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| Why get married[common law or legally?]
Posted: 6/29/2008 1:27:04 AM | Think of it this way when you're single you....
[a] Take care of all you're own finances,if you want to buy something,you buy it,and no one can tell you any different.
{b}You take care of you're own house work and no one can tell you to clean it.
[c]You can go out all night long,and no one can tell you to get you're a** home .
[d]You can have all the girl/guy friends you want and nobody to tell you to get rid of them.
[e]You don't have to see your girl/boyfriend every single day,and if you have call display you don't have to ignore their calls.(press the end button and it goes straight to the answering machine.)
[f]If you have children you have complete and absolute control in raising those children.
[g]If you only see your bf or gf on the weekends you always have fresh new things to talk about.
[h]And if it doesn't work out all you have to do is phone the person up and say look it's not working and hang up .
I've been married for a total of 10 years in my life, to two different women but I can tell you the best relationships I had with women were the ones I had when I wasn't MARRIED TO THEM!!!!!!Because once you get married it all goes downhill from there,and let me tell you, the the saying attached like the ball and chain really applies.
So why get married? Married is for the young and stupid!!!!! | |
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| Why get married[common law or legally?]
Posted: 6/29/2008 2:25:47 AM | Op,are you saying you're not up for 3rd's,then....LOL !!
Hehe...........sounds like you've had quite a time of it to have come up with your list -- gave me a bit of a chuckle...
Ive never been married (now in my 40's) & i just "knew" intuitively it wasn't the path i wanted to take (when i was about 17,or so.....) even though my parents had & still have a very happy marriage ...
And,as the years went by, a lot of what you say came into play,as it were, & only confirmed that id come to the right decision for me,all those years ago........!!
Thats not to say i havent experienced enormous depths of feelings/love,but ive never regretted my choice.
Will be interesting to see what others' opinions are....
 | |
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| Why get married[common law or legally?]
Posted: 6/29/2008 7:08:00 AM | There are many good reasons not to get married OP!
But the kind of selfish BS like doing whatever one wants, whenever one wants, is not the main problem. If a man wants to do things that are not in the family's best interest (such as have girlfriends, spend unreasonable amounts of family money on selfish pursuits, not come home at night, etc. ), then he should not be married because he would be at best an average-minus husband and definately a piss-poor father.
I got married and looking back now, I do say it was a mistake. BUT we had three wonderful kids together. I would have given my life for my kids at any point, and still would.
Something changed in my ex's head about mid thirties. It was like she was no longer even the same person that I married. She wanted complete independence from me (which is fair enough). Marriage counselling couldn't make a dent in this.
The real problem was when her decision to separate came about, she also decided to drag me into the court system for litigation. If I wanted half the assets at the time of separation -- it was now going to be tough-nuts -- because half of total family assets were already going to be spent on legal fees. This destroyed a good part of the financial basis for my future and also the children's future.
Her method of divorcing also ruined her future in my estimation -- but like you said in your post, she can make her own financial decisions now and nobody can tell her any different. | |
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| Why get married[common law or legally?]
Posted: 6/29/2008 8:08:05 AM | Sadly the generation currently ranging from lets say 35 nd up have such a bad taste in their mouth with respect to relationships that it is spilling over into the up and coming generation. We are slowly breeding selfish people (our next generation) !!!
Seriously, take a step back and re think the OP's post....its all about "ME" and what he wants and needs and not about another person! My reason for being fearful to even get involved any longer I think is justified by the exact type of attitudes you are seeing in the OP's original post. The ability to live your life for others, giving and being glad to just give is a thing of the past. Altruism is becoming obsolete I think.....
My oldest daughter commented one day to me. As long as you continue to run from any potential relationship, it will no doubt affect how I feel about them as well. Made me think that's for sure. But when faced with such negative potential individuals in my age range dating pool, I don't see how I can change that. I always attempt to reinforce positive thinking with my kids with respect to relationships, however I am a very poor role model sadly.
CC | |
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| Why get married[common law or legally?]
Posted: 6/29/2008 8:23:42 AM | My one marriage was a mistake and marriage is a path I am very unlikely to follow again. However I certainly don't want grow old alone.
As to why get married... we all must know couples, happily married couples, who enjoy a special relationship to be envied. Many of us want the same, think we found someone with whom we can form such a wonderful bond.
