| Can cheating on your partner make your relationship BETTER?
Posted: 7/3/2008 4:13:05 AM | Alright....I was talking to one of my married friends yesterday. Her and her SO have been together for about 5 years and have two children together. About 4 months ago I noticed that they were getting along a lot better. Previously they would sit there and argue all the time...even in front of other people. They were always smart with each other or had a smarmy comment to make. We even quit hanging out with them so much b/c it was like watching 5 year old's fight. Whenever I would talk to her she was always complaining about her husband and how miserable the relationship was.
So yesterday when I was talking to her I commented on how things seem to be much better for them now and how I hadn't heard her complain about him or witnessed any petty fights between them. So I asked her what her 'secret' was....like, what they did to fix things between them?
Her reply is that she started having an affair. Which that really shocked me b/c she didn't seem like the type and plus I just don't agree with cheating. So, I asked her how in the world she figured that having an affair was the answer to her issues with her hubby? And she told me that since she has started seeing this other guy (she finally told me who it was and I know him too....I know that him and his wife has some major issues also but I never figured he'd cheat either) she has been much happier and she doesn't feel the need to nit-pick and bytch at her hubby. She also said that she gets more done around the house now, cooks dinner every night (she used not to cook at all), etc. b/c she is happier and has more energy to do things. And she said that she guesses her hubby just picks up on her good vibes, sees that she's not being a bytch, and decides to be in a good mood too. Thus, no more bickering or smarminess.
She also told me that she has no intentions of leaving her hubby, but that her and the other guy have agreed to have a LT affair with the understanding that neither will ever leave their partners.
So, my question is...could an affair actually make your relationship with your SO better?
~Welder's Girl~ | |
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| Can cheating on your partner make your relationship BETTER?
Posted: 7/3/2008 4:19:56 AM |
She also told me that she has no intentions of leaving her hubby, but that her and the other guy have agreed to have a LT affair with the understanding that neither will ever leave their partners.
Do either of them have children ?
Maybe their partners will leave them if they ever found out about the two liars. | |
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| Can cheating on your partner make your relationship BETTER?
Posted: 7/3/2008 4:26:23 AM | Steve...my female friend has two kids, my male friend has one. Oh...I agree that both their partners would probably leave if they ever found out about it. And what happens in the darkness always comes to light.
Assuming that they never get found out and carry this on for a long time (she said that it's been about 7 months so far and that they meet up for sex about 4 times per week)...say 5 years or more, could this really be beneficial to the marriage she is in?
~Welder's Girl~ | |
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| Can cheating on your partner make your relationship BETTER?
Posted: 7/3/2008 4:28:04 AM |
So, my question is...could an affair actually make your relationship with your SO better?
Her relationship with her SO isn't really any better. She hasn't solved any of the problems she has with him, and has in fact created a bigger problem. Instead of a two-person relationship it's a four-person relationship, except two people are out of the loop and being lied to.
She also told me that she has no intentions of leaving her hubby, but that her and the other guy have agreed to have a LT affair with the understanding that neither will ever leave their partners.
Oh, OK. They have an understanding. I'm sure that it will stand the test of one person spurning the other or jealousy. | |
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| Can cheating on your partner make your relationship BETTER?
Posted: 7/3/2008 4:35:12 AM | | lol, her relationship isn't "better", she just no longer cares about it. there's a big difference. lying and cheating don't make relationships better, it just makes it easier to cope with being somebody who you don't respect anymore... and its easier to lie and cheat if you don't respect yourself....there's a whole lot of disrespect going around. but better? nope. | |
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eazk
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Joined: 9/8/2006
Msg: 6 | |
| Can cheating on your partner make your relationship BETTER?
Posted: 7/3/2008 4:37:29 AM | Sounds like two people who were unable to stop driving a relationship into the rocks until suddenly they found somebody to appreciate them and make love to them out of desire and not obligation or physical need. Not a completely new approach...history is riddled with stories of men having mistresses to address these desires of needing to feel appreciated and loved, then they go home to their wife and family.
Of course, that was in days gone by. In today's society, different story. I can pretty much say when one partner finds out, the other one isn't going to be far behind. And in the wake of this tryst you're going to see 3 children and 4 sets of parents get pulled into a drama maelstrom...not to mention friends, coworkers and other family members. Might as get the real estate agents working on the home sale, now.
IMHO, while I do believe this can work (and it is possible), I do believe it requires complete disclosure and honesty...which by now is too late. They've already crossed the forbidden fruit threshold and all the apologizing now isn't going to excuse it. To me, it sounds like a selfish decision for short term benefit that has both their heads screwed up.
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| Can cheating on your partner make your relationship BETTER?
