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| Simon Says... Paula needs to try requesting a review [CLOSED]
Posted: 6/29/2008 10:37:15 AM | Ok. I'm not Paula. I'm Molly.
Well, that's what people are saying, anyway.
I have heard that the regular reviewers are waiting for others to step forward and roll up their sleaves and get their hands dirty.
And I have also heard that its probably a little hypocritical to review people if you've never put yourself out there for a review. I agree.
So, here goes. Please review my profile. This is my 6th or 7th one. I like it, but I am sure it needs some tuning up. It is a profile that exists primarily because I enjoy reading the Forums here, (this particular one only lately) and I use it to post mostly quotes. But I have been experimenting with posting opinions--not sure how well that's going.
My real personality has been described as narcissistic, verbose, preachy and distant. Can you somehow convey this in a positive light? Or is it better to just be myself and let that attract or repel as it happens? | |
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| Simon Says... Paula needs to try requesting a review
Posted: 6/29/2008 11:01:58 AM | Most people who came to review profiles have done so in the context of having their own profiles reviews. Others came to gather helpful hints and ideas and then ended up dispensing advice without asking for any of their own. So, no, you don't have to have a profile review to become a reviewer. Most people do, but many don't.
I am only vaguely aware of the big fight, so I am not commenting on personality issues that might or might not have been brought up there.
I think photos are generally decent, given as they are very similar and not of the best image quality. But, the expressions are good. What is not good is that they all seem to have been taken at same time, they all look webcam-sourced, and there is no full body shot. Much less important to friends profile, of course, but at least one would help.
Interests are extensive and while too many are a little generic, the sheer number and the few unique ones give some insight into who you are. I would still replace some generics by uniques, though.
Profile by quotes doesn't work. You have written long enough and extensive enough messages on the Off Topic thread - you can express yourself in your own words. I would scrap the whole concept and write your own text. Friends profile is pretty free-form, you can put a lot of things there that are not out of place. But, this is a little too impersonal.
First date should be the first date, or first meeting for non-date profile. | |
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| Simon Says... Paula needs to try requesting a review
Posted: 6/29/2008 11:07:29 AM | I was going to review this profile, unfortunately I am on a hiatus until such time as a certain non-reviewing poster reviews it as I have been accused of being to sarcastically critical lacking the ability to constructively dispense information.
Plus, the OP has her profile hidden and I'm to lazy to login to e-mail to view it. How about fixing that for us OP? | |
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| Simon Says... Paula needs to try requesting a review
Posted: 6/29/2008 11:30:44 AM | This is what I see. (and I know SO has already covered most of it.)
Your main photo is a good shot, a bit fuzzy. It would be great to see you doing something other that sitting at your computer.
I find so many interests turn into a wall of text. Are they all active? Which ones really resonate with you? 12-20 would be more approachable.
I get very little of who you are from your quotes. I'd love to see/hear about you in your own words. (Not how others describe you, sorry!) My hunch is you are a complex and well-read person with strong opinions. I'm just not getting that or a "personal" flavour from your profile. The quotes actually act as a wall to hold the reader away. I know some say "no quotes". To me, it doesn't matter if there are one or two. (Again, ones that resonate most clearly with "who" you would like us to meet in your profile.)
And I agree, just be yourself. In fact, if you like to play, write a totally
narcissistic, verbose, preachy and distant
profile. Now that could be a hoot! Put it out there!
And now I see I must go check the OT forum.
twwr | |
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| Simon Says... Paula needs to try requesting a review
Posted: 6/29/2008 11:45:09 AM |
My real personality has been described as narcissistic, verbose, preachy and distant.
Are you aware that you just described your personality more clearly in this post than you did in your entire profile?
Can you somehow convey this in a positive light?
Anything is possible, but some personality traits are much more difficult to actually SHOW, rather than simply TELL.
Fortunately, the ones that speak to WHO you are, are some of the easier ones to portray.
Or is it better to just be myself and let that attract or repel as it happens?
This depends on what you want to accomplish, if your goal is to "correspond/meet, as many men as possible, then you would not want those traits to "hit them with force",and then the answer would be no.
If your goal is to "sort" them with your profile to exclude the ones that are likely to be incompatable, then the answer would be yes. Only you will be able to make that decision, and THAT is something you should make the "reviewers" aware of when you have decided.
