| What's the right thing to do?
Posted: 7/2/2008 2:29:54 PM | I've been in contact with this girl I met on this site for about six months now. We've become really good friends, however she lives in Hamilton and I live in St. Catharines and neither of us has a car, so that's kind of a problem for her.
I really like this girl and would still wanna be with her even if she lived in China. I wanna tell her how I feel about her, but I'm afraid it'll screw up the friendship. I'm also afraid that the distance problem isn't really an issue for her, and she was just saying that as a nice way of rejecting me. Also, since we've never even met, I'm afraid I'll freak her out by telling her how I feel. What's the best way to go about this? | |
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| What's the right thing to do?
Posted: 7/2/2008 2:41:33 PM | | Not a girl here but I'll give you some advice. Why not ask her how she feels, it's an awkward conversation usually but at least throwing it out there might be the way to share a little about how each of you feel about each other. | |
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~Kyn~
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Joined: 2/15/2008
Msg: 4 | |
| What's the right thing to do?
Posted: 7/2/2008 4:43:24 PM | Lenny ...here's the way I look at it.
If you're not sure how she feels at the moment...dont say anything...but there's a few things you need to consider before you actually say anything at all...
Firstly figure out what you want. If its just dating...well chances are the two of you wont "make it"...cos you'll have to be committed to making Long Distance Dating work.
IF its a LTR you want...then you really arent in any different a situation than someone who lives 10 miles apart IMO.
I googled it...seems (if I got the areas right)...you're only 40 or so miles apart.
Thats not far at all.
Another thing is...whats to stop one or either of you from getting a car anyway?
And as margo pointed out...using the bus service in the meantime.
Usually eventually a LTR involves both parties moving in together at some point. So one of you will have to move...and I really dont personally see a problem with that.
Depending on who has what responsibilities where...will decide who'd have to accomodate and move for the other.
Whether or not this all seems a bit pre-emptive...the fact remains this will be logically what you have to consider before you discuss how you feel & where your possible relationship will eventually go.
Think about it...and then tell her. Good luck
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| What's the right thing to do?
Posted: 7/2/2008 4:58:43 PM | I'm always in alignment with Margo, so this is a lil freaky for me cause I'm gonna have to semi-disagree with her. Before you hop that bus, have you given a ton of thought to how to have an "in person" relationship with her when you have no car and distance is what it is? Believe me, distance is a bytch. At some point, something has to give. If it can't happen, you end up saying goodbye.
Please think this all the way through; there's more to consider than right this moment.
One more thing, it's a good thing to tell people how you feel. A really good thing. | |
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| What's the right thing to do?
Posted: 7/2/2008 8:24:05 PM | | I'm not a woman but why just meet as friends? You don't really know a person until you meet them face to face. Hamilton and St. Catharines isn't that far anyways. Maybe you two could meet in Toronto..half way? That's not really a distance relationship anyways it's very close, if things eventually gets serious enough one of you can move anyways. Just meet her as friends first and see what happens then think about then tell her how you feel. LOL you never know but she might feel the same way also. | |
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| What's the right thing to do?
Posted: 7/2/2008 8:36:53 PM | | You do not live far apart - the bus service is really good and not expensive for weekend visits - go fo it man!! Why let anything hold you back from someone you enjoy!?! | |
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| What's the right thing to do?
Posted: 7/2/2008 11:50:12 PM | hey I live in Burlington, I'll drive you! LOL it's really not that far, I have a friend that lives just outside of St. Catherines and I have no problems seeing her | |
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~Kyn~
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Joined: 2/15/2008
Msg: 11 | |
| What's the right thing to do?
Posted: 7/3/2008 12:25:36 AM | walk there
*sigh*...I remember my boyfriend when I was 16 (another muso and he was an oh so old 17 *lol*)...he used to hitch-hike to see me on the weekends.
When I found out I was very 
Was dangerous...but nonetheless ...romantic 
Dont you go hitch hiking OP...
Like leeanne said...
Why let anything hold you back from someone you enjoy!?! | |
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| What's the right thing to do?
Posted: 7/3/2008 2:21:13 AM |
Also, since we've never even met Be very very careful that you haven't developed feelings for the "image" you have built up of this girl in your mind. Go and meet her and if you still feel the same way after that, then consider telling her how you feel. I don't want to put a dampener on your happiness but often things are very different to how you expect when you finally meet in person. | |
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| What's the right thing to do?
Posted: 7/3/2008 7:02:46 AM |
I'm always in alignment with Margo, so this is a lil freaky for me cause I'm gonna have to semi-disagree with her.
Aw, say it isn't so FG, lol.
