| What did I do to turn this guy off? In desperate need of input.
Posted: 7/1/2008 2:37:15 PM | Sorry this is so long. I met a man at a bar in my hometown the other night, and started up a conversation with him. It seemed he was interested because he kept it going, we asked each other questions etc.
I told him right off I lived in another state now and was home visiting. At some point I said, 'well I'd give you my number if I lived here..' and he whipped out his phone and asked for it. At some point I started talking to my friends again and he texted me so I'd have his number, and then texted me a couple of times while I was leaving the bar. He has a cool job and wanted me to stop by the next night so he could show me around- he was going to be working all night.
We texted quite a bit the next day and he asked me about 3 times to come visit him at work, which I did. He also thanked me for approaching him, and said 'I never would have been able to come up to you'. When I got there, I looked better than I had the night we met, with a more flattering outfit, etc. We just kind of stood around talking for a while. I couldn't really tell if he wanted me there or not at that point and he never made any kind of move. I would have been into it if he had- I tried to be flirty but not actually suggestive so he'd know I was into him. The conversation was just getting to know you stuff, but I tried to be interesting and interested in him.
He will be a few hours away for a competition in a couple of weeks and I was hoping we could meet up, but he never mentioned it (except sort of that first night).
I can't think of anything I might have said or done to turn him off, but his texts since then have been short and relatively dismissive- I get the feeling he has no interest in continuing to talk but just doesn't want to be a jerk about it.
I guess it might be because I'm back in my new town, but he knew I lived here from the start, and I'm quite sure he wasn't drunk the first night, he got up and ran a 5k for charity at 5 the next morning- so he knew exactly what I look like. He wasn't trying to get laid either as he made no moves on me. I know he's not married, and I doubt he is involved since we were very publicly hanging out, took a pic together in a crowded bar in a small town.
I'm just so frustrated because I REALLY liked this guy, and that hasn't happened for me in more than a year. Any input on what may have happened? Should I continue contacting him or just ask him how he feels about possibly seeing me again, or would I just look like a pathetic stalker? (prefer advice from men only, thanks)  | |
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| What did I do to turn this guy off? In desperate need of input.
Posted: 7/1/2008 2:43:46 PM | I'd just find out by asking him.
Contact him once more, and if he doesn't respond to you, it's best to call it a day. If he shows no interest, at least you tried and won't be haunted with the memories of "What if you had talked to him?"
Some guys may not know it, as women sometimes don't like to show they're interested and bascially guys are not subtle in the least. Subtlety and guys go together like a fish on a bicycle.
Then again, he just might not be that into you, for a variety of reasons. Maybe you said something to put him off, maybe it's him,etc.
End the suffering and just find out.
I did that a week or so ago with someone I was talking with, and it turns out she wasn't that into me as I had thought, but at least I'm relieved in that I know it and can move on. | |
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| What did I do to turn this guy off? In desperate need of input.
Posted: 7/1/2008 3:33:05 PM |
OP:
Just ask him out. If he is not interested, what's the worse can happen?
This man speaks the truth... I personally wouldn't even go that far... If he's not interested in giving you the time of day, then your best option would be to cut your losses and move on. The more you lord over this guy trying to figure him out the more hurt you're going to become at the end of it. | |
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| What did I do to turn this guy off? In desperate need of input.
Posted: 7/1/2008 3:33:15 PM |
He will be a few hours away for a competition in a couple of weeks and I was hoping we could meet up, but he never mentioned it (except sort of that first night).
OP take the initiative and mention the competition and set up a possible time and place to meet. If you don't hear from him or if he is wishy-washy then he just isn't into you or the fact that you live so far away. | |
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| What did I do to turn this guy off? In desperate need of input.
Posted: 7/1/2008 5:22:15 PM |
I guess it might be because I'm back in my new town, but he knew I lived here from the start, and I'm quite sure he wasn't drunk the first night, he got up and ran a 5k for charity at 5 the next morning- so he knew exactly what I look like.
That is most likely it, OP. Let me give you the scenario as it may have looked from his perspective.
