| what would you do?
Posted: 7/4/2008 11:47:45 AM | I have a niegbour who is pretty much drunk 24/7.. She and her small group of friends are very nice, not rowdy, or loud, very decent respectful people but just drunk alot.. We've sat with them on a few occassion and had a few (well, I don't drink but my bf will have a few)..
She has an 8 yr old who she has admittly admitted that he's boderline FAS.. She lost a child a few years back when she was at a party and the child I guess wasn't being properly watched and the child drown.. The child was just 2.. Very sad.. Now she has a 4 month old baby.. But I've seen my nieghbour attend to her baby no matter how drunk she's been.. Very attentive to both of her kids..
I know Child Protective has been involved and think they still are from what she says.. From what I was told by my nieghbour she did have her 8yr old taken when the drowning happened and she did go to rehab but obviously fell off the wagon or wasn't on the wagon in the first place.. I asked a friend who works in the field what I should do if anything at all.. She basically told me if the kids are in danger or are being negelected or hurt or not being taken care of properly there's not much you can do.. She did look my nieghbour up and without telling me any info said that there is a worker involved.. From what I have seen the baby is well cared for, seems to be a happy baby, she was telling me that the doctor was happy with his weight and etc....
As I said she's not that drunk crazy lady who the cops visit every weekend cause they are rowdy and cause disturbances, they just like to drink all day and night..
A part of me wants to make a call, but that's only because I can't understand how she can be drunk and be a mom.. But if I do make that call, they obviously know that she drinks.. So are they waiting for her to screw up?? What if she doesn't?? What would you do?????????? | |
|
| what would you do?
Posted: 7/4/2008 12:01:57 PM | | Sounds to me like Darwinism is taking care of the problem, leave her be | |
|
| what would you do?
Posted: 7/4/2008 12:48:07 PM | | I've known some people like that, basically high-functioning drunks, who outside of work or sleep are almost *never* without a drink in hand. Yet they hold decent jobs, are pleasant to their neighbors, and raise their kids okay. | |
|
| what would you do?
Posted: 7/4/2008 12:50:43 PM | | Just keep an eye - offer to help her out. Try to be involved to protect the kids. | |
|
| what would you do?
Posted: 7/4/2008 2:38:43 PM | What a tough situation OP. I was friends with a person who was a toxic train wreck. She was a single parent who put the safety of her ten year old daughter in jeopardy on many occasions. Her crack smoking alcoholic boyfriend transported them regularly in his car when he was wasted. The daughter asked her mom not to drink, not only because she couldn't speak clearly, or comprehend anything, but it was dangerous. One night at a restaurant, the mother tripped over, and subsequently fell on the daughter. The daughter was rushed to the hospital and treated for a concussion. Another night, the mother crashed her car into a snow bank (when drunk) and the daughter was injured and treated for neck pain, but unfortunately the police were NOT involved. The biological father was in the picture, and threatened his ex-wife, and gave her ultimatums if she did not clean up her act. They were just threats, though. He was well aware of the situation because her drinking was exactly what broke up their marriage. The mother gave the daughter such grief for betraying her. She would say "If you keep telling Daddy about what I do, he can take you away from me and I will never see you again. Do you want that to happen?" The father would pump his daughter for information, which put her in such an uncomfortable position. The poor little girl was only TEN!
The mother could not function without alcohol, and the boyfriend was perfect for her because he supported her habit (literally) since he was the one willing to pay for her booze. Picture this. Roaring fire in fireplace left unattended. Fireplace flew closed. Child sound asleep. Unfit mother passed out in a drunken stupor. The apartment went on fire and the daughter was awoken by the smell of smoke. She tried to wake up her mother, but could not. She called 911, then she used her cell phone to call her father. The father now has sole custody of his daughter and the mother has not cleaned up her act.
