| Am i really screwing with their heads??
Posted: 7/4/2008 4:29:10 PM | Im just wondering if anyone can enlighten me. My boyfriend who i absolutlely adore isn't around at the minute but we still have a great relationship and we are still very much in love and happy. Most of my girl friends are living with their boyfriends or have kids so they aren't around to go out at the weekends so i normally go out to the pubs with my brother and guy friends that ive known since we were kids. My boyfriend has no problem what so ever with that as he trusts me completely as i do him. Recently i was dancing in a club with a few of my guy friends when a guy i know who likes me bought me a drink, i accepted it and said thanks and i also made sure to buy him a drink back, he knows that im with my boyfriend so i didn't see a problem until he tried to kiss me. I stopped him in his tracks and asked him what he thought he was doing that he knew i was with my boyfriend, i thought i might get an apology or at very least that he would get lost but instead he started screaming at me in front of the whole pub saying i shouldn't be going out dressed up if i wasn't available because i was only screwing with guys heads, it really embarrassed me. My boyfriend and my guy friends told me to ignore it but i cant help wondering what he meant, does anyone have any idea??
Id just like to state i do dress up but not baring all normally just jeans or trousers, heels and a nice top but i do my hair and make up. I don't flirt just stick to my grou of guy friends unless there is girls i know out. | |
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| Am i really screwing with their heads??
Posted: 7/4/2008 4:37:01 PM | | He's a wack job, and one of those guys who thinks if a woman goes out to a club then she couldn't possibly be simply going out to enjoy herself..I mean, she'd have to be on the prowl right???? Apart from the fact that even if you were single and available, why the hell does he thing he can have you... You do have a choice in the matter as well, but he probably can't take that on board either. Tell him to grow up and avoid him in the future.. | |
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| Am i really screwing with their heads??
Posted: 7/4/2008 4:38:16 PM | Over here it's called a... d i c k tease!
some guys throw a manstrop because they think that every woman should be theirs for the taking... good on you for being yourself but you knew he liked you b4 he bought you a drink, trouble is I know women that go out and the slightest whiff that a guy likes her and she whips out her left hand and states for all the world to hear "I'm taken!"
just be yourself... that’s all you can do but just be aware that some guys carry all their oxygenated blood in their pants thus rendering the thinking skills needed by the brain a tad slow!
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| Am i really screwing with their heads??
Posted: 7/4/2008 4:41:39 PM | Recently i was dancing in a club with a few of my guy friends when a guy i know who likes me bought me a drink, i accepted it and said thanks ---
Let's run this back with your man in the picture......" I was dancing in a club with a few of my women friends and this gal that I know who give me the eye and want to hook up with me..bought me a drink..I accepted..and then I bought her a drink.......yeah we were all drinking..and the mood in the joint was jumpin'..she reached over and gave me a kiss..........................."
(I stopped her in her tracks....what do you think your doing...I have a girlfriend!!!...
She slaps him and throws the rest of the drink in his face....and stomps off.....leaving me with a welt on my cheek and my favorite shirt wet...) Do you think this would really happen? | |
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| Am i really screwing with their heads??
Posted: 7/4/2008 4:41:48 PM | | I used to go to the bar with a couple of girlfriends when I had a steady boyfriend (10 years). Like you, we trusted each other. I love to dance, but I would never slow dance with anyone except my boyfriend, but never encountered the problem you had. I think maybe this guy has a few screws loose. Why on earth should anyone have to dress down to go out? Wonder what his excuse to blow up would have been if you didn't have a boyfriend, and refused to allow him to kiss you? I'd just write it off as someone who doesn't take rejection well. Sounds like the type that when you are polite enough to tell them you are not a match write you a nasty note back! | |
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| Am i really screwing with their heads??
Posted: 7/4/2008 4:44:22 PM | | A scene like this is called assault, it is illegal so no, you aren't messing with anyone's heads. Yes, you do have the right to go out. I hope he moves to Afghanistan, the problem is his head is severely screwed already and not by anything you have supposedly done, perhaps he was drunk as well. | |
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| Am i really screwing with their heads??
Posted: 7/4/2008 4:46:35 PM | Remember you are at a pub where mental rational can slid completely out of a person head when they have been drinking.
Some men have a sense of entitlement if they have bought you a drink, even if you have bought one back. The guy is in his own little reality, and felt slighted, because any attention in his direction gave him HIGH HOPES you were his for the taking. When you weren't instead of backing down graciously, he drew his beer muscles and had a little boy tantrum...
Just be aware of who you can and can't accept drinks from, any stranger, or someone that likes you romantically seems to be totally off limits. | |
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| Am i really screwing with their heads??
Posted: 7/4/2008 4:57:39 PM | No he is screwing with womens heads and the next time you are groped kick him in the groin so he thinks twice.
Wish id been there the git | |
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DazzyB
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Joined: 6/30/2008
Msg: 10 | |
| Am i really screwing with their heads??
