| Will you fall for a person you haven't yet met in person?
Posted: 7/2/2008 4:53:03 AM | | I don't know if this is just the difference between men and women. Will you fall for a person you have been talking online a couple times, but haven't yet met in person? Are those sweet words just for flirting, so don't be too serious to these words, as it is still just "Getting To Know Each Other"? | |
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| Will you fall for a person you haven't yet met in person?
Posted: 7/2/2008 5:54:29 AM | I think you can fall in love with the IDEA of the person, what they represent and how they are. But to actually fall in love with them, NO.
Too many people can misrepresent themselves, showing you only the side they think will make you happy. Sometimes, making you believe that is who and what they are. However, once you get to know them, they are either that great wonderful person, or can be the biggest jacka$$ on the face of the earth.
The only way tot find out if they are this wonderful person is to cotiue to get to know them, meet them, go out and talk.
Good Luck | |
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| Will you fall for a person you haven't yet met in person?
Posted: 7/2/2008 6:22:00 AM | And thats the shiny bauble of this online thing.
All we see is the words that try to impress us, lure us...
all we hear are the constructs ...
all we project is our desire.
Until we meet them, and spend sufficient face time, in their eyes,
hearing, face 2 face, over time...
we have fallen for their "lure"
and our own projective identification borne of pain. lonely need.
But...significant relationships do form from these pages...
time in each others personal world requisite.
Dive not into the mirage.... | |
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| Will you fall for a person you haven't yet met in person?
Posted: 7/2/2008 7:00:55 AM | NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
We as humans generally have more non verbal communication than verbal. While I might really
get along with someone well chatting over email or the phone the truth is the fun part is watching
how someone literally "moves" through life. They way they interact with friends and strangers and
how friendly their persona is. It tells me a LOT more about them than what they say or type. Actions
rarely lie while words rarely tell the truth.
O | |
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| Will you fall for a person you haven't yet met in person?
Posted: 7/2/2008 7:26:01 AM | I think this should be worded as "CAN you fall...." & I must admit that up until last October I would have replied differently than how I can reply today. Then I would have agreed with the other posters & said, "Puullleze.... no way" but today, I say, "Yes, you can fall for someone without having met them" because this happened to me.
The great thing about these forums is that you can get to "know" someone without their knowing you are watching/reading them. I had long known of my sweetie before we ever talked by way of these forums (as he knew of me) but had dismissed any possible relationship because of the distance. But we have both chosen to close that distance & it is sooooooo good.
Is this for everyone? Of course not, but does happen. Think it depends on the people, expectations, compatability, communication & a myriad of other factors which are important to the individual.
cata | |
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| Will you fall for a person you haven't yet met in person?
Posted: 7/2/2008 7:37:43 AM | People fall all the time - but it's often for an illusion. Someone can be consistently the same way on e-mail and telephone. There's lots of things about them that you like. You fall for who they seem to be.
But the only way to know who they really are is to meet in real life and to get to know them over time. I don't think it will ever cease to amaze me how someone can be so much one way (consistently) on e-mail and the telephone, but a different person in real life. Still, it's worth finding out - just don't leave it too long and allow yourself to really build up that other persona in your mind. You want to get to know the real person, faults and all, and decide from there if you want to know them better. They are unlikely to be the 'perfect' person you think they are before meeting them and the longer you wait the more disappointed you might be - which is unfair because nobody is perfect and you will never meet the 'right' person if you always have this unrealistic view of perfection. | |
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| Will you fall for a person you haven't yet met in person?
Posted: 7/2/2008 7:39:11 AM | I do not fall in love very easily, I'm too cynical. And I am ESPECIALLY cynical when it comes to anyone who claims to be "in love" with someone s/he has never met, touched, felt, smelled, or been around.
I HAVE had men say (what I consider to be weird) things like, "You will look into my blue eyes as I say 'Marry me'." WTF???? I think some women go for that Harlequin romance idea, but not I. I'm pretty much a realist, so fake niceties are not appreciated. | |
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| Will you fall for a person you haven't yet met in person?
Posted: 7/2/2008 7:42:20 AM | ^^^I'm with Cassa...
I barely believe in falling in love with someone I'm dating regularly, let alone someone I've never been in the same room with.
And romantic grand gestures or trying to say something romantic online doesn't go over well with me. | |
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| Will you fall for a person you haven't yet met in person?
Posted: 7/2/2008 7:52:55 AM | Maybe I would if I could...
