| "May I ask what happened?"
Posted: 7/2/2008 10:47:21 AM | It seems that whenever I break up, people feel the need to ask me "what happened." I'm not talking about good friends and relatives here, with whom I have a deep bond and trust. I'm talking about co-workers and women on dating sites who ask this in the first or second e-mail. It seems like the question of the day. I interpret it as either nosy behavior or a desire from a potential partner to see those "red flags" that we all seem to be obsessed with around here.
My last break-up was a horrible ordeal, and the way I'm healing involves just the opposite of having to explain it to someone. Also, there were emotional issues at stake that tend to divide men and women right down the middle.
Does anyone else get this question a lot from people that don't really know them, and if so, how do you handle it? When my ex-wife and I used to attend church together, we used to get "When are you having a child??" quite a bit. It took us a little while to come up with a response that didn't offend people. | |
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| May I ask what happened?
Posted: 7/2/2008 10:49:37 AM | How do you handle nosy people asking about stuff that ain't their business?
Tell 'em it's none of their damn business. | |
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| May I ask what happened?
Posted: 7/2/2008 10:52:01 AM | "May I ask what happened?" - You may, but you may not get a response. lol!
Seriously - I would say, I rather not discuss this. | |
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| May I ask what happened?
Posted: 7/2/2008 10:52:02 AM | | red flags im pretty keen on picking up as for having them myself, i dont think i have red flags rather an aura of "keep away" floating about me | |
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| May I ask what happened?
Posted: 7/2/2008 10:52:11 AM | people are nosy, but I think that it is just the way of the world these days...
When I was asked that about the breakup of my marriage, I would start off by saying that I had 2 rules...and he broke one of them. When I feel comfortable discussing it with you, I will let you know!
I am over that now and will tell anyone. My rules were you hit me, I leave. You cheat I leave. He cheated.
Hopefully you can come up with a sensitive, yet snappy comeback! | |
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| May I ask what happened?
Posted: 7/2/2008 10:53:24 AM | | these particular people are revealing a great concern of their's....and hope to find, in your situation, something that "you did" that they will never do, so they can avoid what happened to you. | |
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| May I ask what happened?
Posted: 7/2/2008 10:54:22 AM | Yes, it happens all the time for a lot of different reasons
Simply say.............it's not open for discussion................... | |
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| May I ask what happened?
Posted: 7/2/2008 10:56:27 AM | That's just it - the "snappy comeback" is not my thing. Also, I've heard too many people just assign blame when asked that question - "He was a jerk." "She was crazy." I'm not wanting to do that.
The closest thing I have to a snappy comeback is, "Do you have three hours? No? That's about how long it would take to tell both sides with as much honesty as I can muster." | |
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| May I ask what happened?
Posted: 7/2/2008 11:00:38 AM | without being snappy, you could say something like,
"its very painful/convoluted/(insert adjective), and I really prefer not to discuss it"
if people don't get that, shame on them, not you | |
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| May I ask what happened?
Posted: 7/2/2008 11:05:29 AM | | Look...I like what you have said so far. Just leave it at that. If someone persists or gets offended that you won't be more specific, then it truly is their problem, not yours! When you are comfortable enough to share your past with a woman that you care about, then good for her, until then....it is nunya...nunya damn bidness!!!!! | |
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| May I ask what happened?
Posted: 7/2/2008 11:07:51 AM | Me I go with the simple...
" Why do you ask?"
They usually don't have an answer... then I don't feel obligated to continue the conversation and can move on to another topic.
~Charmed~ | |
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| May I ask what happened?
Posted: 7/2/2008 11:11:04 AM | | easy reply ,,, tell them you find the same sex more desirable ,,, that usually stops nosey people in their tracks ,,, lol,,, no more questions asked ,,, | |
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| May I ask what happened?
Posted: 7/2/2008 11:13:19 AM |
I interpret it as either nosy behavior or a desire from a potential partner to see those "red flags" that we all seem to be obsessed with around here.
As far as co-workers and friends, I see it as simply an innocent question asked so they will be able to give you some tidbit of wisdom to make you feel better. Its the same as seeing a co-worker or friend walk in with a broken arm: You are going to ask "what happened?". It's just curiosity.