Posted: 7/3/2008 4:45:35 AM | Sooner or later both of them will get caught it's matter of time. One little mistake and bam. If they don't get caught they will be very lucky. Cheating can never make it better. All she did was satisfy her sexual needs. She made herself feel better the situation is a lot worse. That would be like snorting cocaine to get high and be in a better mood and not fight etc.
What if your female friend eventually want a new man to satisify her needs. I see maybe he will get tired of the guy and want a new exciting sex partner. She should be working on the problem with her hubby. Maybe work on their sex life. | |
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| Can cheating on your partner make your relationship BETTER?
Posted: 7/3/2008 4:45:56 AM | | No,I don't think it can. If you are having problems in your relationship,surely it is time for you BOTH to go for some kind of help. What this lady has done is to see to her own needs,which sounds a bit like what she was doing while they were having so many arguments. Do you really believe that her husband is so glad that his meal is on the table when he comes in from work,that it's O.K for his wife to have an affair. She will get found out,and it will destroy at least two families. | |
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| Can cheating on your partner make your relationship BETTER?
Posted: 7/3/2008 4:46:21 AM | | They don't know how to make a relationship work, their affair will grow stale and then they will either have to find someone new or they will become frustrated again . Until they learn the skills to make it work, it will be a temporary fix. | |
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| Can cheating on your partner make your relationship BETTER?
Posted: 7/3/2008 4:47:08 AM | "better", depends upon what you are looking for in a relationship. If all you want is a roomie who helps with the bills in life....then yeah, until the hubby gets sick of no lovey, and figures out what the problem is. Unless maybe she talks him into some "open relationship" routine.
Otherwise, she's still faced with a problem. The same problem that makes her a beeeyatch, makes her cheat. she hasn't solved that problem yet, and everywhere she goes, she takes it with her.
Need I mention, if she treats her husband with this level of respect, she treats her friends the same way, too? I wouldn't recommend investing too much of what you can't afford to lose in her... | |
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| Can cheating on your partner make your relationship BETTER?
Posted: 7/3/2008 4:48:59 AM |
lol, her relationship isn't "better", she just no longer cares about it. there's a big difference.
Bingo!
Instead of working out her marriage problems, she's basically found a distraction that allows her to be totally indifferent to her situation at home.
Don't let this new found happiness fool you. Once everyone starts getting comfortable with the situation, problems WILL arise... | |
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| Can cheating on your partner make your relationship BETTER?
Posted: 7/3/2008 5:00:59 AM | | I'm not so sure.. I think cheating can make a relationship better, particularly if the SO is not that interested in sex for some reason... if the cheater who wants sex is getting it somewhere else, it means that there is one less thing to argue about, which means less stress, and a happier marriage. | |
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| Can cheating on your partner make your relationship BETTER?
Posted: 7/3/2008 5:08:19 AM | Why not just decide "not to be a b!tch" in the first place, and then her hubby would have picked up on her good vibe and things would have been better without the affair?
So NO, the affair is NOT making her marriage better. It's giving it the illusion of being better. But what's going to happen when he finds out? And he's GOING to find out, because she's telling people about it. Any time more than one person knows something it's no longer a secret. | |
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| Can cheating on your partner make your relationship BETTER?
Posted: 7/3/2008 5:27:59 AM | I saw this question on the news yesterday, because of a book or study had come out, but I flipped to another channel and didn't watch the answer. Had I known there would be a test I would have paid attention.
Wait, I remember now. It was mentioned in a rerun of The Tonight Show in Jay Leno's monologue. Cheating makes your wife's arm stronger because she throws a lamp at your skull. He tells it better. | |
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| Can cheating on your partner make your relationship BETTER?
Posted: 7/3/2008 5:37:09 AM | I think the cheaters should come clean about it and be fair with their partners..
They should let their partners start having sex with each other too.
Maybe they all could get together and have an Orgie..
CHEATERS and LIARS , ,,,, SUCK.!!! | |
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| Can cheating on your partner make your relationship BETTER?
Posted: 7/3/2008 5:51:31 AM | I'm sure that many people temporarily delude themselves into thinking that this is true...yes.
But that's all it is in my opinion...a delusion.
A quick analogy (or two)...(sorry...this is the only way I can even begin to explain what I mean...)
An affair (to me) is sort of like a mirage that suddenly appears to someone who's slowly dying of thirst under a hot desert sun...it looks so good and so promising that they don't even question whether it's real or not.
They just go for it without thinking first, and they use the very last bit of energy they have left in them to reach that ever beautiful and oh so promising oasis only to discover that it was all an illusion in the first place.
But an illusion cannot quench their thirst and it won't provide their bodies with the necessary fluids it so desperately needs to survive...in their deluded mind it can and thinking about it will provide temporary relief....but in reality, they're still slowly dying of thirst.
