| Drug Rehab & Kids
Posted: 7/1/2008 2:17:08 PM | A lady in my community recently agreed to be place in a drug rehab(pill addict), after an intervention from her family. Out of the thousands of places she could have received rehabilitative services, she chooses one in which she has to take her 2 sons, ages 4 and 7. Their father, who is a fantastic dad, lives in the home and is perfectly capable of taking care of the boys while she's away. She was asked 'why put the kids through rehab when THEY aren't the ones with the addiction?' and she replied, 'because I'm their Mom, they HAVE to go with me'.
For you Mothers out there, was this a wise choice on her part?
For you Dads, would you have fought to keep the children at home while Mom is rehabbing?
Was it a good idea to make the children, who feel that they are being taken from their Dad and being punished, live in a rehabilitative center until such a time as Mom can(maybe) get her life together? The kids have been removed from a school that they love, taken from their friends and family, and are NOT being counseled when Mom is.
Her parents thought it was a fantastic idea. So much so, that they helped Mom sneak the kids out and put them on a plane while Dad was at work. Dad wants the children home, but he also wants his wife to complete rehab. If he removes the children, she gets kicked out. And yes, Mom knew this before she admitted herself and her children. | |
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| Drug Rehab & Kids
Posted: 7/1/2008 2:21:50 PM | When I read things like this, it really takes away any wonder as to why many men are weary of women in general.
The funny thing is that such women always find a partner willing to put up with the rubbish.
If she were thinking about her children first, she wouldn't have taken them with her. Does she really want to have to explain to them that she has an addiction and has to be taken out of society until she sorts it out?
Arggg!! | |
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| Drug Rehab & Kids
Posted: 7/1/2008 2:27:09 PM | | rosalinda, that's one of my biggest concerns. NO ONE explained anything to the boys before they left. Mom told them they were going on a 'little vacation'. She's been in rehab since February and Dad wasn't allowed in to see them until just last week. I know that had to be devastating for the boys, just as it was for their Dad. I spoke to him yesterday and he's trying to find a rehab that will take her as a transfer without the kids, but he isn't having much luck. | |
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| Drug Rehab & Kids
Posted: 7/1/2008 6:30:54 PM | | he should just get a damn court order to get them out of there | |
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| Drug Rehab & Kids
Posted: 7/1/2008 6:31:22 PM | | besides the 7 yr old belongs in school............ most likely the 4 yr old does too | |
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| Drug Rehab & Kids
Posted: 7/1/2008 8:35:03 PM | | Thats just an hateful way to keep her child/ren away from the father i don't see why the kids couldn't have stayed with the father while she completes her session i honestly don't see why anyone would let an mother, bring her kids to an "drug" rehab while SHE is the one who needs to be "dry out" not her kids....This was not fair to the father of those children.....If she knew this before she brought the kids w/her maybe she wasn't really going to go through with getting help or maybe she just did this, to keep him away and being selfish..... | |
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~Kyn~
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Joined: 2/15/2008
Msg: 7 | |
| Drug Rehab & Kids
Posted: 7/1/2008 9:09:57 PM | Was it a good idea to make the children, who feel that they are being taken from their Dad and being punished, live in a rehabilitative center until such a time as Mom can(maybe) get her life together?
Umm...just outta curiosity...how would YOU or ME or anyone else for that matter know how the children feel about this? How do we KNOW they feel as if they're being "punished"
The kids might full well see it as "going away on holiday with mom"
For you Mothers out there, was this a wise choice on her part?
Off the top of my head I wouldnt think so...but frankly...no-one knows the full details of what the particular rehab facility offers.
However...
...it DOES exist... and considering the specific role its catered to (including counselling etc)....I seriously doubt that all the pros and cons regarding the situation and children being present...havent been considered.
Frankly I think the discussion is based on something nobody knows anything about and just because its different to what we consider "normal" rehab, doesnt mean its a bad idea.
I will say this though...although it may have been inspired from an intervention...
...since mom doesnt have access to her drug of choice...there's no real reason for her to stay there unless she's making a good attempt at giving up.
