| Hi just had a date from hell....again [CLOSED FOR REVIEW]
Posted: 6/29/2008 3:36:35 PM | Just went to an Italian restaurant, and at the end of the night the bill was $60. I pulled out a $50 note, as that was all I had and my date gives me $20. Yes you guessed it, he actually tried not to pay for half. The only difference in our order was dessert that I ordered and he asked the waitress for a spoon so we could share it. He didn't ask me.
Had a similiar experience the time before, and that date said I will get the tab next time, well you guessed it. I got the Dear Nola email, he didn't wish to take it further.
So guys please help, because when I dated years ago, the guy always paid. And if I was asked to go Dutch, I thought that I was supposed to wear my clogs.
I honestly think the guy should pay, for the FIRST date at least. It just sours the whole date. What do you think fellow forumers? | |
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| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 6/29/2008 3:45:00 PM | WOW.. you concider that a date from Hell...lol.. have you read some of the other stories on the forums??
I think, whomever is the one who asks for the date, should be the one to pay. If a guy asks me out.. I assume he is treating me, but i bring money and offer anyway. If i ask him out, I expect to pay.
The whole.. i'll pay next time.. is horrible because so many times there is not a next time. Thats why my first meetings are usually over coffee.. cheap, simple.. go from there! | |
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| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 6/29/2008 4:18:24 PM | They don't make'em like they used to.
It doesn't matter what you purchased. The old school way is to pay for the lady.
O | |
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| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 6/29/2008 4:19:58 PM | | Don't know if this helps you or not, but I still pay for my dates unless she wishes to pay, then I insist on splitting the bill. | |
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| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 6/29/2008 4:22:24 PM | I have to wonder if this was actually your very first meeting, or had you met before and now were out on a date. If a first meeting occurs at a restaurant, I always ask to 'pitch-in" for the tab. If he doesnt allow that, I then insist on leaving the tip. Now, if we are on a date, I will still offer, hoping he declines and treats me to a great evening.  | |
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| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 6/29/2008 4:23:56 PM | hahahaha.wow. what kind of men are you hooking up with? i always ask do i need to bring money or anything but they end up laughing saying "of course i will pay".
CHEAP GUYS out there. SAD. | |
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| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 6/29/2008 4:25:34 PM | If I am meeting a guy for the first time I make sure I have the money for my portion of the date . (( learn from your experience next time make sure you have made change for your 50 )) and when ordering tell them its for separate bills or when they bring the bill ask for it to be divided up .
Now once we have met and he has said hey I wish to take you out sure then he can pay for the date . DO I think he should pay the first time well no . | |
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| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 6/29/2008 4:26:29 PM |
i always ask do i need to bring money or anything but they end up laughing saying "of course i will pay".
A most excellent way to diffuse a potentially embarrassing situation. Plus, isn't there some unwritten rule that states if YOU ask a person out it's implied that you're paying? I mean hell..I don't need help from people offering ways to spend my money. I do that well enough on my own.
O | |
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| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 6/29/2008 4:29:53 PM | If you can`t afford to go out to eat ,stay home.
I never ,ever had a problem about who pays for the food.But then again ,I really don`t care and have no problem paying for dinner if the company is good.I am sure men feel the same way. | |
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| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 6/29/2008 4:30:14 PM |
I honestly think the guy should pay, for the FIRST date at least. It just sours the whole date. What do you think fellow forumers?
I see no difference in the man paying and then the woman saying "no next time."
That's why I like to have a soda or coffee for the first meeting. It means that we don't have to spend more time together than necessary if we know it isn't going to work out and no one is out a lot of money.
If it is dutch, tell the server "separate checks" when ordering. If he doesn't have the money to pay, it's his problem. | |
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| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 6/29/2008 4:32:09 PM | I agree with MsProton, not really a date from hell. I agree it's pretty sh1tty, but not exactly hellish. The only advice I could give you is the following, get things settled ahead of time as far as the arrangements are concerned. To avoid being labeled a "gold-digger" or something petty like that, tell the guy that you are most comfortable with separate checks on the first date(I would avoid the whole "Dutch" terminology to avoid issues). With that in mind, you won't get stuck with a numskull like this guy you just had a date with. But stick to your guns and understand that no matter who asks for the first date you will pay for your share.
As people in the dating pool, we are in a "damned if you do, damned if you don't" situation. As a guy, if I don't offer to pay for the date at a minimum I'm a cheapo filipo, and as a woman if you don't offer to pay your half some guys consider you a gold-digger just out for a free dinner. When I ask a woman out, I tell them in no uncertain terms that I am asking you out and therefore I am paying. Then there are no misunderstandings, hopefully I gain some respect for being a man and stepping up, and the date is much more relaxing especially when the bill arrives.