Wow, this hot chick is talking to me! Ok, don't blow it. Relax. Ok, she doesn't live around here. Ok, now I can really relax. I like being around her. Could we keep it going even though we don't live near each other? I don't know; what the heck, why not?
Then afterwards, he got to thinking about it more and more and realized that it just wasn't possible. Distance is the slayer of relationships. Now he feels bad because he didn't get a chance to think it all the way through when he was just hanging out and having fun. So he sends you short messages hoping that you'll get the point.
OP, this was doomed from the start. As soon as you mentioned that you didn't live there, it was over. Would you have respected him more had he just walked away the instant you said that? I doubt it. You had fun together and it wasn't anything that you'll regret. Just enjoy it for what it is as that's all that it can be. Distance is the killer of relationships, and it's better to learn this now rather than three months down the road. | |
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| What did I do to turn this guy off? In desperate need of input.
Posted: 7/1/2008 5:34:03 PM | Thanks Aurora, that made me feel somewhat better. I still don't understand why he was so into having me visit him at work though.
I guess for me the distance thing is an obstacle, but I wanted to get to know him anyway since it's so rare for me to meet someone I'm that interested in  | |
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| What did I do to turn this guy off? In desperate need of input.
Posted: 7/7/2008 8:08:54 PM |
I still don't understand why he was so into having me visit him at work though.
He was probably still entertaining the hope that he might overcome the distance barrier. Reality is sometimes slow to sink in, especially when we dont want to believe it. | |
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| What did I do to turn this guy off? In desperate need of input.
Posted: 7/8/2008 12:43:02 AM | | There's no real way any of us can answer for sure since we're not him, but I'd say he had second thoughts either on his own or his bros getting to him about starting a long distance relationship. It's a really bad idea for a mirid of reasons | |
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| What did I do to turn this guy off? In desperate need of input.
Posted: 7/8/2008 3:13:20 AM | | okay from my perspective he said it flat out to you (He also thanked me for approaching him, and said '"I never would have been able to come up to you") you then said ("When I got there, I looked better than I had the night we met, with a more flattering outfit, etc") meaning you had him thinking that you were out for something other than what he was looking for. he could be a traditional guy and want a lady that stays at home and only looks sexy for her man and when you showed up at his work looking better than when you met probably made him think that all you wanted was a one night thing and it scared him a little also he could be very shy and have been to nervous to talk to you. just my thoughts on this matter ask hi if he would like to hang out sometime tell him when you'll be back in town and ask him then if he says yes then go out talk and see if he acts distant if he does and is sort of rude then just leave it at that | |
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| What did I do to turn this guy off? In desperate need of input.
Posted: 7/8/2008 5:30:26 AM | I like the name you choose :) Now to your question. Actually, just re-read your post, its pretty easy. He told you, he isn't a pursuer. You flattered him by pursuing him, and coming to his workplace in front of his coworkers. BUT...
even you pointed out to him, you live far away. So far, even you didn't want to give him your number. He took it anyway, but...how hard was that for him to do?
He did all the easy work, did you notice? You made all the effort. Distance, in this time of high gas prices, is most likely the reason he let you do all the work, and did only the easy stuff himself. So, either keep pursuing and hope you get to live up to your screen name :), or pursue a snake closer to home... | |
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| What did I do to turn this guy off? In desperate need of input.
Posted: 7/8/2008 7:29:05 AM | | well it could of been any number of things . the long distance aspect might of seemed ok at first but then he though about it some more maybe and was like thats not what i'm looking for or he wasn't interested in you enough to see the point . he might also be the kind of guy who has alot of options when it comes to girls as well . so he might move on quickly . | |
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| What did I do to turn this guy off? In desperate need of input.
Posted: 7/9/2008 9:40:12 AM | | I think being a man, he was after the prize! Distance made it more difficult to get what he wanted. He was persistent at first because you were still within reach. Sadly men can be shallow creatures. Alternatively he likes you but has a wife or girlfriend already! | |
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