That highly likely means she's made an informed decision as to her choice of facility and remember mom's usually have their child's best interest at heart...so if she thought it was detrimental...she likely wouldnt have gone there..
And by her having the children with her (as opposed to being separated) may just be the grounding she needs to overcome her addiction.
I guess people could argue she should sort this out on her own...but if the success rate is higher at the center in comparison to others who effectively alienate abusers from everyone...well...a couple of months away on "vacation" with mom...is better than a lifetime of failed attempts at standard rehab and continuously impacting the children's lives.
(Ive seen that firsthand by the way...a young girl who's mother cant overcome the addiction and the huge influence its had on the child's life overall)
The kids are just as likely to be "traumatised" and feel abandoned by being separated from their mother for the duration of a rehab stay as being separated from dad by "vacation".
However...if mom was the primary caregiver... seems more logical they should be with her and not disrupt their lives moreso.
One more thing...if the grandparents thought it was a good idea...unless the people are complete idiots...then it likely was a good idea.
Grandparents have a killer instinct involving the wellbeing of their grandchildren. | |
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| Drug Rehab & Kids
Posted: 7/1/2008 10:04:28 PM | If she's been in in-patient rehab since February and they're looking for a place to transfer for further in-patient rehab, the lady has a serious f-ing problem.
How LONG, exactly, are these kids supposed to be locked into rehab with mom if she isn't getting any better? | |
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| Drug Rehab & Kids
Posted: 7/2/2008 7:17:10 AM | Kyn, I made the comment about the children feeling punished based on the fact that they told their father they were being punished, no other reason.
As far as how long she'll be there. One year, minimum, is the requirement.
Mom has never been the primary caregiver. She's been too strung out on pills to take care of herself, much less her children. Their Dad hired a Nanny to tend the children while he was at work and they weren't in school. Other than that, he was the one taking care of them.
I see your point about it being the grounding she needs. I, personally, know nothing of the rehab, myself, but I do know that if the children were going to be required to stay, would counseling not benefit them while their presence was benefiting Mom? This particular rehab doesn't offer it.
As for the Grandparents, having known them since I was a child, I don't hold them in very high regard. The Grandmother was the one who 'helped' her daughter become addicted to pills by giving them freely to her. She herself is an addict. The Grandfather has always turned a blind eye to both and never acknowledged the addiction. The only reason they participated in the intervention was because their son told them if they didn't help with the situation, he'd keep his children from them. | |
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~Kyn~
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Joined: 2/15/2008
Msg: 10 | |
| Drug Rehab & Kids
Posted: 7/2/2008 10:03:08 AM | Not discounting anything you've said...as I have no idea what the facility is like ...just a coupla comments though.
Kyn, I made the comment about the children feeling punished based on the fact that they told their father they were being punished, no other reason
Id likely not put too much faith in anything he's said atm...especially considering it would be emotionally motivated.
What dad says and what actually transpired is two completely different things.
The guy could be a 100% straight up guy...but generally in emotional/stressful situations...people have a tendency to not agree with something & misquote or put words into a kids mouth to plead their own case.
Infact people in general will make things up to plead a case.
would counseling not benefit them while their presence was benefiting Mom? This particular rehab doesn't offer it
I dont really see any reason for it myself. So what for?
The kids arent the one with the problem.
We dont offer kids counselling when we pick them up and move them anywhere any other time. However Im sure if they felt it necessary (considering counsellors etc would be part of the treatment)...that it would become a concern they'd address.
The lifestyle is likely only to be an issue IF the children were being exposed to volatile/unstable people/situations within the facility. Again...same scenario as them being exposed to any type of "negative" influence outside the facility. Being at home with mom drugged off her head, dad at work and a nanny taking care of them would be more detrimental IMO.
I daresay though...that the kids are kept in a completely different lifestyle than watching their mother or other people go through the DTs.
As for the Grandparents, having known them since I was a child, I don't hold them in very high regard. The Grandmother was the one who 'helped' her daughter become addicted to pills by giving them freely to her. She herself is an addict. The Grandfather has always turned a blind eye to both and never acknowledged the addiction.
