| Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/3/2008 9:55:56 AM | I never make the first contact with men. Being old fashioned, I prefer for men to make the first contact with me. Is this attitude outdated? Do men like for women to make the first contact, or do they prefer to do so? And ladies, do you feel comfortable when you do it? I believe that, secretly, most men want to be the pursuer, from the beginning. Am I right or wrong about that?   | |
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| Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/3/2008 10:14:32 AM | Life is too short to wait for a man you find attractive you contact you!
I contact any man I find attractive. How silly to not do that; they will never know, and unless they are mind readers, nothing can happen. | |
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| Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/3/2008 10:17:07 AM |
I believe that, secretly, most men want to be the pursuer, from the beginning. Am I right or wrong about that?
The men I've talked with don't have any problem with a woman making first contact. In fact, many men have given up making first contact because of the low response rate and general lack of interest from women. | |
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| Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/3/2008 10:21:34 AM | I think in the pursuit question, it's a two-way street. I like to make the first contact (when replied to) and have a nice lady contact me first. The first is based on the decision of what I'm looking for. The second is an ego boost.
Go figure. | |
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| Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/3/2008 10:23:04 AM | Golconda says:
"In fact, many men have given up making first contact because of the low response rate and general lack of interest from women."
There used to be a time when it seemed I made all of the first contacts and the men seemed to respond well.....lately, however, I have given up making first contact because of the low response rate and general lack of interest from men. So it goes both ways.
Personally, I've never had a problem going after what I wanted....but an empty mailbox gets old after a while!!! | |
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| Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/3/2008 11:05:05 AM |
I never make the first contact with men. Being old fashioned, I prefer for men to make the first contact with me. Is this attitude outdated? ... And ladies, do you feel comfortable when you do it?
Whether it is outdated or not, waiting for the man to make contact serves a purpose. I have made the first contact with forum posters, but never with a local man of interest. To do so would rob him of the opportunity of being assertive and me of the opportunity of noticing.
I greatly prefer men who are purposeful and assertive. In fact, I cannot imagine being attracted to someone who is neither. I love it when a man knows what he wants and is willing to plan and work for it, whether his goal is a woman or a widget. Such a man demonstrates purposefulness, assertiveness, diligence, focus, and confidence ... all of which are attractive to women. | |
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| Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/3/2008 12:21:10 PM | Kay, very well said. That's basically my feelings on the matter, and I think it's why I cling to the old ways. Old habits are hard to break, especially when they're there for a reason. Couldn't have said it better. | |
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| Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/3/2008 12:33:25 PM | | If you're content doing nothing but winnowing through the chaff in your inbox then by all means keep doing it. But keep in mind that if you don't initiate contact, you are limiting your chances of meeting Mr/Ms Right. A lot of men appreciate a woman who isn't just passive at this. | |
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| Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/3/2008 12:38:01 PM | "Pursuit" is a game. So is "stereotyping"
What's this stuff about women being submissive and men being assertive? Geez I wonder what life might be like if women and men just started treating each other as equals instead of forcing each other into game playing "roles" that have nothing to do with who they really are as individuals. No wonder relationships fail if this is how they start..
Why not just be honest and straightforward? If you're interested then make contact. If you're not then don't. That's a good start to the "honest relationship" that everybody claims they want.
It should have nothing to do with your gender. Why on earth would it? | |
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| Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/3/2008 1:04:21 PM | Such a man demonstrates purposefulness, assertiveness, diligence, focus, and confidence ... all of which are attractive to women.
in a husband.
not so much for a date.
If we go out, we'll do what I want, when I want, as long as I want, as intensely as I want and as well as I want. And you WILL enjoy yourself, damnit!' ' | |
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| Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/3/2008 1:06:21 PM | If you're content doing nothing but winnowing through the chaff in your inbox then by all means keep doing it. But keep in mind that if you don't initiate contact, you are limiting your chances of meeting Mr/Ms Right. A lot of men appreciate a woman who isn't just passive at this.
But I don't appreciate a man who is passive at this. Since I would not find him attractive, I have no reason to e-mail him. By the way, the "chaff" in my inbox has shown at least one quality I find attractive.
What’s this stuff about women being submissive and men being assertive? Geez I wonder what life might be like if women and men started treating each other as equals instead of forcing each other into game playing “roles” that have nothing to do with who they really are as individuals. … Why not just be honest and straightforward? … It should have nothing to do with your gender. Why on earth would it?
I spoke of men because I am interested in men. This has nothing to do with game playing, gender, or equality. It has to do with characteristics I find attractive in dating partners. It is my understanding that most women find those traits attractive, even if they choose to assess for those qualities differently. I have been "honest and straightforward" about my methods and my logic.