We take the plunge and all too often discover it was not into well of joy and happiness but into a shallow pool with lots of jagged rocks. We get banged, bloody and bruised and wonder what the heck we were thinking.
Sometimes we survive the dive and can muster up the courage to try again, sometimes not.
ChrashingCloe makes a very good point however, our attitudes influence the beliefs in our children and also impacts their potential for a good marriage.
OR | |
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| Why get married[common law or legally?]
Posted: 6/29/2008 8:41:07 AM | After reading the OP's original post, I can understand why neither one of his marriages worked...
Relationships are about communication, give and take, compromise, respect for each other and learning to deal together with the day to day situations that life throws at us.
I don't see any of this in the OP's post, just an angry person with control issues and extreme selfishness ....
JMHO | |
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| Why get married[common law or legally?]
Posted: 6/29/2008 10:34:51 AM | on account of analyzing havening the aftertaste taste of anal...
can't really see why two grown up and experienced adults cant' start out with common sense when matters of the heart develop.
If you decide to enter a long term relationship, marriage or equiv. then tie up the loose ends, financial etc in a Prenaptual Agreement ....the rest is a matter of individual commitment, need a marriage certificate, so what...doesn't mean a thing if the heart isn't in it.
The personal stuff is just communications and some reciprocal compromises ...does thta still need to be pointed out???? | |
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| Why get married[common law or legally?]
Posted: 6/29/2008 10:34:59 AM | There is absolutly no reason to get married unless you want to. Then it is important to be willing to ensure your partner is happy being with you. ( Please note it is not your job to make your patrtner happy. There s a difference.) Marriage takes good will, comprimise and lots of work. So If you are not up for the challange stay single.
As for meI want the challange and I want a man who also wants the challange.
Good luck | |
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| Why get married[common law or legally?]
Posted: 6/29/2008 10:46:38 AM | When my first wife left ,the kids where one, ,three, five,and seven years old .I didn't actually get to go out all night ,then in fact ,I didn't even get out at all,now I can and I love it.
I guess the best reason for not getting married is the last one I listed,It's easy to bail,and you don't have to worry about losing half of you're money.
Am I selfish ,maybe.Maybe I just don't want all the stress and head ache that comes with marriage .What is it fifty percent or more marriages end in divorce,as many of you know you can try like hell to make it work but if the other doesn't want it to, it wont.
How many times has a single parent gotten married or lived with some one,and look at the damage to the kids. | |
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| Why get married[common law or legally?]
Posted: 6/29/2008 11:09:58 AM |
So why get married? Married is for the young and stupid!!!!!
Forget it. I'm with the OP on this one. If you plan on having kids, then you can get married, otherwise avoid it like the plague.
This thing about compromise and communication is nonsense. If you have to explain something, you aren't on the same wavelength. Best go separate ways.  | |
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| Why get married[common law or legally?]
Posted: 6/29/2008 11:19:39 AM | The reason that some people seem to have revolving doors on their marriages and relationships is because Everywhere they go......there they are!
I would say that there is such a high percentage of failed marriages because there is a high percentage or people marrying for all the wrong reasons. That they believe someone will complete them or that the other person will magically become their vision of what their partner should be. (doomed). The majority of those will marry more than once, never taking the time or space necessary to ensure that they are a perfect mate, just trying to mold and shape someone else into their version of one. | |
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| Why get married[common law or legally?]
Posted: 6/29/2008 11:27:23 AM | | Isn't it all about compromise and communication along with respect for differences, respect for oneself, respect for your partner, compatibility, common interests, having fun together, being able to have a good fair argument about anything, and commitment to each other whether you're married or not? Scared yet? | |
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| Why get married[common law or legally?]
Posted: 6/29/2008 11:34:33 AM | Well, I'm just reaching my mid-twenties right now. But I would like to get married one day probably. However, I'm certainly in no rush to settle down anytime soon. I'll do it when I'm ready, and I'm not ready yet. Maybe in my thirties or something. I'd like to get married to have someone to enjoy life with, for (hopefully) the long-term. My greatest fear is probably growing old alone.
I have cousins who are married or are getting married in their twenties, I just look at that and think "whoa, too early for me!"
It's different for everyone. But I'd say don't get married until you're ready, and I mean when *you're* ready, not just when your partner is. That's the advice from this young, and inexperienced poster.  | |
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| Why get married[common law or legally?]