That ^^^ would be my biggest concern...however...they genuinely might want to see her get well and Id say they probably do.
One last thing... we were afterall...discussing the grandparents from the OP.
SO is it this? VVV
Her parents thought it was a fantastic idea. So much so, that they helped Mom sneak the kids out and put them on a plane while Dad was at work.
OR this...? VVV
As for the Grandparents, having known them since I was a child, I don't hold them in very high regard. The Grandmother was the one who 'helped' her daughter become addicted to pills by giving them freely to her. She herself is an addict. The Grandfather has always turned a blind eye to both and never acknowledged the addiction. The only reason they participated in the intervention was because their son told them if they didn't help with the situation, he'd keep his children from them.
WHICH exactly is the real story or are you pleading a case?
Cos the grandparents (his or hers parents depending on the argument to perpetuate the father being a victim) had to be blackmailed into becoming involved in the intervention...then they decided to circumvent the father completely?
Nup sorry...doesnt make sense.
Dont become a lawyer cos even if there's some "logical" reason why you did that...
...you still just blew your entire case.
Credibility. | |
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| Drug Rehab & Kids
Posted: 7/2/2008 10:11:30 AM | | A residential treatment center that offers DAYCARE? That makes no sense at all. | |
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| Drug Rehab & Kids
Posted: 7/2/2008 10:37:18 AM | I don't know how it is in your country, elsebeing said, when I left my husband and moved into a shelter, it was a requisite that the mother and child/ren be involved with counselling, under the assumption that abuse and alcoholism are a cycle. Now this is in ontario, and neither myself, nor my child(obviously) suffered from alcoholism, the theory was that since we were living with it, we would need to know how to deal with it, and how to avoid it. I guess the same for abuse... but that's a different topic entirely....
Jenn | |
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| Drug Rehab & Kids
Posted: 7/2/2008 2:07:34 PM | Kyn, my apologies, I should've made myself more clear when discussing the son. The son is the brother to the lady in rehab, not the Dad of the children. The son is the one who who forced the Grandparents, his parents, into helping with his sisters intervention.
I do see your point about Dad misconstruing what his children are telling him. I've been at that point a few times where I'd catch myself hearing what I wanted to hear.
I don't state that Dad is a victim. Far from it, considering HE did nothing to help his wife when the addiction was so obvious, HE did nothing to protect the children from their mother's wrath when she couldn't get her hands on the pills she wanted and HE didn't attempt to find a rehabilitation center where he, himself, could participate.
I found out earlier today, after talking to a few mutual friends, that Dad wasn't "kept" from seeing his wife and children. He CHOSE not to. That being learned, perhaps it is best for the children to be where they are. IMO, if he was truly that concerned about his children being placed where they are, he should've gotten off his butt and been there every single moment he was allowed.
The only victims I see, are the children themselves. Victims of a situation that got entirely out of control, stayed out of control for entirely too long, and are still being subjected to a situation that part of the family disagrees with.
All I can say is that when it's all said and done that the boys, who really are great kids, come out okay considering all that's happened. I hope Mom is getting, and continues to receive, all the help she needs to get her life straightened out and keep it that way and that BOTH parents deal with the consequences of their actions.
As for counseling for the the boys.. I merely suggested that it may be a good idea to counsel the boys because they've gone through the addiction, in a manner of speaking. They had to watch Mom suffer through the addiction all the while, why not understanding any of it(what child CAN fully understand an addiction?). Just seemed to me that it might be helpful.
The situation is what it is, isn't likely to be changed at this point, as her brother says that she is doing better and better everyday, and the boys seem to be doing alright as well. I suppose it's a long, hard road, but if the ending is beneficial to the entire family, esp the children, then it's a road well worth traveled.
