| NEED HELP PLEASE PLEASE!!!
Posted: 6/30/2008 2:57:27 PM | | dont know if im in the right place but ok here it goes.. im so lost right now so im hoping to get some help from you guys. ok here it goes i met a guy off this website and we hit it great ended up dating and it was going great...even found out that i was going to have his child. yeah i know we young i know but anyways so here we are planning for the baby and everything when he gets arrested for raping 2 "at risk adults". he swears to me up and down that he didnt do it and such but i dont know. normally i would be like yeah..im gone but with the baby on they way i find myself thinking about what to do. we never really broke up.. his mom calls me to keep me updated on everything. i dont know what to do. do i take the baby and run or do i stay by his side and wait to see how the trial and everything plays out? if he was found innocent do i let him be in our childs life? someone please help me. | |
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Posted: 6/30/2008 3:07:20 PM | This one is unbelievably difficult. Obviously he's going to deny it. If he did it, he's not going to say "well, yeah, I did it". If he's found innocent or guilty, you STILL don't really know, because innocent people can be found guilty and guilty people can be found innocent.
If it were me, I would get totally out of this situation because he was apparently doing something out of place to be accused of this. Totally innocent people don't have the police coming in accusing them of raping someone.
And BTW, I can't believe someone would try to delete this as a pity post. Someone is truly asking for help and NEEDS help, and someone comes along and tries to have it deleted... | |
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Posted: 6/30/2008 3:08:01 PM | first... what is an at risk adult???
and how long did you know him before you got pregnant??? | |
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Posted: 6/30/2008 3:12:34 PM | | at risk adults are people with mental handicapps i guess..and not that long which i know sounds horrible...but i met the family and they didnt give off bad vibes or anything like that they all seemed normal | |
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Posted: 6/30/2008 3:12:57 PM |
first... what is an at risk adult???
Someone who needs a caretaker, such as someone in a nursing home, someone who's disabled and can't care for themselves, someone who's mentally retarded, etc. Someone who can't defend themselves. | |
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Posted: 6/30/2008 3:14:36 PM | ok.... so then...
what kind of evidence do they have??? DNA or statements??
and what kind of arrest history does he have>??? | |
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Posted: 6/30/2008 3:14:47 PM | | OK LETS PUT THIS OUT THERE...IM NOT LOOKING FOR PITY..IM LOOKING FOR ADVICE...NO MORE NO LESS..THATS IT | |
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Posted: 6/30/2008 3:17:43 PM | | arrest history none really... and fom his mom told me they have the two girls stories and such..DNA i dont know. when i last talked to him he said that they only have the two girls stories | |
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Posted: 6/30/2008 3:27:05 PM | | This is a simple one. You do not have to actually take the child and run off. Just suspend the actual romantic relationship. You can still let his mother and family be active around the child. I would however watch him very carefully during the formative years of childhood. | |
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Posted: 6/30/2008 3:27:11 PM | | First of all, you have a baby on the way. You are thinking for yourself and for another human being. Have you thought about what it would be like to raise a child on your own? Do you believe in your heart that your man is guilty? Are you willing to go the gamut with him and support him during a time when you also need support? I say that this issue is really too big to handle on your own. Can you talk to a counsellor or someone who is actually qualified to give you sound advice? Do you have resources in the area? Is your family supportive? You need to find ways to get the support you need one day at a time. Don't make any big decisions until you have spoken to an objective third party who can wisely counsel you. Good luck. That little baby will get you moving alright. That's what the first ones do! I'm sending good thoughts. | |
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Posted: 6/30/2008 3:27:42 PM | You weren't kidding on this one! It's tough!!
So as long as you still care for/love him, I think you should give him the benefit of the doubt, for the sake of your unborn baby.
I'd sit and wait for the evidence to come out... If there is DNA proof of the sexual contact, then I'd dump him and run. If their only proof is based on a story from 2 mentally challenged girls, then I'd still try to hope for the best.
Does he work around mentally challenged girls or something? Do the stories add up? Did he have motive or the opportunity? Keep your ears and eyes open and use your intuition... if things don't add up, then trust your gut and run.
You're in a hard spot, for sure. This is beyond serious and the life of your child hangs in the balance. If he's a sexual predator of mentally challenged women, he's not fit for a husband or a father.
Use your head and NOT your heart.
I wish you tons of luck! [hugs]
"If you want to catch a catch, then BE a catch!" | |
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Posted: 6/30/2008 3:37:57 PM | I don't think he can be arrested for just thier stories, questioned sure, but I would think that they would need more evidence for an arrest.
OP just make sure you have all the facts you can get your hands on, not just the he said she said stuff. | |
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Posted: 6/30/2008 3:38:56 PM | Wow...this is very difficult!
I think you should worry about yourself and the baby and just be healthy...the stress is not good for you or baby....do you have family that will be there for you?
I would say that because you haven't known him long that anything is possible...I just think its best for you and baby to stay out of it for now. Its not like he can help you where he is anyway hun.
I hope this all works out for you....and I want to wish you much love and happiness...
