| Question about married people and POF
Posted: 6/29/2008 4:16:33 PM | Not too sure here but:
I found my wife cheating on me by dating other married people on this site.
By the looks of things here the majority are single.
Is this just an underground thing?
Has anybody else dealt with this? | |
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| Question about married people and POF
Posted: 6/29/2008 4:21:33 PM | | When i first joined this site , I thought it was a DATING site for single people . But i find i get contacted by alot of non single people on here . And on the forums you see alot of people who put just here for the forums i have a mate .. In general from being on this site for awhile its more a place where people trade ideas , ask questions and advice more than a place to look for a mate . | |
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| Question about married people and POF
Posted: 6/29/2008 4:27:12 PM | | Its mixed married and single. Unfortuntaly i thought this would be a good date site, but I have found allot of issues that im not sure i agree with ? | |
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| Question about married people and POF
Posted: 6/29/2008 4:33:24 PM | | This site is what YOU make of it. No one can push you to date anyone on here if they didn't want to. Sounds to me that unfortunately your wife was looking. I am married atalked to many men but I let tyhem know from the start they I am not interested and if they pursue - I just cut them off. We all have choices and some of us are on here to chat believe it or not. | |
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| Question about married people and POF
Posted: 6/29/2008 4:57:39 PM | No, I'm not that naive. If they are looking, they can find.
It's just nice to here some sense of reality to all of this.
We are separated at the moment. A bit of a cooling off period so to speak.
I suppose we'll find out in a month or so what happens next.
Oh yah, don't worry, no violence on my behalf. I was just getting too tense in the house and was affecting our 9 year old daughter.
I moved out. | |
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| Question about married people and POF
Posted: 6/29/2008 5:05:26 PM | I think the site reflects what you get in 'real-life' so I don't think we should say 'this site'.
It's all of them and it's everywhere. I think a lot of people have had so many sexual relationships of so many kinds by the time they get married the lines between 'single' and 'married' are completely blurred.
I've come across a few married women looking for fun on here - but I've also come across them in real-life too. I use the same approach for either version. | |
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| Question about married people and POF
Posted: 6/29/2008 7:25:02 PM | Well, the rumor is that around 1/3 of the people on dating websites are married or in a relationship. My approach to avoid those folks is not to respond to the "no picture" crowd. There's a lot of married or otherwise living with looking for someone else. There are specialized websites for that stuff.
This site has the "forms" which encourages more than dating. There are people on here just hanging out and chattting and that's all.
Furthermore, if someone doesn't want to give their name and phone number out and meet at a "park" or some crap like that . . . . . | |
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| Question about married people and POF
Posted: 6/29/2008 9:05:01 PM | I personally dont think if I was married,Id want my husband on a dating site..but
thats just me!!!! I guess.!!!I also feel if I was a married woman what would my butt be
doing on a dating site???many people cheat,lie and just cannot be faithful to their
partners I think its trully sad...If youre unhappily married get out of it dont complicate
matters worse and join a dating site duh!!LOL | |
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| Question about married people and POF
Posted: 6/29/2008 9:39:47 PM | | I agree with above poster if I am married or for that matter in a relationship .. I would not be on a site such as this nor would i want my mate to be also .. | |
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| Question about married people and POF
Posted: 6/29/2008 9:53:13 PM |
We are separated at the moment. A bit of a cooling off period so to speak.
I suppose we'll find out in a month or so what happens next.
So, umm, you're going to date a little while waiting to go back to your wife? You found out your wife was cheating on you with people from here, so you're going to do it too while you're apart? | |
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| Question about married people and POF
Posted: 6/29/2008 10:04:48 PM | | I will give the OP credit on his profile it said just here to talk /email nothing about dating or anything and it does say seperated ... | |
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| Question about married people and POF
Posted: 6/29/2008 10:12:40 PM |
I will give the OP credit on his profile it said just here to talk /email nothing about dating or anything and it does say seperated ...
Under first date it says:
Being new to this, I would have to say just meeting for a coffee and conversation.
Something with no pressure and see where it goes from there.
Maybe I'm misinterpreting, but that sounds like dating.
What is DOESN'T say is "I moved out because there was too much tension for our child, but my wife and I are going to see how it goes in a month". I think almost anyone will agree that "separated" means you aren't going back to your spouse. | |
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| Question about married people and POF
Posted: 6/30/2008 1:43:37 AM | I would have to agree with the other posters that if you are in a “committed” relationship (married/engaged) with the understanding to date conclusively visiting “date” sites tells me there are issues that should be address with the existing relationship before venturing out and seeking other partners. There are other sites that deal with life partners and married couple that have problems in that relationship that are not “dating” sites.
As for the OP (original poster) I am sorry to hear about your wife coming to any “date” site and meeting people to date. I do hope you both can resolve your personal issues and remember that a child’s happiness and stability is at stake here. I would suggest to google Marriage builders. It is a great site for these (infidelity) issues and other suggestions.