Well, I sort of agree with you. (is a sort of agree the same as a semi-disagree... lmao)
Here's the thing the way I see it: they live about 40 miles apart... essentially the next big town down the highway. Via rail, coach canada, and greyhound all run bus and train through there on a very regular basis. Plus there are tons of people who regularly travel between the two cities... even if they are passing them to get onto Toronto or Niagara. There will be lenty of opportunities to cage some rides here and there. So, it'll cost about $30 bucks round trip... a little expensive and will need to plan, but doable.
But here's the BIG thing for me. They have NOT MET! The OP might be twisting in all of this agony of love for his friend and it might just fizzle big time once they meet. She might be happy to have this on line friendship but have no real intention of taking it to real life. Who knows? Not even the OP knows at this moment, so I think he oughta saddle up and find out one way or the other.
I think the first thing the OP ought to do is climb on a bus and MEET her. See if his interest holds (and hers) once they have done the old scratch and sniff test in real life. If the attraction is there and interest holds in real life... well, now they can start talking feelings... REAL feelings from the real world... not some on-line fantasy of relationship (sheesh, I'm in a feisty mood this morning, lol).
If it is real, the distance of 60 km/40 mi isn't going to be anything other than an annoyance for a while. Right now, I'm thinking it's a convenient excuse to hold onto the fantasy. | |
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| What's the right thing to do?
Posted: 7/3/2008 10:00:39 AM |
Aw, say it isn't so FG, lol.
Well, I sort of agree with you. (is a sort of agree the same as a semi-disagree... lmao)
Right now, I'm thinking it's a convenient excuse to hold onto the fantasy.
lol, ain't that the truth! I agree that they need to meet, and now that I realize they don't live that far apart, I think he needs to get off the pot and just do it! However, meeting is a double edged sword, too. What if they really dig each other and wanna make it happen but can't? That's what I want him to focus on...there's just too many broken hearts out there from people foolishly and carelessly starting something they can't finish. | |
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| What's the right thing to do?
Posted: 7/3/2008 10:27:18 AM | Dude!
40 miles is NOTHING... car or no car.
Meet her and then think about the rest... Cuz for all you know you may meet her and there is no that-so-elusive-chemistry... And, if there is, well as I said - 40 miles is nothing.
Sheeesh, and he says he really likes her.
I move oceans and mountains for people I love.
Young people today....
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| What's the right thing to do?
Posted: 7/4/2008 10:21:32 AM | In my opinion, the best way to go about this is to meet.
Forty miles might seem a distance to you since you don't own a vehicle, but in all actuality it's not. Just ask her to meet and don't freak her out beforehand.
You will never know if there can be something "more" until you are in each others presence and share some time. Don't you think it's about time OP?
And if you think that the distance problem isn't really an issue for her, that she was just trying to be nice, then I think you will have your answer either way once you see if she will meet you in person or not.
Distance isn't an issue for many of us.
In many cases where there's a will there's a way. | |
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| What's the right thing to do?
Posted: 7/4/2008 10:29:18 AM | 'Hop on a bus, Gus!'
Ok, Lenny...
let not the mere mileage between you both get in the way!
Place your deep, personal thoughts on hold for a while till you meet her and get to know her a little more.
When you meet, just enjoy the moment! No pressure!
What are ya waiting for!?!?! | |
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| What's the right thing to do?
Posted: 7/4/2008 11:03:53 AM | I really like this girl and would still wanna be with her even if she lived in China
Well as you've never met her thats a bold statement.
But, given you have made it..........then what the heck is wrong that you cant get 40 miles?????????? When I worked I traveled furthur than that.
Talk is cheap...its time for some action , and I'm sure she's thinking that also.Where there is a will there is a way. Go meet her at least once....all these feelings may be meaningless after you meet her, but the thing is you have to find out.
HOP THAT BUS..........Ask a friend to drive you even if you can only stay an hour or two, its worth it to pay for the gas........if you cant pay the gas or bus......then you have no business even thinking of dating till you get your finances in order..........
And your profession......doing stuff??????? Whats up with that...your 25
GOOD LUCK | |
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| What's the right thing to do?
Posted: 7/4/2008 11:07:40 AM | ~OP~ If it's been 6 months and the only thing between you is a mere 40 miles ~ I'd have to wonder why neither of you has actually stopped typing long enough to make arrangements to meet. This sounds to me like one of those "online romances" that never go anywhere but through the digital cable that actually connects you. JMO  | |
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| What's the right thing to do?
Posted: 7/4/2008 5:16:52 PM | | Talk is cheap. On the other hand, if you're afraid to fly, try running first, whatever that means. Probably just one of those bad analogies that means, pee or get off the pot. | |
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