| | My biggest love lied to me and it broke my heart:(Page 1 of 2 (1, 2) | I met this guy on the beach last January. It was all so exciting and we fell in love. One day I noticed there is a little photo in his walet and I asked him who it was there with him as I didnt see the other half. He said "oh thats a bad photo of me" I thought about it and realized 'who would have a "bad" photo in his walet'? I saw it again another day and asked him again and he said the same thing. I said "I am not going to see you anymore untill you tell me who it is, because if its your ex or you love someone else, than I am not interested anymore!" He took me on the side and told me the true! It was his child. One day after it was born. We knew each other 6 months at that time. I was seeing him as a prince charming and he was nasty lier! Since that day my love went colder and colder, I couldn't break up with him but also couldn't forgive him. He didn't even see that kid more than once a month. Didn't pay on him, child support was taking money from his account (hell he was angry too).
I don't mind my man having a child if I know from the beggining. Would YOU forgive him? Its all finished now anyway, 4 months ago and he is with another girl. The child will be 2 in August. Poor thing.
I still have broken heart though and still thinking if I have done the right thing..
 | |
|
| My biggest love lied to me and it broke my heart:(
Posted: 7/2/2008 5:56:52 AM | Hi,
A relationship based on a lie is never going to work. I wonder why he didn't tell you at the beginning of your relationship. He must feel something for the child to carry a photo around with him.
I think you deserve better, you feel betrayed and quite rightly so. And if you've only been split 4 months and he's ALREADY got another girl....well sounds like he's a bit of a player.
I hope your heart heals soon so you can offer it to someone who really deserves it. All the best..... | |
|
| |
| My biggest love lied to me and it broke my heart:(
Posted: 7/2/2008 6:42:21 AM | I don't think I'd be real upset or as upset about him having a son who doesn't live with him really. What would upset me, though, is him not caring about his son or willingly paying child support on him. That is the part that would bother me. I have a son too, but he lives in Texas, four states away. I don't lie about having him but to some women it's a huge turnoff. For whatever reason a woman is looking for a man who doesn't have previous ties to someone else. Also, my child support is voluntary rather than court mandated. Although I don't get to see mine very much I do at least talk to him relatively often.
Ed | |
|
| My biggest love lied to me and it broke my heart:(
Posted: 7/2/2008 6:46:12 AM | | Here is the deal, if he is angry about paying child support than that spells ... terribly self centered and immature. So you just entered the realm of "I want to slap... wee wees with you but I am way too immature for what comes out of a uterus after we play grown up, now lemme see you squirm now but not the same as before ." It is an ailment that has a very very easy cure .............. go get a facial and a hair cut some place else...... the guy needs help to form a good relationship with his own being before he invades a territory that is for adults only ...... about 98 percent of people looking on fish need to take a giant leap for mankind inside themselves before they go to the bread drawer for a yeast cake. | |
|
| My biggest love lied to me and it broke my heart:(
Posted: 7/2/2008 6:52:53 AM | Hi Ed, I think you got the point. I wouldn't mind that much if my partner had a child. I had bfriend with 11 years old daughter, I loved her, she loved me. What bothered me and how I felt betrayed ws he didn't tell me and I found out myself by accident. You know what? It happened at medical centre where he went for vaccines because he went for holidays to Bali. He said he wanted to tell me after he comes back. Isn't that selfish thing to do? He didn't HIS holidays to be spoiled if I broke up with him, thats how I feel it...
And you don't worry about these women who get turn off by your son, they are not worth it! Someone is interested in you will NOT mind your past. Unless you lie about it:)
Thanks Ed
Thanks everyone else! | |
|
| My biggest love lied to me and it broke my heart:(
Posted: 7/2/2008 7:01:57 AM | Its not...the child....
its more the trust and the truth.
And raises the question...what about that child makes him so reticent and taciturn re; the truth? Why does he feel you would not trust him to tell the truth about his hidden progeny?
HE ALREADY had earlier opportunity to tell you when you questioned the pic first....
....yet chose to perpetuate, and further the lie of ommission with another lie. | |
|
| My biggest love lied to me and it broke my heart:(
Posted: 7/2/2008 7:06:21 AM | heartseekertrue you are right.
Well he had the child with a girl who wanted to entrap him on it. She was on pill and then stopped using them when they were breaking up. She treated him as shit. All according what he said. But anyway thats all past, he should take care of that kid or forget about him completely and don't sign his birth certificate. He didnt do one or the other properly.. | |
|
| |
| My biggest love lied to me and it broke my heart:(
Posted: 7/2/2008 7:10:40 AM | | SinfullySmitten thanks but the truth is that I still miss him on one side. Well if I was moved on I wouldn't be crying here right:) He was an amazing lover I have to say and it was what was holding me with him after all that rubbish. I think he loved me too. | |
|
| My biggest love lied to me and it broke my heart:(
Posted: 7/2/2008 7:21:17 AM | | Yes, I understand that you still miss him. I understand what it's like to have had what I thought was the "love of my life". I was married for 26 years and after we went our separate ways a couple of years ago...well yes, I still have thoughts of the past...but I catch myself and realize that I have to move on. I have to learn to trust again. I'm not saying that it's easy. I just know that I am able to love again and the man that I'm meant to be with is out there somewhere. Your man is out there too!!! | |
|
| My biggest love lied to me and it broke my heart:(
Posted: 7/2/2008 7:23:12 AM | i find it interesting that its men who seem to be the ones who lie, why????
is it because they are more forgiving if they are told some thing they may not like by a woman, do they accept that ALL people have a history which they may not want to talk about.
if you have such concern for this child would it have been better to sit your ex down and try to get him to have more contact etc, with support from you this situation may have had a much happier ending... | |
|
| My biggest love lied to me and it broke my heart:(
Posted: 7/2/2008 7:24:24 AM | well...my heart goes out to you...betrayal, a bitter fruit to swallow
but i am moved to ask...
you loved him...
yet think he may have you
his actions belie that..somewhat significantly. You, however, will heal.