Posted: 7/4/2008 5:02:13 PM | This guys a bit of a wierdo IMHO. If all you are doing is looking after yourself, why worry? He's the one with the problem! Can't help thinking that him buying you a drink wasn't a 'mate' thing but more a 'come on'. Maybe you didn't see the signs which is a shame. I'd just forget it to be honest...
Dazzy x | |
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| Am i really screwing with their heads??
Posted: 7/4/2008 5:27:02 PM | So, any woman who wants to go out and have fun had better be prepared to put out with any guy who wants it, because that's WHY she's out having fun? Because there's no other reason for you to be in that bar, unless you are looking to get laid?
What a jackass. | |
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| Am i really screwing with their heads??
Posted: 7/4/2008 5:33:31 PM | | Thanks guys, i no longer feel guilty! as for the drinks thing i had asked my boyfriend ages ago how to cope with the situation of a guy buying me a drink and he said to accept it if the guy bought it as part of a round but to make sure to buy one back o im not under compliment but if a random stranger offers to buy a drink to refuse. i live in a small town so in general people know im attatched and if im not sure i make sure to bring up my boyfriend in the 1st line of conversation | |
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| Am i really screwing with their heads??
Posted: 7/4/2008 5:35:22 PM | I would say where you went wrong is accepting the drink, and buying him one. If he likes you, and you already know he likes you, and you know he bought you the drink because he likes you, in a way you did mess with his head a little.
Granted he should know that you are in a committed relationship, and shouldn't have expected any different which was you just being polite and friendly in a friendship manner. He essentially was in the wrong for thinking you'd go for him even though you're in a happyrelationship, but in the future, you really shouldn't accept things from people who 'like' you, because in a way it does mess with their heads a little.
I do agree he is in the wrong, and just made because you didn't succumb to his advances, definitley tool material. | |
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| Am i really screwing with their heads??
Posted: 7/4/2008 5:36:20 PM | "he started screaming at me in front of the whole pub saying i shouldn't be going out dressed up if i wasn't available because i was only screwing with guys heads, it really embarrassed me"
When someone doesn't want to take responsibility for being inappropriate they ... especially under the influence ... turn it around and blame the other person. Hey, sometimes others aren't around to say ignore it and the blamed person buys into it and takes on the shame and guilt.
Ouch... had to hurt to be publically attacked. I'd take him of the guy friends list for going out. | |
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| Am i really screwing with their heads??
Posted: 7/4/2008 6:49:02 PM | He sounds like a jerk. There is a youtube thing called "You is my girlfriend" - it's hysterical comedy, applies to your situation exactly.
I probably would have made the same mistake - thought nothing of it. But after reading some responses, I probbly would not accept a drink in the future in your situation, seeing as he thought this was a sign. | |
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| Am i really screwing with their heads??
Posted: 7/4/2008 10:56:12 PM | i think, op, this could be the essence -
"...Recently i was dancing in a club with a few of my guy friends when a guy i know who likes me bought me a drink, i accepted it and said thanks and i also made sure to buy him a drink back, he knows that im with my boyfriend so i didn't see a problem until he tried to kiss me..."
see, you accepted a drink from someone you knew liked you and buying him one also probably gave the wrong cue to him you liked him too....i would not have accepted his drink, knowing how he felt about you, actually...otherwise it is sending mixed messages.
my other wondering is why aren't you going out with your boyfriend instead of with your brother and his friends? dressing and looking like you're making an effort and dancing in a club alone or with guy friends seems like you're available, even though you know you are not. men will think what they want, but if someone you know likes you or seems to, it's probably kindest to set them straight right away...and even though you say you stick with your group of guy friends or girlfriends if they are there, you still accepted this drink and bought one for him also...is he part of your group of guy friends? | |
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| Am i really screwing with their heads??
Posted: 7/4/2008 11:13:43 PM | | The Chinese language was invented to screw with my head. I can't understand any of it. Traffic circles were created for the same purpose. From the many things that baffle me I have to conclude there is a posse of sly devils intent on screwing with my head. The first rule of confusion is to assign blame. | |
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| Am i really screwing with their heads??
Posted: 7/4/2008 11:14:13 PM | | You should not have accepted the drink. It was very nice of you to buy him a drink, but, those are mixed signals. If I bought you a drink and you accepted, I would think that you were available or just being unfaithful, and you would be an easy mark. Yes I am talking about having sex with you later in the car, motel under the stars whatever. If you're not interested in a guy like that, do not take the drink or whatever he gives. Seems you do the right things with hanging out with your friends and not working the room, but keep in mind, men have a one track mind and it always revolves around sex. I'm thinking about sex as I'm typing this. See what I mean? | |
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| Am i really screwing with their heads??
