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Posted: 7/1/2008 5:13:41 PM | giving up relationships completely. What do you think of it? Do you think that we put too much emphasis on relationships when in some cases singlehood is the best option? I ask this because I've comtemplated this step myself, I often wonder if I would be more content on my own. You may ask well why are you on this site then, to which I reply because of interesting forums such as this one.
In any case is giving up an easy out or are there some of you that believe that giving up on relationships might be a worthwhile venture for some? | |
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Posted: 7/1/2008 5:21:20 PM | You can give up relationships half-a$$edly, like me. I know cognitively that no decent self-respecting woman would consider me as a boyfriend, and the practice underlines that theory with double underlines, in heavy red ink. But I do chase the skirts, here, there, everywhere. The hope and the tension it creates is needed for my emotional well-being. When I give up hope is the time to die.
P.s. I don't know why "redundancy" should be a sin. Yes, people who have been around these forums for long, are sick and tired of some topics; but from a newcomer's point of view, I don't want to stick my precious thoughts at the end of some 75436 posts in a three-year-old topic. There would be no way that anyone would read it, and I write to be read. I don't think I'm alone in this. If the redundancy rule was tied to a time limit, say in any six-month period the same topic cannot be revamped, or even in any one-month period, fine, that makes sense. But to punish someone's treasured brainchild of a topic because someone else started a discussion on the Forums here in 2005 or in 1856, or in 34 B.C.,(*) I find that unduly cruel and unusual punishment.
(*) The Forums started with the first meeting on the Forum Romanum, anno 134 before Christ. | |
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Posted: 7/1/2008 5:24:01 PM | | My favorite saying is "If it was easy, everybody would do it." Losing weight, quitting smoking, being/staying in a relationship, etc... If it was easy, everybody would do it. If you have to wonder if you would be more content on your own, you probably wouldn't be, imo. | |
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Posted: 7/1/2008 5:34:51 PM | im kind of at that place my self....i dont put to much effort into finding someone, especially after the kinds of men i run into on here
im quite happy and content on my own...having said that, if i would fell over someone in my path i would not say no | |
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Posted: 7/1/2008 5:46:45 PM | It's a good idea to get your head in a peaceful place in case your luck is the same as everyone else's.
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Posted: 7/1/2008 5:49:19 PM | I dont think of it as giving up. Sometimes we just need some space from being in a relationship to work on ourselves. When my husband passed I took the last nine years to work on myself....emotionally, spiritually, and mentally, and am now ready to bring someone into my life.
However, I must say if that happens I will consider myself blessed,if not I already have many blessing in my life.
PEACE | |
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Posted: 7/1/2008 6:01:12 PM | | I could never give up on relationships...they are far too important to me, but there are many kinds, and they all deserve attention. Everyone has relationships with friends and people they work with. There are relationships with neighbors and family...all of those relationships are important. If you cultivate relationships where you ARE, you will be better equiped to cultivate a potential more intimate relationship when the time is right....NEVER give up on people! | |
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Posted: 7/1/2008 6:03:46 PM | Well I took it for the OP to mean intimate relationships with a SO.
Of course every person in your life that your close to is a type of relationship. | |
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Posted: 7/1/2008 6:10:33 PM | I don't think they are obsolete for me, but I refuse to go on a huge search for one. I think people are wrong to feel that they are entitled to one and it's missing if it's not a part of their lives. I think life is a series of phases, and single is one of them, just as not single is one of them. The trick is to embrace each phase and be happy with who you are anyway....
If it's meant to be that I end up in one, then I will...I get out and about enough, and the area I live in is small enough that if I'm supposed to run into someone that turns into something - I doubt he'll miss me. | |
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Posted: 7/1/2008 6:37:11 PM | Regarding romantic relationships, I’ve decided to settle…no, not in regards a mate, but into a contented state of apathy. Meh. If it happens, it happens.
I guess I’m making an indifference in this world.  | |
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Posted: 7/1/2008 7:02:05 PM | I decided to forget all about relationships. I would rather find a woman who is fun to be with. Then we could live together and have fun. And if she came to me one day and wanted to define our relationship I would lean back and let her go right ahead, because it makes her happy to have a story to tell when people ask her about our relationship. But to me it would always be that we were having fun and living together. And if it stopped being fun she could find someone she liked better. This approach means I will remain single. Just by going about things from a point of view that makes sense to me, I am unable to relate to women who seek a relationship.