The issue of being assertive or passive has a lot to do with who a man is as an individual. It permeates his way of being and affects his life, as well as our relationship, on a day-to-day basis. As I said in my earlier post, a man can demonstrate purposefulness and assertiveness whether the object of his desire is a woman or a widget. | |
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| Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/3/2008 1:18:07 PM |
But I don't appreciate a man who is passive at this. Since I would not find him attractive, I have no reason to e-mail him. By the way, the "chaff" in my inbox has shown at least one quality I find attractive.
That really has nothing to do with how passive/assertive he is. Jeez, his search criteria might simply not have you in it because you're a year off in age for example. Don't assume that just because you can see him means that he's seeing you in his search results. I'm just suggesting that you open your mind up a bit. If you add the guy to your favourites and then he contacts you, would that be ok to you? | |
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shimbo
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Joined: 6/15/2008
Msg: 15 | |
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| Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/3/2008 1:34:24 PM | Yes I like it better when they contact me first as it shows a real interest of sorts. Also that is why on my profile the line:
"If I am interesting to you do not be shy and give it a try. " as an open invitation for the ones interested in me to freely contact if they like.  | |
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| Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/3/2008 1:41:05 PM | | mocha your attitude is old fashioned but you say it like its a bad thing. hey if your comfortable with that its good, that way the guys who contact you might feel the same. as for the old parrothead i like it when a lady writes me. i always answer back even if its thanks but no thanks. (common courtesey is not all that common i guess from the forums anyway) | |
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| Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/3/2008 1:45:09 PM | while i agree with you kay my dear that assertiveness does help define a persons charecteristics it can also be a problem if used in excess. while i am sure you are wise enough to know your comfort zone for male assertiveness many other women find assertiveness old fashioned sexism or male privilige taking. cant speak for any guy but me but i keep my assertive side in check until i see the person i am dealing with. of course i have a backbone sort of like the palm trees i love, i may bend but wont break no matter how bad the storm.  | |
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| Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/3/2008 1:51:57 PM | I get what you're saying Kay. I have made the first contact a few times. Guys, I think like it to some degree. But if I'm honest with you, I would prefer not to. As a rule, I am an extremely assertive, no way you could call me the passive type. But because of my strong personality, I have found that men who are confidently contact me first, I have more of an interest in. I have been the "pusuer" before...but for some reason my interest in those indiduals fell pretty quick. Can't explian it! Most men might find it great to be pursued. But in reality, most would find it rather suffocating. I am more attracted and like a take charge kind of guy and, since I am seeking a long term relationship, my odds are better being the pursued. This is just me. Goes back to the "hunter" and the "gatherer" thing!
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| Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/3/2008 2:45:46 PM | | I had a male friend on POF tell me that he usually will not contact a woman first that he prefers they contact him because he feels that gives the woman more of a feeling of being in control. But you know he doesn't have this on his profile.. I think he ought to say this in his profile. | |
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| Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/3/2008 3:03:14 PM | He waits for her to make contact.....she waits for him to make contact.......contact is never made......is this like 2 ships passing in the night?????????? | |
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| Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/3/2008 3:16:46 PM | I tried it, I didnt like it!!!!!
Everyone I wrote to was nice and wrote back blah blah blah but it just isnt the same...seems awkward. Yes it was me, made me feel vunerable or needy. I think part of the reason was in the back of my mind, a man I met who told me he never writes to someone first cause women who write are so much easier to get in bed, they are showing they are more desperate....I DO NOT agree with him but I am sure there are other men out there who feel that way and that is definately not what I am looking for.
I think timing has alot to do with things. I have noticed some days I have alot of mail and it is more a chore to go thru it than the enjoyable opportunty to met someone special...other days someone will write me something funny and Ill spend the rest of the day in delightful correspondence. | |
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| Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/3/2008 3:26:11 PM | | Yes, I do. Some of us are conditioned to the sexual conduct rules learned on the job. We are unsure about what is allowed and what is not. So for a lady to drop a line first is very welcome. Now I know she is open to talk. I do like to pursue, and be pursued. I never want to cross any conduct lines. We all have days when we are not as froggy. So go for it. just an ice breaker is very welcome. | |
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| Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/3/2008 3:26:42 PM | Men like it when women contact them, period. First, second, third ... it doesn't matter that much to us. Besides, if you don't tell us which one we were, we won't know, and it won't bother us. Yes Virginia, it really is that easy with men.
cdn guy | |
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