| Putting Family First
Posted: 6/30/2008 1:52:57 AM | Suppose you have this beautiful little bundle that you love more then any one else in the whole wide world.You may love you're spouse,but this little baby is completely reliant on you ,You're no longer number one ,and you're responsible for the financial,and emotional well being of this child.You take this and you put every thing you have in to it,you work every minute of over time,you're work boots have holes in them but you're daughter has new dance shoes , you're friends are watching the hockey game while you're doing flash cards with your son,at dinner time every one sits around the table and eats together,and talks about their day,at bed time you tuck the kids in tell them a bed time story ,kiss them good night and tell them you love them.
Then one day it all completely changes,every thing you've put in for all those years is taken away,you're told you can only see you're children once every two weeks and if the other moves,you would have to quit you're job and move to be able to see you're kids even that much.
Please don't interpret this thread as being gender specific as it is not meant to be,nor is it self pity as this isn't even my own situation.
My only question is ,is this why so many people are unable to commit to marriage and family,and is this why so many that do don't give it all they have,perhaps even subconsciously.?????????? | |
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| Putting Family First
Posted: 6/30/2008 2:05:52 AM | In general, a very good question/point. However, that being said, its way too late/early in the morning for me to ponder on a reponse any further for now. Maybe later on in the day, I'll give it more thought until then. | |
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| Putting Family First
Posted: 6/30/2008 8:28:49 AM |
My only question is ,is this why so many people are unable to commit to marriage and family,and is this why so many that do don't give it all they have,perhaps even subconsciously
I'm a little foggy this morning ( I believe it was the one too many crown's I was sippin last evening),,but I'll throw this out there.
If a person can't or won't commit to their child's upbringing because of what "could" or "might" happen in the future, then I would suggest they really are not Mommy or Daddy "material". Probably one of the most important jobs that we will accept in our lives is the raising of a child,and it should never be taken lightly.
To "not" do something because of what "could" be or happen is just plain silly to me. | |
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| Putting Family First
Posted: 6/30/2008 8:41:40 AM |
If a person can't or won't commit to their child's upbringing because of what "could" or "might" happen in the future, then I would suggest they really are not Mommy or Daddy "material". Probably one of the most important jobs that we will accept in our lives is the raising of a child,and it should never be taken lightly.
To "not" do something because of what "could" be or happen is just plain silly to me.
Pretty good answer, Walts for first thing in the morn! | |
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| Putting Family First
Posted: 6/30/2008 2:46:06 PM | ^^^Yuppers! Totally agree with Walts. Dude you've got to sip some crown before posting more often.  I think when two people truly fall in love, the urge to be together and/or raise a family together is so powerful that there is no room for doubt or worry about what might come. Nobody knows what the future holds so you can't put off doing something that could be one of the best experiences in your life for fear of what could or might happen in the future. OMG! I think I just gave myself some wise advice that was much needed here. Woohoo!  | |
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| Putting Family First
Posted: 6/30/2008 3:10:05 PM | | The way I see it ,starting a family ,and throwing every thing you got in to it is a hell of a lot riskier now then it was a hundred years ago,and if I where to it all over again I think I would hire some one to have my baby,and have her sign an agreement to stay out of our lives afterwards.Woman can come and go,but the kid stays. | |
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| Putting Family First
Posted: 6/30/2008 7:24:42 PM | sorry i couldnt resist.....i married my parents....after 48 years they
split up.....my family was everything to me
the whole family is now split....off in there own corners
there is no more family....i didnt make my own...they were it
if you cant count on your own blood.....which i see u cant...nothing is sacred
its me... god and my pets...and my bittersweet hellish thoughts | |
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| Putting Family First
Posted: 6/30/2008 7:46:51 PM | Its not like it was 100 years ago. People just are willing to work through all the crap after someone does and or says somthing that they should have. This one of the reasons why we're at +50% divorce rate in U.S./Canada.
In my humble opinion, (getting back on topic,) if/when couple decide that they want to have a child/children, then they are also agreeing that at that point they are also agreeing to either 1) agree to disagree on any given topic to avoid devorce and or 2) Do what ever it takes to work through any given situation that comes up for the sake of tha marriage AND kids.