She: What are you looking for?
Me: I want to have fun.
She: Oh, that's too bad. I am looking for a relationship.
Me: OK, well, good luck with that. | |
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Posted: 7/1/2008 7:05:11 PM | I find it not so much "giving up" relationships but actually letting go of any preconceived notion or idea that we will be happier with a relationship.
Being by onself is a wonderful place to be - a place to get to know yourself, to grow, tyo mature into the person you wish to be so that when the right one does come along you will know, and you will be ready. This alone space allows one to contemplate life and what the true desires of the heart are therefore making it easier to be true to onself.
Being alone is not always an easy road, and "giving up on relationships" can have empty, lonely moments, just as you may experience as a couple or in a crowded room of people.
Just be the best self and be happy! | |
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Posted: 7/1/2008 7:39:28 PM | I spent alot of energy trying to find another husband in my younger years, I admit that... I think part of it begins with divorce... lol... to show the ex that I'm valuable... I am sure we have many excuses and there's nothing wrong with those who are looking for marriage. I don't condemn that. But I do think society puts pressure on singletons to be married... such as can I fix you up? oh single? too picky? Office Xmas parties where everyone brings and shows off the spouse or significant other and you show up alone? or heaven forbid the date you invite freaks out and stands you up on that xmas party because of the implications? Society and it's arm twisting pressures... You look stable if you are in a committed relationship, you don't look like a home wrecker, well I could go on but those are my examples...
I say let come that will, I'm not searching for something that fits neatly in a box anymore. Maybe I'm old enough to only care about what I think. yes someone special in my life would be wonderful... but to set a timetable or worry on it only means you end up with unhappiness.
giving up on relationships? naw, just giving up on what other people think... | |
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Posted: 7/1/2008 7:41:22 PM | | P.S. I don't mind going to those Xmas parties alone.... | |
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Posted: 7/1/2008 7:45:01 PM | | It is all in the "age and stage" of life. At certain times in your life, it is advantageous to be in a relationship. At other times, it is not. So, hopefully you can find someone who shares the right "timing", and hope that when you "end it", they also agree to end it. | |
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Posted: 7/1/2008 7:45:37 PM |
giving up relationships completely. What do you think of it?
I suppose in many ways I have given up.
Do you think that we put too much emphasis on relationships when in some cases singlehood is the best option?
Yep.
I ask this because I've comtemplated this step myself, I often wonder if I would be more content on my own. You may ask well why are you on this site then, to which I reply because of interesting forums such as this one.
I think you are too young to be having those types of thoughts, but I do understand them. You have a lot of life ahead of you ~ this will change. 
In any case is giving up an easy out or are there some of you that believe that giving up on relationships might be a worthwhile venture for some?
I think that it's in my gene-pool for one thing. I don't think it's inherited, but I do think I view it differently because I've watched my two closest family members remain single for 20+ years and 40+ years. Meaning, no live-ins, no marriage. It's definitely not foreign to me either. I go for extended periods of time being entirely alone. I suppose we are just unique in some ways ~ finding ourselves more often than finding someone else. Good luck OP ~  | |
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Posted: 7/1/2008 7:53:22 PM | | For me, it's not about "giving" up on relationships, I just prefer being on my own. I enjoy it, I love my life the way it is. I have had plenty of chances to get involved, but I am happy the way I am. I have lots of love in my life from my daughters, my family, and my friends. I also have my grandkids. I have dated occasionally, but not anything serious. These women are friends that I have known for a long time, and they know where I stand, so we just go out and have fun together...no complications. So far, it is working out well. | |
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Posted: 7/1/2008 7:53:36 PM | I think giving up completely is to become deliberately closed-minded and sounds a little too much like martyrdom.
I reached a point a while back where I found I was content with life as a single person, but I'm still open to finding someone to share it with in some capacity. I just don't feel the need to settle for the sake of being with someone. | |
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Posted: 7/1/2008 8:01:47 PM | There is a happy medium here somewhere...(insert obvious joke)
BUT...i've always felt...if we chase blindly, with that lonely old UNHEALED heart...
we are BOUND to make many more and more painful mistakes.