Posted: 6/29/2008 2:19:44 PM | I have decided that being married is not at the top of my list any more, Been there Done that... now I want to find my best friend, that one person that I not only want to be with but that one person I can't be with out. In this day and age marriage is something that needs to be thought out, long and hard.... So on ward ho... to find my best friend 
Marriage break down does so much damage to a family  ... first the kids loose the bond of having both parents  , then the financial ruins that come from way to many hours in court   and the bouncing back and forth from mom and dad's house?? Really is that what you had in mind when you did the " For Better or Worse" promise??
My two cents worth, if marriage is what you want, fine, just make sure it is what you REALLY want.
Sure being single or dating you can come and go as you like. In reality do any of us want to die old and alone, I would bet money that no one really does, no matter what they say. | |
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| Why get married[common law or legally?]
Posted: 6/29/2008 4:34:44 PM | This post reminds me of a friend who used to say he never masturbated until after he was married.
Myself being a child of divorce and seeing numerous friends & others go through it I really have no desire
to try it myself.
I mean if you've seen enough car crashes do you still want to own one?
No,marriage to me is a outdated joke.
BTW this dying alone thing is nonsense,in the end we ALL die alone | |
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| Why get married[common law or legally?]
Posted: 6/29/2008 4:39:55 PM |
After reading the OP's original post, I can understand why neither one of his marriages worked...
Relationships are about communication, give and take, compromise, respect for each other and learning to deal together with the day to day situations that life throws at us.
I don't see any of this in the OP's post, just an angry person with control issues and extreme selfishness ....
JMHO
I'm with MusicNMe on this one! Wow, such negative attitudes on here......that scares me! Folks, marriage and divorce doesn't have to be this way......I was married for 27 years, I won't say it was always happy, marriage is hard work, but we were always together and always, always our child came first (and still does). We have been happily separated for 6 years and probably get along better now than we ever did when we were married.....lol.
Bottomline, would I get married again......in a heartbeat if someone captured my heart. This is not to say that marriage is my driving force, but I am looking for a long term relationship, whatever form it takes. As with everything in life, there are pros and cons, but for me the positives of being in a relationship outweigh the negatives! | |
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| Why get married[common law or legally?]
Posted: 6/29/2008 4:44:29 PM | You make some great points there OP... and hey... when you get old enough, no one has to care right, you can just wither away on your own without needing anyone to talk to or help take care of you. You won't have to put up with someone laughing at you as you start to wither and you won't have to poke them with your cain. As all your friends and family that you knew for years begin to diminish in numbers, you won't want anyone around to hold, cause that person might want the same in return.
Sorry if I don't agree with you, because in the end, only kindness matters and I would take one person to give that to over a thousand people who would want to hang up on me saying "it's over"
James | |
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| Why get married[common law or legally?]
Posted: 6/29/2008 6:13:33 PM | You make some great points there OP... and hey... when you get old enough, no one has to care right, you can just wither away on your own without needing anyone to talk to or help take care of you. You won't have to put up with someone laughing at you as you start to wither and you won't have to poke them with your cain. As all your friends and family that you knew for years begin to diminish in numbers, you won't want anyone around to hold, cause that person might want the same in return.
I'm not too worried about getting old lonely. I have four kid's who love me very much(ive
been taking care of them on my own since they were very young). Believe it or not at least two of these kids still believe in relationships and marriage, so there will probably be some grandchildren some day. If I lose friends over the years I can always make more friends and my best friend is only a year old so he will be around a lot more years to come.(Dogs always make better companions then women). | |
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| Why get married[common law or legally?]
Posted: 6/30/2008 5:23:41 AM | energy08
Why are you on this site?????????... when* Dogs make better companions then women *
ps I kinda agree why bother getting married. But,WOW to be soooo bitter isn't healthy. | |
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| Why get married[common law or legally?]
Posted: 6/30/2008 7:14:24 AM | *[h]And if it doesn't work out all you have to do is phone the person up and say look it's not working and hang up .*
*So why get married? Married is for the young and stupid!!!!!*
Wait a minute, not too fast, energy08.
Lets really think about this one for a minute.
All true, and fine and dandy, with the freedom, to do what, and when you want to do.
However, let's take this from a LEGAL prospective, now.
The laws of "legally being married" still apply, whether you are living together, common law, or legally married, living together under the same roof.
