| how to say no without the awkwardness
Posted: 7/1/2008 10:28:33 PM | So I went on this awesome date today where the guy like read my palm, and told me about my sign and birthday and did a tarot reading... I mean it's not for everyone but it was really cool for me! We talked about really deep stuff like religion and the future and history... the conversation was far above most guys' I've been out with.
So anyway... he was reading my palm and I smiled and looked up into his eyes and he just basically jumped on me and went fullout tonsil hockey! He started like rubbing me in all those places and I tried to move his hands but they always ended up at point A again.... chopping out the last part of the story which you can probably predict, I'm skipping to the question:
How can a girl say no to sex without the rest of the date or at least the car ride home being totally awkward?! | |
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| how to say no without the awkwardness
Posted: 7/1/2008 10:32:15 PM | LOL Make it awkward for him!!!
If the guy is just going to JUMP you without you dropping hints to thats what you want you WANT to make that time for him miserable.. Kid needs to learn some respect...
thats my 2 cents anyways
My experience, if she isnt interested there is SEVERAL little hints that she will give out that you will pick up and STOP and go for whats comfortable... Then, never know, she might turn the tables and jump him!
*Party on Wayne! | |
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| how to say no without the awkwardness
Posted: 7/1/2008 10:36:27 PM | Seriously, I'd rather have a woman just say "no thanks" in so many words - it's more awkward when they leave things ambiguous.
Any decent guy will respect an unambiguous statement of your disinterest. He may try to salvage the situation but of course, there are reasonable limits, and if youre really not interested, he'll just have to deal with it. If he doesnt, he has a problem (and you might, but it's not your fault).
Of course, I'm not saying there's no such thing as unduly leading someone on. | |
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| how to say no without the awkwardness
Posted: 7/1/2008 10:41:46 PM | | EDIT: Now having read your full post (the above replies to the general question) - uhm, yeah, it's all a matter of what you think is appropriate. I think a guy "jumping on you" on a first date, if youre not comfortable, is totally inappropriate, and if youre not comfy you should just say so. If he's really your ride, he's being irresponsible to you in the process. It's about confidence in what you want and believe is right. I'd say he's in the wrong and you should have no compunction about making him feel bad if he's crossing lines, making you feel bad. | |
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| how to say no without the awkwardness
Posted: 7/1/2008 10:43:12 PM | I Agree with message 3 too...
And how can you tell BEFORE a date!? Ive had, and im SURE others have had a date where someone has said not a chance in hell, and then you end up getting jumped...
All depends on the date.. If you were NOT leading him on and he just went out "guns blazing" and didnt clue in.. a good NO works great... explain why.. he shoudl be cool with it. if he REALLY likes you, he will still be around tomorrow.....
*Party on Garth! | |
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| how to say no without the awkwardness
Posted: 7/1/2008 10:51:02 PM | Next time write the word 'No' on the inside of your other hand before the date. When he is palm reading again and making his move, subtly switch hands.
Seriously, if he does not take 'No' for an answer - assuming you mean it - your date is dangerously close to a rape scenario. | |
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| how to say no without the awkwardness
Posted: 7/1/2008 10:55:20 PM | OMG!! He was on you like that, on a first date??
Obviously he was using his little palm reading/tarot game to impress you.
Holy "screw me now's" Batman!!!
WTF!!??
That wasn't a date, it was a potential booty call for him, and if you see him again, then you obviously don't respect yourself and get what you deserve.
How unnerving!!! 
The next time you find yourself in such an awkward position, slap the shit out of him and call a cab or something!!! 
Sheesh!!
Dogs running wild...
I'm aggravated now, I'm going to play guitar and forget I even read this!!  | |
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| how to say no without the awkwardness
Posted: 7/1/2008 11:01:31 PM | yeah it really was pretty close!
I think next time I go on a date, I'll go in my own car so that if something goes wrong I have an escape!
I thought about saying something like "We're going too fast" but then that suggests that I'm picturing a future together with him when really I'm just having a good time enjoying the weather and some old fashioned fortune telling LOL.
I wasn't into the kissing and I wasn't into any of his advancements but I just didn't know how to stop him without yelling! I hate yelling and I hate making people feel bad about themselves! So at one point I just took it and asked him if he was happy and he's like what? You're not? | |
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| how to say no without the awkwardness
Posted: 7/1/2008 11:40:38 PM | loL@palm reading. He probably caught a one too few episode's of VH1's The Pickup Artist and decided to model himself after "Mysery". Too bad palm reading and the like is what they all call "chick-crack". Bullshit used to bait girls. He was obviously not experienced since he instantly jumped on you at the first sign of genuine attraction :-P
Buy him some books on the subject and recommend that he studies up. | |
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| how to say no without the awkwardness
Posted: 7/1/2008 11:53:44 PM | I wasn't into the kissing and I wasn't into any of his advancements but I just didn't know how to stop him without yelling! I hate yelling and I hate making people feel bad about themselves! So at one point I just took it and asked him if he was happy and he's like what? You're not?
Ugh... you're 18... why does this not surprise me?
Look, I'm only going to say this one time, because you're either going to take my advice or you're not. That being said...
DO NOT LET HIM F*CK YOU.
You are SUPPOSED to have respect for yourself. I don't know how far this went, because you didn't actually say. The second he jumped you, you should have been kicking him in the balls and walking out, because his behavior was over the top and completely inappropriate.
If you have any sense of self-respect, you will tell him, as bluntly as humanly possible, that what he did was NOT acceptable, and that you will not be giving him another date. Then he can go f*ck himself, while you learn the difference between sparing somebody's feelings, and letting them rape you. | |
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| how to say no without the awkwardness
Posted: 7/2/2008 12:08:10 AM |
I think next time I go on a date, I'll go in my own car so that if something goes wrong I have an escape!
