| Got a question for the guys???
Posted: 6/30/2008 10:46:52 PM | | If you get to know a women well on the phone...say a couple of months or more...and it eventually leads to risque talk on the phone, are you just playing her or are you really into her? Had it happen and I was under the impression we both really had crushes on each other (we both said so to each other). I would have never gotten risque on the phone if I hadn't believed he really liked me a lot. So, anyway, we finally met....he was acting like he was totally thrilled with me that night...and he tried to get a little risque, but I didn't let him go too far (just lots of kissing). Then he just disappeared. What happened??? Sheesh...I am soooooo confused. Did the guy like me or was he just into it hoping for sex???? | |
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| Got a question for the guys???
Posted: 6/30/2008 10:52:49 PM | | If I'm on the phone with a girl for more than a week and we still haven't made plans to meet up, then I will move on. | |
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| Got a question for the guys???
Posted: 6/30/2008 11:02:15 PM | | more than likely hoping for sex.You are probably better off that he vanished.I may hug someone ona first date, maybe a kiss or two.But I am gonna know some lady very well, before I go jumping in bed with her. | |
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| Got a question for the guys???
Posted: 6/30/2008 11:33:13 PM | | It's called false advertising. You play along flirting and then when the time comes you pull back, and leave him feeling like an idiot for wasting his time. | |
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| Got a question for the guys???
Posted: 6/30/2008 11:51:59 PM | paumanok,
it wasn't false advertising on my part. i really liked the guy a lot. had he liked me a lot and had we continued to date, sex would have been a natural part of that eventually. i assumed he felt the same way. actually, that's what he said, so it wasn't an assumption. we even discussed it on the phone prior to meeting. we were both adult enough to realize getting carried away on the phone didn't mean we were going to hook up the first night. i think we were both mature enough to realize that in spite of getting carried away prior to meeting that nothing could substitute for a real life meeting and we both knew it might or might not culminate in dating...we also both knew (or so we both said prior to meeting) that sex probably wouldn't happen in real time unless we we ended up dating in real time. i felt like it was a bit of false advertising on HIS part after our discussions prior to meeting. yeah, we got carried away on the phone, but we both verbalized that it was not the real thing unless we became serious about one another. so, i guess i'm still looking for answers as to what exactly he was thinking that night?? all sincere answers definitely appreciated...cuz i'm tired of sitting here wondering what happened...sigh... :) | |
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| Got a question for the guys???
Posted: 7/1/2008 12:04:49 AM | You didn't do anything wrong. He thought you were going to give him some. Sounds like he told you what he thought would get him into your pants. When that didn't happen, he showed his true colors.
You're better off. Imagine how you would have felt if you would have had sex with him. You'd be truly hurt then. You want to know what kind of man you're seeing, make him wait.
Lateef | |
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| Got a question for the guys???
Posted: 7/1/2008 12:10:51 AM | In my opinion, you got played. You should be proud that you didn't put out or you would have really been full of regret. Of course it may not be the case, but usually if someone 'disappears' the next day, that surely isn't good news at all.
With all the adulterous activities these days, you have to be weary if the potential mate is truly single. I find many people to be dishonest that way for playing extracurricular games. | |
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| Got a question for the guys???
Posted: 7/1/2008 12:13:56 AM |
Then he just disappeared. What happened??? Sheesh...I am soooooo confused.
You're not the only one! 
After all those phone call, what...??? Did you lose his phone number? Did you go in the kitchen and when you came back, all that was left was a shoestring, an open window and a hint of Old Spice? Come on, why are you pre-slanting this story so much?
Is this the same girl who asked about kissing for an hour? Geez. Call the guy and get an answer!  | |
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| Got a question for the guys???
Posted: 7/1/2008 12:54:39 AM | Well, Wack, I'm not pre-slanting it. No, I didn't lose the number. Geez. Fact is: he did all of the calling...I never felt quite comfortable enough to call him. In any event, I just wanted to know what goes through people's minds in these situations.
I'm going to bed...some of us do have to get up early, Hun. | |
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| Got a question for the guys???
Posted: 7/1/2008 12:58:02 AM | I think you are missing the main problem.
It wasn't what you were talking about that caused the problem, but it was how damn long you were talking before you met. You were setting yourselves up for failure.
What I mean is that both of you built up an idealized version of each other over the months you were talking only. There wasn't a chance either of you could live up to what you both built up in your head. It just sounds like what he met didn't match up to this fantasy he built in his head so he bailed. | |
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| Got a question for the guys???
Posted: 7/1/2008 2:08:45 AM |
If you get to know a women well on the phone...say a couple of months or more...and it eventually leads to risque talk on the phone, are you just playing her or are you really into her?
I'd be bored. | |
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| Got a question for the guys???
