| Am I wrong in this situaton or should I tell her?
Posted: 6/29/2008 12:56:33 AM | For the past three months(we met in early March), I've been seeing this girl on and off. She pretty much immediately fell for me in that she told all of her friends and family how great of a guy I was and how happy she was to have met me. However, I wasn't really feeling the same way back at first.
She was a great person and I was physically attracted to her, but I wasn't ready to dive into being her boyfriend. Nonetheless, I still loved every time we hung out. There was a little bit of a lull where we didn't talk for a few weeks(I guess I was trying to show her that I didn't really "need" her, even though I did enjoy being in her company), but we're back to meeting up again. I spent Friday night with her and was pretty much blown away by how pretty she looked.
So the point I'm trying to make is, after months and months of me somewhat toying with her(in that I was coming off as I liked hanging out with her but didn't want anything more), i FINALLY have feelings for her and want to make sure I let her know before she goes out and gets a b/f, since I know she's kinda been dating on the side. Should I just come out and tell her how I feel and that I'd love to be her boyfriend? I'm going to be seeing her Monday night, so I'm anxious to possibly tell her my true feelings, but part of me has that fear of rejection that maybe I wasted her time too much the past few months and her feelings changed? | |
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| Am I wrong in this situaton or should I tell her?
Posted: 6/29/2008 2:43:10 AM | | Definitely tell her - think about what you wnat from the situation - both of you take down profiles from dating sites? Date each other exclusively? and then talk about it with her. What's the worst that can happen? Good luck! | |
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| Am I wrong in this situaton or should I tell her?
Posted: 6/29/2008 3:02:13 AM | | Jeff, do both of you a favor and tell her right away. To hell with worrying about rejection. You'll get over it, if it happens. Think what you might gain. Tell her you want to date exclusively and remove your profiles (or hide them). Explain about your feelings and why you pulled away and that now you realize how much she means to you. Good luck and I hope it's not too late. | |
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| Am I wrong in this situaton or should I tell her?
Posted: 6/29/2008 4:09:21 AM |
Can you explain why the delayed reaction? Just a guess . . . but he does mention this:
There was a little bit of a lull where we didn't talk for a few weeks and that in that time...
she's kinda been dating on the side.
It begs the question, on the side of what?
And are these the same few weeks you've been on this site?
Hmmmm.
OP had a lopsided FWB, he didn't 'need' her and was 'toying with her' for 'months and months'.
They take a break, and she starts seeing other guys and then suddenly he realises he has feelings for her?
Hmmmm.
Sure OP, tell her how you feel.
Include the toying with her part.
If she does buy into what I see as a load of crap, make sure you have the stones to live up to your side of the bargain.
But if there is any chance that you are simply jealous ... and just miss the control, the sex, the convenience and playing your reindeer games ... cut her loose and let her find some guy who will show her some respect. | |
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| Am I wrong in this situaton or should I tell her?
Posted: 6/29/2008 4:46:22 AM | Just tell her that your feelings for her have grown as you've gotten to know her better and you want to take the relationship to the next level [commitment].
Deeper real attraction takes time, lust is instant. | |
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| Am I wrong in this situaton or should I tell her?
Posted: 6/29/2008 4:47:18 AM | Ok what I want to know is has she made any attempt whatsoever to tell you how she feels about you? Aside from saying your a great guy to her family, which I have been told alot too and it doesnt necessarily mean you are now on her sights to be her main squeeze. Alot of girls say this to guys that are really great friendship material. Everything else needs time to develop.
What I find interesting is that in the lulls she goes off and dates other guys. This to me doesnt sound like the type of behaviour a girl that really is into you would do. She may be semi interested, but do you bank on someone who is semi interested to spill the beans about your undying love? Think about it for a moment. If I was in your shoes I would already know from her reaction to certain situations, her body language, and how she values the friendship, as to whether or not I'd spill the beans. Otherwise what you really should do in the interest of seeing how sincere she is without blurting out you want to father her children! Is to spend more time with her, without those long lulls. Then you will know if she can live without you or not. | |
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| Am I wrong in this situaton or should I tell her?