Ah…love is cute and sweet, isn’t it? Why not give some chance for romance? There is nothing wrong with being “romantic”…
Ok, it has a lot less chances to hurt if we do a serious reality check first by ourselves. Good?
Here is how.
It takes really two to tango, are you two tuned into each other? Are you guys (almost) equally participating and contributing to make a relationship to work – it shows off in several signs, but just don’t lie to yourself that he is doing things that you believe as great, but in fact he is doing nothing, and it is all your desires and imagination… we can be really deceiving to our selves if we want to… a bummer within and inside...
Distance romancing has its risks, handle with care, I don’t recommend to take it light-hearted, otherwise it will take a tool on you and consequently hurt when you could have avoided it. Out there are so many wolves on the lambs fashion, keep your eyes peeled… somehow you will be able to see their wagging tails better sooner than later, you have to just give some time to watch things to develop… don't hurry up, everything has a timing to happen, and so will romance happen with greatness if we give ourselves time to enjoy and share together the precious present, day-by-day, side-by-side... (aww I love a cupid thing... )
Men and women have some obvious differences, but human beings in general need romance, love and care equally.
Life is all about relationships…
Love, live and handle all that with care.   | |
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| Will you fall for a person you haven't yet met in person?
Posted: 7/2/2008 8:04:53 AM | | You can fall in like, not love. All to often on here we encounter people who are good writers. They can communicate very effectively, give you all the right signals, say all the right things. Though that chemistry thing is far more important, given this IS the internet, many put up old photos, write profiles of an idealized version of themselves. Not to mention of course, the players. This is why when you strike a chord with someone, as soon as you feel safe, it is best to meet face to face ASAP. Even briefly, for coffee or whatever, so you can see if that spark exists IRL. Then proceed as your own personality dictates. Bob | |
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| Will you fall for a person you haven't yet met in person?
Posted: 7/2/2008 9:40:42 AM | | depends on the time spent messaging back and forth, over a few conversations online, i would say no, many conversations online and on the phone lasting for hours never wanting to hangup, yes, it is possible over a period of months, | |
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| Will you fall for a person you haven't yet met in person?
Posted: 7/2/2008 11:57:25 AM | I easily crush on *aspects* of people that charm me. male female, doesn't matter, but usually male. It's not sexual, but I will get very strong feelings of FONDNESS. The more aspects the person has that I adore, the better.
I work with a LOT of men, each one of them has some aspect that I find worthy of a crush. One, though was particularly difficult to be fond of. At a party, he got very drunk and as I was telling a funny and ribald true story, he just came undone with apologies. This self-professed perv has been meeting me every morning as he comes onto his shift and relieves me, and he has to look away, because my boobs are at his eye level and he loves my boobs and he's a major boob man and he's *so* sorry for being that way.... What was charming is that while others have made sexual comments rather freely, someone even touched (he's gone now), he's NEVER shown the slightest sign of this "disrespect" that he feels so guilty for. I never saw him glance at the wrong location, he's never given any evidence whatsoever of being sexually attracted to me and he's always been respectful and friendly with no hint of his fetish. On a return to work, he is still this perfectly behaved. His wife was at the party and she's well aware of all this! So I find this aspect of him (though much of the rest of him, including some vague racism, remains almost repellent to me) as something that is crush worthy and charming.
What I'm saying is that over letters and through email, you will discover an ASPECT of a person that may be very charming and you may come to have very strong feelings for. If a person is VERY attuned to writing as their dominant communication, then you may love a LOT more of them than just a few aspects, but many people, writing is a way of communication that is just one aspect of their life and style and who they are. You can fall for their words, but you are not truly falling for ALL of them.
Myself, in print, I am VERY different than in real life. I was kind of surprised at the party because I behaved like I do at work... which is very different my normal social aspects. People at work think they know me, but they only know one side of me, which is a collection of aspects. Some find me charming, some like me too much, some can't stand me, some want to spend time with me and sometimes avoid me as well. They don't know me, I don't know them. We just know pieces of each other.
What you fall in love with by email, by phone, over a distance, isn't invalid, it IS love, it's just not the whole enchilada. | |
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| Will you fall for a person you haven't yet met in person?
Posted: 7/2/2008 12:11:16 PM | I'd say definitely no. You can probably develop a crush on what you think they may be like, but until you start getting to know them personally I doubt it's true love (whatever that is anyways).
If someone said they "loved" me before they'd met me in person, I'd be very wary. | |
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| Will you fall for a person you haven't yet met in person?