Posted: 7/4/2008 11:22:54 PM | "If I bought you a drink and you accepted, I would think that you were available or just being unfaithful, and you would be an easy mark. Yes I am talking about having sex with you later in the car, motel under the stars whatever."
You're kidding, right? Good grief, the prostitute in the next car or motel room gets paid more than that for sloppy thirds or fourths that night. That level of disrespect for any woamn is definitely not the kind of male any woman with even a tiny bit of self-respect should have in her life on any basis. | |
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| Am i really screwing with their heads??
Posted: 7/4/2008 11:47:38 PM | What an idiot................... He tried, He failed, He cried and yelled like a little beotch and made a scene.................
If everything you said is the way it went down.......then I think your straight. | |
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| Am i really screwing with their heads??
Posted: 7/4/2008 11:48:15 PM | CNCGANDOLF, doesn't it just amazy you the way the male mind can work?^^^^^
If it isn't bad enough that we have to be careful not to make any overtly, or barely overtly sexual comment, or movement, or dress like a woman who enjoys her OWN sexuality, that now we also have to be on the look out that if we accept something that is nonsexual, it will indeed be a mixed signal for obligatory sex.
No wonder people are so confused in the dating world these days...
I have two daughters and a former step son 24, 21, 21. I will say that these days things have changed a lot. My oldest is with someone, and has a very trusting strong relationship.
She hangs with her friends which include males and females. All her friends KNOW she is attached, and that includes her ex bf, which she from time to time has lunch with.
What I like about this generation, and MAYBE I am part of the problem, because I get along very well with my ex spouse and several ex bf. Is the fact that both males and females that have been long time friends can get out, and not have a S O get bent out of whack with extreme jealousy.
This gal says her BF is ok with her kicking it with friends, and obviously trusts her completely. She stated that she is upfront and tells people right away she is NOT SINGLE...
It is sad that people can't interact with others, with out things being taken as an invite to sex.
I stated in my first post, that it probably was NOT a good idea to accept a drink from someone that liked her. However that seems to be a blunder she has pondered and asked how others felt about it.
I have no doubt she will NOT make that mistake again, nor will she make the mistake of thinking if she has bought the guy a drink back that they are actually even.
I have had guys offer to by me drinks the VERY FEW times I go to a bar, and don't think it has obligated me to have sex with the guy after the fact. Especially when it is handed to me by the bar tender, and I don't even know who has decided to do so.
In the back woods where I live it is an ice opener, I suppose some consider it an obligator acceptance of sex, which I find is pretty messed up.
Guess it jsut depends on how people want to look at things.. | |
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| Am i really screwing with their heads??
Posted: 7/4/2008 11:51:28 PM | mess. 20 - the op asked was she 'screwing with their heads'....some of us felt yes, she might have given mixed signals including the poster you are attacking here.....so why go after him now? i thought it was common knowledge that if you're dancing in a club and someone buys you a drink, they are definitely expressing their interest in you and often it is seen as an offer for sex later.
i think this is partly how the threads get so off track with posters attacking (with defending posts a usual consequence), completely diverting the thread away from the OP's questions about HER behavior. | |
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| Am i really screwing with their heads??
Posted: 7/4/2008 11:52:39 PM | And isn't it all wonderful of you girls to make this half-assed judgement based on conjecture and ignorance.
Yes...there are boys out there that are that stupid.
And Yes, there are girls out there that are that stupid as well. Looking at the drama potential of the OPie, I wouldn't be surprised if she wasn't in that group.
Let's not throw all men under the bus because one was stupid and a couple of you decided to go on a man-bashing party...from my perspective, I have some ideas what a girl can do with a drink or three and some flirty comments...whether she thinks she's being flirty or not.
And she's 22...not single/not looking but joined 3 days ago. Perhaps just a bored troll.
Let it lie. She's looking for justification. She wouldn't really need it if everything was as innocent as it sounds in the OP.
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| Am i really screwing with their heads??
Posted: 7/5/2008 1:08:23 AM | Sorry to break up this female love fest but you should feel guilty.
First of all are you kidding me? I dont get how girls are dating a guy, but yet they dress in sexy outfits, take drinks from other guys that are only out for one thing, dance with other guys; many even slow dance; plus these guys are always drunken and horny and then you are shocked like a school girl that this happened?
Whatever. Girls and guys cheat all the time; especially at your age and most of the hookups are in workplaces or clubs. So you having a boyfriend is not deterrent to them and in some cases to the girls either.
Dont go into a den of horny drunken young guys and then wonder what happened, poor me.
And dont take drinks from a guy that likes you and then buy him one. You were asking for trouble and you got it. You loved the attention because this guy liked you and you went too far. | |
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gvnage
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Joined: 6/16/2008
Msg: 25 | |
| Am i really screwing with their heads??
Posted: 7/5/2008 2:02:15 AM | | well no, you didn't do any wrong asserting your boundaries there, but I am curious why you are on a dating site if you are already in a relationship? | |
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