Your neighbor's children are incapable of making the phone call which could save their lives. If the father has a relationship with his children, he should be involved in these children's lives on a full time basis. A parent must be capable of transporting their children safely in an automobile in the event of an emergency. A parent must be capable of making responsible decisions in the event of an emergency. People who are perpetually drunk are incapable of thinking rationally. If the father is out of the picture, perhaps a relative could intervene. CPS may not be there in time.
Best wishes ~ | |
|
| what would you do?
Posted: 7/4/2008 2:46:02 PM | This is a tough one. I too am a single parent and I know that we all need to let our hair down from time to time but me personally I wont have a drink if my kids are in the house and my reasoning behind this is if Ive had a drink and god forbid something may happen like a fire etc will I be with it enough to get to my kids safely?
I wouldnt condemn your neighbour for having a drink but I would try and help her out if she would accept the help. If she wont and it continues then I wouldnt hesitate to contact Child Protection. | |
|
| what would you do?
Posted: 7/4/2008 3:28:26 PM | Regardless if she can do fine with drinking day/night around her baby, she should have learned her lesson with her other child that died and there's still a potential of harm to the baby. Perhaps it's to hide her griefing, who knows. But if she's out drinking and driving, then she's doing harm for everyone. Who knows what goes on in closed doors, but to get called in for loud parties isn't being responsible as an adult or as a parent. How is she suppose to hear her baby crying if the party is so loud? It only takes a few seconds for a chlid to be hurt. Doesn't the worker check on her once in awhile to make sure all is well? I'm sure they are also getting police reports to show her partying.
What would I do? it's a tough call, since you're her neighbor and if she finds out, she may stir up drama for you. but you can then have a restraining order and the baby will be in good hands so there is no harm done further. | |
|
| what would you do?
Posted: 7/4/2008 4:19:56 PM | | I am involved in the area of child protection through my work and could relate numerous cases of parents who are alcoholics / drug users AND great parents! It depends to what extent their 'addiction' impacts on their capacity to care for their child/ren it's not a given that someone who abuses alcohol or drugs is a bad parent. | |
|
| what would you do?
Posted: 7/4/2008 4:20:12 PM | As I said they are pretty quiet.. I never hear them except when I am over there.. It's not like they are 'partying', it's more like 3 - 5 people drinking all day.. And most nights because they drink all throughout the day they are usually in bed by 11pm-12am..
Although, I wouldn't do it myself (drink 24/7).. I would of thought after loosing a child she would smarten up.. I don't know if and when a worker has come by.. She has mention a few visits from a worker but I am not sure how long ago.. She don't drive either so she don't go far.. If she does need to take the kids somewhere she'll cab it.. My oldest will babysit the odd time as well..
From what I was told unless the children were in danger, nelegected or not properly cared for there's not much I can do.. I do offer my help, the baby is a cutie pie and just loves me.. If anything I saw or felt was deserving a call I would in a heart beat.. | |
|
| what would you do?
Posted: 7/4/2008 4:45:45 PM | Alcoholism is very complex and it's hard to understand why they do what they do. I wish there was some way you could tell her about ReVia. It comes in shot form as well called Vivitrol. It's an opioid blocker that's been proven to work on alcoholism as well. You don't get sick if you do drink on it, but you just don't want to drink at all. The thought of it can almost make you ill. For some reason this stuff isn't promoted very well so a lot of people don't know about it.
Other than that, I'm not sure if I'd call or not. If social workers are already involved and she seems attentive to her kids, then I'd leave it alone. But if you notice her not taking care of the kids or something, then I'd call and make a report. | |
|
| what would you do?
Posted: 7/29/2008 8:02:25 PM | She needs treatment, I think the best thing to do would to be to write her an anonymous letter.
State in the letter just what you stated here, and that if you do not see her change you will be forced to call child services on her. I think she does deserve to have this sort of warning instead of just calling the workers in on her cause putting an eight year old and an infant in foster care could potentially be worse for the kids as your saying she seems like an attentive mother.