Posted: 6/29/2008 6:14:51 AM | So let me get this right: You have been dating a girl, who's company you've always enjoyed, but who you just wanted for some fun times? She wanted more and you nixed that and continued on with more games. In response, she decided to date other guys and *now* you care?
Cut her loose, she deserves better than what you've got to offer. It seems like you only care because you sense the jig is up and she's done with your games and moving on to better fishing grounds. After all, you didn't want to lose her, just toy with her for a bit while you were making up your mind on whether she was the right girl for you (or not).
She's not, which is why she has been dating other men who probably recognize what you did not.
Games aren't much fun when you lose huh? Oh, btw yes, you were wrong. | |
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| Am I wrong in this situaton or should I tell her?
Posted: 6/29/2008 6:38:12 AM | "Toying" with someone I find a bit sadistic.
There was a "lull" where you didn't talk for a few weeks and she dated "on the side"? On the "side" of what pray tell? You weren't her boyfriend and didn't need her. So, she was dating others and you got jealous. IMHO. It appears that she went on with her life during this so-called "lull".
If you happen to get her back, as it were, then what? Do you lose interest and don't "need" her once again? Nobody knows how you feel except YOU. But don't "toy" with her again. I say cut her loose too. And oh, in your profile you describe yourself as a "nice guy" *snorts*.........ummm, tell me, is it nice to play games? | |
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| Am I wrong in this situaton or should I tell her?
Posted: 6/29/2008 6:45:39 AM | Yes you were wrong; and I would tell her sooner than later and apologize for playing games with her. When someone gives you their heart it's not fair to toy with it like that. If you're not on the same page with respect to where you want the relationship to go then don't waste their time because you want someone to "hang out" with once in a while. Just be honest with her and if she rejects you, at least you will know where you stand now and not be wondering "what if" down the road. To me that's worse than rejection. You've already rejected her in the past so it should'n't come as a surprise if she has found someone else. You snooze you lose! If anything, you'll learn to recognize a good thing when you have it the next time around.
Good Luck! | |
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| Am I wrong in this situaton or should I tell her?
Posted: 6/29/2008 6:56:13 AM | She wasnt dating "on the side"..... she was just dating. As you had no committment she had every right to do so.
If you are sure you care and want to take this to the next level tell her exactly that. Up to this point you obviously werent sure what you wanted.........if you are sure now that you do, ask her to be exclusive............if she say no, you will survive
GOOD LUCK | |
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| Am I wrong in this situaton or should I tell her?
Posted: 6/29/2008 7:08:06 AM | Why is it games when someone doesn't want to jump into a relationship when they first meet someone? Whatever happened to dating?
I don't see what the OP was doing as playing games. He wasn't ready for commitment at first, and now he is. The girl was, perhaps she still is. Hopefully she still is.
OP, go for it with gusto! Taking your time and knowing when you're really ready to commit is a good thing! | |
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| Am I wrong in this situaton or should I tell her?
Posted: 6/29/2008 7:19:27 AM |
So let me get this right: You have been dating a girl, who's company you've always enjoyed, but who you just wanted for some fun times? She wanted more and you nixed that and continued on with more games. In response, she decided to date other guys and *now* you care?
Cut her loose, she deserves better than what you've got to offer. It seems like you only care because you sense the jig is up and she's done with your games and moving on to better fishing grounds. After all, you didn't want to lose her, just toy with her for a bit while you were making up your mind on whether she was the right girl for you (or not).
She's not, which is why she has been dating other men who probably recognize what you did not.
Games aren't much fun when you lose huh? Oh, btw yes, you were wrong.
^^^Bravo^^^ | |
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| Am I wrong in this situaton or should I tell her?
Posted: 6/29/2008 10:15:46 AM | PLEASE>>>>>>PLEASE>>>>>>>PLEASE tell her!!
If you check out my thread under my name. I was in exactly the same situation the girl that you like is/was in. It starts to feel like a waste of time and effort on the girl's end if you don't recipricate. That's why she went slow and stuck it out with you.
I bet she'll be ecstatic. You just proved to me that there are some honest and decent men out there that can actually admit when they need and want something after they have denied it for so long. She is still there, right??
Good Luck! | |
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| Am I wrong in this situaton or should I tell her?