Oh, and Kyn, I appreciate your opinions, as tough as some people think they are, at least they're honest.  | |
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| Drug Rehab & Kids
Posted: 7/2/2008 5:12:03 PM | | I watch "Intervention" on A&E on a regular basis and I've never seen an intervention go down like this. It is critical that the person entering the intervention focus on their intervention and nothing else, so I'm boggled that this woman will attempt mothering her children while going through this very intense process. I think it's a huge disservice to her and her children. If they're gonna be in a therapeutic environment, they should be receiving therapy. To be exposed to their Mom's treatment, while removed from their everyday life to boot, and not receive any therapy...wow! Just boggled! I'm also boggled by the fact that the rest of the family isn't seeking their own treatment. When Mom comes out, she'll be stepping right back into it. | |
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| Drug Rehab & Kids
Posted: 7/3/2008 4:00:36 AM | My first instinct is to say WTF?!?! But on second thought, if the children have had to live and deal with her addiction, then maybe it's a good thing that they went with her. Hopefully they have therapy and schooling for the children. I think that too often we underestimate how much children really comprehend. If they've had to go through the ins and outs of her issues, then they have been dealing with the addiction already at such a young age. If the children are also getting 'help', then it's a good thing. B/C for so long they have probably been confused and hurt....maybe they will get the hlep they need to deal with the circumstances they are in at an age appropriate level.
~Welder's Girl~ | |
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| Drug Rehab & Kids
Posted: 7/29/2008 8:06:56 PM | I think it could have a great pay off, then her children can see what drug addiction does and potentially stay away from it in the future. If this is the only way shes gonna make the step towards staying clean then by all means mabye she ought to do whatever it takes.
I also think her husband should be more understanding towards her in that. | |
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| Drug Rehab & Kids
Posted: 7/29/2008 8:43:15 PM | whoa.
and here i am single.
it's a wondrous world, really...
a | |
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| Drug Rehab & Kids
Posted: 7/29/2008 11:31:05 PM | | If Dad has full cusrtody of kids, his ex and the mom helped abduct the kids. How are they getting the education that they will be missing for a year in rehab? If anything, having the kids as motivation is a goood idea, but it's not going to deter the person who is addicted. they should be self motivated so that the resistance to do drugs is stronger. Perhaps seeing their mom addicted may be a good idea for the kids to be counselled as well. But if they aren't, then they are there for the wrong reasons. And living in a rehab is not a good environment for the kids, they will only be taught lies, violence, anger, yelling. Not to mention being apart from their dad for so long may affect them emotionally. Wouldn't it be enough for the kids to visit once a day or whatnot to motivate the mother rather than live there? This is beyond selfish, I would not want my child to see me go through withdrawals much less let them see other people going thru problems. | |
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| Drug Rehab & Kids
Posted: 7/30/2008 2:29:00 PM | | You have an excellent point there wanderbaby actually, about how watching mom go withdrawls might not be so pleasant. | |
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| Drug Rehab & Kids
Posted: 7/31/2008 7:04:43 AM |
The son is the brother to the lady in rehab, not the Dad of the children. The son is the one who who forced the Grandparents, his parents, into helping with his sisters intervention.
My only question here is.. how does the UNCLE have any say in who gets to see those children?? Does he have custody? If no, then his *threat* is idle.
It's probably not a bad idea to include the children in her rehab providing that they are undergoing their own counselling separate from her. There may be an onsite facility that takes care of their educational needs. We don't know because we aren't there. | |
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| Drug Rehab & Kids
Posted: 7/31/2008 7:25:08 AM | | i would definitely want to keep my kids out of that kind of situation especially at such young ages. a drug rehab center is no place for a small child. It seems to me that this mother is pretty self-ish. I can see not wanting to be away from my child so long but i would know its for the better | |
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| Drug Rehab & Kids
Posted: 8/1/2008 9:21:17 AM | | That is the most self-centered story I ever herd. You let the father or close family member hold the children for a while and say Mommy woll be OK and is going to ther Hospital out os state for a while. By this FOOL bringing her kids to rehab is going to forster the idea Drugs and addicts are acceptable and normal and these children will either become addicts or marry Addicts and continue this screwed up cycle. A real Parent places thier children before themselfs. This parent is going to screw up her kids and their kids lifes by being such a week and selfish person | |
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