, what a concept".
I don't know, maybe OP is one of those "I never reveal private details to people", so back to that first comment, I wonder what OP didn't want her fiancee to know about? Its very psychological and subconsious. | |
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| My future stopped overnight!
Posted: 6/29/2008 1:45:14 AM | A lot of us women think we did it, and we ask ourselves what did I do wrong. Honey, he did you a favor, you need to look deeper at his life before you and you will find your answers. Take it from a woman, who has been down this road, and I was not the luck one. I had to pay to get out of the marriage. There was a reason and Mr Right is just around the corner.
So pick yourself up, smile it is another day, and love is around the corner.
Beth | |
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| My future stopped overnight!
Posted: 6/29/2008 3:05:52 AM | patty jo ...
If there absolutely no warning, then he probably concluded he had moved too fast, which can happen even after a year, and decided he needed to get away as fast as possible.
More importantly, you need to let this go. three months is way too long to let someone who walked away cold turkey affect you so. You're young, pretty, stable, and need to treat yourself well and spread some of your sunshine around the world.
hugs | |
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| My future stopped overnight!
Posted: 6/29/2008 2:27:27 PM | i get the feeling when he went llooking for someone, he unconciously went looking for someone not unlike his ex, and an arguement sent him into the tailspin feeling he was back in time at the end of his last relationship
men do it women do it, sometimes 5 husbands or wives is only one long relationship to them because they always go back for the same type | |
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| My future stopped overnight!
Posted: 6/29/2008 4:33:15 PM | Wow, I so feel your pain. I also was engaged to the girl i thought was the one, then one day she said i dont think we should be together anymore, she was all about working some issues out and going to counceling, then she just decided to ended the relationship 6 months before the wedding.
I still have moments that are hard to shake, I am over her (for the most part is itll miss things, especially her son, who had for the sake of things was mine) anyhow It hurts so much and sometimes having to be back on the market hurts evenmore.
However as all my friends and family have told me, its better now, and even looking back at it, I am probally better off...Now I just need to find the right girl, the one that will give me a chance. | |
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| My future stopped overnight!
Posted: 6/29/2008 4:34:55 PM | i do know about that and sometimes you have to say to hell with him !I just had the similar thing happen to me and he and i was just watching tv!he decides we don't need to live together and he wanted to break up!They all start fights so it makes it easier for them to leave.If he left that quick then he wasn't the man for you in the first place.
to the person who called you a jerk must be a man and a lonly one with no life! | |
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| My future stopped overnight!
Posted: 6/29/2008 4:50:05 PM | OP so sorry it happened to you, you look like a wonderful woman.
It may have been best that you find out sooner than later, count it as a blessing and move on.
Without knowing all the details, a relationship is about commitment and requires work to maintain it.
A lack of communication and constant commitment to each other is what erodes what you have together.
Whatever the case sounds like he bailed for any number of reasons.
I wish you the best in your search for someone special, looks like may have misplaced your faith in your ex-fiance.
Peace | |
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