| Please review my profile!
Posted: 7/3/2008 8:20:58 PM | Hi, I'm hoping you guys can take a look at my profile and let me know what you think.
Criticism and/or advice would be great. Not sure if I'm the right track. :) so far I haven't been having much luck at all. | |
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| Please review my profile!
Posted: 7/3/2008 8:23:18 PM | | you will do ok with that, your female, plenty of guys will write. Us guys have to make ours perfect. Put a video of yourself on your profile,i did. | |
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| Please review my profile!
Posted: 7/5/2008 9:52:04 AM | | No one else has anything to add? C'mon there must be something! Either that or I'm much more hideous and boring than I previously thought... | |
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| Please review my profile!
Posted: 7/5/2008 10:47:29 AM | Dear deliciously quirky,
I find nothing wrong with your profile. You look pretty and nice, and sound charming, intelligent, funny and modest. If I was younger and lived closer to you I would have written you at once. The only reservation I have is the comment about your breasts. I don't really think it adds anything and it detracts from the positive tone of the rest of your profile.
Best of luck and hang in there.
Catwalker1 | |
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| Please review my profile!
Posted: 7/5/2008 12:24:23 PM | Hi Delish,
I'm going to be completely honest with you, ok? Please don't take offense, I only mean these things to help you improve, as you asked :)
First, the positive: You're cute, and your quirkiness somehow comes through in your pictures. You seem fairly intelligent, and for the most part, can spell and put together a decent sentence.
So, here are my suggestions. I will try to be objective, but of course, my opinion my seep in -- feel free to ignore any subjective criticisms.
1. Use a spell checker. As I said, you seem intelligent, so bad spelling doesn't make you look stupid. Rather, it makes it look like you hurried through your profile because you hate writing them (who doesn't). Try writing your profile in word and checking it before you copy and paste it into your profile.
2. While you are in word, check for grammar as well. You really didn't do too badly here, but you would do well to break up your first paragraph into more readable sections.
3. You tell a lot about yourself. That's good for a start. Better would be to SHOW us what you're like. Don't tell us you have a sense of humor -- tell us something funny. What are the three movies you saw most recently, and how did you feel about them? You are a voracious reader? What have you read? Favorite books? Authors? What childish things do you like (do you squeal like a little girl when you see a clown? Do you like to play hopscotch?)
4. Love the list of likes... Make that a more readable paragraph instead of a list. Most people get bored quickly with lists.
5. Read your profile and remove any of the following (see the Profile Writing Tips thread in this forum):
- anything negative. You ARE good at describing yourself, so erase that. Don't assume your details are boring... anyone interested in you will be annoyed by that statement, and anyone agreeing will simply move on. Lose it.
- references to having a sense of humor, loving to laugh, being shy but warming up, loving movies. All of these things describe 90% of everyone else, so they don't make you stand out.
- Serial killers and foot enthusiasts... yes, it's funny, but has a negative connotation. I'd lose it.
- The guides tell you to stay away from "Looking for" or "seeking." I don't have a problem with it.
- The entire last paragraph. Too negative. Is that really the last thought you want ringing in someone's mind when they are done reading your profile? If you insist, I'd be more upbeat and a little vague: "They're real, they're spectacular, and not up for discussion!"
6. As for your pics... as I said, you are cute and quirky, and that comes through. But every pic looks the same -- you holding your camera out to take a picture of yourself. Get a few done, preferably outdoors doing something you like to do, and ask a friend to take them. Do some body shots -- nothing but face shots makes it look like you have something to hide.
I hope that helps, hon. I'm not trying to be negative, just trying to up the connection factor for you :)
Good Luck! | |
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| Please review my profile!
Posted: 7/5/2008 1:04:20 PM | I think you come across as "deliciously quirky," just as advertised. You're a pretty girl, and I would only add that some shots with your hair down might go over well.
I agree that the last paragraph should go. If you're being pestered overmuch for sexy chat, perhaps remove the "adventures" part of your headline for something less postentially suggestive. Yes, it's dumb, but some key words seem to set people off. "Open-minded," "fun," "trying new things," and "adventurous," all seem to be words like that. | |
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| Please review my profile!
Posted: 7/5/2008 1:52:39 PM | well I agree with the suggestions others have already made here but just want to stress 2 things. LOSE the part where you say you're going to bore them right at the beginning. Some will stop reading at that point. I mean if YOU think you're boring then why wouldn't they.
Second...if you don't want men to try and discuss your breasts don't show them...and especially not in your main picture. Men can't help themselves for the most part. They don't have breasts and they like them. | |
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| Please review my profile!
Posted: 7/6/2008 12:56:27 AM | | Thanks to everyone for your suggestions! It really helps to have other people to look at things from their perspective. :) | |
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| Please review my profile!
Posted: 7/6/2008 11:35:18 AM | | Glad I could help. Your profile reads much better! I would still run it through a spell-checker, though. You missed a couple of spots. I took the liberty of running it through Word's checker in case you don't have easy access to one yourself. If you'd like I can send you the corrections through email. You'll have to contact me, though, as your mail settings currently block my old butt. LOL | |
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| Please review my profile!
Posted: 7/6/2008 5:55:32 PM | | *sigh* And I used to be so much better with my spelling and grammer. What happened? lol Ah well I ran through spell check and caught my errors, so I think all is well now... Well I hope so anyway! :) | |
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