AKS26
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Joined: 5/29/2008
Msg: 1 | |
| Not sure what to do
Posted: 7/3/2008 9:04:15 PM | | I wasn't sure where to post this question, but I did want to get some advice on something. A guy I work with was hitting on me, telling me I looked like "his next girlfriend". This absolutly disgusted me because 1) He has a girlfriend 2) the girlfriend (who also works at the same place with us) was still taking time off work from miscarrying their baby. The girlfriend and I aren't good friends, but the question is, should I tell her? I don't want to create trouble, and I'm sure he'll deny hitting on me ,and I'll just look like I'm trying to cause trouble. Any thoughts?? | |
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| Not sure what to do
Posted: 7/3/2008 9:12:57 PM | | If it REALLY disgusts you. The next time he approaches you tell him this exact quote word for wrod: "If I were you I would pretend you never met me and I dont work here. The next time you even look at me I am going to the HR dept. Nobody has to know we just had this conversation and it will be our last, Goodbye" | |
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| Not sure what to do
Posted: 7/3/2008 9:25:39 PM | I personally would approach him and say, thanks for the compliment however, don't be a jerk...
You have a girlfriend, she is a friend of mine, and she needs your support at the moment, not flirting with other women, even if you think it's harmless.
And, walk away. | |
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| Not sure what to do
Posted: 7/3/2008 9:32:32 PM | | I like the "thanks for the compliment but i'm not interested". No need to get emotionally reactive especially since you all work together. | |
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| Not sure what to do
Posted: 7/3/2008 9:58:55 PM | If those suggestions don't work, then try looking him directly in the eye, and give him the biggest baddest stink eye that you can give, and you know us women we have the look of stink eye down to fabulous art. Then say, "Are you for real?" roll your eyes and just walk off.
No need to say a word to his GF, after all he may be working to stir sh1t up with her anyways. I have known men who have treated women like total absolute crap after a miscarriage; what better way then to hit on someone who doesn't get along with his GF.
I'd stay away from him, and make it a big point to avoid him very pointedly when ever possible. | |
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| Not sure what to do
Posted: 7/3/2008 10:22:12 PM | I'd tell her. At the worst, you're going to have someone (the girlfriend) not speaking to you, which is no loss since she isn't even a friend, and at the best, it may open her eyes to what a slime she is with. And if he gives you any trouble about it, report him to your boss for harassment.
I don't see this as one of those situations where you find out the guy is cheating (or intends to cheat), and you have to decide if it's any of your business to tell the woman. This guy tried to cheat WITH YOU, and wanted you to be the other woman while his own girlfriend was recovering from losing their child. I don't know if it's possible to get much lower than that. He's wanting to screw you while his girlfriend is mourning the death of their unborn baby. D@MN that's low!!!  | |
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| Not sure what to do
Posted: 7/3/2008 10:45:26 PM | I do not agree you should thank him for the compliment. A statement like that comming from a man like that is NOT a compliment.
I don't want to create trouble If you choose to do so, it wouldn't be YOU creating trouble, Mr. Dee Scusting is the one creating trouble. But I wouldn't advise you to tell.
If he comes around again, tell him that you don't appreciate his sleezy behaviour, just like that, turn around and walk away. That way you have made yourself clear.
I know you're burning to tell his GF but unfortunately she would think you were just trying to stir up trouble. Tell him off and if that doesn't help, figure out a way to get him on record and report him to HR. | |
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| Not sure what to do
Posted: 7/3/2008 10:57:31 PM | Given what she's going through, news like this isn't going to do her any favors emotionally.
If it comes up again, I would simply say that I have too much respect for yourself AND the girlfriend to even dignify conversation with such a lowlife. | |
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| Not sure what to do
Posted: 7/4/2008 12:35:48 AM | If he's done it more than once, or continuing to make unwelcomed remarks like that I suggest you let your supervisor or HR know about it. You don't have to make a big deal about it or do anything formal, just tell them it happened and it made you uncomfortable and if it happens again you'll let them know. The problem with a guy like this is that he's likely to accuse you of coming on to him when his girlfriend comes back. Then you'll be on the defensive.
