| Do hearts harden with age?
Posted: 7/2/2008 8:38:06 AM | Sometimes I read posts of young men and women, spilling their hearts as to the pain that they are going through from a lost love. It`s so touching. But if ever I read that kind of thing from an older poster , they usually get alot of responses "Grow up, for God`s
sake how old are you?"
It seems as if as we age , we are supposed to lose the ability to love and feel, that it is somehow irresponsible , immature, and that we should just suck it up because we should know that it is just a big waste of energy. I know for myself, I feel love and attraction just as much now as I did when I was young. But I just tend to discredit it,
walk away, put it out of mind because of the hassle it can cause. Is this jaded, hardened, cynical or wise? Or is love just not a priority to life as we age? I know for me, if I would find it now, I would cherish it much more than when I was younger. But I don`t know if there are even enough people at this age even open to it any more that it can exist. Do you sometimes feel sadly about the loss of romantic love in our lives as we age? It feels kind of empty without it, or even the possibilty of it. | |
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| Do hearts harden with age?
Posted: 7/2/2008 8:56:39 AM | I used to believe we harden with age... equated it with the waxing cold referred to in scripture even... and believed that's how I was. I guess it was just a phase. Since then I've mellowed, have a little more empathy and try to be more considerate/sympathetic.
Romance? I don't know. I guess maybe I always had a strange idea of what romance entailed. A guy doing something that shows he really knows me, listens to me, equals romantic. Goosing my a**... not so romantic. | |
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| Do hearts harden with age?
Posted: 7/2/2008 9:05:10 AM | When I was young...it was wide open.
Then it was closed...to give myself time to grow.
Now it is open again but with a lot more wisdom in discernment.
But hardened? Never!
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| Do hearts harden with age?
Posted: 7/2/2008 9:17:01 AM | Brittle hearts break.
Harden it not..
that which teaches the heart to bend....
ebbs along the inner tides of life....
therein lies the gifts at the end.
hold not onto troubles nor strife
teach your heart to gently bend,
nourished, loved, sweet fruit rife.
toil to keep her and ever tend,
thence it shall grow old with thee... | |
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| Do hearts harden with age?
Posted: 7/2/2008 9:26:31 AM | | I like to think my heart's still as open as it was when I was younger, but I do admit, I tend to put up walls a lot more than I did back then. My heart's been bruised, cracked, broken, stomped on, etc.....but it always seems to heal. It just takes me a lot longer to expose it to possible injury than it used to. | |
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| Do hearts harden with age?
Posted: 7/2/2008 9:35:37 AM | | not so much harden with age as remembering what we have been through, walls are put up to prevent hurt again, i think the heart is still willing but the brain thumps us upside the head and says,, what are you nuts, remember when. i believe the right person will be able to walk through those walls. | |
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| Do hearts harden with age?
Posted: 7/2/2008 9:58:39 AM | Despite the walls we build up all it takes is that certain someone to make you feel like you're 13 all over again.
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| Do hearts harden with age?
Posted: 7/2/2008 10:03:30 AM | ^^^^^^^Yeah I had one of those just recently, but the mind says walk on by^^^^^^
too bad! | |
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| Do hearts harden with age?
Posted: 7/2/2008 10:33:13 AM | My heart is as sensitive and tender as a child's.
I read the book the Extra-Sensitive Personality; it is all me (which in a way is too bad, 'cause things that bother or hurt me so easily, slide right off others). | |
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| Do hearts harden with age?
Posted: 7/2/2008 10:37:23 AM |
i believe the right person will be able to walk through those walls.
^^ Agree,coz.....no matter how high we put up our walls/barriers,there's gunna be a few pesky men who can high jump..................: )
Even though i sometimes may come across as a sarcastic b1tch in some of my posts,which i dont think i am in reality,ive discovered im still capable of having genuine,deep,powerful emotions towards a man,so that's been sorta comforting to know im probably not as cynical & jaded as i thought...............nuttin but a marshmallow,really...............................
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| Do hearts harden with age?
Posted: 7/2/2008 11:32:54 AM | | I dont know that it hardens.....it just becomes more used to life experience and adapts.......experience makes us more aware and alert.......its not that the heart hardens......but the brain becomes more alert.................. | |
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| Do hearts harden with age?
Posted: 7/2/2008 11:33:30 AM | I don't believe it is hardening of the heart as much as maturity.
I don't know about anyone else, but when I was young, I could fall in and out of love very easily. I believe that was more hormones than actually being in love. Your so-called heart breaks, you cry for awhile, then someone else comes along and you forgot all about the heartbreak.
Being older, it takes more for me to fall in love in the first place. That in no way means I have hardened my heart, it simply means I look at the whole picture, not just those eyes and perfect body.... omg, I'm falling in love with a fantasy....
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| Do hearts harden with age?
Posted: 7/2/2008 12:39:33 PM | Ya know, I don't necessarily believe my heart has hardened. But...I've come to realize not ever'thang is the end of the world and you will survive "stuff". What was traumatic yesterday, ain't nothin'...tomorrow.
We see the tragedies in life with experienced wisdom and courage. We know we'll be all right, come hell or high water. We float.
Yet, we see our chidren go through the same pains we did and we hurt just as much for 'em, like it was happening all over again to us. We hate it, yet know it's a trial we all must bear. We can never become callous to the pain of those we love.
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| Do hearts harden with age?