Going off your post, my grade is as follows"
narcissistic: There are not really enough of your own words to say for sure on this. C
verbose: In the truest sense of the word F In a more general sense, B
Reason being, there are not that many of your words in your profile.
Preachy: A
Distant: A
Best wishes
OFMM | |
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| Simon Says... Paula needs to try requesting a review
Posted: 6/29/2008 11:51:19 AM | msg 2:
Hmmmm, vaguely aware.... Must mean you aren't a regular. Does that mean you don't have that much reviewing experience? (Just joking.)
Thanks for the review. I am not going to say whether I like what you have said or not, because that would be reviewing the reviewer--so I will be Off Topic. :)
I agree about the photos. My clearer photos don't look as nice, as in those you can see the streak of grey hair I got last year (after a bad break-up--sob.) I'm still adjusting to the grey hair thing. I guess I am in denial about it still.
I thought that since I am mostly a web-reader/poster, that people would like to get an idea of what I look like just as I am sitting here looking at the screen. I need an updated webcamera. The green tint someone commented on once, could be PhotoShopped, but that is the color of paint in my living room and I like it. I have a very ruddy complexion and it balances that.
I put quotes because I collect them as a hobby. It is also in my Interests. I think they reflect the fact that I am, in fact, distant. And being opinionated hasn't always helped me, so I am actually leaving the opinions for the Forums or for the times when I meet people. Having said that, I did just put two sentences in of my own just before asking for a review here. So I guess that is at least an effort in the right direction, I think.
As for becoming a profile reviewer, I have that on hold until after this review is done. There are some things I have to work out first. I just want to get a better feel for this process so I don't go all half-cocked on people in other forums.
I love the Interests Section! Have you clicked on the one that says "mud?" Well, anyway, I like having a "Friends" type profile now because I feel freer to play around with things.
I will try to think of a "first meeting" thing. I am not sure about meeting anyone right now--I am afraid I will have to come in disguise! | |
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| Simon Says... Paula needs to try requesting a review
Posted: 6/29/2008 11:54:36 AM | msg 3:
Profile unhid now.
I had un-hidden it last week to let someone try out some things on my profile easier, but I had to re-hide it because I keep getting these 20 year-old body-builder types looking for just sex. I sure am tempted........ | |
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| Simon Says... Paula needs to try requesting a review
Posted: 6/29/2008 11:59:09 AM | Rose,
"...a wall of text...I get very little of who you are from your quotes..."
Ok, I agree, but I have said that my personality is distant, so perhaps it conveys that? Plus the sheer length of it exemplifies verbosity. And the types of quotes chosen are rather preachy. Thats me!  | |
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| Simon Says... Paula needs to try requesting a review
Posted: 6/29/2008 1:16:54 PM | Old fash mnt man
"My real personality has been described as narcissistic, verbose, preachy and distant."
----Are you aware that you just described your personality more clearly in this post than you did in your entire profile? "
Yea, I'm aware. I had been trying to give the reader credit for figuring it out from my cryptic profile.
Ok, I have put my personality into the profile. After looking at it for a moment, I think it might be redundant, however.
About a month after I joined, and after reading the profile tips section, and some posts by men, I decided that I was very picky. At that time, I changed out all the requirements I had listed, and put a lot of idiosyncratic stuff in because I thought that would help the men to weed themselves out without me hitting them in the face with it.
Also, if they can read through this long profile, they can sit through a phone conversation with me. That has worked pretty well so far--well, most of the time.
You are right about trying to decide what the goal is of this profile. I think that if I were on American Idol--Profile Edition, I would come in pretty low. If you judge it by how many men--in sheer quantity--it would motivate to contact me.
I actually get a fair number of women who contact me. So does that count as a minus? | |
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| Simon Says... Paula needs to try requesting a review
Posted: 6/29/2008 4:42:56 PM | I see your profile is that you are here for "friends", and thus your profile has different expectations than one looking for dating, but I'll do my best here.
It's good you've listed lots of interests, since these will probably be the basis for the people who are also searching for friends to find you, and thus, base your friendship on. It is generally a bet practice to make sure all of your interests turn a highlighted blue, which means they are searchable so people can find you. Perhaps "Famous Quotations" may be linkable as "Famous Quotes" I really don't know...
