| Trying to get to know two men?
Posted: 7/4/2008 4:45:45 AM | | I really need a guys opinion on this one. If a women you were trying to get to know ....ie 2nd date told you she wanted to move slow and that she really wants to get to know you better because she thinks you two have a lot in common but she is also getting to know another gentlemen at the same time.....Both are at the very early stage...nothing physical with either....Would you still want to date her? | |
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| Trying to get to know two men?
Posted: 7/4/2008 4:48:36 AM | Why not? It would only mean that the same rule would apply for me and that I could also keep my search open to other females.
Nothing wrong with doing some window shopping! | |
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| Trying to get to know two men?
Posted: 7/4/2008 4:58:55 AM | If I was single and someone I had a date with said this to me, then if I liked her I'd still date her, but...
she'd go way down the priority list - meaning whereas normally I'd only date one person at a time and not bother with anyone else until it was clear things weren't going to work, in this instance I'd still keep actively looking for someone better. And if I met up with someone else who didn't multi-date, I'd then return that courtesy by not seeing the first girl again. | |
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| Trying to get to know two men?
Posted: 7/4/2008 5:03:11 AM | | I believe there is actually no harm in doing so,since you havent been physical as you say. Are they aware your going out with both of them?I believe thats why they call it dating isnt it. (you can date more than one person seeing that at this point its all pretty innocent)And they could quite possibly be doing the same thing as well,and im sure in there mind that would probably be ok. I do believe after three or four dates you should know in your mind which road to travel,and be completely honest with the runner up.Honestly I think you should be upfront with them and let them know you are dating someone else as well,and you will probably find out which one really desires your company.And if that is both then you will do no more than reap the benefits of one trying to out do the other.lol just wouldnt let it go on to long,and be honest,always the best policy!Good Luck Honey! | |
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| Trying to get to know two men?
Posted: 7/4/2008 6:29:30 AM | | well, i'd want to know, and then i'd treat the relationship accordingly. there's an unwritten rule about things like this. back in the "old days", women could do this at a very socially acceptable level, but that's because women weren't giving it out like candy back then. i'm not saying that you are, but its a different world. while you may say you're not, it's really a tough call. i'm too worried about std's to sleep with a woman who could potentially be sleeping with other men, i really don't see the point in raising my risk of getting something. oh top of it, while you are "getting to know" two men, what you're really doing is stringing one of them along, and until you decide which, it could be either. so keep that in mind, and set a limit on how much of gentleman #2's time you're actually going ot waste, because i'm sure he'd like to know. | |
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| Trying to get to know two men?
Posted: 7/4/2008 7:07:46 AM | This is really a very sticky question! All kinds of issues about honesty and how much honesty we owe complete strangers! Ultimately, we have to look out for our best interests!
I am a huge advocate of taking things slow! However, this makes SOME people think that the other is not interested, and further more, if you know that there are OTHERS then you may be even less interested and the relationship may go nowhere! I guess, most people like to know, or at least think that the other person is sufficiently enamored enough with them that they preclude any other candidates.
Some relationship pros, suggest that for a relationship to develope, it has to progress through various levels in a timely fashion or it will stagnate and die! | |
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| Trying to get to know two men?
Posted: 7/4/2008 7:04:33 PM | | If she told me that straight out, I'd take it as a sign of how much I was worth to her. I'd thank her for being brutally honest and I'd immediate stop dating her. I'm not a competative guy. The other dude can have her. I'm out. | |
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| Trying to get to know two men?
Posted: 7/4/2008 8:16:38 PM |
I really need a guys opinion on this one. If a women you were trying to get to know ....ie 2nd date told you she wanted to move slow and that she really wants to get to know you better because she thinks you two have a lot in common but she is also getting to know another gentlemen at the same time.....Both are at the very early stage...nothing physical with either....Would you still want to date her?
No. I'm won't invest my time on a woman who doesn't know what she wants. If she's dating someone else at the same time I'm taking her on a first date, she's going to have to decide whether she wants a second or date or she wants to continue dating someone else. It won't be both. | |
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| Trying to get to know two men?
Posted: 7/4/2008 8:22:04 PM | | I would like to clear something up...the two gentlemen were two days apart of me meeting them...I have only been on one date with the 1st so far...but they both seem very nice..I have not invested any time in either relationship yet. | |
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| Trying to get to know two men?
Posted: 7/4/2008 8:25:20 PM | I would not. If someone wants to date me, then I would like them to be dating, well, me. While some think it's right for them to go with multiple people, I expect someone to know what they want and if they are going to be comparing or are so unsure that they have to 'shop around' I will be moving on quite promptly. It's not how I do things and I will not put myself in this kind of situation.
I know exactly what I want in a person, I want to find someone that's 'good enough' and not shop around for 'the best option'. So that's my thing here. If there is a problem that arises later that the person can't or otherwise doesn't meet what I want, it will come up when it comes up. But I don't feel it's right to make someone a number so I don't do this and don't appreciate this in others. | |
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| Trying to get to know two men?
