| If your ex husband/wife/partner changed?
Posted: 7/4/2008 4:48:14 PM | If your ex husband/wife/partner changed?
The most important think and reason/s you split would you consider allowing them back into your lifeEven if just in a platonic sense ?
Apparently men mature later than what women do.
But behaviour is quit a level thing i think.
would you,could you? should you?
Would it be pride that prevents it? | |
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| If your ex husband/wife/partner changed?
Posted: 7/4/2008 4:54:05 PM | Oh good god no I wouldn't.
Love is blind as the saying goes. It blinded me to all the crap I used to put up with. It was only after we split and I got my head straight that I realised all of it.
It wouldn't matter if she changed, a leopard cant't change it's spots. People can only try to be something they are not for so long before they default back to type. | |
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| If your ex husband/wife/partner changed?
Posted: 7/4/2008 4:59:49 PM | My ex wouldn't need to "change" - I'd crawl 20 miles over broken glass for her.
But she would have to dump that wife-beater she dumped me for. | |
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| If your ex husband/wife/partner changed?
Posted: 7/4/2008 5:01:43 PM | Simple answer: NO!!!!
Past should stay in the past i believe. The future is the way forward and i'm quite happy with my life, to go backwards. | |
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| If your ex husband/wife/partner changed?
Posted: 7/4/2008 5:10:40 PM | not a chance rather stick pins in my eyes.
he used to change everytime i said it was over for about 3 days then he'd be back to his old control freak ways and the odd slap no thanks..
plus knowing what he's slept with since eeeewwww he'd need fumigatting (spelt that wrong sorry ) | |
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| If your ex husband/wife/partner changed?
Posted: 7/4/2008 5:10:58 PM | Even if the Ex said they had changed I wouldn't believe it. I may have done in the early days, but I would have been wrong.
When a relationship breaks down, it's broken. You can't put a pot on it like you can a leg, the healing mechanism isn't there. Some folk try but all they get is more of the same shit.
It's a trust thing. And why did the relationship break down to the point where one partner strayed, because the relationship was over anyway, but not formally so.
That's what I think anyway, it's my experience, it may not be yours.
Andy, save your knees, it's not worth it. | |
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| If your ex husband/wife/partner changed?
Posted: 7/4/2008 5:23:30 PM | No
(Now I have to post a lot more - I have found the man she ground into the ground! I am worth so much more than what she thought she was leavin ~ not talkin bout kids at this point! No way would I go back to what I thought I had, platonic? Nahhhhh I am choosy about my friends now!) | |
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| If your ex husband/wife/partner changed?
Posted: 7/4/2008 5:35:46 PM | I do have a good relationship with my first husband, purely as friends. It took eight years for us to get to that point and it wouldn't have happened if my mum hadn't stayed in touch with him. We were both able to apologise for our bad behaviour (no one else was involved),and accept that neither of us were a bad person, just not right for each other.
My second husband, I would rather drink a cup of cold sick than have anything at all to do with him. We will never be friends of any sort. | |
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| If your ex husband/wife/partner changed?
Posted: 7/5/2008 1:22:00 AM | | I wouldnt want my ex in my life as a partner no matter how much he changed,as the past is the past and when most people think about the reasons for a brakeup there normally more than one.I do however have him in my life on a platonic level and we speak quite often,lifes to short to carry on hating someone you once loved and it works out better allround for us to be friends. | |
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| If your ex husband/wife/partner changed?
Posted: 7/5/2008 1:25:45 AM | If you had asked this question 1 year ago.. i would have said yes!!
And i did give my ex a second chance because i innocently and stupisly believed he had changed and i was pathetically in love!!
But i Quickly found out that an Ex is an Ex for a reason, and that they dont change, they are just more crafy and sly!
so to end it.. I'd say.. Never give anyone a second change, it wont work!! | |
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| If your ex husband/wife/partner changed?
Posted: 7/5/2008 1:28:39 AM | I have in the past re-entered relationships only to find the same old problems will resurface in time .
I find it similar to going back to an old job .....theres a reason why you left it in the first place but if your sitting there unemployed the job will look quite appealing again!!
Experience tells me to leave these people firmly in the past ..................after all we learn by our experience dont we OP?
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| If your ex husband/wife/partner changed?
Posted: 7/5/2008 1:59:43 AM |
Experience tells me to leave these people firmly in the past ..................after all we learn by our experience dont we OP?
Yes.
And for that reason an ex partner can change too due to learning from experience.
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| If your ex husband/wife/partner changed?
Posted: 7/5/2008 2:05:09 AM | I have never had a "bad" ex partner - nobody ever cheated on me, nobody ever trier to hit me etc etc so theoretically I would have no reason not to be friends with any of them.
