| "a sandwich short of a picnic" - how to say no?
Posted: 6/30/2008 1:07:05 PM | Sorry if this sounds harsh or elitist... I'm academically bright and articulate, in real life and it says so on my profile lol. How do I handle it when someone clearly not intellectually adequate contacts me? (I don't mean just poor spelling or not a professional, but obviously incapable of conversation beyond the level of my 3 year old but very enthusiastic to meet and have a relationship.) | |
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| a sandwich short of a picnic - how to say no?
Posted: 6/30/2008 1:13:17 PM | I would simply send anyone I'm not interested in for *whatever* reason a reply along the line of "Thank you for you interest, however I don't believe we would be a good match. Take care and good luck to you."
JMO | |
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| a sandwich short of a picnic - how to say no?
Posted: 6/30/2008 1:29:49 PM | All you have to do, OP, is select 'Block Thick People' in the 'who can mail me' selection.
All I can say is I'm surrounded by highly intelligent women all the time and sometimes I come across a nice, easy going thick lady who's a delight to be around and suddenly I realise she's got a different form of intelligence at work that I don't have myself so I'm not sure that simply having a highbrow intellect that can discuss Freud's Oedipus Complex theory is all it's cracked up to be. It could be that I am a thick person who hasn't accepted the fact.
Therefore I won't be selecting my 'Block Thick People' button just yet. | |
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| a sandwich short of a picnic - how to say no?
Posted: 6/30/2008 2:35:40 PM | Raise your age limit...what the heck are you going to do with a 25 year old?
The secret is..........you don't have to carry on a conversation with ANYONE on this site.
Also..add on.." I spend lot's of time with my three year old and would like to have conversations that don't include Baby Einstein.." | |
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| a sandwich short of a picnic - how to say no?
Posted: 6/30/2008 3:30:16 PM | Sorry, but you do sound harsh and elitist.....
Why limit yourself to the type of individual that you have always migrated towards?
Broaden your horizons! There are soooooooo many folks in the world with multiple intelligences, maybe not in your specific field, but learn from them.
BTW... If you were as academically bright as you have posted then you wouldn't have to ask this question. Articulate? Use that skill to articulate an email and send it their way,,, my god girl, you have a brain now use it! | |
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| a sandwich short of a picnic - how to say no?
Posted: 6/30/2008 3:42:28 PM | | Ummmm yeah, it does sound elitist. My ex-husband did carpentry and was a semi-pro football player. What does academics have to do with it? He knew things I didn't know. I find people often know things I don't. I learned something about the Civil War in Pennsylvania a couple months ago from the guy I was seeing. I read tons of history books and the fact he told me, I didn't know. I say don't close yourself off, but if you can't understand what someone writes to you or doesn't ask a question of you, you don't need to respond or respond with thanks for your email. That is all. If you don't express an interest back, usually the person emailing you will get the idea. No need to cut anyone down for what your opinion of their intelligence is. Of course if they persist and you aren't interested in them, just tell them that. Last resort, block them. | |
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| a sandwich short of a picnic - how to say no?
Posted: 6/30/2008 3:45:20 PM | I dont know you so I can't say but I have met many who claim to be academically bright and articulate and they are clueless about most other things. Many act better than others and are about as real as a cartoon. Book smarts doesnt' make you smart, it makes you book smart. Real life is a lot different.
I'm going to be very gentle and nice but this is the very thing I'm talking about IMHO. If you are not compatible just say,"I'm not interested, and I wish you the best. Thanks for contacting me." If they ask why, just say you dont think you are compatible. If they ask again, then just say, I hope everything works out well for you.
There is no law you have to give them a reason. Many people with book smarts, still have a lot to learn about dealing with people. Good luck. | |
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| a sandwich short of a picnic - how to say no?
Posted: 6/30/2008 3:58:05 PM | When I get contact of that nature I usually just write something to the effect of.....
Thank you for writing me it was nice to meet you. I'm afraid I am going to be unable to meet you but I do hope you find what you are looking for.
best of luck fishing
This usually works although I often get a reply or 2 from it I just keep wishing them the best of luck, and reinforcing that I hope they find someone. You can make any number of alibis but this opens the doors for them to try to problem solve, or negotiate so best to keep it simple. If they pressure too much be blunt and say I'm sorry I have tried to be polite / kind but I feel we are incompatible.
I will add it is nice to see someone who is concerned to make a reply as so often here we hear people feeling frustrated because they never get replies. For this you get a gold star. | |
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| a sandwich short of a picnic - how to say no?
Posted: 6/30/2008 4:26:21 PM | OP we all lack something.............if you are going to limit your contacts with people based upon their educational level then you will have to learn to bow out gracefully.
In my 68 years I have never had another human come into my life without touching me in some way. Sometimes they were just there for a brief time but I felt if they were placed in my presence there must be a reason. And I have learned something from everyone that has touched my llfe.
Perhaps if you concede to go for coffee with him you may find out something about him that is endearing. Maybe not to date but to have as a friend......and how easy would it be then to say I value you as a friend and I'd hate to lose that by dating.
