| Guys help me out here!
Posted: 7/3/2008 12:12:39 PM | | i have been told i am an attractive woman, so when i am on a date i act the part of the nice sweet innocent virgin. Which i am. but if we become exclusive, and he makes a move, i dont push him away, but i dont let him go all the way either. This goes on for a couple of weeks, both of us enjoying it, then suddenly he breaks it off, saying i want it too much when he initiates it 90% of the time. What am i doing wrong? Do guys just not like me initiating it, or what? | |
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| Guys help me out here!
Posted: 7/3/2008 12:20:27 PM | If I'm clear here:
You are a virgin, he intiates 90% of the time, but you don't go all the way. Are you clear with the guy that you will not go all the way? If you are, then thats the guys problem, not yours.
Not one guy on this board likes to be teased, but if they are trying to "crack your nut" so to speak, and homey don't play that, then they should have thought about that before they tried.
JMHO! | |
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| Guys help me out here!
Posted: 7/3/2008 12:23:03 PM | From what I can gather, it seems like you're a tease and he just got tired of it.
As said in the post above me, if you're clear that you're not going all the way before hand,then it's fine, but if you give him the impression it is and it happens several times, the guy will more than likely bolt out of there for someone who will. | |
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| Guys help me out here!
Posted: 7/3/2008 12:30:34 PM | | No, its made clear on the first date that sex wont happen until he puts a ring on my finger, he understands this. He will initiate it almost every other time we are together but if i try to initiate, suddenly im suffocating him. What is up with that? | |
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| Guys help me out here!
Posted: 7/3/2008 12:31:22 PM | | I thought it was just the guy at first, but it has happened three times now. Why would he break up with me over something he initiates? | |
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| Guys help me out here!
Posted: 7/3/2008 1:44:48 PM | to the men who say men bolt if they don't get sex (tease or not): yes, they do if they're into it mainly for the sex, BUT if the man is that hooked on her, he'll wait whether it's a month or whether it takes walking down the aisle with her. i've seen it happen to people time and again both ways.
op: give it time and continue as you are (but possibly backing off initiating) and it'll eventually come out in the wash. it all depends on how satisfied you are with his actions (now and as time passes) and how much time you feel is enough time for him to get his act together. you know your limits both temporally and regarding his behavior. too bad we're not mind readers, huh? lol | |
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| Guys help me out here!
Posted: 7/3/2008 1:45:20 PM | | Was it the same guy all three times? Maybe he just prefers submissive women and you don't quite fit the bill. | |
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| Guys help me out here!
Posted: 7/3/2008 1:52:52 PM | | If you got engaged and it turns out he had a micro 1 inch penis what would you do? Sometimes sex early on can be a good thing to make sure you're both compatible | |
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| Guys help me out here!
Posted: 7/3/2008 1:54:22 PM |
to the men who say men bolt if they don't get sex (tease or not): yes, they do if they're into it mainly for the sex, BUT if the man is that hooked on her, he'll wait whether it's a month or whether it takes walking down the aisle with her. i've seen it happen to people time and again both ways.
If she makes it clear beforehand, fine. But if she's into playing head games and teasing,may as well head elsewhere. I'm not going to wait around for someone who's either unsure of themselves or just teasing and decieving for the hell of it.
If a guy wants to wait around for that and doesn't mind being decieved or teased constantly, then god bless him, go for it. To each his own. | |
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| Guys help me out here!
Posted: 7/3/2008 2:03:23 PM | If you were "fooling around" without going all the way, then you were DEFINITELY sending mixed signals. Actions will ALWAYS speak louder than words.
i dont push him away, but i dont let him go all the way either.
Your intentions must be 100% clear always. The above quote shows you were not. | |
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| Guys help me out here!
Posted: 7/3/2008 4:16:53 PM | You have to work on your communication skills because I haven't a clue as to what you are saying. He initiates what 90% of the time; I mean you are not having sex. If goes on for a couple of weeks and then the guy gets mad that you dont initiate?
you are extremely confusing. | |
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| Guys help me out here!
Posted: 7/3/2008 8:47:20 PM |
If you got engaged and it turns out he had a micro 1 inch penis what would you do?
hahaha true say!
I do agree with some other people who said you might be kind of a tease. | |
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| Guys help me out here!
Posted: 7/3/2008 10:18:50 PM | It doesn't take more than 15 minutes perusing profiles on a site as this to see there are tremendously different expectations in dating. May I point out that many people are interested in deep, fulfilling relationships, but there is also an element of disgust, yet, attractiveness to alluring immediate gratification.
In my failed marriage, my wife always maintained that we spent to much physical interaction time up front, even though both of us tried to adhere to the same principles that you are espousing. It takes self-control of a mighty proportion to be able to forgo the comfort and accept the slow, painstaking side of relationships.
Maybe put the more physical interaction aside for a while and develop friendships. It sounds like you are investing for the long haul, so don't be too disappointed about shorter term "meat market" fluctuation occurs, either. | |
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| Guys help me out here!
Posted: 7/4/2008 2:08:14 AM | | You're not doing anything wrong, but it sounds like he's basically wavering in his feelings for you. | |
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| Guys help me out here!