As far as women on dating sites, I think knowing how a person's previous relationship ended could clue you in to how things might go with you and that person. Example: If a woman tells me that her last boyfriend beat her, or cheated on her, then it's possible that she might have trust issues that you are going to have to deal with. She might say "all he wanted was sex - he needed it at least once a month", then you've got another problem there. If she responds "my boyfriend had a problem with me drinking every night", there's another clue. The problem with asking, though, is that no breakups are actually good, so you already know that something caused them to be single. It's just a personal choice whether or not you want to know the details. My preference: I want to know. | |
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| May I ask what happened?
Posted: 7/2/2008 11:14:49 AM | | Depending on the situation and how diplomatic you want to be - none of your business works...and so does, it's a very complicated story and I'd rather not get into all of it. | |
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| May I ask what happened?
Posted: 7/2/2008 11:17:15 AM | I say, "I would rather not talk about it, but thank you for your concern."
If they press, I say, "I would REALLY rather not talk it."
If they insist, I say, "Seriously? You're gonna try to make me talk about it? Please don't do this."
Other times, say I'm at some sort of social function, when asked, I say, "I'm here to have a good time. That wouldn't include a conversation about what happened."
OR, if I'm in a witchy mood when they ask, I say, "Okay, we can talk about that but, first, let's talk about all YOUR relationships and what went wrong." | |
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| May I ask what happened?
Posted: 7/2/2008 11:20:03 AM | | .....People are curious. Inquiring minds wanna know. Might be a tabloid story worth some moola. I say tell em all the details. | |
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| May I ask what happened?
Posted: 7/2/2008 11:27:32 AM |
"May I ask what happened?" - You may, but you may not get a response.
Yeah...what she said! Or I tell them "I don't know".
They may be nosey, genuinely concerned, whatever. What do you get out of giving them an answer! Possibly, nothing.
Unless it's someone sincerely concerned about your well-being, I wouldn't give them an answer (even then I would tread lightly because they may bring it back up (so I wouldn't give them ammo) when you really don't want to hear it. And what they don't know, they will just make up in the name of gossip. | |
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| May I ask what happened?
Posted: 7/2/2008 11:31:44 AM | OP: "I'm talking about co-workers and women on dating sites who ask this in the first or second e-mail."
OP, are you saying that women just out of the blue ask you, "Why did your last relationship end?" Or, are they asking, because you have indicated this fact first? I can see co-workers asking....you come in face-to-face contact with them, they can read you, see you're upset or not 'yourself'. But someone on the net just asking without prior knowledge of a recent breakup? hmmm.
~ds~ | |
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| May I ask what happened?
Posted: 7/2/2008 11:35:47 AM | I like the Why do you ask? above but also the look of being taken aback while saying, That's an awfully personal question. If a person still persists after either of those answers, then they are probably looking for gossip and you really can't be too rude to them.  | |
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| May I ask what happened?
Posted: 7/2/2008 11:46:45 AM | | I have never been asked what happened. People know enough about me to guess the obvious. It's like if you had a friend and they said they were going on a scuba diving trip for two weeks to the Sahara Desert. But then they came home in only a couple of days. You would not need to ask what happened. You did your part by not trying to warn them ahead of time. | |
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| May I ask what happened?
Posted: 7/2/2008 11:47:21 AM | The sex was so good she was sure I was doing it with others. Jealousy ultimately.
She had gas. Brutal, brutal gas.
She wanted to stick things in my no-no place.
I didn't like her nosy questions.
Her father looked at me with a wink in his eye and a bulge in his pants.
I wrote a song she didn't like. It was titled "You Are Ruining My Life."
Two words: Size Queen. | |
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| May I ask what happened?
Posted: 7/2/2008 11:54:04 AM |
"May I ask what happened?" - You may, but you may not get a response. lol!
I would respond in a similar fashion. I usually say "sure, you can ASK what happened - you can ask anything you want. Doesn't mean I'll tell you." | |
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| May I ask what happened?
Posted: 7/2/2008 11:58:26 AM | | Tell them you killed her and are looking for your next victim. That ought to shut them up fast. Sorry, couldn't resist. | |
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