Focus on what will be, what is.
Lament not what was, or could have. | |
|
| My biggest love lied to me and it broke my heart:(
Posted: 7/2/2008 7:32:11 AM | | doorframe: I would have loved to talk to him about the situation but the bitterness in me didn't allow me and also he doesnt talk things through, he doesnt talk at all. Many times I had something on my mind and tongue and didn't get any reply. I think I worry too much.. | |
|
| My biggest love lied to me and it broke my heart:(
Posted: 7/2/2008 7:32:55 AM |
But anyway thats all past, he should take care of that kid or forget about him completely and don't sign his birth certificate.
What? I think there's some things that some people in here don't understand.
Number one, there doesn't have to be a fathers name on a birth certificate. With my ex-girlfriend, her daughter's father left when she was pregnant, and his name is nowhere on the birth certificat.
Number two, the reason he hasn't seen the child, and the reason he's still angry about paying child support COULD BE that the mother won't let him. Unless you are married when the child is born (or conceived), and you get a divorce, at least in the state of Ohio the father has no legal right to see the child unless the mother wants him to, yet he is still required to pay child support even though he doesn't see the child and isn't on the birth certificate. I know this for a fact, because again with my ex-girlfriend, she has never LET her daughter's father lay eyes on him, although he's tried every way in the world.
So sure, if this guy wants to see his child but the mother won't let him, I'd be bitter, too. I mean, the guy is carrying a photo of the child around with him - he obviously loves him or her (a child is not an "it", by the way).
A whole lot of assumptions are being made here based on one side of a story being told by someone who doesn't know all the details.
I would have loved to talk to him about the situation but the bitterness in me didn't allow me and also he doesnt talk things through, he doesnt talk at all.
If he has a child he wants to see, but he's being kept away from him/her, it's probably killing him inside. He needs understanding, not anger because he didn't mention it right away.
I think I worry too much..
Maybe, but I think really you assume too much. This guy is obviously going through hell, and you are mad because he didn't tell you about a child who will never be part of your lives to begin with. | |
|
| My biggest love lied to me and it broke my heart:(
Posted: 7/2/2008 7:36:46 AM | | SinfullySmitten: You are very sweet and I thank you! Your wise advice and your experience gives me the strenght I need to cope and overcome this part of my life. Well I am 32 so I was hoping my biggest love, the man I admired so much will be father of my kids etc. Well I gues, with attitude he has for this child, its all for the best anyway. I just cant overcome the fact "someone lied to me, why me? Why did he do that, do I have no respect what so ever?" I might be a bit childish but its something that really bothers me. | |
|
| |
| My biggest love lied to me and it broke my heart:(
Posted: 7/2/2008 7:45:31 AM | indehills: ok well the child is a boy.
my ex wanted to see him as it was his "blood" right. Who wouldnt like to see their kids.. And his ex allowed him. It was his choice to see him once a month only. All these things you are right with but I am here for the fact he had lied to me. I thank you for your opinion! You always need opposition to find the right way:)
On the boy's 1. Bday my ex went there. He came back very early all angry saying he is not going to see him ever again. I asked why. He said "her boyfriend was playing with him and he was all giggling and not knowing who I was" I said to him "well of course not if you see him only once a month for couple of hours" He nodded and said "he is going to have another father one day, i am not going there anymore to mess things up" so how about this attitude of his?? | |
|
| My biggest love lied to me and it broke my heart:(
Posted: 7/2/2008 7:56:30 AM | no, what I think it was is that I didn't accept out of the USA messages. I kept getting a lot of "scammers" from other countries contacting me so I set my account up like that. But, I have fixed it now....and if need be then I well fix it again...after we talk.
Hugs | |
|
| |
| |
| My biggest love lied to me and it broke my heart:(
Posted: 7/2/2008 8:11:40 AM |
Well he had the child with a girl who wanted to entrap him on it. She was on pill and then stopped using them when they were breaking up.
Oh, puh-lease! This is as old as the bvllshit women say about "getting pregnant on the pill!" (I know it does happen...but rarely!)
If they were "breaking up" then why was he still having sex with her in order for her to get pregnant!? Duh oh! Dude is a LIAR.
Erase all of your doubts in your mind about doing the right thing...and actually pat yourself on the back for making the right choice! | |
|
| |
smff73
| | Joined: 6/25/2008
Msg: 24 | |
| My biggest love lied to me and it broke my heart:(
Posted: 7/2/2008 1:31:06 PM | Hi,
I don't think thats childish in the slightest, I got the dreaded text on Saturday night, and since then all contact info has been deleted from phones/PCs etc. I found a wee hand mirror in my flat of hers ( return it by post or bin it?) and it has to go too ( mind you I do occasionally have the need of a mirror when out ! :)
As far as I can tell, the best idea is to get rid of all reminders, after all, who wants to find a memento 2 months down the line that'll bring all the pain back?
Hope you're doing okay, if it makes you feel better, theres others feeling the same as yourself! :) | |
|
| My biggest love lied to me and it broke my heart:(
Posted: 7/2/2008 2:11:40 PM | | It is very difficult to move on when you still love that person. After many years my boyfriend broke up with me, again. I know I deserve better but the pain is overwelming. To make it worse, he still tries to contact me to say he is sorry. Hang in there! We only grow thru our pain. | |
|
Home
login 
you did the right thing. He got kicked to the curb and you are moving on. You seem to know what you do and don't want. You go girl!