Posted: 7/4/2008 3:49:50 AM | | it depends on the person ma. some people enjoy the challenge of starting something and finishing it. others just kinda like for the woman to initiate and go with that. me personally, i'll do either or. | |
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| Guys help me out here!
Posted: 7/4/2008 4:24:14 AM | Sounds like he wanted you to know how mixed the signals are when dealing with another's hot/cold behaviour.  | |
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| Guys help me out here!
Posted: 7/4/2008 5:15:49 AM | | I have to make 2 comments, dont take them the wrong way,1-dont believe getting married to someone that you find out doesnt really rock your world is not the way to go,i understand the no sex until your married thing, but wouldnt recommend it.2- Hes tired of getting all wound up for you and then taking care of business in the car on his way home.Blames you for this.My advice would be ride him ,like you stole him,and if done correctly hell be all about you.Then tell him no more until your married,might just run out and buy you that ring your looking for.Just a suggestion,but at least that you know what to expect before you marry someone!good Luck | |
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| Guys help me out here!
Posted: 7/4/2008 7:42:26 AM | | I will say try to stay virgin until the day you get married. You and your hubby wont regret it =) | |
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| Guys help me out here!
Posted: 7/4/2008 10:24:39 AM | You sound 16. How about some honesty. If you're ready for sex...you're ready. If you're not...you're not.
You want to wait til after marriage...cool, but be honest. If the subject hasn't been broached it needs to be cause you aren't putting out and don't intend to.
Be a woman...up front and let the guys know and quit the kiddy games. | |
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| Guys help me out here!
Posted: 8/2/2008 10:35:12 PM | How old are you?
What do you have posted on your profile? Are you being honest and communicating who you really are or just trying to attract attention?
You say that you act the part of the nice sweet virgin. Acting is not apart of being who you are. Don't try so hard to be what you want him to think that you are.
When you don't push him away and you don't let him go all the way either, what are you saying to him verbally? Have you actually explained to him that you really like him and would like to continue seeing him, but you are saving yourself for marriage. If he does not respect that, let him go. You don't have the same values and that will not be the only problem you will have with him.
People will take what you allow them to have. It's up to you to make to stay true to yourself and for him to have a complete understand of it's not going to happen.  | |
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| Guys help me out here!
Posted: 8/3/2008 12:29:32 AM | When I was younger I felt the same way. Trouble is, sex is a big part of a relationship. If you're not compatible sexually, then the marriage will tend to end pretty quick. Or worse, go on for years in a sexless void.
Now, if that's your choice and you want to keep living that way, go ahead. I wish it were that easy, honestly. Marriage is a big deal. I'm not sure I could marry someone without knowing we're sexually compatible. In fact, I know I couldn't. I suspect that a lot of guys, if they're honest, feel the same way. Yes, there are exceptions, but it certainly isn't the rule.
Again, I'm not saying you've made a bad choice here. Just stating that most men won't be into it. If you're lucky, you'll find someone who doesn't mind. And I hope you do. The reality is that he'll be tough to find, I'm afraid. | |
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| Guys help me out here!
Posted: 8/3/2008 1:04:58 AM |
No, its made clear on the first date that sex wont happen until he puts a ring on my finger, he understands this.
A lot of women say that. But they don't mean it, it is just posturing. Guys know that, so we hang around, and have to loose our dignity seeing if the woman will let us get close to her, or whether she wants us to "buy a pig in a poke".
You aren't just saying it. You mean it. 50 years ago you'd have had no problem.
Unfortunately, society is so diverse, people are so changeable, and the penalties on men for having a marriage with the wrong woman so life-damningly severe, that pre-marital sex is now required by almost all men before getting engaged, let alone before marriage.
What can you do? There are these alternatives:
1. Re-do your life growing up in a small enclosed community where people all know each other really well since they've grown up together, and they share common experiences and objectives. Or,
2. Move to an Islamic country where your beliefs are still common place. Or,
3. Change your beliefs. Or,
4. Give up on men. Or,
5. Get the law changed so men's lives are not permanently damned if they marry the wrong woman. Or,
6. Go back in time 50 years via a time machine.
I wish there was an easier suggestion. Without knowing more about you this is all I can think of for now. | |
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| Guys help me out here!
Posted: 8/3/2008 1:36:00 AM |
No, its made clear on the first date that sex wont happen until he puts a ring on my finger
If a woman said this to me on the first date, there wouldn't be a second date. Sorry, are you holding your virginity up as some sort of prize instead of actually engaging in a relationship with a man? | |
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| Guys help me out here!
Posted: 8/3/2008 4:30:10 AM | Hi
First I have to say how shocked I am at some of the replies to this thread. Some of you are so small minded. At the end of the day, it doesn't matter what's in your profile, it doesn't matter what you wear on your dates, it doesn't matter if two people don't have sex until well into the relationship, it doesn't matter how old you are. The answer to your question is: You're not doing anything wrong. If a man finishes with you because you won't go all the way, then he ain't worth it. There's nothing wrong with intimacy in the first stages of a relationship, but personally speaking, I wouldn't wanna have sex with someone I don't know properly either!!! It's scientifically proven men think about sex too much, but a 'real' man (men - interpret that how ever you like) will control his sexual urges and concentrate on creating a loving relationship, to gain that trust that's needed for the most comfortable sexual experience between two people. And when that stage is reached, things will just naturally happen. | |
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