| ex ruining my life, help!!!!
Posted: 7/1/2008 6:33:25 PM | | i have an ex boyfriend who moved in with my next door neighbors, he says to be closer to his son, but since hes moved in it hasnt been anything but drama, hes crazy jelous even tho me and him are not together or even thinking of it atleast im not, but he spys on me when i talk to my friends even girls he acuuses me of me of " whoring around" so to avoid the drama i decided not to date anyone or have anyone over , i guess what im asking is how should i handle this or has anyone ever had anything like this happen before and how they handled it i dont want to hurt his feelings but i dont want to put my life on hold because im afraid of what hes gonna say or do, and the part about him being closer to his son is bullshit he dont even se him and hes right next door, please give me some advice | |
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| ex ruining my life, help!!!!
Posted: 7/1/2008 6:40:06 PM | | Have you considered that he may be "stalking" you, like an abuser? Don't give him any reason to get nasty and, in the meantime, figure out how you're going to move somewhere away from him & file a restraining order. | |
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| ex ruining my life, help!!!!
Posted: 7/1/2008 6:43:43 PM | So many things...
First, he's accusing you of "whoring around" and you're worried about hurting his feelings? Ok....
Second, your profile says that you're a "strong, independent woman". What you've posted here would suggest otherwise.
This may be straying a bit off topic and probably none of my business, but do your little kids live with you? If so, I would be more concerned about how they view your having men over instead of how the jealous ex does.
He can only control you if you allow him to. Ignore him. If he starts threatening you, call the police. | |
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| ex ruining my life, help!!!!
Posted: 7/1/2008 6:43:57 PM | | maybe moving away is the wrong thing because its showing that hes ruining your life, maybe consider restraining orders just like jonibgood said but i wouldnt put my life on hold for anyone just carry on with your normal life and dont let him get to you | |
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| ex ruining my life, help!!!!
Posted: 7/1/2008 6:44:30 PM | | Yes I lived in the same apartment as my ex, and I know how hard it can be to just give in to keep the peace. I suggest you get a no contact order, or else move. The guy sounds like a control freak stalker. | |
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| ex ruining my life, help!!!!
Posted: 7/1/2008 6:48:49 PM | Well, for the first time ever, I checked an OP's profile before writing.
You mentioned he moved next door to be near his son. You have 3 kids. Now I agree that he could be stalking you, or that you're an easy target for abuse. Because you also state in your profile you're looking for "Mr. Right Now". If you ask me.. that's just complete drama all the way around. He's not the only one that is creating it.
I would move to begin with. And "arrange" visitation with his son if necessary. Start living your own life. Whatever that means to you. But until you start to slow down.. I fear you're always going to have drama. I hope you prove me wrong.
He does sound like a stalker...and I would be concerned and notify police and get a protection order.
:beer: | |
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| ex ruining my life, help!!!!
Posted: 7/1/2008 7:11:39 PM |
And "arrange" visitation with his son if necessary.
So OP, is one of your kids his son?
I was assuming his son happened to live nearby, and he used moving in next to her as a convenient excuse. | |
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| ex ruining my life, help!!!!
Posted: 7/1/2008 7:28:07 PM | | well i am a strong independant woman but i give in to keep the peace because of my children, my youngest is his son, my other two is from my marriage, i dont have random guys over here, but i do have guy friends as well as woman friends maybe he is stalking me because my son has to beg him to spend time with him, and hes only 5 yrs old and as far as the mr. right now that was meant as companionship,i dont go out much but if i want to go out on a date im afraid he will cause the drama ive stayed away from him and my neighbors, i think thats best but he will use, the :thats my son excuse' to be in my business, i put my kids first always, i just dont want any problems if it was just me i wouldnt care what he would do or say but for my childrens sake i feel stuck. | |
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| ex ruining my life, help!!!!
Posted: 7/1/2008 7:35:33 PM | Get on with your life and let him stew. Tell him you move here to have more time with your son so Saturday night he is all yours. 
Whatever he says is just bitterness why let it put you out. | |
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| ex ruining my life, help!!!!
Posted: 7/1/2008 7:48:01 PM | Sounds like a stalker and he has no right to be getting involved in your life when he's an ex. If he's not active with his son, I'd say it should be obvious he's there mostly just to stalk and harass you.
If he does anything that would warrant a restraining order, it would sound more then justified in this case. I doubt any judge would deny it either based on him moving in right next door to you.