In my job I handle employment claims, including sexual harassment claims. A lot of times the one making the claim is the one who actually had the bad behavior or who was getting bad performance reviews and claimed harassment or retaliation to deflect their own misbehavior. | |
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| Not sure what to do
Posted: 7/4/2008 12:40:50 AM | I would say the next time you hit on my I will tell the human resources department and your girlfriend. I'm not interested in a slimeball cheater like yourself.
he would stop in a New York Minute. Take control. | |
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| Not sure what to do
Posted: 7/4/2008 4:14:20 AM | | Well did it seem like he was joking? Did he follow up on it? If he was genuinly hittin on you than thats completely tasteless and you should tell his lady, but just not right off top because she's got enough worries and problems as is. | |
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| Not sure what to do
Posted: 7/4/2008 4:25:17 AM | On the miniscule chance that the man is merely stupid and considered it harmless flirting because it is such a cheesy line, I would also opt for telling him that if he ever approaches you in that manner again you will report him to human resources and have a conversation with his girlfriend; but you have to be willing to follow through on it.
Girlfriend doesn't need the information now in addition to what she is already dealing with and only you know whether she is so hooked on this guy that she would ignore a recording of the conversation and somehow make excuses for it. If she is whipped, don't tell her at all because she either won't believe you or she will believe that you are trying to split them up. | |
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| Not sure what to do
Posted: 7/4/2008 5:14:02 AM | you got ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTED by him saying you looked like his next girlfriend?
ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTED? from flirting?
sounds like youre taking this way more seriously than it warrants. unless he grabbed your funbags or humped you with an erection, it was HARMLESS.
if you dont want to create trouble, then keep your mouth shut because you WILL cause damage to the relationship. and this just doesnt warrant it. | |
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| Not sure what to do
Posted: 7/4/2008 5:26:03 AM | I dont like causing any trouble myself if I can help it ... I just ignore ppl like that but then Im good at it fron years of practice ... lol ... they all get bored when they dont get a response of any kind from ya ... Dont be mad or overly happy ... dont even give a glimps of a look to him ... He is zero , nothing , a big blank space ...
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| Not sure what to do
Posted: 7/4/2008 5:36:17 AM | | Give the guy a break, the line was stupid. You did not date him, so no harm. If it were a woman hitting on some dude,who was in a relationship,nothing would come of it, or lets just say the dude would not run and tell. Forget about it! | |
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| Not sure what to do
Posted: 7/4/2008 5:46:47 AM | It sounds to me like the guy is just not rowing with all oars in the water.
Men(and women) stay really stupid things at times.
Dont tell her...........but you might want to mention to him that he comes off as a real jerk flirting with someone when his gf is at a bad place emotionally, even if it was just harmless flirting................
And it isnt just that he has a gf..........its what she happens to be going through at the moment with the miscarriage....which obviously doesnt seem to be affecting him to a great degree........... | |
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| Not sure what to do
Posted: 7/4/2008 6:32:57 AM | | just tell him you're not interested. if it continues, it's sexual harassment. if the company doesn't do anything, it's a lawsuit. if you can't find a lawyer, there's hundreds on tv. its the american way. | |
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| Not sure what to do
Posted: 7/4/2008 6:44:00 AM | telling me I looked like "his next girlfriend"
Tell him "You mean next victim?" Then add "You look like my next restraining order."
Get irrefutable evidence. Talk to your boss. Keep in mind a lowlife will claim "you were coming on to him". | |
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| Not sure what to do
Posted: 7/4/2008 7:04:50 AM | | Just say..."YOU DISGUST ME ...YOU PIG"...and leave it at that... | |
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| Not sure what to do
Posted: 7/4/2008 7:06:30 AM |
MSG#1,AKS Wrote:The girlfriend and I aren't good friends, but the question is, should I tell her? Most likely she's in love with him and it would only make her jealous and dislike you.
