| Dumped before the date! What's going on?
Posted: 6/29/2008 4:13:05 PM | | So here I finally take a chance on meeting someone... and then the day that we are suppose to meet (today) he sends me an email saying he's not ready for a relationship and that it wouldn't be fair to me if I didn't find someone who could treat me right. HUH?!!?! WTF! I thought we were just going for coffee not making plans for our wedding. I just don't get it. I feel really bummed right now. I have a guy who wanted to meet me and then cancels, I had a guy who wanted to meet me, but who changed his mind -- do I give up now and just forget about online dating? I need some advice. Anyone else been in this situation? | |
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| Dumped before the date! What's going on?
Posted: 6/29/2008 4:16:49 PM | | It hasnt happened to me, but my friend who uses this site has been talkin to a guy that keeps making plans to meet her, and then always cancels them last minute. Maybe he got nervous or something? Scared you wouldn't like him? I don't know :( | |
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| Dumped before the date! What's going on?
Posted: 6/29/2008 4:22:02 PM | | Thanks for the phrase "scared you wouldn't like him" -- I rather believe that than "scared he wouldn't like me". Coffee can be as quick as 15 minutes or as drawn out as an hour I suppose... I have not been on a date in over a year... I was actually looking forward to it. I can't believe he used the "its me, not you" excuse too. That's pretty darn lame if you ask me. | |
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| Dumped before the date! What's going on?
Posted: 6/29/2008 4:24:28 PM |
I thought we were just going for coffee not making plans for our wedding. I just don't get it. I feel really bummed right now. I have a guy who wanted to meet me and then cancels, I had a guy who wanted to meet me, but who changed his mind -- do I give up now and just forget about online dating? I need some advice. Anyone else been in this situation?
Oh heck no don't give up. Certainly don't take it personally. They couldn't have intended it to be personal since they didn't meet you, let alone know you.
So... don't be bummed - consider it their loss and keep on fishin' | |
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| Dumped before the date! What's going on?
Posted: 6/29/2008 4:27:38 PM | | dont let it get you down. he was either nervous or FAKE!. dont waste your time with him if he asks to start again cuz it will happen again. move on. there is plenty of guys on here willing to meet you. | |
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| Dumped before the date! What's going on?
Posted: 6/29/2008 4:31:19 PM | Thanks everyone, I will try not to take it personally. It just took so much courage to even agree to meeting and then BOOM! an email blow-off. I guess he really wasn't ready as he has now deleted his profile. Wonderful. Wow, what an effect I have. If I keep this up, the pond will be half empty. :) OK, I'm feeling better already.  | |
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| Dumped before the date! What's going on?
Posted: 6/29/2008 4:32:24 PM | It's very common with online dating. Maybe he never meant to meet you or anyone else, maybe he changed his mind, maybe he's just playing around and you took him seriously, who knows. Forget it, it's not worth getting upset about, but don't keep talking to him and keep letting him set you up, block and move on. If he'd had a legitimate excuse I say give him another chance but this is just your standard rejection speech so I wouldn't bother with him anymore, unless you want to keep talking to him knowing he's not ever going to meet you.
A lot of people just like to get their jollies from talking to others and playing like it's a budding relationship, maybe get some cyber/phone sex and have fun. They may even think you are doing the same thing or they get off on knowing you are taking it seriously, whatever it is, setting someone up is rude and not going to be someone you would want to have in your life. Better to cut it off now than to allow yourself to be used by someone who has no respect for you. | |
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| Dumped before the date! What's going on?
Posted: 6/29/2008 4:43:55 PM |
I guess he really wasn't ready as he has now deleted his profile. Wonderful.
Some people AREN'T ready. The first thing MOST guys will tell other guys to do after a breakup is to jump in and find another woman right away. And for some guys, that works. That's the same advice I got when MY last relationship ended. One friend specifically told me I should try this site (which I had been on in the past, and I already knew about). Anyway, I signed up here about 2 weeks after my breakup, and realized that it was too soon, I was NOT ready, and if I got involved with someone, it would just kill the relationship because I was still hooked on feelings of my old girlfriend. Thing is, sometimes it takes connecting with another woman before you realize you aren't ready.
Wow, what an effect I have. If I keep this up, the pond will be half empty. :)
It was only two guys. There's many, many more out there. And plenty of them ARE ready for a relationship. | |
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| Dumped before the date! What's going on?
Posted: 6/29/2008 4:43:58 PM | You never know what "the rest of the story" is with people on these sites. I quit even trying to figure it out. People are always going to flake out on you. You honestly can't take it personally. Some people are here to actually meet people and get to know someone. Others just want their ego's stroked, still in relationships, etc. etc.
Be glad he bailed when he did and move on. Based on your profile you are a very attractive lady and very bright. He missed the boat. Move forward.... | |
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| Dumped before the date! What's going on?
Posted: 6/29/2008 4:46:15 PM |
You never know what "the rest of the story" is with people on these sites.
I'm still holding my breath for the first "they were both probably married" post.  | |
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| Dumped before the date! What's going on?
Posted: 6/29/2008 4:49:10 PM |  That's funny as hell. Not that he backed out on you but his reason for backing out AND your reaction to it!