I would definitely keep a written log of when he actually sees your son, when he contacts you, what is said, if he's on your property, etc. | |
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| ex ruining my life, help!!!!
Posted: 7/1/2008 7:56:27 PM | | He is stalking you, and it is illegal. He is slandering your name. Start taking notes. Take a photo of where he lives, and write down dates and times that he harasses you. Live a normal life, as you wish, but do not let him see guys at your place, because if you are not legally divorced, then you are still married, and he can use this against you. Are you divorced? If so, he is stalking you, and you need to buy a spiral notebook and write down dates and times and what happened. If he calls and hangs up, this is also harassment. You may be able to get a restraining order against him, if you have enough data collected, with dates and times of episodes of contact. Do not forget to write EVERYTHING DOWN. | |
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| ex ruining my life, help!!!!
Posted: 7/1/2008 8:09:14 PM | | smileee4u, she can't be divorced from because she was never married to him. She has a child by him, but wasn't ever married to him, she states he's an "ex boyfriend." And her profile says her interests are "going to the movies, hanging with friends, sex...you know all the important things in life" so I hate to say it, but can you say "drama" AND poor example to be giving to THREE children at home? What the ex boyfriend is doing isn't right, but his characterization of her activities just MIGHT not be all that far off. Sounds like a perfect Jerry Springer episode to me! | |
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| ex ruining my life, help!!!!
Posted: 7/1/2008 8:24:17 PM | Teach your bigazz dog to eat him.
He's a Stalker...tell him if he can't be nice to not say anything at all.
Move. If your neighbors are that freeking stupid to let him live with them you need to get outta there anyway.
Log EVERYTHING. If you have a mini-recorder, USE it, or buy one at Circuit City/walmart, etc Nothing like having His Own Words tossed at him in court. | |
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| ex ruining my life, help!!!!
Posted: 7/1/2008 10:04:34 PM | | just because i stated i like sex doesnt mean i bring guys around my children my private life remains just that private, my god cant a woman say she likes having sex with out people assuming thats all anything is about is sex? im sure you like sex to but do u walk around with a fraking mattress on your back? because i sure dont if i did would i be on a dating site ? , no id be out on a corner somewhere not sitting at home with my kids every night. woman are aloud to like sex and not be whores or sleep with just random guys which i dont in fact its been a while but i still like it. | |
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| ex ruining my life, help!!!!
Posted: 7/1/2008 10:06:20 PM | | how did you meet this loser? just tell him, yes, i am whoring around and you cant afford me, now get the hell out of my life. or you could just move, which is probably the better idea. you do not know what this total psycho is capable of and your surely do not want to find out the hard way..good luck | |
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| ex ruining my life, help!!!!
Posted: 7/1/2008 10:18:50 PM | | If you don't stand up to him- or call the police; he'll keep bugging you - if you just move, he'll follow. You don't want your kids to think this is normal. | |
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| ex ruining my life, help!!!!
Posted: 7/1/2008 10:25:47 PM | : Dear op,
What you need to do is very simple if in deed you feel threaten by the former boyfriend and if he is infact harassing you you have a few options.
(1) File a restraing order to prohibit him from contacting you and if children are involved and if you feel he maybe a threat to your child u can also prohibit him from going near your place of living.
(2) To contact the police and inform them of what''s going on you need to keep a record of all phone calls, and remarks he has said to yopu by phone or in person.
(3) If there is a court order stating he can see the child and is paying child support you can change that by going to the court this is a few options you can follow best thing to do is keep your door locked and if he decides to stalk you or harass you you have to contact the law as soon as there is trouble it will look good for you in the long run if not the court will ask you why didn't you contact the police.
this is all i can do here but as i know how the court system works i thought i may let you know what options u may have .
hope this helps you ,
have a great day, | |
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| ex ruining my life, help!!!!
Posted: 7/1/2008 10:59:58 PM | Hi,
Msg 18 is perfect explanation for you about what to do legally....soooo Do It! You & the boys have a cheering section here, so when you have done it, check back & let us know how it all went! If you don't you are setting yourself & boys up for more problems. He doesnt care about the boys, he just says he does. You are a good mother, you have the directions that will help the 4 of you. When you have done it, let us know so we can all celebrate!
I raised 2 children on my own who turned out terrific. I told them daily, usually in the morning how terrific and lovable they were & how I loved them soooo much!! I would also tell them they were good looking, and Smart! Try it, it's an inexpensive gift of love that pays off big time! Good Luck! | |
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| ex ruining my life, help!!!!