Posted: 7/2/2008 2:18:28 PM | well it is possible but i'm not sure personally that i could really fall for someone i had not meet in person . sure they might have nice pictures up but would be hard to romantically fall for them . if we hadn't even meet or done anything .
although i could become interested in them , i guess . | |
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| Will you fall for a person you haven't yet met in person?
Posted: 7/2/2008 2:20:50 PM | Takes more than a couple conversations online to capture my heart. (Woot! I'm hard to get! lol).
But I'm a bit of a softy and it's very possible for me to fall head over heels for someone I haven't met yet. | |
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| Will you fall for a person you haven't yet met in person?
Posted: 7/2/2008 6:20:36 PM | | talking for a while before you meet allows you to build up a certain intensity before you meet. sometimes when you meet right away, you find yourself sitting there feeling no excitement for the other person with it being more like a polite interview. i've met a lot of men on various services and found, if the meet is too soon, i'm viewing them with about as much passion as i view my brother. on the flip side, i don't suggest talking for more than 2 - 4 weeks before meeting. that's plenty of time to build pre-meet excitement without building up false expectations. | |
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| Will you fall for a person you haven't yet met in person?
Posted: 7/2/2008 8:11:28 PM | | OP, all you are falling for is your impression of the person, not the person yourself. Meet this person and you'll find out quickly enough exactly what I mean. All those details you brushed over or ignored or spaces that you've filled in will make themselves known in the flesh. | |
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| Will you fall for a person you haven't yet met in person?
Posted: 7/2/2008 10:18:46 PM | CAN you fall in love with someone online? YES. SHUOLD you? NO.
The analogy I use for love is Lake Superior (good for size, depth and dangers).
Love is like Lake Superior. Online love is simply splashing on the shore. You can get in over your head quickly.
Real, true love you need you get on the boat, and start moving toward the middle. Building trust and depth and faith.
Remember too, Lake Superior has nasty storms.
How deeply you love depends on how deeply you will fight against the storms. Waves on the open water if neglected will rip you apart. If you are to point of indifference, then you know longer have the love. The waves as love is starting or ending are not as severe as with established relationships. Afterall if waves get too bad, you can just get out of the water.
When deeply in love, severe problems can either be faced and defeated or can overturn your happiness. If not in love, severe problems are like ripples in a bathtub. Nothing to be concerned with. | |
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| Will you fall for a person you haven't yet met in person?
Posted: 7/3/2008 12:35:02 AM | I think everyone has a different definition of love, so it would be incredibly difficult to read every response without feeling more confused than you did before you initially posed the question. With that said, I'll add to the lack of definite answers (although my response seems to be different than most). :)
I, the eternal optimist, would argue that it's possible. No one can fully understand the emotional connection that is (or isn't) formed between two people over any given amount of time. Not an outside spectator, and more often than not, nor can the people involved. I have been in enough relationships to have felt heartbreak, shed real tears, and seriously questioned whether or not I would meet someone who would finally complete the picture rather than destroy it. Despite the experiences I've had that could be labeled "damaging" at best, I still keep the door open for the one person I know will eventually enter my life and stay in my heart forever. However, I also learned from each man I said goodbye to. I learned what I don't want in a partner, I learned that I should trust my intuition, but most importantly, I learned that ignoring the negative doesn't make the positive any brighter. The main message here is that while I remain optimistic about the future, I'm not writing this as a naive, single, female who thinks everything will work out like a Disney movie. I've been through enough (concerning relationships) to carry a legitimate chip on my shoulder, but fortunately, I don't.
While I now take a more cautious approach when entering a potential relationship, I'm still not jaded to the point of having given up on the idea that my eventual life-partner is out there. Just as everyone is multi-faceted and unique in their own right, people have their own ways of stumbling into love. Almost no women are greeted by a knight riding on a white horse, just as almost no men get to be the hero and save a damsel in distress, continuing on to live happily ever after. However, that's not a reason to throw in the towel.. You can find love everywhere if you allow yourself to. For some, they find love here. I'd consider myself to be one of them, so maybe you'd consider me to be biased. You're probably right, but I've come to learn that the easiest way to bring love into your life is to do so without question, and without the need for understanding. I certainly don't understand how it happened to me, but I know I'm a better person for it. | |
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| Will you fall for a person you haven't yet met in person?
Posted: 7/3/2008 1:05:07 AM | ^^^^^^^
What she said. 100%
I never give up hope that "the one" exists, and I still have a habit of jumping quickly. But, Im more cautious now than I once was. Id definitely have to spend some time with someone before honestly saying Im "falling" for them. | |
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