Party politics of holding children's parties in Sweden

t was supposed to be a party with balloons and a birthday cake but the eight-year-old Swedish boy had not reckoned on his country’s obsession with equality and inclusiveness. Two of his classmates were left off the invitation list – and that, deemed his school – was forbidden and a violation of their rights in the strictest “nanny state” in Europe.

The case has been sent to the Swedish parliament and has sparked a national debate about individual liberty. Does a child have the right to invite anyone he wants to a party, even if he risks hurting the feelings of those who were left out?

These issues are taken seriously in a society that has a very active Children’s Ombudsman and which encourages children to voice their complaints about school and society. Sweden is the best place in the world to grow up, according to the Save the Children Fund’s 2008 index. So much so, apparently, that adults and school managers have been put on the defensive.

The Swedish pressure group Children’s Rights in Society publicised recently 1,895 complaints by children about the way their parents used the household computer to access pornographic websites or sex chatlines. The Government is now looking into the problem.

Lena Nyberg, the Children’s Ombudsman, is waging a campaign against collective punishment in schools too. Children have been complaining to her about the way that entire classes are kept behind after hours to punish an offence committed by a single pupil. “Adults at work would never accept being punished for something which a colleague is guilty of,” Ms Nyberg said.

The birthday party case takes state intervention to a new level. Before the beginning of lessons the boy had cheerfully threaded his way through the class handing out invitations. When the teacher spotted that two children had not received one he confiscated the invitations.

“One of the children had not invited my son to his own birthday party,” explained the father of the boy, who lodged an official complaint with the parliamentary ombudsman. “The other one had been bad to my son for six months. You do not invite your antagonists.”

That was not convincing enough for the headmaster or government deputies. “I believe the staff acted correctly, in a model way,” said Lars Hansson, of the Swedish Liberal party, one of the four ruling coalition partners in the country.

“It is their duty to reject any forms of insulting behaviour. To eliminate individual children from parties is not acceptable.”

The school, in Lund, southern Sweden, argues that if invitations are handed out on school premises, which are public areas, it has an obligation to ensure that there is no discrimination. It is irrelevant that the party will be held in a private household.

In other societies, exclusion from a party may be considered as a rite of passage. Many Swedes seem to believe, though, that equal treatment helps to reduce the unseemly scramble for classroom popularity and the splitting of pupils into groups of the socially attractive and those children perceived as unpopular.

A poll in Dagens Nyheter, a daily newspaper in Stockholm, showed that Swedes are divided on the matter: 56 per cent believed that a child should be free to choose who attends his party and 44 per cent backed the teachers.

The debate is likely to continue until a verdict is reached in September, in time for the next school year.

“My son has taken it pretty hard,” his father told the newspaper Sydsvenskan. “No one has the right to confiscate someone’s property in this way, it’s like taking someone’s post.”

In the meantime, the boy has several years to plan a very special celebration for his 18th birthday, when he will be free to leave anyone he wants to off the guest list.

In another related article, some people is now considering as "bullying" when a child is not invited to a party.

“One of the children had not invited my son to his own birthday party,” explained the father of the boy, who lodged an official complaint with the parliamentary ombudsman. “The other one had been bad to my son for six months. You do not invite your antagonists.”

Just to play devil's advocate here, not that I agree with this, but they did say that the problem wasn't that not everyone was invited but that everyone but two were. He DID invite his class but went out of his way to exclude two children. Frankly, that's EXTREMELY rude and hurtful in my books, I'm not for making anyone invite anyone but if you're going to invite your whole class, do so.

Children shouldn't be subjected to bullies to save someone else's hurt feelings, and shouldn't be forced to under the law.

right from kindergarten the school "rule" is... if you are not going to invite the entire class then do not pass out invitations in class

The school, in Lund, southern Sweden, argues that if invitations are handed out on school premises, which are public areas, it has an obligation to ensure that there is no discrimination. It is irrelevant that the party will be held in a private household.

If adults did it, it would be crass and unfeeling.

I agree. If some students will be excluded, specially when it’s only one or two, it’s unnecessarily hurtful to hand out all the other invitations while they are present.

parents and kids should start sending invites in the mail, email or word of mouth.

The example of only inviting a few to your BBQ isn't a good example. A better example is if you did invite 50 people to your BBQ, everyone in your office, except for two people.

I would argue that the school does indeed have a right and obligation to protect children from unnecessary exclusion

British readers might be shocked to learn that a Swedish boy has been told off by his teacher for not inviting everyone in his class to his birthday party. But this is not so surprising in Sweden and the rest of Scandinavia, where inclusiveness and egalitarianism are God's law.

Excluding an individual from a group, and thereby setting him apart from the rest, is about the worst crime you can commit in Scandinavian society. So when the eight-year-old handed out the invitations to his birthday bash in class and left out two pupils, the teacher had to take action. The pair were visibly excluded from the rest of the group, so the teacher confiscated the invitations.

It doesn't matter that one of the pupils had failed to invite the birthday boy to his own birthday party, or that the other one had, apparently, bullied him or fallen out with him (reports are contradictory on this point). Everyone should be included, and no one should be left out. Ever.

This spirit of egalitarianism extends to all aspects of school life in Sweden. Students are not graded until well into their teenage years. If there's a sports race, the rankings are never be made public and would probably not even be compiled. If prizes are distributed, everyone gets one, not just those who perform best. The most important thing is that all participate and feel included in the group.

The other key difficulty was that the boy distributed the cards while at school – in other words, in a public space. If he had done it outside the school gates, he would have been fine. But the exclusion was happening in a public space, so the teacher, as a representative of that institution, should not let it happen.

Of course, not everyone in Sweden subscribes to this view. The boy's father, for instance, believes the teacher went too far and is appealing to an ombudsman. Many others will agree with him. But egalitarianism is certainly the prevalent tone of public debate in Scandinavia. While the average British politician might talk about improving the range of choices available to individuals so that everyone has more opportunities, Nordic leaders will talk about how to improve society as a whole, so that every group is represented and no one is left behind.

The Daily Mail's columnists would feel that this is a case of political correctness gone awry. But in Scandinavia, the most important thing is that everyone should be treated on an equal basis - no matter how popular or gifted they are.