In your letter urge her to attend alcoholics anonymous, and let her know this is a warning.
This is what I would do, that way it wont backfire in your face, and you never know it m ight just change three lives for the better. I can imagine the guilt she feels from her two year old drowning, but it would not be wise to do nothing. | |
|
| what would you do?
Posted: 7/29/2008 10:48:22 PM | that kid should be the priority what is best for the kid should be your first and last thoughts in any dealing you have with this,
SHes an adult,, she can take responsibiltiy for her action. so,, let the chips fall where they may
get that kid out of there | |
|
| what would you do?
Posted: 7/29/2008 11:29:59 PM |
Just keep an eye - offer to help her out. Try to be involved to protect the kids.
This is all you can really do. Sounds as if CPS is already involved and doing their part. Its hard to stand back, but, other than keeping a close eye and offering your help, theres not much you can do. | |
|
| what would you do?
Posted: 7/30/2008 9:36:05 AM | yup, it's pretty sad but as stated by others, there's nothing you can do. I think you already did what you could and try to find comfort from the fact that there is a worker involved so the kids will be checked on from time to time and pray that she remains a good parent even when drunk.
It's very sad to grow up with a good parent that is an alcoholic but the kids do grow up okay most of the time. | |
|
| what would you do?
Posted: 7/30/2008 7:37:15 PM | | As long as the kids are being looked after and shes not falling over drunk *which could be a problem for the baby if shes holding her or falls down and well falls on her* have you ever offered to babysit? My nana supposivley drank all the time and had 6 kids which are all still here. Maybe its like smoking to a smoker it relaxes her and keeps her sane. Just keep an eye out and if you see that the kids are being neglected or hurt then make the call. But until then it looks like shes *sadly* learned her lesson. Maybe not the way some ppl think. Have you tried talking to her about her drinking? maybe ask the 8 year old if it bothers them, if it does then maybe sit down with mom and kid. Who knows. thank you for being that neighbour that cares, there arent enough of you out there, some ppl are just way to afraid to butt in. | |
|
| what would you do?
Posted: 7/30/2008 7:51:16 PM | That's a sad story.
I think if social services is already involved, and the children aren't currently suffering or in danger (although, just because they are quiet and pleasant people doesn't mean there isn't nasty stuff going on behind closed doors), there's not much you can do.
I think it's great that you keep an eye on the situation and care for these children. Thank God for people like you!
I also think that, if they are not being harmed, neglected or endangered, having them removed from the home may not be an improvement for them. It breaks my heart to hear of children moved from foster home to foster home on a regular basis with no opportunity to put down roots and get comfortable. Also some foster families are wonderful caring people, but some are in it for the money not the children's welfare, so not necessarily the kindest of families.
Nutt | |
|
| what would you do?
Posted: 7/30/2008 10:51:50 PM | Sounds to me like Darwinism is taking care of the problem, leave her be
His eyes must be getting fuzzy, because Darwin's taking out bystanders and not the problem. | |
|
| what would you do?
Posted: 7/31/2008 12:18:10 AM | JFWY
I know you are looking out for the best intrest of the children but maybe you should just step away and leave her and the kids alone trust me whatever you do will sooner or later come back on you, and would you want one of your best friends stepping in and taking control of your life causing you to lose your children?
I'm not being an b!tch about this but really it's not your place now if you was the kids grandparent like the woman's mom or dad than you would have some rights to make the call considering you'd be looking out for your, grandchildren. | |
|
| what would you do?
Posted: 7/31/2008 12:34:02 AM | | Call me an ***hole but either phone if it bugs you or let natural selection take place... | |
|
| what would you do?
Posted: 7/31/2008 12:51:05 AM | | I agree with morethanyouthink" on that aswell..I think that is the world's biggest problem we all want to stick our nose in an place where we have no business being in....so i guess call me an ***hole aswell, thats just the way i feel about it... | |
|
Home
login 