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Posted: 6/30/2008 3:39:39 PM | where there is smoke there is fire. I dont like this at all; if someone is arrested for this there has to be something to it.
There was a famous case in Marin County where 3 pretty boy football players were accused of raping a 16 year old girl. The community had rallies for them, and they were on tv; the guys were smiling. They had mild criminal records and many stood up for them.
In the end they all 3 were guilty. The community and the media said nothing after the trial. Each got 10 -15 years.
If it were a sibling or friend, I say take the baby and run. This doesn't sound good and is a no brainer. Young men your age are a mess, and their behavior at times can be pretty terrible.
And who cares what he says. His mom of course will back him. This is not good. If he's on trial, I'm telling you their is something to it. Just my opinion.
I wouldn't care if he was innocent. Your baby is over this guy 10000 times over. There are plenty of young men sleeping and doing a lot of sex and this isn't good. Women let them get away with it for years with many having kids with other women because they wont have protected sex, but thats another story.
Again, this has bad news written all over it. Protect you and your baby. Good luck. | |
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Posted: 6/30/2008 3:41:31 PM | PITY POST???? gimme a freakin break!!!!! JEEZ! some people are just such JERKS! | |
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Posted: 6/30/2008 3:49:30 PM | | thank you guys so much for your advice is helping. the story behind it is that he met them off other websites before me and him started talking and the sex was wanted by both parties. im in the process of going else-where for information besides his family | |
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Posted: 6/30/2008 3:51:13 PM | | dear angel.... you only have one concern and it ain't you are ... or who is the daddy... it is the child you are carrying and your job is to protect that baby no matter what . So you stay clear of the fiction, read the facts ... get the drama out of your life and get on with a task that is to last a lifetime...... you need to realize that ruining your life now can be now .. but tomorrow try .. un-ruining it .... by getting your mungo in gear.. you totally know what to do... you stop the pity party and raise that baby .. ALONE with your head held high.... and your baby does not need to know anything about this until he is an adult and can embrace this from a mature mind.... so do what you have to due gal and I know you have what it takes to do the right thing.... | |
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Posted: 6/30/2008 3:54:48 PM | " the sex was wanted by both parties."
Depending on how 'at risk' they were then I would definitely have my doubs about that story.
I'm sorry your going through this OP and I wish you all the luck in the world. | |
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Posted: 6/30/2008 4:06:43 PM | I think the best thing you can do is care for yourself and your baby. As you mentioned you are young so are you ready for the responsibilities needed to raise a child on your own? Do you have the means, financially, mentally and emotionally to care for your child? I think these are the things you should be trying to figure out as they are the most important. I hate to sound mean or cruel but "he" is just an incidental. Right now you need to care for the 2 most important people here, you and your unborn baby.
Good luck to you. | |
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Posted: 6/30/2008 4:11:27 PM | Angel
If the law considers these girls to be at risk adults why in the world was he sleeping with them. And the fact that there is 2 separate incidences raises huge red flags for me. Get yourself a support network, you are going to need it. I would watch the trial very carefully, if he is found innocent make sure you know exactly why or how, was it on a technicality or on evidence that proved his innocence. Even if found guilty he could force his way into the child's life so make it happen on your terms, terms that will keep the child safe like supervised visits.
Do keep us informed how it works out Angel, I for one will be praying for you.
And to who ever wanted this thread deleted you should be ashamed this is a serious issues. | |
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Posted: 6/30/2008 4:12:21 PM | I would keep a distance from him and just talk to him and keep the romance and any feelings out of it ... I would watch the trial and even be there has much as I could to see what I "believe" is the truth ... I would do it for my baby and if he turns out to be guilty and I know he is I would STAY AWAY and if I could I would move and not tell the baby until adult age ...
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Posted: 6/30/2008 4:30:23 PM | The one important thing to determine in your heart of hearts is this. When you go to work or some other place, how will you feel about leaving your baby in the care of this man? From what I'm feeling coming from you, I don't think you're going to be comfortable with that even if he is found innocent. How responsible is it when a man would even have consentual sex with an at-risk adult? Is he capable of watching out for those whose mental capacities are less than his, much less an infant?
You and your baby deserve so much more than what seems to be going on with this man. Believe me, I wish I would have felt that my kids and I deserved so much better a long long time before I actually got away from my immature husband. You'll be taking on not only your own baby as your child, but also your guy as your second child. Get away as fast as you can and get as much counseling and help you can find to realize how precious you and your baby are. | |
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Posted: 6/30/2008 4:32:56 PM | | its hard..i mean do i cut him and his family off?? should i even group them with him. do they have rights to the child as well...so many questions ar going through my head. | |
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Posted: 6/30/2008 4:41:10 PM | Some attorneys with consult with you for free as far advice goes and I would see if there is one you could talk to that can at least get you started on the right track.
And I went back and read my last post so before anyone else catches it and yells at me I want to correct what I said.
I was not mean the girls stories were not to be believed simpley that I didn't see how it could be consentual, depending on the severity of the help they need. | |
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