The ONLY ways around this, legally, from the laws of marriage is.
1). Don't get married, and live under seperate roofs.
2.) IF, you are going to live together common law, under the same roof, then make sure that you don't pass the legal time limit that you are legally considered married. after living tgether common law under the same roof.
3). IF, you are going to live together common law, under the same roof, for longer then the legal time limit that you are legally considered married then make darn sure that the two of you workout, an agreed upon a bullet proof prenup, that is signed, and dated by the two of you, and your lawyers.
Other wise, either which way, living together common law or being legally married, and living under the same roof, those "laws of marriage", APPLY.
And do NOT, forget, and remember this, at ALL TIMES, of WHO, those "laws of marriage" favor the most, in ANY, legal battle, should the whole thing not workout.
The ONLY fire sure way, of legally getting away from all of the laws of "legally being married", is DO NOT get married at all, and live under seperate roofs. PERIOD.
NOW, you are legally safe, from all of the laws of "legally being maried", and living under the same roof. | |
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| Why get married[common law or legally?]
Posted: 6/30/2008 8:52:07 AM | | ^^^^^^And here we have the "laws" quoted from another bitter man. Sad, really sad. Well ladies, at least we know who to avoid if we are looking for anything serious and long-term. | |
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| Why get married[common law or legally?]
Posted: 6/30/2008 9:35:37 AM | As someone who did the long time marrige thing........
I would'nt feel the need to remarry, I would agree it's a better institution for those just starting off in life, starting a family, buying a home etc.....
As for living common law, that would be a bridge to cross if and when I ever came too it.
There's a ton of good reasons to do it and just as many not to.
It seems some would like to co-habitate again but the way laws are written and how things are generally speaking, lots won't even consider it with validity to their position,just the way it is.
Too bad the legal system has to interfere with matters of the heart.
Alotta big homes out there with one occupant....... | |
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| Why get married[common law or legally?]
Posted: 6/30/2008 10:08:38 AM | Ya, its six month in BC now i think, under common law if childern are included and a working partner is providing money for bills and food " that person is used to a certain level of comfort" so palamony (is that how you spell it?) is a possible.
Cheers
Oh the last time i looked it was 43% are getting divorced in the first 4 yrs now those are bad odds! | |
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| Why get married[common law or legally?]
Posted: 6/30/2008 10:40:45 AM |
Too bad the legal system has to interfere with matters of the heart.
precisely!!!!
The marriage certificate is little more than a sentimental icon of the past, resulting in a rather costly party in some instances....yeah, all so romantic...lol
When two people are really into each other and are honest in their intentions...
like I said before the "loose ends" that can cause problems need to be resolved first, same as possible children issues... common sense and conduct of decency...
....no one needs to loose in the event things do not work out as initially planned...
but then that would only apply in an ideal world, right? | |
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| Why get married[common law or legally?]
Posted: 6/30/2008 10:51:35 AM | ^^^^^^quoted by tornado1
And here we have the "laws" quoted from another bitter man. Sad, really sad. Well ladies, at least we know who to avoid if we are looking for anything serious and long-term.
^^^^^Ah, huh, tornado1, truth too much, for you to handle, from a legal prospective,eh.
Also, what is this woman's liberation movement thing, if it was not for woman to take a stand, and speak out of what is right, and what is wrong for themselves.
Are you telling me, that it is ok, for woman to do so, but, it isn't for guys?
Is bitter, your only recourse of defense, and action?
Bitter, not at all, just taking a stand, and looking at where the laws are, and how they work, while not being afraid to speak out about it. Maybe more guys should as well.
Logically, and legally speaking, that, is being smart, and that for your information is not bitter, as you think it is.
It is the truth.
9 times out of 10, the laws works in favor of woman, both you and I know that, which is also the truth. Care to try and deny it.
The law is out there, and it is real, therefore, I am not going to deny it, and how it works, and ya, sure it should not be part of the heart, but, but, it is there, and ya cannot ignore it.
Because, if you do, it will bite ya in the A S S, and bite hard, if your not careful.
Don't think so, ask a lawyer, they will tell you as well, because, they work in the law.
As the song goes, "Before You Accuse Me Have A look At Yourself".
I have, and I go for the truth, not bitterness. How about YOU deary?
Bitter, from speaking out, from a logical and legal prospective, like sheeeeeesh, good lord, what next. | |
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