Good luck! | |
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| Question about married people and POF
Posted: 6/30/2008 3:20:32 AM | well thats how i found out my husband was having affairs- we worked at it but the trust was gone. if someone is on dating site then they are looking, he was also on swingers sites so that did not bode well!
but he could hav gone down pub and started affairs- it was a sympton of how he was feeling rather than the cause of the problem. that is what i have had to get to grips with- and u will too- being seperated doesnt mean its teh end unless u want it to.
but i think because this was what i did u are on here for reason and that is to find out if you are attractive to others and if you have choice. sauce for the goose so to speak
good luck and there is hope after divorce and you can be good dad with out the marriage
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| Question about married people and POF
Posted: 6/30/2008 3:22:46 AM | | you've got to be kidding me --- i have been here for 2rs now --and have seen most any scenario you can think of about dating -- and i'll tell you this -- there's just as many players in both genders !!!!!!! | |
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| Question about married people and POF
Posted: 6/30/2008 4:19:06 AM | Op, you said you "caught" your wife in this site.
Was she sneaking?
How did you catch her?
Did you just ask her why she joined?...
"Darling, I happened upon a singles site and saw you'd joined. Are you looking to replace me"?
Up till a year or so ago I thought dating sites were just that...a site for singles to broaden their search in finding a partner for life.
When I say "for life", that would be a human life and not that of a gnat.......or a squirrel.
I've learned that some are here for the forums only.
The same as I was, when I joined my home own forum, about 7 years ago.
I was 12,000 plus miles from home and needed the connection, support and familiarity.
The forum kept me from being so home sick and the feeling of being stranded.
Communicating with your partner.........speaking directly with the source , (wife/husband), instead of asking everyone else's opinions on what you think you might have discovered.
Then maybe things wouldn't build into something major.
That's what I would do.....
With rolled up newspaper in hand; a swift, whack to the back of the head....
"Hey, why are you on a singles dating site"? ...as I straddled his lap, to look, at him, face to face.
"Don't make me have to get a switch".
If I want to know, I ask.
ceeceekitty
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| Question about married people and POF
Posted: 6/30/2008 5:42:23 AM | I wasn't sure how to be able to get to the point of posting.
I couldn't create my profile to be able to post without having enough info in those boxes. I just grabbed something from another person's profile. It just seemed to be a pattern.
I will change it now.
I am NOT dating. I certainly don't think anyone would find me very much fun right now.
In fact, I am just trying to get by day to day.
I was just looking for some info.
I am still hoping my wife and I can work something out. If not, I'm pretty sure I won't start again dating here. | |
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her121
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Joined: 6/19/2008
Msg: 19 | |
| Question about married people and POF
Posted: 6/30/2008 5:27:11 PM | | ... New to POF .... hadn't realised that up to a 1/3 of people on these kinda sites are married / in relationships (am shocked!) ... are people generally upfront about being in a relationship ? and if they're not, has anyone got tips on how to avoid such people!! | |
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| Question about married people and POF
Posted: 6/30/2008 5:43:09 PM | Let's just say it was graphic, was going on for about a year, involved at least 3 to 5 men(involving dates), one of which had nothing(as far as I know) to do with POF.
Here's a tip to anyone who is cheating on their spouse - everything and I mean everything you do on the net can be tracked. Including instant messaging.
If you think your protected by multiple hotmail addresses, you are fooling yourself.
Besides, there is someone living with you that will sooner or later notice the amount of time you spend on a computer, "at work", or just not being there.
It will end. It's just a matter of time. | |
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| Question about married people and POF
Posted: 6/30/2008 6:22:10 PM | | Dude, honestly, you say your seperrated...I would have dropped her on her ass as soon as I found out if it happened to me and I would have had the divorce papers drawn up in less than a day | |
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| Question about married people and POF
Posted: 6/30/2008 6:31:33 PM | her121....are people upfront about being married...ummm, in my experience that answer is NO! A couple that had contacted me in the past were upfront right from the jump at which I commended them for being honest, and respectfully declined their request. Its the ones that are not upfront and pursue dating under the pretense of being single that really used to piss me off. Deception is an ugly thing.
OP...as others have said, if your spouse was looking to 'cheat' she would do it with or without the net. I'm sorry for you having to go through this, but you'll find a way to get through it...just realize it is her that doesn't live her life with respect, morals, and integrity. I know this is a difficult and confusing time for you, and reaching out to hear other people's experience / advice is commendable. Talk to her and find out what is really going on to cause her to cheat....some people unfortunately are just not 'wired' to be monogamous.
I've run the gammit of good and bad experiences here. Ultimately ending up with an absolutely FABULOUS man to now call my own. Given the fact we met on this site and have made friends with others we both continue to keep come out here to keep in touch and check out and post in the forums. What i'm trying to say is not everyone that is not available is here to 'cheat'. the beauty of a strong healthy relationship is communication and trust.
anyway...sorry i rambled and hang in there OP...you'll see your way through. and you're right...even if you don't get back with your spouse...you are in NO frame of mind to even consider dating right now.
as always, just my opinion... | |
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| Question about married people and POF
Posted: 6/30/2008 6:41:46 PM | Thanks for the realistic response.
Yah, I know. If they are going to do it, they will. Nothing I can do about it.
I am glad that this site isn't as bad as I had imagined. I was in a pretty dark place before posting this thread. Doing better now.
And I am glad to hear a good success story. Congrats! | |
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| Question about married people and POF
Posted: 6/30/2008 8:37:35 PM | | ok i need to ask you something you say you caught your wife on here cheating then why are you on here? sorry about your wife i'm married and i have been on and off of this site for 3 years i tell people i'm married i'm not here to date i happen to like this site made lots of friends from all around men and woman.i think if someone is going to cheat they will anyways its not because of this site just happens sad to say. | |
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