Posted: 7/2/2008 1:00:13 PM | I think people start to compartmentalize their emotions..do what they feel safe doing...I have had several men talk by email or instant messaging for over 9 months..no desire to meet...they know what they are ready for..they want connections to other humans but arent willing to risk being hurt right now.
I guess what I am saying is that some go back to taking baby steps in relationships..they dont just jump in with their heart on their sleeves...they take the time to get to know you as a friend before they invest more emotions...
What I HATE is when a man uses marriage or the LURE of love as a weapon and at the start of talking with him says things like oh wow I like the way you think, I am going to mail you an engagement ring tomorrow..he isnt, it is the carrot on the stick to see what I will be willing to do for that offer...I dont want to be with someone who uses the offer of marriage and love as a lure so I think when we hear that someone does like us we stop and think and discard the idea as been something else.
Then some are in love with the idea of love...they can fall in love ten times in a day depending on how many cleavage shots they have seen that day :P. | |
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shimbo
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Joined: 6/15/2008
Msg: 18 | |
| Do hearts harden with age?
Posted: 7/2/2008 1:01:00 PM | I'm 100% sure my heart hasn't hardened.
I had a cardiac stress & ultrasound test this year.
Plus I just let my ex-wife off the hook for $10K. | |
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| Do hearts harden with age?
Posted: 7/2/2008 2:23:24 PM | No, the heart does not harden, but the accumulation of experience prevents some bad surprises... Sometimes you have this deja-vues that tells you that if you shut your eyes and jump, you'll end up broken, so ... you jump anyway!
We, The Old, are not hard-hearted, we are realists. We now make most of our mistakes with our eyes wide open.  | |
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| Do hearts harden with age?
Posted: 7/2/2008 2:42:18 PM | | You get more like what you started out as, so if you were warm and loving at first you love even more, and it comes easier, while if your original premise was that love is a costly treasure, then your heart becomes an expert miser. In other words, it gets easier and easier to give love, but it gets harder and harder to demand it. Loving hearts always have someone to love. Hard hearted people have just perfected their detachment. | |
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| Do hearts harden with age?
Posted: 7/2/2008 2:57:14 PM | .
I don't think that our hearts harden with age, but experience teaches us that the end of a relationship does not signify the end of the world as we know it.
We have probably been down that road a few times ourselves and have watched our friends in despair, only to rise again, like the Phoenix from the ashes love lost.
Yes, somebody ending a relationship with us, or behaving in a manner that forces us to end it, can be a tramatic experience, and deflating for the ego.
We are not jaded, just not looking to punish ourselves for stuff we should be leaving in the past.
The best thing you can do after a love gone wrong situation, is to do a post mortem. Give it an honest evaluation, see what we can learn, then bury it. | |
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| Do hearts harden with age?
Posted: 7/2/2008 3:33:26 PM | I believe when older you have taken the knocks that young love gives.
We become more cynical and have different rules on what we are looking for,
Also I noticed a lot of Ladies have high opinions of themselves, and assume it is despite the way they are or look they get hit on by younger men as well as us genuine guys looking for hopefully the final Soul mate.
I should point out Average to a guy is 10/12 in size not 16/18
It would also help if up to date pictures of how they look now not 10 years ago ... | |
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| Do hearts harden with age?
Posted: 7/2/2008 3:57:53 PM | | Love is one thing that you feel throughout .When you are young , with no experience, you tend to let it rule your life .However when you are older , went through a divorce and understand living together as well as the emotional component, its a whole different story.It helps if one partner is in a coma, it really helps if both are comatose but if both are like message #8 said they will look so hard they will forget what they are looking for. | |
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| Do hearts harden with age?
Posted: 7/2/2008 4:53:13 PM | I am not hardened in my emotions, but I am a bit more cautious and feel that I've learned valuable lessons along the way that enable me to once again seek out companionship with realistic goals and expectations--none, in other words. I seek/am open to companionship, but I don't plan on it nor do I orchestrate it into my life.
love is for all, not just the young. | |
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| Do hearts harden with age?
Posted: 7/2/2008 5:04:22 PM |
Sometimes I read posts of young men and women, spilling their hearts as to the pain that they are going through from a lost love. It`s so touching. But if ever I read that kind of thing from an older poster , they usually get alot of responses "Grow up, for God`s
sake how old are you?"
It seems as if as we age , we are supposed to lose the ability to love and feel, that it is somehow irresponsible , immature, and that we should just suck it up because we should know that it is just a big waste of energy. I know for myself, I feel love and attraction just as much now as I did when I was young. But I just tend to discredit it,
walk away, put it out of mind because of the hassle it can cause. Is this jaded, hardened, cynical or wise? Or is love just not a priority to life as we age? I know for me, if I would find it now, I would cherish it much more than when I was younger. But I don`t know if there are even enough people at this age even open to it any more that it can exist. Do you sometimes feel sadly about the loss of romantic love in our lives as we age? It feels kind of empty without it, or even the possibilty of it.
I actually am a softer hearted person now than when I was younger. I experienced a "relationship" recently where I felt like I did when I was a kid.. and when it ended.. it did hurt and I did not want it to end.. But I am more mature than I was when I was younger.. and I have a lot of living under my belt. A break up of a romantic relationship isn't very serious when compared with some of the heart breaks of my life time.. watching husband destroy himself with drugs and alcohol., divorce, my own parent's divorce, loss of parents and other loved ones, surviving cancer, and other disappointments in life..
So for me I am not hardened.. I just have a better perspective and realize that a break up is not going to kill me while other things nearly did..
Maybe what I have more of now is balance. | |
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