Midnight, stay positive and use the experience to your benefit. Not only have quickly identified a couple of guys who weren't ready to allow the posibility of having a woman in his life (be it for coffee, marriage or something in between like coffee AND a danish) but you now have a GREAT anecdote to tell during your coffee date with the right guy.
Chin up, it'll happen! | |
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| Dumped before the date! What's going on?
Posted: 6/29/2008 4:49:48 PM | at least he emailed you to cancel the date , I've had guys makea date then stand me up ...what is up with that , but take everyones advice . dont take it personally and keep on fishing ....hey its their loss right ?
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| Dumped before the date! What's going on?
Posted: 6/29/2008 4:53:58 PM | I'd be happy to buy you a cup of coffee any time you're in Indianapolis.
I guess he got cold feet. It happens, it isn't anything personal, it's him, not you.
Obviously he wasn't the guy for you, which means you're that much closer to finding the right "him." | |
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| Dumped before the date! What's going on?
Posted: 6/29/2008 4:55:54 PM |
hey its their loss right ?
Yeah, right. 
OP, Nothing's going on. He changed his mind. What's the big deal?
You're not the only woman here, you know that right?
There is always a better fish out there.
He probably found a better one. | |
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| Dumped before the date! What's going on?
Posted: 6/29/2008 4:56:14 PM |
So here I finally take a chance on meeting someone... and then the day that we are suppose to meet (today) he sends me an email saying he's not ready for a relationship and that it wouldn't be fair to me if I didn't find someone who could treat me right. HUH?!!?! WTF! I thought we were just going for coffee not making plans for our wedding. I just don't get it. I feel really bummed right now. I have a guy who wanted to meet me and then cancels, I had a guy who wanted to meet me, but who changed his mind -- do I give up now and just forget about online dating? I need some advice. Anyone else been in this situation?
Forget about guys like that. They don't know what they want. They make the rest of us look bad. | |
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| Dumped before the date! What's going on?
Posted: 6/29/2008 4:57:35 PM | Stop being such a drama queen midnight crossing - this has happened to me several times.
You don't stop shopping at the supermarket because they don't have your favourite coffee in one week now do you? Nothing's going on apart from the fact the guy got freaked out and panicked.
You're a really attractive looking woman. Other men will emerge.
Lots of other men will emerge. Too many bl**dy other men will emerge. You'll be fighting them off. Then you can come on here and complain about all the guys who won't take no for an answer. | |
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| Dumped before the date! What's going on?
Posted: 6/29/2008 4:59:14 PM | There's no reason to be "bummed". The name of this site is Plenty Of Fish and that's exactly how you should view it. One man's lost is another one's gain | |
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| Dumped before the date! What's going on?
Posted: 6/29/2008 5:03:15 PM | mebbe his wife wouldn't let him out after all....
or he was afraid YOU would like HIM!!!
and who sez girls are hard to figure??? ehehe | |
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| Dumped before the date! What's going on?
Posted: 6/29/2008 5:04:50 PM | That's ok... I had an entire season in January of getting stood up... not just once... several times!!!
A year prior to that I had a guy reschedule several times... come to find out, he was just nervous getting back into things after a decade of marriage and a really bad divorce. He really wasnt feelin the dating vibe... but was making the attempt because he thought thats how youre supposed to move on.
Be glad he had the nads to call you and cancel, rather than just not showing up as has happened to me.
My opinion... the better we are able to deal with these situations... makes us better and more understanding partners when we do find "our someone special". | |
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| Dumped before the date! What's going on?
Posted: 6/29/2008 5:06:16 PM | At first, I think some guys may feel excited about meeting but when it comes right down to it, they cancel because they feel "out of their element" so to speak. They may feel more at ease meeting at a bar or other venue as opposed to meeting in a virtual environment...... which excludes all the messaging, anticipating and wondering if he is "good enough"
I learned from a radio talk show last week that men are in more fear of "not making the grade" with women. Given the power women have nowadays and given that women are more demanding of men nowadays..... and being vocal about their disappointments, many men don't follow through on things in the name of fear and failure.
I would say the guy lacked confidence.
Why don't you contact him and insist that you both meet. That may change things as he might feel you are legitimately interested in him and you're not simply "comparing him to others".... even if it is the case.
As a footnote to the radio talk show: Sex therapists are claiming that men ages 18-30 are taking Viagra because they don't feel they "Add up" to the demands women are invoking. It also stated that women are very vocal about being disappointed. | |
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| Dumped before the date! What's going on?
Posted: 6/29/2008 5:14:09 PM | | You meet all sorts on this site. I suspect they were just weak men who were probably lying about their circumstances and couldn't follow through. I'm sure you'll meet someone decent soon. Just write these two off as idiots. | |
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| Dumped before the date! What's going on?
Posted: 6/29/2008 5:19:50 PM | | It;s not you, there's a whole bunch of guys on here that are real flakes, they don't know what they want. That's why it's important to ask a lot of questions and talk to them on the phone BEFORE you agree to meet them. | |
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| Dumped before the date! What's going on?
Posted: 6/29/2008 5:20:28 PM | Midnite crossing...Just remember this....for everyone that doesnt show up or cancels, there will be 3 or 4 more to take their place ...be patient, they are the loosers..not you. You are so pretty, it is his loss !!!! | |
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