OP, hopefully the worst case is he was cheap and not smelly with bad teeth like some of the other "dates from hell". | |
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| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 6/29/2008 4:37:17 PM | Where are you ladies getting these men? I guess it's because I haven't been meeting guys on these sites in a couple years, but I have never been in a situation where the guy didn't pay when we went to dinner. A gentleman always pays. I have had some guys that I met at a coffee shop and they didn't even offer coffee, and needlesstosay their fate was sealed.
I cannot respect a man who expects me to pay half on a date. That's what I do with girlfriends which is fine because I am not trying to court my girlfriends.
Next time excuse yourself to go to the ladies room, leave the restaraunt and leave him with the entire bill afterall you don't want to see him again anyway. | |
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| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 6/29/2008 4:40:40 PM | | Lesson learned. If you have a problem, ask the waiter or waitress to split the check, bring smaller bills or a credit card only. | |
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| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 6/29/2008 4:45:33 PM | | Rude but not hellish. I miss the days when a man actually romanced you for the first few dates. I was raised with the idea that that was what a gentleman that was interested in you did. I'd rather stay home or go out with my girlfriends if I am expected to pay my fair share from day one. I love a romantic picnic on the beach or a free concert in a park with a bottle of wine. I love to cook for people and if a man I liked suggested a simple picnic I'd go overboard preparing a feast for him. A date does not need to be expensive or over the top just romantic. Cheap is not attractive. | |
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| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 6/29/2008 4:49:24 PM | Was "hell" just the part where he made you paid for more than half?
I just do starbucks.
There is NO WAY someone I don't know is going to stick his spoon, he had just taken out of his mouth, on my dessert!
Like George Constanza would say about double dipping: Is like putting your whole mouth in it!!
Bring change next time, singles, fives, tens and then split it right the middle is that is the only part that bother you from the date.
Good Luck next time! | |
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| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 6/29/2008 4:49:50 PM | | In my experience, always bring money to pay for your share of the date. When the bill comes, offer to split it and see what the response is. I think most men these days will pay but may appreciate your gesture. I have no problem paying for my share, but also appreciate the 'woo'! | |
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| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 6/29/2008 4:54:57 PM | Yep, why do they invite you and then when the bill comes they realize they don't have the money to cover it??? My first POF dating experience and I must say, there is a reason I ended it. I gave it two tries thinking the first time was a fluke. The guy invites me to go out for dinner and says "wow" when the bill comes. The end of that relationship came right after the 2nd time. If we are going to split it, then I will consider him a friend like those that I always split the bill with - my girl friends. Some people just don't get it. | |
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| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 6/29/2008 4:56:53 PM | | Times have changed from "years ago". The best solution is to stop going on expensive dates in the early stages. Wait until you're sure there's mutual interest. | |
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| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 6/29/2008 4:57:53 PM |
When the bill comes, offer to split it and see what the response is. I think most men these days will pay but may appreciate your gesture.
Yes we do appreciate the gesture.
The expense of dating is what keeps at least one party honest. If I was only paying for myself I'd be doing the whole casual
dating thing and while that's ok at times I need to be a bit more focused on finding the right lady. Not saving a few bucks.
O | |
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| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 6/29/2008 4:58:27 PM | Thats not too bad of a date --- I always pay the first time unless she insists upon paying her share -- who cares-- a 60 dollar tab is nothing to fret over .
This fashion junkie might would have to pay her own way tho lol
This just goes to show you that most of the fish in this pond are catch and release only ---sad to say | |
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| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 6/29/2008 5:00:17 PM | Impressive move on your part for wanting to pay for your half, bad move on his part for taking advantage of the situation.
I honestly think the guy should pay, for the FIRST date at least. It just sours the whole date. What do you think fellow forumers?
Now speaking of taking advantage of a situation, would a guy paying for the first date ensure a second date with you or any woman for that matter? Ever consider how much a guy could spend on a bunch of first dates that end up going nowhere?
I say each person picking up their half helps to keeps things friendly whether things work out or not. If things happen to work out and if you enjoy one another company you could take turns treating one another on dates.
Just my opinion. | |
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| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 6/29/2008 5:08:11 PM |
So guys please help, because when I dated years ago, the guy always paid.
Many guys don't know WHAT to do anymore. Myself, I alway pay, unless we've been together for a long time and have an established relationship. Some women get offended if you try to pay their way, though. Instead of pulling out a 50, you should have asked him if he wanted to go half and half.
Communication. People need to communicate and stop assuming. | |
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| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 6/29/2008 5:12:12 PM | Hi OP
Yes, like another poster said, just go for a coffee.
I usually say 30 minutes and they end up begging for a couple of hours. I give in eventually.
I'm a generous person. | |
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