Posted: 7/1/2008 11:16:29 PM | | I would move and not let him know where you live. Get a restraining order and take notes of everything. Good luck! | |
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| ex ruining my life, help!!!!
Posted: 7/2/2008 1:29:35 AM | Get a personal protection order against the idiot....he thinks he is smart moving into a place where he can keep and eye on you while he is doing his own thing..
Seek protection from the law.......you have a right to life, liberty and the persuit of happiness....and keep a baseball bat by the door ....in case he does something really stupid. | |
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puaka
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Joined: 6/13/2008
Msg: 21 | |
| ex ruining my life, help!!!!
Posted: 7/2/2008 2:17:14 AM | Maybe you are not telling us the whole story here.
I don't see why you should stop living just to avoid trouble with ex. You have to take control of the situation and continue to live your life and date whoever. Don't let the ex get into your business except his responsiblity with your child. You don't have to discuss any of your business with him nor listen to what he thinks of you. You can't have a control of your situation if he waltzs in and out of your life either. | |
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| ex ruining my life, help!!!!
Posted: 7/2/2008 2:23:58 AM | Realist, get a life. If your X is determined to get into your business there is a certain amount that you can do to shield yourself and because visitation cannot be prohibited, even if child support is in arrears, unless in extreme circumstances, your children are then open game for their father or mother.
Because your X will take it out on you and the children you do what you can to still have a life and fly under his radar unless you are able to move. If you are able to move, you have to consider how many times you will be willing to move, because he can continue to follow you.
A no contact order is not going to occur unless there is some violence or they are able to verify through psychologists, etc. that the children feel threatened by his presence. Go out on dates but drive yourself so that no one is there picking you up, etc. It is retarded but the alternative is allowing greater emotional harm to your children.
When someone does this that has a child with you, unless he beats the shit out of you, the system doesn't help. The only thing you can do is mitigate the damage he does to you and your children. | |
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| ex ruining my life, help!!!!
Posted: 7/2/2008 3:40:55 AM | CSC/OP
Do you have a court ordered visitation schedule for your son?
If not, get one.
When it is time (Weekend/summer month, whatever), walk your son over to the house next door, knock on it, when the door opens, say "here is your son, see you at this date and time" and LEAVE.
He has no right to approach you on your property, call you, ANYTHING if you don't want. I know of too many guys like this. You don't have to listen to him. Call the cops when he steps on your property and it is not a scheduled time.
I am not one to judge another, but the only thing is, no matter what a jerk he is, try not to harp on it, especially around the kids. You will find yourself happier if you can just ignore him. Really.
The best thing about my daughter being on the brink of moving out on her own is I don't even have to THINK about her Mom anymore!!!!!!!
And good for you for realising that sex is important in a happy relationship!!!
(too many prudes on this site) | |
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| ex ruining my life, help!!!!
Posted: 7/2/2008 5:14:07 AM | Why do you think your neighbours accepted to have this man live with them? Have you discussed with your neighbours the effect his presence is having on you and your children? If you discuss anything with a male neighbour make sure their wives are with them. We had a situation in our street, single mums often get targetted and not only by exes, you need to garner support and get this guy moved on.
I would suggest if you have a male relative or a reliable friend that you have that male stay for a while and be quite visible. Keep a camera or video camera etc on you along with a siren device, on his approach either draw attention or advise you are going to press charges for his disobeying a court order. Basically cockroaches don't like the light and they don't like having the attention of the entire street drawn to them either.
Living under seige like this is a greater stress than we sometimes realise and it is most certainly affecting the children. When you move, and you know you will, have to, cover your tracks by changing your name, your vehicle, be wary of who you tell what and lay a false trail. People like this will, use a contact you know, so really evaluate who your circle of friends are. You may even have to consider changing your job as well. Hard as it is to make these decisions and wrong as it is that someone like this can be allowed to disrupt your life, you need to be proactive. I believe you are strong enough to do what has to be done. | |
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| ex ruining my life, help!!!!
Posted: 7/2/2008 5:29:00 AM | QSilver ^^
Continuing to live "under seige" just for the "sake of the children"
hurts you tremendously...and is NOT the place for YOU...or them.
The "ex" is stalking, manipulating, controlling. There is not-insignificant red flags all over this.
PLEASE take care of yourself...
and stop making excuses for this untoward and harassing behavior that you are "allowing"
i dont mean to sound harsh...PLEASE ...be proactive.... | |
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