After all, when devorce enters into most equations it ends up being harder on both, the kids, and at leas One of the parents.
Yes, I know. Much easier said thane done. And only in a perfect world, of which this is not. But still, an idea...................right?! | |
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| Putting Family First
Posted: 6/30/2008 8:15:08 PM | Well staying together for the marriage and the kids may be a wonderful concept but for the most cases it doesn’t always work. Why stay together if you’re unhappy? I would assume that unhappy parents would make for an unhappy family. The kids ultimately are the ones that are affected.
I was fortunate enough to marry a level headed woman and years back we actually agreed that the dynamics changed when my kid was born. We went our separated ways and always kept civil tongues around each other so that our son didn’t pick sides.
Is it tough, dam rights it is but its better then living together unhappy.
Divorce and courts can be ugly and who wins? The lawyers, mediation works better and your bank account doesn’t get drained. | |
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| Putting Family First
Posted: 7/1/2008 12:34:09 PM | My only question is ,is this why so many people are unable to commit to marriage and family,and is this why so many that do don't give it all they have,perhaps even subconsciously.??????????
OP... I am at a quandry as to why YOU are even asking this question when in another thread you write this (below)
I can tell you the best relationships I had with women were the ones I had when I wasn't MARRIED TO THEM!!!!!!Because once you get married it all goes downhill from there,and let me tell you, the the saying attached like the ball and chain really applies.
So why get married? Married is for the young and stupid!!!!!
You OP, are a walking contradiction.
Shakes head.... walks away.... | |
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| Putting Family First
Posted: 7/1/2008 3:36:52 PM | Bit late in the game after getting married and creating new lives then wonder what the heck you are doing?
As the cliche goes, it takes two to tango. Whatever happens to the marriage is one thing, but when children are involved you better be stepping up to the plate and providing them not only with the material necessities in life but the emotional/spiritual needs also. | |
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| Putting Family First
Posted: 7/4/2008 8:31:09 PM | | Love your honesty...sorry about your family life,mine is similar.Stick with GOD and your pets....they will not let you down !...Gary | |
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| Putting Family First
Posted: 7/6/2008 3:03:10 AM | I think incidents as you describe are possible deterents to some people to get married but if a couple has taken the plunge and got married, then they must have discounted this concern and it should oy affect their own committment to their own marriage.
The reason for a high divorce rate is very liberal divorce laws that allow divorce for almost any reason. She farts or he snores is all it takes. Todays' society and social scene make it look like there is always lots of green grass on the other side of the fence so when differences arise in a marriage, people who aren't big enough or smart enough to work out problems or too lazy or stubborn can simply walk away from it.
I identify pretty close with the scenario you present, it's hell and the legal force of a marriage certificate is equal to azz wipe. I might one day choose to live with a woman I think I can trust but a wedding is just a party to me.
On account of the financial cost of divorce and failure of prenuptual agreements to stand up in court, especially for high net worth couples and especially where one is worth a lot more than the other(as per say Paul McCartney & last wife) there is an approach to cohabitation called "Living Together Apart". (Suitable perhaps to anyone who can afford it). She has her place and he has his. They visit, they go out, they sleep over at each others place perhaps alternately for a week at a time, but it goes on like continual serious dating. The arrangement is said to keep sexual tension running high but if they decide to split there is no divorce, they just stop seeing each other and it's all over. | |
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| Putting Family First
Posted: 7/6/2008 10:05:24 AM |
On account of the financial cost of divorce and failure of prenuptual agreements to stand up in court, especially for high net worth couples and especially where one is worth a lot more than the other(as per say Paul McCartney & last wife) there is an approach to cohabitation called "Living Together Apart". (Suitable perhaps to anyone who can afford it). She has her place and he has his. They visit, they go out, they sleep over at each others place perhaps alternately for a week at a time, but it goes on like continual serious dating. The arrangement is said to keep sexual tension running high but if they decide to split there is no divorce, they just stop seeing each other and it's all over.
This is a fantastic solution to many problems,but I didn't know there was an actual name for it .I did this with several of my relationships and it worked great [ well except the being together for a whole week part .I'm more of a week end warrior ]If you already have kids it's better for them too.It could also work as a way of easing back in to the co habitation type thing too,but with plenty of time to think things over. | |
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