Posted: 7/1/2008 4:48:13 AM | *pulls on her "man pants" to answer *
You were both at fault. You were at fault for leading him on over the phone. Regardless of what you said about no sex on the first meet, you still did risque things with him over the phone, thus sending mixed signals.
He played you thinking that despite what you said on the phone about no sex on the first meet, he knew you were willing to say risque things on the phone, so he figured once you got together, you would be willing to follow up in person.
Did you say "I have never done this before........." when on the phone? Did he say "I know, but just go for it........."
Don't do something on the phone you wouldn't do in person, save yourself the grief. | |
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| Got a question for the guys???
Posted: 7/1/2008 5:54:01 AM | OP,
I don't think you did anything wrong but I also
can't say if he was hoping for sex either, but he may have thought you were ok with a more physical relationship and when you pulled back he figured you were just teasing him all along. Just an example of miscommunication on his part. | |
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| Got a question for the guys???
Posted: 7/1/2008 6:24:31 AM | Errrr.....he didn't like the way you kissed???
Something you mentioned above OP, which I find a little troubling. You said you never felt comfortable enough to call him. And yet you still went out with him? Why would you go against your gut feelings about him? If one isn't comfortable enough to call the person they've been getting to know for a possible relationship, that's a big sign...huge. I hope you take your time the next go around until you are comfortable with the person....dating/relationship-wise....but especially safety-wise. JMO.
~ds~ | |
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| Got a question for the guys???
Posted: 7/1/2008 7:17:07 AM | | umm, lets see, phone sex before you meet, first meeting tried to get to home without tagging all the bases,. i would say he just was out to see if you would have sex with him.he found out your not an easy person to get, he went on to his next...... | |
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| Got a question for the guys???
Posted: 7/1/2008 7:59:27 AM |
so, i guess i'm still looking for answers as to what exactly he was thinking that night? Is there any other situation in life for which you would consider it practical to ask strangers what any one individual was exactly thinking? You're welcome to ask for the impossible, just be assured you can't have it.
He wanted to have sex with you. You did not want to have sex with him. That is a fork in the road and he took it. No, it can't be that, because of your words earlier. OK, whatever. Keep searching for the answer you want. here's a hint: look for an answer that explains things saying that everything you did was good and right, and that what he did was wrong and it made no sense. Because that is the most satisfying of answers to plant in his brain as his exact thoughts. | |
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| Got a question for the guys???
Posted: 7/1/2008 8:58:13 AM | Harley:
I'm looking for serious answers, so take it to another forum please. That's just the way I am. Takes me a while to be the initiator.
If anyone has any *helpful* insight, I'm all eyes. Thanks! | |
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| Got a question for the guys???
Posted: 7/1/2008 9:10:54 AM | You're probably not going to like what I'm going to say since people have said similar things already and you seemingly just brushed them off because it wasn't the answer you wanted.
The truth is he was looking for sex and you didn't give it, how complicated is that. I could understand your confusion if you had normal conversations before hand but come on. What exactly were you expecting to transpire after having those kind of conversations?
And Harley has a point, you were completely fine with basically having phone sex with a guy you've never met but when it comes to actually calling him (and not even for phone sex) you draw the line, that doesn't seem odd to you at all?
Sorry this probably wasn't the answer you wanted but it's pretty obvious that this is the situation. If you don't want to accept that you could always call him and ask, try to keep it civil though. | |
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| Got a question for the guys???
Posted: 7/1/2008 9:28:40 AM |
Harley:
I'm looking for serious answers, so take it to another forum please. That's just the way I am. Takes me a while to be the initiator.
If anyone has any *helpful* insight, I'm all eyes. Thanks!
What you're looking for is an answer that you are willing to accept, obviously...so you won't like my next one, either.
If he bolted after you met for the first time...he is not happy with you for some reason or another.
BUT...the only way you will be able to ascertain anything, is to freaking call him! THATS why my first reply was indeed, a serious answer...thank you! :) | |
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| Got a question for the guys???
Posted: 7/1/2008 11:08:16 AM | | YOU all do realize that "simplyme" is simply ploying you as she has also posted about this exact same guy and night in the first topic on "ask a guy" forum called "Guys help, why do guys kiss so passionately......."? | |
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| Got a question for the guys???
Posted: 7/1/2008 11:15:04 AM | yup, he was just after sex. of course he was sweet on the phone, he hadnt slept with you yet. don't be confused, the risque talk was a test of the waters. if the talk hadnt gone that way, then he wouldnt have of wanted to meet. no wories though, you nailed him at his game! at a girl!! so uh, you like risque talk?--- how youuuu doooinn??? wanna meet?  | |
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| Got a question for the guys???
Posted: 7/1/2008 11:21:11 AM | | Sorry girl but it was a case of bait and switch...on your end, you then try to back out the situation you got yourself into by saying that you are 'shy'? Pulleeze!! | |
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