Posted: 7/4/2008 8:41:27 PM | | I wouldn't date a woman who's also seeing another man. Nor do i date more than a woman at a time...it's way to complicated...lol. | |
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| Trying to get to know two men?
Posted: 7/4/2008 8:53:43 PM | If there's a second date, to me that means there was enough of a connection on the 1st to warrant a repeat; at that point, if she's specifically telling me she's also considering another guy, and she hasn't made a decision yet, my response would usually be "Well, we're finished for now. You know what you need to know to decide if you want to keep seeing me. Get in touch with me once you've made a decision."
I don't compete. Ever. Either the woman wants to be with me or she doesn't, and I'm not going to spend time "convincing" her. If there's a second date, I won't have that second date be another "step" in an ongoing trial. It doesn't mean I think we're a committed couple after the first date, but it does mean that if she's going on a second date with me, she's interested. If she isn't, then I don't want a second date. I won't be used on a second date while she makes up her mind.
Trust me, any woman who would do this isn't worth the time of day. | |
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| Trying to get to know two men?
Posted: 7/4/2008 9:00:36 PM | I assume all the women here are dating other men too (or might be, or might want to be) until they say otherwise. I’d still date them and I’d date you too if I enjoyed your company.
And if we liked each other, and you chose someone else (or I did), I’d date you as a friend if we both felt like it. And down the road, if we were both single again… well, who knows. Life is long. | |
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| Trying to get to know two men?
Posted: 7/4/2008 9:27:04 PM | | when i 1st start dating someone, i assume nothing. it's just a getting-to-know-you stage for the first 6-8 weeks - to see if you like each other enough to want to date exclusively. it's an exciting stage of discovery to be enjoyed for what it is. i also assume, during this time, both parties are free to date as they wish (as long as sex is not yet involved) and i don't ask the man if he's dating others, nor do i volunteer whether i'm dating around. at this point in a relationship, it's still private business. it's far too early to even think about dating only each other. when sex becomes involved, there's an unspoken (or spoken) level of commitment which implies exclusivity. btw, i think it's rarely necessary to even broach the subject of exclusivity. if it's going to become exclusive, it naturally will do so by about the 6-8 week mark if both parties are becoming more intrigued and infatuated with one another. i think sex before this time is a mistake for both genders if they're interested in developing a relationship together. kissing, hugging, caressing , and some exploring can be wonderful during this time. the intensity is building, leaving both parties yearning for more both psychologically and physically. it eventually culminates in sex and that should be a magical experience for both genders. if the lead up and trust are there, it is. i think people so often rob themselves and of what really could be something wonderful by introducing sex too soon. perhaps some of the guys who don't believe this should try it sometime... :) | |
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| Trying to get to know two men?
Posted: 7/5/2008 6:45:16 AM | ^^^^^^ I Agree totally! Many of the responses have me confused! How can you become exclusive after one date? If not, that means you are TOTALLY free to date whomever you like!
The only thing I wouldn't do, is keep paying for dates after the first or second!
I am ever weary of the professional dater! | |
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| Trying to get to know two men?
Posted: 7/5/2008 9:04:28 AM | I agree with SlyKnight. If someone is so interesting that you can see more on the horizon, why keep looking? Such behavior means you hope for something better and indicates your date is not all that.
However, I can see an exception: If she set up those two dates before she went on either, she probably should see both. If she then cannot make up her mind, it is what Sly said.
I once hit it off with a gorgeous woman on a first date and saw her two or three more times. According to her, she wanted to let it develop, but she also went on a few more first dates to see what is out there. Even though she was a couple of points above me on the attraction scale, I broke it off because she actively kept looking. Sorry, that does not make me feel special. How long am I supposed to wait whether she gives me a 'Dear John' on the grounds that she found someone 'better'? And will that mind set change later on, or will she keep 'window shopping' on an ongoing basis? | |
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| Trying to get to know two men?
Posted: 7/5/2008 10:01:12 AM | If, on our second date, a woman told me she was also getting to know another guy at the same time...
I would thank her for her honesty and she would not get a third date.
Her behavior would indicate to me that she is more interested in 'dating', than in finding a life partner.
I'm not interested in playing the field, or standing in the field of the women who play it.
If she's truly interested in finding a long term relationship she will focus on that goal, one fish at a time. | |
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| Trying to get to know two men?
Posted: 7/5/2008 12:38:40 PM | | Well I appreciate all of your input on this matter...It seems to me the majority of men would be totally put off by this...Well anyways it looks as if I will not have to make a decision because we were suppose to go out this evening but looks as if I may have been stiffed...And to think I was going to take your guys advise go on this date with him tonight and if things went really well, I was going to make a decision. | |
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| Trying to get to know two men?
Posted: 7/5/2008 12:44:41 PM | | BTW^^^^^I am totally not out to use anyone, or play games, thats not my style...I just wanted some advise before this date to see if I should level with him or knowing that I would have to make my mind up right then and there. Because if I was a player I would do what half the men out there do and that is I wouldn't say anything...just date both and then dump one or both when I decided...Don't want to be harsh but it is the truth. | |
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