Posted: 6/29/2008 10:22:01 AM | Yes, you better tell her quick.
I understand in the beginning not really being sure if you want to be "boyfriend or girlfriend" material but trust me it gets old after a while if you feel that you are being toyed with and she may have already started to move on.
So tell her how you feel and do it quick! Good luck and let us know how it turns out :) | |
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| Am I wrong in this situaton or should I tell her?
Posted: 6/29/2008 10:29:01 AM |
I know she's kinda been dating on the side.
How does one "kinda" date???  If she's dating ~OP~ sounds like she has decided her course of action already. Talk to her, but I wouldn't expect too much. Sounds to me like she realized what was up between the two of you and decided life is too short to wait around for someone to feel as she was feeling. I have to agree with that. Good luck OP ~  | |
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| Am I wrong in this situaton or should I tell her?
Posted: 6/29/2008 11:02:50 AM | The fact that she agreed to hang out with you on Friday and again on Monday suggests that she doesnt feel you wasted her time. She probably understands how you have felt OP and although was dating on the side of what you two had (like you, she had to prove she didnt really "need" you); she hung around to see if this time would come.
My suggestion is to give her a small token to remember this date with. Something that shows you paid attention to details that she shared with you over the time you spent together. It doesnt have to be extravagant, just something that makes her think of you when she sees it.... it truly is the little things that mean the most. Include a handwritten note that explains that you are happy you have been given the chance to hang out with her and now the chance to express your feelings. She will appreciate the effort you put forth, if she is still that into you. If she rejects you, then at least you will know and not be left wondering. Nothing ventured, nothing gained... Good luck OP to both of you. | |
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| Am I wrong in this situaton or should I tell her?
Posted: 6/29/2008 3:42:16 PM | | send her flowers with a card telling her you are thinking of her. Put Love, and then your name. Then when you talk to her, tell her you want to be together exclusively and see where it goes. good luck. | |
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| Am I wrong in this situaton or should I tell her?
Posted: 6/29/2008 4:20:41 PM | In my opinion it is always the right time to tell someone how you feel,, good or bad.
I have the feeling that this lady will be delighted to learn that you share the same feelings,,, get this romance in flight as soon as possible! | |
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| Am I wrong in this situaton or should I tell her?
Posted: 6/29/2008 6:41:04 PM | | Just ask her if she wants to be exclusive. You don't have to go in to details of the previous thoughts/feelings you had in the beginning. Somethings are better off left behind. All that matters now, is that you do want an exclusive relationship with her and that says a lot. | |
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| Am I wrong in this situaton or should I tell her?
Posted: 6/29/2008 9:57:25 PM | OP, she sounds like she's still wanting to give you a shot, so make it up to her in the way you think she'd appreciate best.....show her you've been listening to what she's been saying...
However, forgive me, but I remain skeptical that you even know what you feel for this girl...reason is, you said you were blown away by how "pretty she looked" on the last date....all men and women vary in their level of attractiveness from day to day...is this a conditional attraction you have for her???Affected by her outfit, makeup, hairstyle? the lighting??
Is there anything substantial on which you're basing your new feelings for her? If a hotter girl goes after you, will you suddenly develop feelings for the new girl?
Not riding you dude, just posing a few questions to ask yourself...
You admitted "toying" with her emotions...I give you some slack because of your age, but just know its a very unkind, uncool thing to do to another human, especially one you know has feelings for you.
The sad truth remains that there are men and women, 10, 20 + years your senior, who are still playing these same games...and yes, let's call it what it is: "toying" with someone's emotions is gameplaying not dating.
Honesty or lack of it, makes all the difference between the two camps.
There was a certain guy who did this to me....he suddenly dissapeared....months and months later, he contacts me, I ignore him, cause I didnt know what to say...was empty......he contacts me again, (months later) explaining he got "scared" everything seemed "too good to be true" .....to please give him another chance....but my feelings for him had changed so I told him no, sorry, its just different now...its ok, we weren't right for eachother anyway, but what if we had been??
So go after her...OP
women don't always stay at home pining over your pic, hoping for you to call....
Hey, would you please update us on what happens????
Peace and Blessings!!! | |
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