I understand you're utilizing the First Date space, and I'd suggest mentioning there's no dates, since you are just looking for friends, but confusingly, you mention:
I don't accomodate to addictions. But I won't judge you, either. I just won't date you.
Which makes it sound like you are open to dates. Are you here for dating, or for friends?
I also think, the following are negative and can generally be assumed to be given:
(Please don't take advantage of this!)
I don't communicate with married or separated men, unless you are just here for the forums/friendship. I don't have a lot of restrictions because I enjoy reading and posting on the Forums and sometimes I don't mind people contacting me that would be outside the usual restrictions.
I don't accomodate to addictions. But I won't judge you, either. I just won't date you.
Overall, I didn't really get a sense for who you are as a person, other than you have mastered the art of copy/pasting quotes from else on the internet I assume.I would recommend writing more in your own words, and less in other's words, so the people viewing your profile can get a better sense of WHO you are, and not just some of the quote you believe in / find interesting, and thus make a better decision if they might make a good friend for you and vice versa.
If I recall correctly, at the top you mentioned how "you have been described", generally it's best to say something in the first person, describing yourself, rather than write something as if it is/was being said by someone else.
Good Luck!
-D4GL | |
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| Simon Says... Paula needs to try requesting a review
Posted: 6/29/2008 5:58:39 PM |
Yea, I'm aware. I had been trying to give the reader credit for figuring it out from my cryptic profile.
This is a viable "approach" , but can be VERY difficult to "pull off". Most men are not that interested in "analasis", and unless that is one of the "personality traits" you are seeking, it is not likely to work very well IMO.
I will take another look at your profile soon.
Best wishes
OFMM | |
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| Simon Says... Paula needs to try requesting a review
Posted: 6/29/2008 5:59:59 PM | I like your headline, it's original and unique.
The lineup of pictures would work better as a selection in various settings.
Your interests are awesome, it's a large interests section that actually works really well.
The quotes as your about me work, but writing the about me section as paragraphs instead would likely be a better option.
One thing I always suggested when doing reviews, is to leave any negativity out of your profile. I do think you have worded your comments about communicating with married/separated men in a more workable way than some of the more, ahem, extreme examples I have seen, but putting them in the first date section is definitely not where you want that statement, if you feel you have to include it. However, you can always leave it out and engage the filter instead, and then keep anything that could be construed as negative out of it. | |
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| Simon Says... Paula needs to try requesting a review
Posted: 6/29/2008 7:39:28 PM | Driven,
Darn, the part you were just mentioning was what I added back of my own words from when I was in "LTR" mode!
I had that in there long ago, and just added it in response to feedback about having more of my own words.
I think I have to come up with totally new stuff, or start over as a looking-to-date person.
Hmmm, Ok the interests that aren't highlighted I am hoping to inspire someone to copy and use in their own. If everyone only uses the ones that highlight, there won't be any new ones appearing.
I got the adjectives about how I was described off of an angry e-mail from a married man that I had turned down. I thought it was a good place to start, because sometimes angry words hold a grain of truth that a more civil exchange has been laundered of. Because they are impulsive and said in a moment of emotion--it can be very "telling."
I think some people have a hard time coming up with various ways of describing someone that is both accurate, insightful, and yet not too blunt or painful. I am very guilty of this exact thing.
I figure if I start backwards from the "ugly", and go to "bad," then I can get to "good" without being "sanitized."
Perhaps narcissistic = self-centered, but my therapist says I am self-aware. (That could also mean self-conscious, but I like self-aware.)
Now, verbose could mean chatty, or encyclopedic, but I think articulate sounds better, but isn't quite as accurate.
Preachy could mean idealistic in a verbose sort of way, but it also implies being judgmental, so presumptious might work here. LOL
Distant can mean shy, or fearful, or reticent. I like reticent, I think. | |
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| Simon Says... Paula needs to try requesting a review
Posted: 6/29/2008 7:53:41 PM | OP,
I can understand the difficulty in describing / talking about oneself, especially in a positive light, without trying to come off as too arrogant, but it can be done.
I had that in there long ago, and just added it in response to feedback about having more of my own words.