But when we learn to be comfortable in our own skin, and try to just be only who we are (not who we think our latest prey wants us to be in order to gain their love)
THATS when we attract healthy situations that can engender a viable "relationship"...
one that allows for individuality, but also brings tremendous togetherness...
if we try to gain the "trophy"
and have not played the game, tournament, playoffs to the end..
we havent earned it, nor learned.
is it any wonder we don't find it...or keep it? | |
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Posted: 7/1/2008 8:08:19 PM | This is a good question, OP. I have often wondered about the definition of "relationship". I don't really like to use the word, actually, because it implies so much that doesn't necessarily need to be to true.
For instance, I know for sure that I don't want to get married or live with anyone, or even sleep with anyone on a regular basis, ever again. I probably never should have, but it took this long to realize it & be able to say so.
Does that mean I shouldn't be with anyone romantically? Does it mean I shouldn't have a healthy, monogamous sex life, shoudn't have a man in my life with whom I enjoy common interests and activities? No, I don't think it does.
If I am exclusively dating and having (really great) sex with a man once or twice a week, if we get together to do things we enjoy other than sex, communicate regularly (not necessarily daily), but don't sleep together, don't say the L word, don't have any plans or aspirations for a future together, and we are both not only OK but very happy with that arrangement, is it a *gasp* relationship?
In a relationship, do the involved parties have to talk every day, sleep together, say they love each other every day, make marriage or household-blending plans, check in before living their lives every day?
Why does the choice have to be heavily and traditionally involved in what most people call a relationship, or DUH DUMMMMMM....alone?
I am committed, I'm in love, I'm happy. I guess don't care what you call it, and I think if more people were less hung up on the r word & the l word, more people would be happier. | |
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Posted: 7/1/2008 8:14:41 PM | It appears that everyone gives up looking for the perfect someone at some point. I myself know that my standards are set rediculously high. But I don't want a repeat so I screen heavily and hope for the best.
My number one priority is that if a woman can't like me for exactly who I am... you aren't the one for me.
Life isn't like a romance movie... most people expect it nowadays. | |
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Posted: 7/1/2008 8:26:12 PM | I am agreeing with most of the posts to this thread.
6 months ago, I not only wanted but needed to be with somebody. Some VERY positive things have happened in my life in that time, to where now my attitude is if I meet somebody I do, and if not I am happy because of those happenings.
Life is great with or with out that lady, and if she comes along, that will just be a bonus. She will have to be pretty special to take me away from being single. It is pretty nice not having to answer to somebody other than being a dad. | |
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Posted: 7/1/2008 8:37:49 PM | I think people should be more content on their own.. Do things that make us happy, brings peace and makes the day a little brighter.
But also.. keep options open and leave room for fate to work its magic.
Knocking your head against a wall, to try and find someone else to make you totally happy is no way to go either. It's never good or healthy to give the search so much mental energy that it starts to drain you.. I used to be that way.. Now I take it slow, enjoy life and just believe. What is suppose to be mine in this universe will come to me.. I can't rush it by worrying so much about it.. None of us can..  | |
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Posted: 7/1/2008 9:03:02 PM | I would be lying if I said I hadn't thought about giving up on relationships completely, but that's usually only been after a particularly bad breakup. I have learned, however, that I am much happier being single than I was in some of my relationships. Sometimes it is better to be alone than with the wrong person. I still hold hope that the right guy is out there somewhere. Maybe I've already met him, maybe I haven't. Who knows?
I do have a friend that has given up on having a relationship altogether. She doesn't seem all that content with her decision, though. | |
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Posted: 7/1/2008 9:09:52 PM | I don't know dude, giving up relationships altogether is extreme in my opinion. What you might need instead is a break and/or a new attitude about it. Can you work toward becoming less focused on the outcome and try to just enjoy the process. That elusive connection can be almost impossible to find when we are looking so hard. Believe me, I've wanted to find love so badly at times, but I never have found it in that state of mind.
If you can, devote more time and energy into things that make you feel great about yourself. The better you feel about yourself, the more attractive you will be to all people.
People need relationships of all kinds in order to thrive. Don't give up. Keep on fighting. We're all paddling the same boat, my friend. | |
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