Yes, indeed.
I just didn't know how to stop him without yelling! I hate yelling and I hate making people feel bad about themselves!
Getting date-raped can make them feel crummy too. Your predicament was already awkward, so physical self-defense would not make it worse. Suggest you take this Q to Ask a Girl; since I would never make that move move in the first place, it doesn't occur to me to tell you how to tell me to back off. You don't want to say "BTW, before we get started, don't go crawling all over me," because that presumes I might try, and it would only titillate a looney. | |
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| how to say no without the awkwardness
Posted: 7/2/2008 12:22:16 AM | | Well, you had a great opportunity for this date. You could have said, ``If you'd read my lifeline, you'd know we aren't going to have sex tonight.'' The way to eliminate feeling awkward in any situation is to try and be funny. Even trying to be funny and failing at it badly enough can be funny. Make fun of yourself. Tell him you're a complete prude and had your heart set on being a spinster. The worst thing you can do is clam up or make it seem like it's his fault (even though it apparently is.) Maybe he feels awkward around girls and couldn't figure out how to throw up a trial balloon any better than what he did. Try to empathize. The main thing (and this is true for more than just miguided gropers) is to leave someone an out so they can ``save face'' and not be embarrassed. That will put you in control of the situation because the other person won't become defensive or incommunicative. | |
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| how to say no without the awkwardness
Posted: 7/2/2008 12:36:45 AM | OP
If the guy violates your personal boundary then there should be a consequence for his violation and awkwardness should be the least of his worries. He should know that was not cool and not to do that again. No needs to be NO not "maybe later" like it does with some women. If he doesn't get it, a hair pull in the back of his head with a sharp jab to the nose with the heel of your palm should make it very clear. I am not one to advocate violence but again there needs to be consequences.
If this is the first meeting, I would highly suggest you drive and just meet somewhere until some level of trust is built. That will help with the "stuck without a ride" syndrome.
Going for a kiss and going for dry sex in the middle of a restaurant are completely different. One is someone who is assertive and reactive to body language and other queues coming from the other person and the other is a move that an immature 15 year old would think is cool. Again, big difference. You have no reason to feel bad for saying No, again you just need to mean it. | |
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| how to say no without the awkwardness
Posted: 7/2/2008 12:37:35 AM | How about something like;
"Baby, I realize how you feel about me, and while that's appreciated and I like you too, I would like to take my time, take things slow, and see where things/we go... Ya know what I mean? What do you think?"
You could also sweeten the deal by adding-- such as if you plan on spending a very long time, like until marriage, or if he won't take no for an answer-- "... In the mean time, though, if you'd be down with finding a (safe) pillow-buddy to help fulfill your needs in that regard, I'd be down with that."
But, ya, if he keeps pressing, then you might have to ramp things up to awkward level. | |
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| how to say no without the awkwardness
Posted: 7/2/2008 12:49:15 AM | Oh my goodness. The guy was possessed by demons.
What you do is kick him in the nuts.
Then apologize and say you were only kicking the demons out of him.
I have never seen anyone try what I suggest, but I am positive it'll work.
In fact, I bet everyone's life on it. | |
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| how to say no without the awkwardness
Posted: 7/2/2008 6:21:23 AM | | You end the date and leave. Don't continue a date after that happens, and don't get in a car together. One of you can take a cab. Your dad didn't do a good job teaching you about boys. | |
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| how to say no without the awkwardness
Posted: 7/2/2008 6:36:30 AM | Wait... let me get this straight... you had sex with this guy who you didn't even want to kiss because you didn't want to make things awkward?
I thought about saying something like "We're going too fast" but then that suggests that I'm picturing a future together with him when really I'm just having a good time enjoying the weather and some old fashioned fortune telling
How about just pushing him away? If a simple strong handed push didn't get him away, you are bordering on date-rape. Get physical. You have to have respect for yourself if you expect him to have any respect for you.
I wasn't into the kissing and I wasn't into any of his advancements but I just didn't know how to stop him without yelling! I hate yelling and I hate making people feel bad about themselves! So at one point I just took it and asked him if he was happy and he's like what? You're not?
You weren't into the kissing but you didn't want to yell at him to stop him because you didn't want him to feel bad? How did you feel? The feelings of someone who is forcing themselves on you is more important than your own feelings?
And you "just took it"? You really need to re-evaluate yourself before you go on another date. I would suggest at the very least taking your own car so you can leave if this happens again. And maybe take the time to gain a little self respect and realize that your safety is more important than not wanting someone else to feel bad for basically trying to rape you on a first date. | |
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| how to say no without the awkwardness
Posted: 7/2/2008 6:38:51 AM | Always take two cars on a first meet. It not only offers you an escape pod but is safer from a standpoint of having another pick you up and therefore knowing where you live.
As for saying no? You just gotta do it for if you don't they will assume you're down with it too. | |
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| how to say no without the awkwardness
Posted: 7/2/2008 11:01:06 AM | sorry to read of the op's date being a dork
went on a date and she wanted me to drive her back to her deserted house, kids came in within a few hours, but mutual decision was to take it no further, then suggested a few tips like using her own car and not letting people know where she lives right away :) | |
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| how to say no without the awkwardness
Posted: 7/2/2008 11:32:06 AM | | Listen he's feeding you a line. Only he's not so good. The poor guy wants to be a player but he isn't that smooth. lol Listen if you don't want open mouth kissing and fondling on the first date make it known. And the previous posters are correct you don't have to feel akward or bad. Its his fault for taking things too far too fast. | |
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| how to say no without the awkwardness
Posted: 7/2/2008 11:43:12 AM | | a well placed knee to the groin will do wonders ...and while he is rolling around on the floor tell him im sorry but its better than a rape charge aint it | |
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