I think I have to come up with totally new stuff, or start over as a looking-to-date person.
Only you can decide if you're here for friends, or looking to date again, so I'll leave that up to you! As for getting more in your profile in your own words, I have a suggesstion.
And that is, to take some time, write down a few adjectives that are relative unique (assumed ones like honest, humorouss, etc... won't have the same effect), and then try to write a couple of lines in your own words that show us/describe how you are those things. This will enable the reader to get a better sense of *you*. I can tell you have at least a decent, if not excellent, vocabulary when you choose to use your own words, and that you *can* do this and succeed.
I got the adjectives about how I was described off of an angry e-mail from a married man that I had turned down. I thought it was a good place to start, because sometimes angry words hold a grain of truth that a more civil exchange has been laundered of. Because they are impulsive and said in a moment of emotion--it can be very "telling."
Except, that if those words came from an angry man... that doesn't mean they are true. I do not get the sense you are a narcissist. Based on what I do know, from what I read and my perception, anyway. If you like self-aware, use that and tells how you demonstrate that. I would say that compassionate or protective, perhaps, may describe you, but again, I'll leave that up for you to decide how you want to describe yourself. I believe you are an idealist, perhaps you can elaborate on that a bit if you'd like.
The point I'm trying to make is, as a reader, I want to get a sense of the real life person who is on the other side of the profile/computer screen, just from reading their profile, because ultimately that is how I will determine to contact you, or coupled with what you wrote to me, determine if to reply.
-D4GL | |
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| Simon Says... Paula needs to try requesting a review
Posted: 6/29/2008 7:56:48 PM | Interests highlighting is one of the few areas where I somewhat disagree with D4GL.
Yes, it is important for interests to highlight. They are used for searches, and highlights becomes links. But, there is another purpose to them. They are a good way to personalize yourself, in a way that is difficult or impossible to do in the About Me text. Not all things mentioned in the interests are worth discussing in details. And, if they are discussed in details, then About Me can become hard to read.
So, I think it is perfectly fine to have some interests not highlighting. Those are the ones that give you uniqueness, that describe you and nobody else. And when looking at profile, I read those and I get a good sense of who you are.
And, in a lot of cases, those are good conversation starters. If I see something unusual in interest list, I might very well open with a comment on it in my initial contact. | |
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| Simon Says... Paula needs to try requesting a review
Posted: 6/29/2008 8:01:31 PM |
I actually get a fair number of women who contact me. So does that count as a minus?
Hmmmmmmmmmmm, now this a REAL question! BRB, I'm back, had to go reset the smoke detector!
There are TOO many "unknowns" in this question to give a solid answer, such as, what exactly were they contacting you for etc. But if I had to take a guess, I would say you are off base with what you have if that is the case.
I will need an answer to my previous question BEFORE I am really able to help you improve your profile to target "EXACTLY" what you want.
Let me know when you have decided.
Best wishes
OFCB | |
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| Simon Says... Paula needs to try requesting a review
Posted: 6/29/2008 8:14:21 PM | Shadow,
That has been my experience. I have had some interesting conversations sparked by these interests. I have a wide selection for people who are e-mailing me to choose from -- some very commonplace, some silly, to talk about, and there are a few that only certain people will get the meaning of, and that is intentional.
I discovered this guy in Virginia, who had a huge interests list this way and just loved how it worked to help me craft an interesting e-mail to him. It also took some of the edge off of contacting people first, which I have only done about 4 times ever.
(I know, jump right in, you say. But my theory is that men are so visual, that if they haven't already shown an interest in my photo, it is almost impossible to convince them to be interested in the rest.)
As for the ones that don't highlight, I actually like having a few of these. It seems to work like "reverse highlighting" because these stand out, from being a different color, and so they visually "pop" out at you--emphasizing the uniqueness even more. | |
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| Simon Says... Paula needs to try requesting a review
Posted: 6/29/2008 8:17:25 PM |
Yes, it is important for interests to highlight. They are used for searches, and highlights becomes links. But, there is another purpose to them. They are a good way to personalize yourself, in a way that is difficult or impossible to do in the About Me text. Not all things mentioned in the interests are worth discussing in details. And, if they are discussed in details, then About Me can become hard to read.