But - as someone said, people split up for a reason and my reasons for splitting up with my exes were valid at the time and are still valid now. So no, I would nto have any of them back.
I know some of them have changed - unfortunately for their current partners.. they have changed for worse. | |
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| If your ex husband/wife/partner changed?
Posted: 7/5/2008 2:06:26 AM |
Yes.
And for that reason an ex partner can change too due to learning from experience.
I agree 100% , However is it the change that persons looking for ?
We can all change and turn our lives around but when do you stop flogging the dead horse of incompatibility ? | |
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| If your ex husband/wife/partner changed?
Posted: 7/5/2008 2:11:40 AM |
Yes.
And for that reason an ex partner can change too due to learning from experience.
Mine has certainly got lots more experience now I hear!
Sorry if your forced to eat shite for twelve years then discover you no longer need to, your not telling me that some years later you would miss the taste?
There is little about a persons fundamental characteristics that will ever change.
I realise that the line above is open to interpretation, and of course quotation - So I add, further, you may pick up on the fact that they haven't changed their basic characteristics from the person you fell in love with. The point in my mind is that for me at least, I realise now that I fell in love with an image, somebody I wanted her to be and she pretended that she was for a time ~ After a reality check, if she could now pee draft cafferys (my fav beer) I would still not contemplate having that bullying control freak in my life.
Anyway, her sister was better in bed! (After we had split up, well it was offered, what??? ) | |
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| If your ex husband/wife/partner changed?
Posted: 7/5/2008 2:25:27 AM | I agree 100% , However is it the change that persons looking for ?
We can all change and turn our lives around but when do you stop flogging the dead horse of incompatibility ?
Ok.lets give an example.
An ex who's personality has been effected by an undiagnosed medical condition.The doc's find that she has grumpy old women syndrome 
Tablets are issued and shes back to the cute,sexy old funbag that she once was.
Anyway, her sister was better in bed! (After we had split up, well it was offered, what??? )
ERchh,i wouldnt touch my exs sisters with yours mate!
VVVV The presumption is that both partners are willing to give it a go.Why would anyone serious about helping themselves feel better stop taking the tables contrary to medical advice?
Presumably she sought advice in the first place becouse she knew there was a problem that wasnt just one of personality. | |
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| If your ex husband/wife/partner changed?
Posted: 7/5/2008 2:27:24 AM |
Tablets are issued and shes back to the cute,sexy old funbag that she once was.
Then she decides (against medical advice) that she feels fine so stops taking the tablets and within 24 hours you are back with the monster you have left and thought was never coming back. | |
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| If your ex husband/wife/partner changed?
Posted: 7/5/2008 2:49:09 AM | An ex who's personality has been effected by an undiagnosed medical condition.The doc's find that she has grumpy old women syndrome
Tablets are issued and shes back to the cute,sexy old funbag that she once was.
Undiagnosed , which means they know nothing about the medical condition which in theory means it can return ? Hmmmm ....not convinced by that analogy !!
Imo You can change certain traits and your outlook/perspective on things but you cant change your human instinct , its inbuilt !!
The same as an alcoholic will always be an alcoholic whether in recovery or not . | |
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| If your ex husband/wife/partner changed?
Posted: 7/5/2008 2:59:30 AM |
I realise now that I fell in love with an image, somebody I wanted her to be
Seems to be a common problem.
People cannot help who they fall in love with but what they can and should do is get to know their prespective partner thoroughly,it is all to easy to ignore the negative traits of somebody because you are wrapped up in the idea of being in love and being loved back but it is the negatives that can turn love into hate in a blink of an eye.
Would i take apartner back because they SEEM to have changed?
NO it is the easiest thing in the world to fool somebody and be made a fool of.
Why go backwards when the obvious way is forward.
Tablets are issued and shes back to the cute,sexy old funbag that she once was.
Tell her you are pleased for her,wish her well and move forward with your life. | |
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| If your ex husband/wife/partner changed?
Posted: 7/5/2008 3:02:28 AM | Never go back, hopefully people move on after a split. As for men maturing later in life my ex hubby to be is only 35 and im not waiting for him to grow up lol.
In fact i am really good friends with my ex and his new partner, best way to be wen kids are involved  .
To me ,one of the biggest things in a relationship is sexual compatability 
A x | |
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| If your ex husband/wife/partner changed?
Posted: 7/5/2008 8:14:15 AM | | No, thought about it many times, we still get on well, no acrimony or bad feeling..well nto a lot, Ive now been replaced by a dog so no going back anyway! | |
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| If your ex husband/wife/partner changed?
Posted: 7/5/2008 8:26:00 AM | | I always seem to move on to a point where I just dont want or fancy them any more so its never really an issue for me. I usually manage to become friends with them even if it was acrimonious at the end of the relationship. | |
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