MSG#1,AKS Wrote:I don't want to create trouble, Forget it then and just ignore the guy.
and I'm sure he'll deny hitting on me ,and I'll just look like I'm trying to cause trouble. Any thoughts?? I'd steer away from it and ignore him and not chance making a stir at my place of work.But if you just got to say something do it when they are together. Walk up and say" Hey what did you mean the other day when you said "YOU LOOK LIKE MY NEXT GIRLFRIEND?" Then walk off leaving him standing there looking guilty.. What will really be good is if he used the same line on her.
I would bet he did. | |
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| Not sure what to do
Posted: 7/4/2008 7:20:10 AM |
you got ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTED by him saying you looked like his next girlfriend?
ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTED? from flirting?
sounds like youre taking this way more seriously than it warrants. unless he grabbed your funbags or humped you with an erection, it was HARMLESS.
you got ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTED by him saying you looked like his next girlfriend?
ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTED? from flirting?
sounds like youre taking this way more seriously than it warrants. unless he grabbed your funbags or humped you with an erection, it was HARMLESS.
if you dont want to create trouble, then keep your mouth shut because you WILL cause damage to the relationship. and this just doesnt warrant it.
if you dont want to create trouble, then keep your mouth shut because you WILL cause damage to the relationship. and this just doesnt warrant it.
She has a point. I think it is in extremity bad taste considering his girlfriend has just miscarried. And no, I don't think it was harmless.
If he continues you can put up sexual harassment charges. But first TELL him you find it offensive & you will report it if he does not stop. | |
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AKS26
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Joined: 5/29/2008
Msg: 22 | |
| Not sure what to do
Posted: 7/4/2008 7:36:52 AM | | I think the thing that bothered me about the whole thing was that he was hitting on me when is girlfriend was still recovering from losing their baby. Of course he shouldn't be messing with other girls when he's got a girlfriend, but I know that having a girlfriend doesn't mean much to some guys. I can handle myself in that siuation. Been there, done that. He asked me how old I was, then said that I looked like his next girlfriend, like he meant it. This was the first time he had said anything outright to me, cheesy as it was. He DOES kind of stand around me alot, watching me work. I took it as just an interest in how things were done (we work in different areas) but I see now that it was a bit more. | |
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| Not sure what to do
Posted: 7/4/2008 2:11:21 PM |
Then add "You look like my next restraining order."
Brilliant | |
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AKS26
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Joined: 5/29/2008
Msg: 24 | |
| Not sure what to do
Posted: 7/4/2008 8:41:07 PM | So, you feel that it was all harmless, iamnot sinful? I think everyone is entitled to their opinion. I do have the following questions for you though. 1) Would you be ok if the situation was reversed? If your girlfriend was tellling other guys that they looked like her next boyfriend during a really tough,crappy, awful point in your life when you needed her to be there for you. 2) If I had said to Mr. Harmless Flirting "Sure baby, I'll be your next girlfriend", how long do you think he would have waited until he "harmlessly" suggested we go to a hotel room after work?
No, he wouldn't have suggested that at all, right? He'd put on the brakes right then and there because he didn't mean anything by it, right? Lol, he's say "No, I am much to in love with my girlfriend to do anything with you. I just wanted to see what you'd say".
Bottom line is: he was testing the waters to see if I'd be open to a little fling while the girlfriend was out of commission. | |
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| Not sure what to do
Posted: 7/5/2008 4:44:58 PM | hmm, a little pocket recorder to tape the bum saying his lines...wow, maybe an email or text...anything to have solid proof..for hr and his gf...
never date anyone you work with..rule number one..learn this rule..bad idea.. | |
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