I would tend to agree with this ONLY IF those things that do NOT highlight are VERY unique. I do not think it will work very well to have a list that has a 50/50 mix of the two, because it will detract from the "good ones" you want to emphisize. Three or four "unhighlighted" ones tops.
I am "experimenting" with just such a theory right now, I have one interest that did NOT "highlight" intentionally, therefore it jumps off the list at the person reading it. I was put there to be intriguing, and hopefully generate some mail.
OFMM | |
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| Simon Says... Paula needs to try requesting a review
Posted: 6/29/2008 8:18:10 PM | I see your points on the unhighlighted interests.
a) no new interests will be created otherwise
b) unique interests that make for good conversation starters
After some thought, I agree, and since you so have alot of interests that DO highlight, think you're right to leave them that way. I think though that if one didn't have enough highlighted ones it may not work as well (I'll keep this all in mind for the future!). | |
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| Simon Says... Paula needs to try requesting a review
Posted: 6/29/2008 8:28:26 PM | Olfashnd,
I hope you haven't got a sprinkler system!
As for women, the goal is not to meet them in the same way as meeting men would be, if that is what you are asking.
I have a boyfriend. I wish I could use the term man-friend, because he's 53 for heaven's sake, but we use what words we have....
It's a long-distance relationship. About a 90 minute drive. Doable, but the distance will eventually need to be addressed somehow, and I can't relocate easily. So there is probably a limited time frame here. He knows I am here on POF, with my toe in the water, so to speak, but I am not in anyway trying to gather any more attention than I am already getting!
And yes, in case you were wondering, he's from POF. I would write a testimonial, but at 5 months, I think it might be a little embarrassing for him. | |
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| Simon Says... Paula needs to try requesting a review
Posted: 6/29/2008 8:41:43 PM | Finally, a profile review I could do in person!
My real personality has been described as narcissistic, verbose, preachy and distant. Can you somehow convey this in a positive light? I get what you're saying here. If that is what you are, then so be it. As far as a profile, it's just a matter of proper spin. We all have things about us that are some combination of vice and virtue, but if you try to describe why it makes you such a pleasant partner in conversation, then it can really make for a great profile. Yes, you can convey it in a positive light, That what 90% percent of PoF membership (self included) is doing.
Now here are some realities. You're a woman, so your photos are at least 60% of how your profile will be regarded. Lucky for you, you're very pretty. Unfortunately, you're not using that to full advantage. Smile, throw some of that beautiful hair behind one of your shoulders, ditch the turtleneck, get outside and use a better camera. I bet you can find some local dude who'd take your picture if you bribe him with a few cups of Alterra coffee.
- T | |
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| Simon Says... Paula needs to try requesting a review
Posted: 6/29/2008 8:59:50 PM |
As for women, the goal is not to meet them in the same way as meeting men would be, if that is what you are asking.
No, I did not make myself clear.
I need to know if you want to shoot for "maximum" contact, or if you prefer to "sort" them with your profile.
OFMM | |
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| Simon Says... Paula needs to try requesting a review
Posted: 6/29/2008 10:44:50 PM | Hi SubSonic,
Thanks for the remarks. Did you go see "The Big Bang" down at the Lakefront? It was such great weather. We were out on the breakwall in front of Discovery World, right behind the clipper ship. I used to go sailing a lot when I was younger, and that ship always brings back a lot of memories.... I wish I could put Sailing as an interest, because I practically grew up on a racing sailboat, but I haven't raced in years, and I have only taken my sons sailing once. :(
I put some other webcam shots I had from before back on my profile. I don't have a turtleneck in these, but they are a year older. The ones with the turtle neck were taken the same day I had my 4th date from POF in February, I think. So that is what I actually looked like on an actual date this year. I took the smiley one down when I switched over to "Friends" because I really don't want to cast a super wide net, as per OldFashnd's question.
Yes, I want a wide audience--in my local area--when I am available for dating. I just don't see a lot of people from around here on POF. So it's nice to meet you! | |
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| Simon Says... Paula needs to try requesting a review
Posted: 6/29/2008 11:11:05 PM | Yes, I saw "The Big Bang". I was at our fundraising tent.
On another note, I just got done reading eight pages of a closed thread. My comments here were entered before making that discovery and therefore untainted by the discussion therein.
- T | |
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