If you really dont want to go there then be gracious with your turndown by saying you dont see a connection but you wish them well on your search.
And has been said before..at least you are willing to give him a reply. | |
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| a sandwich short of a picnic - how to say no?
Posted: 6/30/2008 4:49:33 PM | Yes, this does indeed sound harsh and elitist..
Why don't you explain to us how you can possibly know if a person is intellectually adequate or not, since you're so "academically bright and articulate"? How exactly do you measure intelligence? I really need to know so I can keep the dummies out!
You have every right to have your preferences, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Just don't make the mistake of putting yourself on some pedestal because some other person may not have been lucky enough to maybe have the resources, life, schooling,or proper family situation to be as intelligent as you....
As for the original question...a simple "thanks, but no thanks" should be enough | |
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| a sandwich short of a picnic - how to say no?
Posted: 6/30/2008 6:09:15 PM | | i've learned to just ignore them. it'll just be a drag if you tell them you're not interested. it either leads to them pleading you give them a chance, or they start bashing you one way or the other. | |
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| a sandwich short of a picnic - how to say no?
Posted: 6/30/2008 6:39:58 PM | | The conversation usually dies out quickly with a dummy, so you don't have to dwell on it much. Very simple men don't do well online - they need to be met in person where you do activities together or his looks make up for his tiny brain. | |
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| a sandwich short of a picnic - how to say no?
Posted: 6/30/2008 6:59:33 PM | I'm academically bright and articulate, in real life and it says so on my profile lol. How do I handle it when someone clearly not intellectually adequate contacts me?
Now THATS some truly funny sh*t and I sincerely thank you for the laugh OP.
Here you are claiming to be bright and articulate................. and your asking us how to handle something so ridiculously benign and simple !!! 
Are you bright and articulate enough to spell DUH in real life ?
Peace | |
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| a sandwich short of a picnic - how to say no?
Posted: 6/30/2008 7:13:20 PM | you can be cleaver with your responce?
since you got a million brains and know how to articulate your sentiments
I find it a ~~ bunch of fun! ~ Telling people to go to hell and they look forward to the trip!
Dance | |
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| a sandwich short of a picnic - how to say no?
Posted: 6/30/2008 7:22:31 PM | as in any other way that we're not necessarily compatible with others, just a simple "thank you, but i don't think we'd be compatible, good luck!" or whatever, would do the *trick*, i'd think...
no need to get into comparisons or negativity - after all, so much is subjective anyway | |
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| a sandwich short of a picnic - how to say no?
Posted: 6/30/2008 7:49:53 PM | all i can say is wow this is ridiculous, i have an IQ of over 120 but cant write to save my life.
and your telling me you would blow someone off that can build a computer and write the code to use it just cause they cant write a novel. sorry bill gates shes not interested | |
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| a sandwich short of a picnic - how to say no?
Posted: 6/30/2008 8:51:00 PM | OldSoul writes almost the exact same thing I would write (and have written) in such a situation. If I find that they're just not good match material, I politely tell them so. No one wants to waste time here, right? I figure I'm doing them a favor too.
Edited to add:
your telling me you would blow someone off that can build a computer and write the code to use it just cause they cant write a novel. Maybe. I can build a machine, too. My coding abilities aren't that great anymore, but just because I can build a computer doesn't mean I'm a good match for everyone out there. | |
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| a sandwich short of a picnic - how to say no?
Posted: 6/30/2008 9:18:30 PM | I doubt a normal, everyday guy who is so far beneath you would even bother messaging you after reading your profile.
You might also want to go through your profile and work on your punctuation and sentence structure. The mistakes make you look like someone trying to appear smarter and more sophisticated than you actually are. | |
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| a sandwich short of a picnic - how to say no?
Posted: 7/1/2008 2:05:04 AM | Hello,
Well, thanks everyone for your replies, I will clearly be adding your all to my favourites LOL.
Not going to get into a tit for tat debate, but the question was genuine and I did originally concede that it might appear judgmental. I have tried dating people who are not academic (and no, I don't rule out people without Ph.D.s even though I do have one) but on the whole it gets to the point where there is nothing to say and one really can't just keeping giving them something else to do with their mouth... And no, I'd be the first to admit that I'm not brilliant at social things unless I know what my role in it is (I can throw a great party as hostess but I'm not the best at being a guest at one tbh).
Thanks to the few who acknowledged that I'd like to reply - I think if anyone has made the effort to message me they deserve an answer, and my inability to just blow them off straight away shows my willingness to try different potential dates surely? I'll take on board the ideas posted.
And yes I know one can learn from all sorts of people - I've learned more about love and life from my children (who - as yet don't have any qualifications or professions lol) than from anyone at University. | |
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| a sandwich short of a picnic - how to say no?
Posted: 7/1/2008 2:34:33 AM | Hi
To be honest I have two degrees and probably no common sense. I am also a chronic speller yet many of the people who I know don’t have an academic back ground yet I have some of them to be the most interesting people I have come to meet and some very valuable things to day . I personally don’t find education important at all when I get to know some one I am more interested in the personality they have as they way I look at it is id rather live with some uneducated and special than educated to boot and boring | |
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