I suppose an affair is also a bit like throwing a life saver to someone who's drowning in the middle of an ocean. Of course they'll cling to it and think that this small ring is the greatest thing since sliced bread.... at first.
I mean....here they were drowning and slowly going under and now they're keeping afloat. But...how long will that good feeling of being "saved" last before they start getting thirsty...or hungry...or before the sharks finds them.
All things they didn't think about before, since keeping afloat seemed so important at first. But now that they are "floating"....was survival just an illusion now that the reality of hunger and thirst have reared their ugly heads?
And sure...they can delude themselves into thinking they will make it out alive and in one piece out of that vast ocean ....but what are the chances??
So no, I don't believe an affair can make your relationship better. To me, having an affair is just like putting the proverbial band-aid of a leaking dam. But that's just my opinion...to each their own.
JMHO | |
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| Can cheating on your partner make your relationship BETTER?
Posted: 7/3/2008 5:55:15 AM | | thats one thing i never understood about cheating, especially when people try to justify it. they don't let the other person know that the rules have significantly changed. what if the other person wants to cheat, but doesn't because of how he/she thinks their partner will feel. at least give the other person an updated rulebook, because otherwise it's just a completely selfish act. nevermind the dangers of std's and whatnot... i hope they at least use condoms with their significant others from now on, because this is exactly how hiv gets spread. people are ***holes plain and simple....of course, it can't happen to them...its just everyone else, because obviously cheaters don't cheat on the people they are cheating with, and people who cheat are all from great relationships where the other party couldn't possibly be cheating with god knows who... | |
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| Can cheating on your partner make your relationship BETTER?
Posted: 7/3/2008 6:21:32 AM | They meet for sex "about 4 times a week"(!)... and... she's already told at least one person about it.
Just based on those 2 things, very soon her marriage relationship will NOT be better!
Either her husband or loverboy's wife will find out.
Marriage relationship will go down the drain.
Now, you ask if "they never get found out and carry this on for a long time" .. would it be beneficial to the marriages they both have?
Nope. Know why? There is no way no one will find out! (see first sentence above)
Otherwise... any sneaking around behind a husband/wife can never, in the long run, be "beneficial" to the marriage. | |
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| Can cheating on your partner make your relationship BETTER?
Posted: 7/3/2008 6:24:46 AM | | i think when marraige is going bad, an affair can only give it a little extra time, before the inevidable happens or untill you view things differently. in the short-term, i suppose a 'happier' household is always 'better', but it is, as others have said an 'illusion'. personally i feel, an affair in these circumstances is a 'life-saviour' , even if you only get a few months of happiness out of it, before you have to go looking elsewhere for your next relationship... even if you do get caught, the affair may have benefits; ie you may know better how to express what you want from a relationship, or both partners may take a more serious interest, in making the relationship work, rather than continually fighting. i'd say, in a bad relationship, u've nothing to loose in most cases. i'm not a big fan of counselling,because i feel that where there is love and an interest to improve a relationship, you've most of the the tools you need to work out any issues to be dealt with. ..... hey, if ure thinkin of one ureself, go for it girl, u'll never feel so alive.......ha.ha... | |
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| Can cheating on your partner make your relationship BETTER?
Posted: 7/3/2008 6:33:51 AM | | I wonder if she'll be smiling so much when her hubby finds out the reason for her sudden happiness? Lets face it, she's going to get found out eventually, and then the tears will be rolling. All I can say OP is that she's a stupid woman, and she'll get what's due to her eventually, or at least if there's any justice in the world she should do. | |
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| Can cheating on your partner make your relationship BETTER?
Posted: 7/3/2008 7:00:22 AM |
And she said that she guesses her hubby just picks up on her good vibes, sees that she's not being a bytch, and decides to be in a good mood too. Thus, no more bickering or smarminess.
One might almost conclude that she was the cause of all the arguments in the first place 
If you decide not to pull your weight at all at work, but then discover that if you skive off mondays you're in the mood to work much harder the rest of the week and have an overall better productivity, could you argue that skiving off mondays is good for your career? Think your boss would see it that way too?
I'd venture there are far better ways to improve your relationship... | |
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| Can cheating on your partner make your relationship BETTER?
Posted: 7/3/2008 7:02:10 AM | | Two wrongs still don't make a right. Why be with someone if you're going to deceive them and sneak around behind their back? That's not only cowardly but it's also sleazy. If she tells her husband about it and he's ok with it, then that's ok but she will have to accept that if he wants the same from someone else, she'll have to put up with it. I'm not a fan of open relationships but some people don't have a problem being in one, so maybe she should talk to him about that rather than skulking off to be with someone else. | |
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